CASINOS in & near JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA - 2021 up-to-date list

List acquired here.
a aa aaa aaron ab abandoned abc aberdeen abilities ability able aboriginal abortion about above abraham abroad abs absence absent absolute absolutely absorption abstract abstracts abu abuse ac academic academics academy acc accent accept acceptable acceptance accepted accepting accepts access accessed accessibility accessible accessing accessories accessory accident accidents accommodate accommodation accommodations accompanied accompanying accomplish accomplished accordance according accordingly account accountability accounting accounts accreditation accredited accuracy accurate accurately accused acdbentity ace acer achieve achieved achievement achievements achieving acid acids acknowledge acknowledged acm acne acoustic acquire acquired acquisition acquisitions acre acres acrobat across acrylic act acting action actions activated activation active actively activists activities activity actor actors actress acts actual actually acute ad ada adam adams adaptation adapted adapter adapters adaptive adaptor add added addiction adding addition additional additionally additions address addressed addresses addressing adds adelaide adequate adidas adipex adjacent adjust adjustable adjusted adjustment adjustments admin administered administration administrative administrator administrators admission admissions admit admitted adobe adolescent adopt adopted adoption adrian ads adsl adult adults advance advanced advancement advances advantage advantages adventure adventures adverse advert advertise advertisement advertisements advertiser advertisers advertising advice advise advised advisor advisors advisory advocacy advocate adware ae aerial aerospace af affair affairs affect affected affecting affects affiliate affiliated affiliates affiliation afford affordable afghanistan afraid africa african after afternoon afterwards ag again against age aged agencies agency agenda agent agents ages aggregate aggressive aging ago agree agreed agreement agreements agrees agricultural agriculture ah ahead ai aid aids aim aimed aims air aircraft airfare airline airlines airplane airport airports aj ak aka al ala alabama alan alarm alaska albania albany albert alberta album albums albuquerque alcohol alert alerts alex alexander alexandria alfred algebra algeria algorithm algorithms ali alias alice alien align alignment alike alive all allah allan alleged allen allergy alliance allied allocated allocation allow allowance allowed allowing allows alloy almost alone along alot alpha alphabetical alpine already also alt alter altered alternate alternative alternatively alternatives although alto aluminium aluminum alumni always am amanda amateur amazing amazon ambassador amber ambien ambient amd amend amended amendment amendments amenities america american americans americas amino among amongst amount amounts amp ampland amplifier amsterdam amy an ana anaheim anal analog analyses analysis analyst analysts analytical analyze analyzed anatomy anchor ancient and andale anderson andorra andrea andreas andrew andrews andy angel angela angeles angels anger angle angola angry animal animals animated animation anime ann anna anne annex annie anniversary annotated annotation announce announced announcement announcements announces annoying annual annually anonymous another answer answered answering answers ant antarctica antenna anthony anthropology anti antibodies antibody anticipated antigua antique antiques antivirus antonio anxiety any anybody anymore anyone anything anytime anyway anywhere aol ap apache apart apartment apartments api apnic apollo app apparatus apparel apparent apparently appeal appeals appear appearance appeared appearing appears appendix apple appliance appliances applicable applicant applicants application applications applied applies apply applying appointed appointment appointments appraisal appreciate appreciated appreciation approach approaches appropriate appropriations approval approve approved approx approximate approximately apps apr april apt aqua aquarium aquatic ar arab arabia arabic arbitrary arbitration arbor arc arcade arch architect architects architectural architecture archive archived archives arctic are area areas arena arg argentina argue argued argument arguments arise arising arizona arkansas arlington arm armed armenia armor arms armstrong army arnold around arrange arranged arrangement arrangements array arrest arrested arrival arrivals arrive arrived arrives arrow art arthritis arthur article articles artificial artist artistic artists arts artwork aruba as asbestos ascii ash ashley asia asian aside asin ask asked asking asks asn asp aspect aspects ass assault assembled assembly assess assessed assessing assessment assessments asset assets assign assigned assignment assignments assist assistance assistant assisted assists associate associated associates association associations assume assumed assumes assuming assumption assumptions assurance assure assured asthma astrology astronomy asus asylum at ata ate athens athletes athletic athletics ati atlanta atlantic atlas atm atmosphere atmospheric atom atomic attach attached attachment attachments attack attacked attacks attempt attempted attempting attempts attend attendance attended attending attention attitude attitudes attorney attorneys attract attraction attractions attractive attribute attributes au auburn auckland auction auctions aud audi audience audio audit auditor aug august aurora aus austin australia australian austria authentic authentication author authorities authority authorization authorized authors auto automated automatic automatically automation automobile automobiles automotive autos autumn av availability available avatar ave avenue average avg avi aviation avoid avoiding avon aw award awarded awards aware awareness away awesome awful axis aye az azerbaijan b ba babe babes babies baby bachelor back backed background backgrounds backing backup bacon bacteria bacterial bad badge badly bag baghdad bags bahamas bahrain bailey baker baking balance balanced bald bali ball ballet balloon ballot balls baltimore ban banana band bands bandwidth bang bangbus bangkok bangladesh bank banking bankruptcy banks banned banner banners baptist bar barbados barbara barbie barcelona bare barely bargain bargains barn barnes barrel barrier barriers barry bars base baseball based baseline basement basename bases basic basically basics basin basis basket basketball baskets bass bat batch bath bathroom bathrooms baths batman batteries battery battle battlefield bay bb bbc bbs bbw bc bd bdsm be beach beaches beads beam bean beans bear bearing bears beast beastality beastiality beat beatles beats beautiful beautifully beauty beaver became because become becomes becoming bed bedding bedford bedroom bedrooms beds bee beef been beer before began begin beginner beginners beginning begins begun behalf behavior behavioral behaviour behind beijing being beings belarus belfast belgium belief beliefs believe believed believes belize belkin bell belle belly belong belongs below belt belts ben bench benchmark bend beneath beneficial benefit benefits benjamin bennett bent benz berkeley berlin bermuda bernard berry beside besides best bestiality bestsellers bet beta beth better betting betty between beverage beverages beverly beyond bg bhutan bi bias bible biblical bibliographic bibliography bicycle bid bidder bidding bids big bigger biggest bike bikes bikini bill billing billion bills billy bin binary bind binding bingo bio biodiversity biographies biography biol biological biology bios biotechnology bird birds birmingham birth birthday bishop bit bitch bite bits biz bizarre bizrate bk bl black blackberry blackjack blacks blade blades blah blair blake blame blank blanket blast bleeding blend bless blessed blind blink block blocked blocking blocks blog blogger bloggers blogging blogs blond blonde blood bloody bloom bloomberg blow blowing blowjob blowjobs blue blues bluetooth blvd bm bmw bo board boards boat boating boats bob bobby boc bodies body bold bolivia bolt bomb bon bond bondage bonds bone bones bonus boob boobs book booking bookings bookmark bookmarks books bookstore bool boolean boom boost boot booth boots booty border borders bored boring born borough bosnia boss boston both bother botswana bottle bottles bottom bought boulder boulevard bound boundaries boundary bouquet boutique bow bowl bowling box boxed boxes boxing boy boys bp br bra bracelet bracelets bracket brad bradford bradley brain brake brakes branch branches brand brandon brands bras brass brave brazil brazilian breach bread break breakdown breakfast breaking breaks breast breasts breath breathing breed breeding breeds brian brick bridal bride bridge bridges brief briefing briefly briefs bright brighton brilliant bring bringing brings brisbane bristol britain britannica british britney broad broadband broadcast broadcasting broader broadway brochure brochures broke broken broker brokers bronze brook brooklyn brooks brother brothers brought brown browse browser browsers browsing bruce brunei brunette brunswick brush brussels brutal bryan bryant bs bt bubble buck bucks budapest buddy budget budgets buf buffalo buffer bufing bug bugs build builder builders building buildings builds built bukkake bulgaria bulgarian bulk bull bullet bulletin bumper bunch bundle bunny burden bureau buried burke burlington burn burner burning burns burst burton bus buses bush business businesses busty busy but butler butt butter butterfly button buttons butts buy buyer buyers buying buys buzz bw by bye byte bytes c ca cab cabin cabinet cabinets cable cables cache cached cad cadillac cafe cage cake cakes cal calcium calculate calculated calculation calculations calculator calculators calendar calendars calgary calibration california call called calling calls calm calvin cam cambodia cambridge camcorder camcorders came camel camera cameras cameron cameroon camp campaign campaigns campbell camping camps campus cams can canada canadian canal canberra cancel cancellation cancelled cancer candidate candidates candle candles candy cannon canon cant canvas canyon cap capabilities capability capable capacity cape capital capitol caps captain capture captured car carb carbon card cardiac cardiff cardiovascular cards care career careers careful carefully carey cargo caribbean caring carl carlo carlos carmen carnival carol carolina caroline carpet carried carrier carriers carries carroll carry carrying cars cart carter cartoon cartoons cartridge cartridges cas casa case cases casey cash cashiers casino casinos casio cassette cast casting castle casual cat catalog catalogs catalogue catalyst catch categories category catering cathedral catherine catholic cats cattle caught cause caused causes causing caution cave cayman cb cbs cc ccd cd cdna cds cdt ce cedar ceiling celebrate celebration celebrities celebrity celebs cell cells cellular celtic cement cemetery census cent center centered centers central centre centres cents centuries century ceo ceramic ceremony certain certainly certificate certificates certification certified cet cf cfr cg cgi ch chad chain chains chair chairman chairs challenge challenged challenges challenging chamber chambers champagne champion champions championship championships chan chance chancellor chances change changed changelog changes changing channel channels chaos chapel chapter chapters char character characteristic characteristics characterization characterized characters charge charged charger chargers charges charging charitable charity charles charleston charlie charlotte charm charming charms chart charter charts chase chassis chat cheap cheaper cheapest cheat cheats check checked checking checklist checkout checks cheers cheese chef chelsea chem chemical chemicals chemistry chen cheque cherry chess chest chester chevrolet chevy chi chicago chick chicken chicks chief child childhood children childrens chile china chinese chip chips cho chocolate choice choices choir cholesterol choose choosing chorus chose chosen chris christ christian christianity christians christina christine christmas christopher chrome chronic chronicle chronicles chrysler chubby chuck church churches ci cia cialis ciao cigarette cigarettes cincinnati cindy cinema cingular cio cir circle circles circuit circuits circular circulation circumstances circus cisco citation citations cite cited cities citizen citizens citizenship city citysearch civic civil civilian civilization cj cl claim claimed claims claire clan clara clarity clark clarke class classes classic classical classics classification classified classifieds classroom clause clay clean cleaner cleaners cleaning cleanup clear clearance cleared clearing clearly clerk cleveland click clicking clicks client clients cliff climate climb climbing clinic clinical clinics clinton clip clips clock clocks clone close closed closely closer closes closest closing closure cloth clothes clothing cloud clouds cloudy club clubs cluster clusters cm cms cn cnet cnn co coach coaches coaching coal coalition coast coastal coat coated coating cock cocks cocktail cod code codes coding coffee cognitive cohen coin coins col cold cole coleman colin collaboration collaborative collapse collar colleague colleagues collect collectables collected collectible collectibles collecting collection collections collective collector collectors college colleges collins cologne colombia colon colonial colony color colorado colored colors colour colours columbia columbus column columnists columns com combat combination combinations combine combined combines combining combo come comedy comes comfort comfortable comic comics coming comm command commander commands comment commentary commented comments commerce commercial commission commissioner commissioners commissions commit commitment commitments committed committee committees commodities commodity common commonly commons commonwealth communicate communication communications communist communities community comp compact companies companion company compaq comparable comparative compare compared comparing comparison comparisons compatibility compatible compensation compete competent competing competition competitions competitive competitors compilation compile compiled compiler complaint complaints complement complete completed completely completing completion complex complexity compliance compliant complicated complications complimentary comply component components composed composer composite composition compound compounds comprehensive compressed compression compromise computation computational compute computed computer computers computing con concentrate concentration concentrations concept concepts conceptual concern concerned concerning concerns concert concerts conclude concluded conclusion conclusions concord concrete condition conditional conditioning conditions condo condos conduct conducted conducting conf conference conferences conferencing confidence confident confidential confidentiality config configuration configurations configure configured configuring confirm confirmation confirmed conflict conflicts confused confusion congo congratulations congress congressional conjunction connect connected connecticut connecting connection connections connectivity connector connectors cons conscious consciousness consecutive consensus consent consequence consequences consequently conservation conservative consider considerable consideration considerations considered considering considers consist consistency consistent consistently consisting consists console consoles consolidated consolidation consortium conspiracy const constant constantly constitute constitutes constitution constitutional constraint constraints construct constructed construction consult consultancy consultant consultants consultation consulting consumer consumers consumption contact contacted contacting contacts contain contained container containers containing contains contamination contemporary content contents contest contests context continent continental continually continue continued continues continuing continuity continuous continuously contract contracting contractor contractors contracts contrary contrast contribute contributed contributing contribution contributions contributor contributors control controlled controller controllers controlling controls controversial controversy convenience convenient convention conventional conventions convergence conversation conversations conversion convert converted converter convertible convicted conviction convinced cook cookbook cooked cookie cookies cooking cool cooler cooling cooper cooperation cooperative coordinate coordinated coordinates coordination coordinator cop cope copied copies copper copy copying copyright copyrighted copyrights coral cord cordless core cork corn cornell corner corners cornwall corp corporate corporation corporations corps corpus correct corrected correction corrections correctly correlation correspondence corresponding corruption cos cosmetic cosmetics cost costa costs costume costumes cottage cottages cotton could council councils counsel counseling count counted counter counters counties counting countries country counts county couple coupled couples coupon coupons courage courier course courses court courtesy courts cove cover coverage covered covering covers cow cowboy cox cp cpu cr crack cradle craft crafts craig crap craps crash crawford crazy cream create created creates creating creation creations creative creativity creator creature creatures credit credits creek crest crew cricket crime crimes criminal crisis criteria criterion critical criticism critics crm croatia crop crops cross crossing crossword crowd crown crucial crude cruise cruises cruz cry crystal cs css cst ct ctrl cu cuba cube cubic cuisine cult cultural culture cultures cum cumshot cumshots cumulative cunt cup cups cure curious currencies currency current currently curriculum cursor curtis curve curves custody custom customer customers customise customize customized customs cut cute cuts cutting cv cvs cw cyber cycle cycles cycling cylinder cyprus cz czech d da dad daddy daily dairy daisy dakota dale dallas dam damage damaged damages dame damn dan dana dance dancing danger dangerous daniel danish danny dans dare dark darkness darwin das dash dat data database databases date dated dates dating daughter daughters dave david davidson davis dawn day days dayton db dc dd ddr de dead deadline deadly deaf deal dealer dealers dealing deals dealt dealtime dean dear death deaths debate debian deborah debt debug debut dec decade decades december decent decide decided decimal decision decisions deck declaration declare declared decline declined decor decorating decorative decrease decreased dedicated dee deemed deep deeper deeply deer def default defeat defects defence defend defendant defense defensive deferred deficit define defined defines defining definitely definition definitions degree degrees del delaware delay delayed delays delegation delete deleted delhi delicious delight deliver delivered delivering delivers delivery dell delta deluxe dem demand demanding demands demo democracy democrat democratic democrats demographic demonstrate demonstrated demonstrates demonstration den denial denied denmark dennis dense density dental dentists denver deny department departmental departments departure depend dependence dependent depending depends deployment deposit deposits depot depression dept depth deputy der derby derek derived des descending describe described describes describing description descriptions desert deserve design designated designation designed designer designers designing designs desirable desire desired desk desktop desktops desperate despite destination destinations destiny destroy destroyed destruction detail detailed details detect detected detection detective detector determination determine determined determines determining detroit deutsch deutsche deutschland dev devel develop developed developer developers developing development developmental developments develops deviant deviation device devices devil devon devoted df dg dh di diabetes diagnosis diagnostic diagram dial dialog dialogue diameter diamond diamonds diana diane diary dice dick dicke dicks dictionaries dictionary did die died diego dies diesel diet dietary diff differ difference differences different differential differently difficult difficulties difficulty diffs dig digest digit digital dildo dildos dim dimension dimensional dimensions dining dinner dip diploma dir direct directed direction directions directive directly director directories directors directory dirt dirty dis disabilities disability disable disabled disagree disappointed disaster disc discharge disciplinary discipline disciplines disclaimer disclaimers disclose disclosure disco discount discounted discounts discover discovered discovery discrete discretion discrimination discs discuss discussed discusses discussing discussion discussions disease diseases dish dishes disk disks disney disorder disorders dispatch dispatched display displayed displaying displays disposal disposition dispute disputes dist distance distances distant distinct distinction distinguished distribute distributed distribution distributions distributor distributors district districts disturbed div dive diverse diversity divide divided dividend divine diving division divisions divorce divx diy dj dk dl dm dna dns do doc dock docs doctor doctors doctrine document documentary documentation documented documents dod dodge doe does dog dogs doing doll dollar dollars dolls dom domain domains dome domestic dominant dominican don donald donate donated donation donations done donna donor donors dont doom door doors dos dosage dose dot double doubt doug douglas dover dow down download downloadable downloaded downloading downloads downtown dozen dozens dp dpi dr draft drag dragon drain drainage drama dramatic dramatically draw drawing drawings drawn draws dream dreams dress dressed dresses dressing drew dried drill drilling drink drinking drinks drive driven driver drivers drives driving drop dropped drops drove drug drugs drum drums drunk dry dryer ds dsc dsl dt dts du dual dubai dublin duck dude due dui duke dumb dump duncan duo duplicate durable duration durham during dust dutch duties duty dv dvd dvds dx dying dylan dynamic dynamics e ea each eagle eagles ear earl earlier earliest early earn earned earning earnings earrings ears earth earthquake ease easier easily east easter eastern easy eat eating eau ebay ebony ebook ebooks ec echo eclipse eco ecological ecology ecommerce economic economics economies economy ecuador ed eddie eden edgar edge edges edinburgh edit edited editing edition editions editor editorial editorials editors edmonton eds edt educated education educational educators edward edwards ee ef effect effective effectively effectiveness effects efficiency efficient efficiently effort efforts eg egg eggs egypt egyptian eh eight either ejaculation el elder elderly elect elected election elections electoral electric electrical electricity electro electron electronic electronics elegant element elementary elements elephant elevation eleven eligibility eligible eliminate elimination elite elizabeth ellen elliott ellis else elsewhere elvis em emacs email emails embassy embedded emerald emergency emerging emily eminem emirates emission emissions emma emotional emotions emperor emphasis empire empirical employ employed employee employees employer employers employment empty en enable enabled enables enabling enb enclosed enclosure encoding encounter encountered encourage encouraged encourages encouraging encryption encyclopedia end endangered ended endif ending endless endorsed endorsement ends enemies enemy energy enforcement eng engage engaged engagement engaging engine engineer engineering engineers engines england english enhance enhanced enhancement enhancements enhancing enjoy enjoyed enjoying enlarge enlargement enormous enough enquiries enquiry enrolled enrollment ensemble ensure ensures ensuring ent enter entered entering enterprise enterprises enters entertaining entertainment entire entirely entities entitled entity entrance entrepreneur entrepreneurs entries entry envelope environment environmental environments enzyme eos ep epa epic epinions episode episodes epson eq equal equality equally equation equations equilibrium equipment equipped equity equivalent er era eric ericsson erik erotic erotica erp error errors es escape escort escorts especially espn essay essays essence essential essentially essentials essex est establish established establishing establishment estate estates estimate estimated estimates estimation estonia et etc eternal ethernet ethical ethics ethiopia ethnic eu eugene eur euro europe european euros ev eva eval evaluate evaluated evaluating evaluation evaluations evanescence evans eve even evening event events eventually ever every everybody everyday everyone everything everywhere evidence evident evil evolution ex exact exactly exam examination examinations examine examined examines examining example examples exams exceed excel excellence excellent except exception exceptional exceptions excerpt excess excessive exchange exchanges excited excitement exciting exclude excluded excluding exclusion exclusive exclusively excuse exec execute executed execution executive executives exempt exemption exercise exercises exhaust exhibit exhibition exhibitions exhibits exist existed existence existing exists exit exotic exp expand expanded expanding expansion expansys expect expectations expected expects expedia expenditure expenditures expense expenses expensive experience experienced experiences experiencing experiment experimental experiments expert expertise experts expiration expired expires explain explained explaining explains explanation explicit explicitly exploration explore explorer exploring explosion expo export exports exposed exposure express expressed expression expressions ext extend extended extending extends extension extensions extensive extent exterior external extra extract extraction extraordinary extras extreme extremely eye eyed eyes ez f fa fabric fabrics fabulous face faced faces facial facilitate facilities facility facing fact factor factors factory facts faculty fail failed failing fails failure failures fair fairfield fairly fairy faith fake fall fallen falling falls fame familiar families family famous fan fancy fans fantastic fantasy faq faqs far fare fares farm farmer farmers farming farms fascinating fashion fast faster fastest fat fatal fate father fathers fatty fault favor favorite favorites favors favour favourite favourites fax fbi fc fcc fd fda fe fear fears feat feature featured features featuring feb february fed federal federation fee feed feedback feeding feeds feel feeling feelings feels fees feet fell fellow fellowship felt female females fence feof ferrari ferry festival festivals fetish fever few fewer ff fg fi fiber fibre fiction field fields fifteen fifth fifty fig fight fighter fighters fighting figure figured figures fiji file filed filename files filing fill filled filling film filme films filter filtering filters fin final finally finals finance finances financial financing find findarticles finder finding findings findlaw finds fine finest finger fingering fingers finish finished finishing finite finland finnish fioricet fire fired firefox fireplace fires firewall firewire firm firms firmware first fiscal fish fisher fisheries fishing fist fisting fit fitness fits fitted fitting five fix fixed fixes fixtures fl flag flags flame flash flashers flashing flat flavor fleece fleet flesh flex flexibility flexible flickr flight flights flip float floating flood floor flooring floors floppy floral florence florida florist florists flour flow flower flowers flows floyd flu fluid flush flux fly flyer flying fm fo foam focal focus focused focuses focusing fog fold folder folders folding folk folks follow followed following follows font fonts foo food foods fool foot footage football footwear for forbes forbidden force forced forces ford forecast forecasts foreign forest forestry forests forever forge forget forgot forgotten fork form formal format formation formats formatting formed former formerly forming forms formula fort forth fortune forty forum forums forward forwarding fossil foster foto fotos fought foul found foundation foundations founded founder fountain four fourth fox fp fr fraction fragrance fragrances frame framed frames framework framing france franchise francis francisco frank frankfurt franklin fraser fraud fred frederick free freebsd freedom freelance freely freeware freeze freight french frequencies frequency frequent frequently fresh fri friday fridge friend friendly friends friendship frog from front frontier frontpage frost frozen fruit fruits fs ft ftp fu fuck fucked fucking fuel fuji fujitsu full fully fun function functional functionality functioning functions fund fundamental fundamentals funded funding fundraising funds funeral funk funky funny fur furnished furnishings furniture further furthermore fusion future futures fuzzy fw fwd fx fy g ga gabriel gadgets gage gain gained gains galaxy gale galleries gallery gambling game gamecube games gamespot gaming gamma gang gangbang gap gaps garage garbage garcia garden gardening gardens garlic garmin gary gas gasoline gate gates gateway gather gathered gathering gauge gave gay gays gazette gb gba gbp gc gcc gd gdp ge gear geek gel gem gen gender gene genealogy general generally generate generated generates generating generation generations generator generators generic generous genes genesis genetic genetics geneva genius genome genre genres gentle gentleman gently genuine geo geographic geographical geography geological geology geometry george georgia gerald german germany get gets getting gg ghana ghost ghz gi giant giants gibraltar gibson gif gift gifts gig gilbert girl girlfriend girls gis give given gives giving gl glad glance glasgow glass glasses glen glenn global globe glory glossary gloves glow glucose gm gmbh gmc gmt gnome gnu go goal goals goat god gods goes going gold golden golf gone gonna good goods google gordon gore gorgeous gospel gossip got gothic goto gotta gotten gourmet governance governing government governmental governments governor gp gpl gps gr grab grace grad grade grades gradually graduate graduated graduates graduation graham grain grammar grams grand grande granny grant granted grants graph graphic graphical graphics graphs gras grass grateful gratis gratuit grave gravity gray great greater greatest greatly greece greek green greene greenhouse greensboro greeting greetings greg gregory grenada grew grey grid griffin grill grip grocery groove gross ground grounds groundwater group groups grove grow growing grown grows growth gs gsm gst gt gtk guam guarantee guaranteed guarantees guard guardian guards guatemala guess guest guestbook guests gui guidance guide guided guidelines guides guild guilty guinea guitar guitars gulf gun guns guru guy guyana guys gym gzip h ha habitat habits hack hacker had hair hairy haiti half halifax hall halloween halo ham hamburg hamilton hammer hampshire hampton hand handbags handbook handed handheld handhelds handjob handjobs handle handled handles handling handmade hands handy hang hanging hans hansen happen happened happening happens happiness happy harassment harbor harbour hard hardcore hardcover harder hardly hardware hardwood harley harm harmful harmony harold harper harris harrison harry hart hartford harvard harvest harvey has hash hat hate hats have haven having hawaii hawaiian hawk hay hayes hazard hazardous hazards hb hc hd hdtv he head headed header headers heading headline headlines headphones headquarters heads headset healing health healthcare healthy hear heard hearing hearings heart hearts heat heated heater heath heather heating heaven heavily heavy hebrew heel height heights held helen helena helicopter hell hello helmet help helped helpful helping helps hence henderson henry hentai hepatitis her herald herb herbal herbs here hereby herein heritage hero heroes herself hewlett hey hh hi hidden hide hierarchy high higher highest highland highlight highlighted highlights highly highs highway highways hiking hill hills hilton him himself hindu hint hints hip hire hired hiring his hispanic hist historic historical history hit hitachi hits hitting hiv hk hl ho hobbies hobby hockey hold holdem holder holders holding holdings holds hole holes holiday holidays holland hollow holly hollywood holmes holocaust holy home homeland homeless homepage homes hometown homework hon honda honduras honest honey hong honolulu honor honors hood hook hop hope hoped hopefully hopes hoping hopkins horizon horizontal hormone horn horny horrible horror horse horses hose hospital hospitality hospitals host hosted hostel hostels hosting hosts hot hotel hotels hotmail hottest hour hourly hours house household households houses housewares housewives housing houston how howard however howto hp hq hr href hrs hs ht html http hu hub hudson huge hugh hughes hugo hull human humanitarian humanities humanity humans humidity humor hundred hundreds hung hungarian hungary hunger hungry hunt hunter hunting huntington hurricane hurt husband hwy hybrid hydraulic hydrocodone hydrogen hygiene hypothesis hypothetical hyundai hz i ia ian ibm ic ice iceland icon icons icq ict id idaho ide idea ideal ideas identical identification identified identifier identifies identify identifying identity idle idol ids ie ieee if ignore ignored ii iii il ill illegal illinois illness illustrated illustration illustrations im image images imagination imagine imaging img immediate immediately immigrants immigration immune immunology impact impacts impaired imperial implement implementation implemented implementing implications implied implies import importance important importantly imported imports impose imposed impossible impressed impression impressive improve improved improvement improvements improving in inappropriate inbox inc incentive incentives incest inch inches incidence incident incidents incl include included includes including inclusion inclusive income incoming incomplete incorporate incorporated incorrect increase increased increases increasing increasingly incredible incurred ind indeed independence independent independently index indexed indexes india indian indiana indianapolis indians indicate indicated indicates indicating indication indicator indicators indices indie indigenous indirect individual individually individuals indonesia indonesian indoor induced induction industrial industries industry inexpensive inf infant infants infected infection infections infectious infinite inflation influence influenced influences info inform informal information informational informative informed infrared infrastructure infringement ing ingredients inherited initial initially initiated initiative initiatives injection injured injuries injury ink inkjet inline inn inner innocent innovation innovations innovative inns input inputs inquire inquiries inquiry ins insects insert inserted insertion inside insider insight insights inspection inspections inspector inspiration inspired install installation installations installed installing instance instances instant instantly instead institute institutes institution institutional institutions instruction instructional instructions instructor instructors instrument instrumental instrumentation instruments insulation insulin insurance insured int intake integer integral integrate integrated integrating integration integrity intel intellectual intelligence intelligent intend intended intense intensity intensive intent intention inter interact interaction interactions interactive interest interested interesting interests interface interfaces interference interim interior intermediate internal international internationally internet internship interpretation interpreted interracial intersection interstate interval intervals intervention interventions interview interviews intimate intl into intranet intro introduce introduced introduces introducing introduction introductory invalid invasion invention inventory invest investigate investigated investigation investigations investigator investigators investing investment investments investor investors invisible invision invitation invitations invite invited invoice involve involved involvement involves involving io ion iowa ip ipaq ipod ips ir ira iran iraq iraqi irc ireland irish iron irrigation irs is isa isaac isbn islam islamic island islands isle iso isolated isolation isp israel israeli issn issue issued issues ist istanbul it italia italian italiano italic italy item items its itself itunes iv ivory ix j ja jack jacket jackets jackie jackson jacksonville jacob jade jaguar jail jake jam jamaica james jamie jan jane janet january japan japanese jar jason java javascript jay jazz jc jd je jean jeans jeep jeff jefferson jeffrey jelsoft jennifer jenny jeremy jerry jersey jerusalem jesse jessica jesus jet jets jewel jewellery jewelry jewish jews jill jim jimmy jj jm jo joan job jobs joe joel john johnny johns johnson johnston join joined joining joins joint joke jokes jon jonathan jones jordan jose joseph josh joshua journal journalism journalist journalists journals journey joy joyce jp jpeg jpg jr js juan judge judges judgment judicial judy juice jul julia julian julie july jump jumping jun junction june jungle junior junk jurisdiction jury just justice justify justin juvenile jvc k ka kai kansas karaoke karen karl karma kate kathy katie katrina kay kazakhstan kb kde keen keep keeping keeps keith kelkoo kelly ken kennedy kenneth kenny keno kent kentucky kenya kept kernel kerry kevin key keyboard keyboards keys keyword keywords kg kick kid kidney kids kijiji kill killed killer killing kills kilometers kim kinase kind kinda kinds king kingdom kings kingston kirk kiss kissing kit kitchen kits kitty klein km knee knew knife knight knights knit knitting knives knock know knowing knowledge knowledgestorm known knows ko kodak kong korea korean kruger ks kurt kuwait kw ky kyle l la lab label labeled labels labor laboratories laboratory labour labs lace lack ladder laden ladies lady lafayette laid lake lakes lamb lambda lamp lamps lan lancaster lance land landing lands landscape landscapes lane lanes lang language languages lanka laos lap laptop laptops large largely larger largest larry

Well, let's start it off back when I was 6 years old. I really don't have any memories before then anyway. On December 12th, 1988, I was on my mom's lap while she was sitting on the stairs. Across from us, my dad was sitting on the loveseat watching TV. My brother-in-law was sitting on the couch relaxing before he went to work. It was your typical morning, everything was going just fine until my mom had a heart attack. I remember her leaning back on the stairs and basically going limp. I remember my dad rushing over to pick me up and hand me to my brother-in-law. I didn't know what was going on but the way they were panicking and checking on my mom I knew something was wrong. My brother-in-law then drove me to my grandma's house which was only 3 blocks away. I remember as we were pulling away from the house seeing the ambulance pull up outside with the sirens and lights going off.
So now I'm at my grandmother's house, and she puts on The Wizard of Oz for me. I remember her crying majority of the time, but she wouldn't tell me what was going on whenever I asked her why everybody was acting weird. I ended up watching The Wizard of Oz three fucking times. To this day, I hate that movie, and haven't watched it since. Then my dad showed up to pick me up later that night. He was crying pretty bad. I remember him hugging me and telling me mom was dead. Seeing both him and my grandmother crying led me to start crying. Believe it or not, that was the last time I cried up until very recently, but I'll tell you about that when I get there. I didn't even cry at her funeral. This is the only memory I have of my mom and the earliest memory of my life that I remember. Kind of fucked up, right? To this day, this scene plays over and over in my head. I'll never forget it.
So after my mom died, two of my sisters moved back into the house with my dad to help him move on from the loss. To help babysit me and take care of me while my dad worked. My dad was a workaholic, he would work 12 hours a day basically 3/4ths of the month, so I never really saw him. So here we are, my dad, my 3 older sisters (18, 21, and 23 years old), their kids, and their husbands and boyfriend, and me all living in a 3 bedroom, 2 story house.
8 months go by after my mom's death, and my dad is lonely, I mean he did just lose the love of his life. They were together for 30 years. My dad was not someone who could function without a relationship, so he went out looking to find someone. He ended up with the worst choice I could have ever imagined. This evil lady has ruined our family and separated us from him. He was in love, though. So he basically shut all of us out of his life and let her rule his life for him.
So now it's my dad, my stepbrother, stepsister, and I living in the house. All of my sisters left because of this women. She hated me from the start, I didn't do anything to this women at all to deserve the treatment she gave me. She would lie to my dad and tell him that I would call her names, throw stuff at her, and not listen to her. Tell him that I was a menace and needed to get punished. She wouldn't tell him this when he got home from work, though. She would wait until he was drunk. My dad was a heavy drinker and would drink after coming home from work. When he was drunk she would tell him these lies, and my dad would beat the living shit out of me. Throwing full beer cans at me, hitting me with anything he could find, and basically verbally abusing me because I was an "asshole" to my new "mother".
At 12 years old I going through a rough time in life. With all the abuse my dad was giving me because of my stepmother, and having no friends besides my mentally retarded stepsister and stepbrother. I was a weird kid. I was picked on at school constantly because I was the fat smelly kid. Nobody showed me the basics of life, I basically had to learn by myself how to wash myself, how to brush my teeth, and how to get dressed. Nobody told me anything about that, and apparently I failed at the hygiene department because kids are fucking assholes and let me know about it. So many times I got sent home from school because I smelled, and my dad or stepmother didn't do anything to help me out and show me how to properly bathe. I really wish my dad would have been so strict with me about overeating. I'm not going to blame him for that, because it's my fault that I ate all the time. But I feel he could have helped me out and not allowed me to eat whatever I wanted. That basically was the beginning stages of what my life would become, and I'll tell you about that when I get to it as well, because obesity plays a big role in my fucked up life.
I started hearing voices when I was 12 years old as well. It freaked me out because nobody was there. I didn't know what was going on. I was really scared. I tried telling my dad about what I was hearing but he wasn't having any of it. He claimed I was just seeking attention. I tried telling my sisters what was going on and got the same thing. It was so bad I even had a heart to heart with my stepmother and tried to convince her that something was going on with me, and that I was hearing voices that wanted me to hurt animals and people. I thought I got through to her and she would help me out, but I was wrong. She told my dad and yet again, I was beat for making up stories.
At 13 my stepmother and I got into a really huge fight that couldn't be fixed. So my stepmother made my dad give me away to one of my sisters or she would leave him. So he chose her over me. My dad unannounced, showed up to my oldest sister's house and told her this exact quote that I'll never forget, "Helen said it's either him or her, and I choose her because I can't get pussy from him, so you take him". And then he got back in his car and left. A couple years later my dad and stepmother was moving to Florida, and they wanted to take me with them. They promised me that shit would get better between us. They promised that it would be a fresh start for all of us. I decided to go with them and give it a shot. Nothing got any better, in fact shit got worse.
I'm now 15 years old and the voices are getting louder. It's not all of the voices that want me to do bad things. It's only one male voice in particular. He would only come around once a month and start demanding me to kick the neighbor, or squirt someone with a hose, or push, punch, kick someone at school. The only way he would leave me alone is if I did what he wanted. He would get so loud that I couldn't take it anymore and give in. The other voices weren't bad, though. They were actually kind of cool. I like to call them my radio station voices because they just basically added commentary to what was going on around me. They never demanded me to do things, they were just there. They were there 24/7 and never went away, I even hear them to this day. Yes, I'm aware that they are probably just my thoughts, but they seem very real to me. They are not inside my head, they are outside my head and sound like they are next to me having a conversation with me, but I can't see them. Occasionally I'll talk to them, but that can be really awkward when someone catches you talking to your voices. It's happened plenty of times lol.
I have done some horrible things in my life that I regret when it came to listening to my voices. I have harmed people, pets, and even started cutting myself. I got so tired of it I swallowed every single pill in my house and went into the garage to die. My plan backfired when my dad came into the garage to look for a tool and found me passed out. He called the ambulance and I got my stomach pumped. I didn't get committed, though. Which was fucked up, because I told the nurses I wanted to die and I would try to commit suicide again if they released me. Even they didn't believe I was hearing voices. I told them everything I did too. Even about harming neighbor's pets and even harming younger neighborhood kids. Nothing, I was set free.
I'm in 10th grade now and 16 years old. I've had enough of my dad's bullshit abuse. I want nothing more to do with his alcoholic, pussy-whipped ass anymore. I get home from school one day and we get into an argument because of my stepmother. I've never ever defended myself from him, hell, I was always scared of my dad. I believe that's normal for all young boys. You look at your dad as some kind of superhero who has all the strength in the world. Nothing felt better than the day I defended myself and punched him in his drunk fucking face. Unfortunately for me, the neighbors saw me punch him, so they called the cops and the cops arrested me. I went to juvenile for 3 weeks because of that. When I got out I ran away from home and never looked back.
I hitchhiked from Naples, FL to Pitman, NJ and it was the best time of my life. It took me 3 weeks to get there, but it was worth it. I gave my guitar to this kid at school for him to take me to the nearest truck stop on I75. Then from there I found a trucker that was going to Jacksonville. He was a cool old man who took me with him, we chatted about a bunch of stuff. When I told that I was running away he got kind of nervous and wanted to take me back. I assured him I wasn't going to tell anybody that he drove me there. I wasn't going to be a dick if I got caught, but from that point on I told everybody that I was 18 and trying to get back to NJ because a family member died. I ended up sleeping at the Greyhound station in Jacksonville for 3 days before finally finding a ride to Atlanta, Georgia. Jacksonville was a nice city, there was a lot of drugs at the Greyhound station, though. I had so many people come up to me and try to sell me hash, weed, coke, and even meth. It was crazy, and at 16 I couldn't believe that shit was happening out in the public like that during the day. It was quite an eye opening experience for me. So I ended up getting a ride from a young couple to a truck stop outside of Atlanta. At this truck stop I found a trucker who was going to Maine, he said he would give me a ride to NJ, which was awesome because that was where I needed to go anyway. So as we pull out from the truck, he says to me, "Hey man, have you ever tried Acid?". I told him no, and he proceeded to give me a paper hit. I took it and tripped balls for a long ass time. I lost track of time, so I have no clue how long it took us to get to NC, but somewhere in NC he started to ask me really perverted questions. We stopped at a truck stop and he proceeded to put his hand on my knee and started rubbing it. I asked him to stop, but he wouldn't. I then proceeded to punch him in the face and got out of the truck stop and ran inside to the truck stop, I figured that would be the safest bet for me because he wouldn't even try to come inside and grab me. There was no way he would do that. So I waited 3 hours until the fucker left and then found someone to take me to the Fayetteville, NC greyhound bus station.
Let me tell you something about the greyhound bus station in Fayetteville. It was one of the worst places I have ever been in my life. It's a real bad area down there. I also got robbed for the first time in my life while inside the bus station. This black dude pulled a knife on me inside the bathroom and stole my backpack full of clothes and other little shit I had with me like my cds and cd player. This one guy walked into the bathroom and basically broke it up before anything else could happen. He then proceeded to take me to a truck stop outside of Fayetteville. I stayed there for 5 days until I found a ride with a group of teenagers going back to Baltimore from Disney World. They were really cool too, we smoked weed all the way up I94 too. That was probably the best time I've ever had. In Baltimore I found an older couple in a RV that took me to Philly. Then once I got to Philly I took the NJ Transit bus to my sisters house. She was surprised when I showed up. Apparently my dad never told them that I ran away from home, so it was all a shocker to them.
From 16 to 18 I basically bounced sister to sister. I went from NJ to Detroit, MI, back to NJ, back to Detroit, and then back to NJ again. I basically watched my nephews and nieces for my sisters in order to live there so they didn't have to pay a babysitter. It worked out for all parties. I made sure I didn't stay at one place too long to wear out my welcome.
Once I turned 18 I went to a young adult homeless shelter for young kids in Atlantic City called The Covenant House. I have really bad paranoia and anxiety from my voices, which leads to panic attacks at random times. I had a bad episode with my voices and they sent me to the mental health unit in Atlantic City. Who then committed me into Ancora State Mental Health Hospital. I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder, which is basically someone who suffers from Schizophrenia and a mood disorder, most like bipolar or depression. IN my case it was severe depression. I was stuck there for 6 months. I don't recommend going to a state hospital, they don't care about your health. Their goal was just to keep you there as long as possible to milk the insurance money. In Ancora I applied and got approved for SSI, so something good came out of it in the end I guess. Once I got out of there I ended up going to a homeless shelter in Camden, NJ. This place is the worst place I've ever been in my life. I got robbed, beat up, pushed around, and fucked with just about every day I was there because I was the fat white kid. It was horrible, I had to leave, I couldn't survive there, I knew I would end up dead if I stayed. So I went to a homeless shelter in Philly, which was a little better. Still was the ghetto, but at least I didn't get robbed every other day.
During this time I would go spend my days at a library in Philly and just read books and use the internet. I started talking to this girl on AIM one night from a chatroom. She was my age and from West Virginia. We hit it off very well, this was the first girl that was ever interested in me. So I thought I was in love. Fast forward 3 years, I was staying in my band's practice shed behind the lead guitarist/vocalist's house. We were a punk band who played fast, loud, and crazy music. We booked a show in Virginia and I told that girl I was talking to, to meet up with me at the show since she was only 45 minutes away. So we meet up at the show, and afterwards I went back to her place. The band went back to NJ the next morning. I told the band I would take a greyhound in a few days to get back. The girl and I fucked all night long, and really hit it off. I never left.
This girl and I ended up getting married 6 months later. I know, we moved way too fast, this was the first time I've ever gotten any poontang and I thought I was in love. My life was finally changing for the better and I was finally stabilized in life with a roof over my head. I was happy! During this time I got extremely fat. I mean, I was always the fat kid, but when I met this girl I was around 350 pounds. Fast forward 6 years and I'm now over 800+ pounds. I ended up getting hospitalized because I couldn't walk. I was so swollen with fluid at the time my legs were huuuuuge. I couldn't even wobble along because they were so fat. When I got to the hospital I got on a bed scale, and I error'd the scale. The bed scale only went up to 800 pounds. It was at the moment I realized that I'm really throwing my life away, and I needed to lose weight. I just didn't have the motivation to do it, so I struggled with it for a few.
Anywho, I suspected something was up with the wife. She wasn't the same anymore. Something about her has changed, she started distancing herself from me. I decided to check the bank account one day to see what was up since she was using the "I'm going to my dad's house for a few hours" excuse like 4 times a week. Which was weird because her dad and her never really got along that well. So when I checked the bank account I was seeing charges on the debit card to a Chinese buffet place in town, the charges were usually $25, which is the equivalent of two buffet dinner meals. I know for sure that I wasn't eating at the Chinese buffet several times a week.
So instead of questioning her I decided to snoop around on her computer (I know, it's fucked up and I shouldn't have done that, I still feel guilty for breaking someone's trust). I saw a forums that she frequently visited all the time. It was then that I found out my wife was a secret feeder. I don't know if you what a feeder is, but it's basically someone who gets off on feeding someone so they get fatter. Once I read her posts that she was posting I felt sick because it all made sense. At the time I thought maybe she was just a freak and liked food play. Maybe she really got off on baking brownies and giving them to me before we would get it on. Maybe she just really liked baking sweets and giving them to her man. I was so oblivious to this it hurts whenever I think about it. I had no clue what a feeder was, and if I would have known in advanced I would have never agreed to it before.
I confronted her about everything and she confessed she was having an affair with her best friend's husband. At first, I just wanted to leave, but I couldn't I was so fat I couldn't go anywhere. So I moved out onto the couch and slept there for the next 6 months saving up every penny I had. I ended up having this dream about my mom. She came to me in my dream and told me that I needed to change my life because she couldn't protect me anymore. I woke up the next day terrified as hell. She never came out and said she was protecting me from death, but I can only assume that was the case. So I started to diet and lose weight. Right when I was getting ready to leave back to NJ the wife begged for me to stay. Telling me she was sorry and we could work it out. Stupidly, I stayed and gave her another chance. This was the first girlfriend I've ever had. The first poontang I touched. I didn't want to lose her, I loved this girl even with the fucked up shit I found out about her. Even with the fucked up cheating she did to me.
Two weeks go by and she is getting distant with me again. So this time, I confront her again and ask her what's up. She confessed that she started having another affair with a client from her job. I was livid, and mainly heartbroken, again. This time I was leaving, there was no 3rd chance to fuck me over. Not only for cheating on me again, but with a client of hers! she works at a fucking HIV/AIDS clinic for fucks sake. Not only is she putting herself at risk, but she put me at risk for it. I lost my cool and broke just about everything in the house. I went into the mental hospital for 3 weeks because I was losing my cool and my voices were fucking me hardcore about hurting her. I didn't want to hurt her. When I got out of the mental hospital I left. Every 6 months for the next 2 years I got tested and thankfully came up negative every time.
So now I'm 28 years old, living with my youngest sister in NJ again. My main focus is losing weight. Which I did with a vengeance. I wanted my weight gone and I wanted my life back. For two years I went hardcore on my diet and got down to 440 pounds. I was feeling better than I have ever felt in my life. I was almost happy again. Then I met this chick over Facebook from Boston. We started chatting every day over messenger. She drove 6 hours to come see me one weekend. We went to Atlantic City and stayed at a casino hotel since she has never seen Atlantic City before. She loved it! I really thought I ruined any chance I had with her though. She drove 6 hours to see me and I was too damn shy to make a move that night. I honestly didn't think she would ever talk to me again, but she did. We kept on seeing each other once a month for a year. She would drive down to see me, and then I would rent a car and drive up to see her. Eventually it got brought up about me moving up there with her. I went for it, and never looked back.
so it's January 1st, 2013, I'm 30 years old and I'm moving up to the Boston area to start over again in a new relationship. One that wasn't a feeder! I made sure of it this time. I flat out told her about my past and that if she was I couldn't be with her since my new life was focused on losing weight. That dream about my mom really scared the shit out of me. It's not February, 2013 and something is seeming off with the girlfriend. she's getting distance from me like my ex wife. This time I don't snoop and I flat out ask her what's up. Told her I wasn't liking the distance between us. She told me that she was having mixed feelings and that she is craving girls again. She told me before she was bi, but I didn't mind. So I suggested that maybe we open up the relationship, which would allow her to explore her girl side some and get some poontang of her own. So we agreed to do that, but we had some rules. I told her she couldn't do anything with any exes because that's just going to bring back lovey dovey feelings. She assured she wouldn't do anything with any ex girlfriends and anybody that she does explore with will be new and only a fling. She wouldn't go back for seconds with anybody.
It's now September, 2013 and she tells me that she's still in love with her ex girlfriend who she has been seeing these past few months. My heart sank because I knew this would happen, but tried to salvage the relationship. For some reason this one hurt more than the ex wife. I don't know why. I wanted to run away, and that's exactly what I did. I asked her if I could stay until November to save up some money and move out and she agreed. So when November came I wanted to get away as far I could from the east coast. My buddy in Seattle offered me a room to rent from him out there. So I sold everything I had worth any value and bought an Amtrak ticket to Seattle. I went from Boston to Toledo, OH. Stayed with a friend there that I met on Facebook a long time ago for a few days, got a wham bam thank you mam from her while I was there as a pity fuck, basically. The best head I ever had. Seriously. She was 15 years older than me, no fucks given. Then went from Toledo, OH to Seattle. All in all it took me 79 hours on the train in travelling time. It was the best season to travel the train too. The foliage was beautiful!
For the first 5 months, Seattle life was awesome. I was on a main road with a bus route on it. So I could take the bus into downtown and check out the iconic places like Pike Place Market, The Space Needle, etc etc. I wasn't trapped, but then the landlord sold the house on us, and decided to move us into another one of his apartments. Which was cool, at least he switched us over without having to get another security deposit or changing rent or anything.
This new place sucks so much ass for a fat person. We are seriously up on this huge ass hill, and I can't walk up the hill without feeling like my heart if going to jump out of my chest. I made it up one time and passed out up top of the hill, that was the last time I attempted the hill. So I'm stuck up on this damn hill. The bus routes are at the bottom of the hill. So if I want to go anywhere I have to use Uber, which I can't afford.
The last 9 months of my life I have been an emotional wreck. I'm crying all the time, it's bullshit. I haven't cried since my mom died, why am I crying so much now? I don't understand it. I'm going through a major bout of depression and have been doing nothing but eating my life away at the top of a hill. These last 9 months I have gained back 135 pounds. I'm now 575 again, and I feel like shit. It's sad, because food is my drug, and I can't escape it like a drug addict can. You need food to survive, and I can't control my eating anymore. It's a vicious cycle, you eat because you're depressed, and you're depressed because you're eating.
At the end of my lease in March I'm moving to Nebraska because it's so cheap there. I can get a 1 bedroom for 400 a month. Hell, there is an apartment I'm looking at that will go by my income that only old people and SSI people can get into. They charge you 30% of your income, which is awesome because that will help me be able to live more freely and breath. Right now I'm barely surviving off of $700 a month. You know how hard it is to survive off of $700 a month in Seattle? Extremely hard! By the time my rent is paid and my cellphone is paid, I'm left with $25, and that is used to take Uber to the grocery store twice a month. I survive off of $175 of food stamps, if I didn't get them I would be fucked.
I also had another dream the other day about my mom. She came to me again and told me that she warned me to change my life. I'm not scared this time. If death is what is coming to me, then so be it. I'm ready to move on to the other side. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal or anything, as my stance on suicide has changed since my teenage suicide attempt, but I'm not afraid of death. I'm not going to let the fear of death make me worry. It's not worth it. If it's my time, then it's my time. Take me!
Feel free to AMA if you wish, I'm an open book. Pick my brain!