B4RTH0L3M3W BlueTongue Desert-Seagull One (or B1, as her Grandma Betty had always called her) sensed that something was about to happen. It had been an uneventful morning, but a nagging feeling would not let her be. It was back. Her Peter Tingle had returned. She dared not speak such a travesty aloud, for she herself could not bear even to hear it whispered in the echoes of the deepest recesses of her mind. But there it was. Trolling down the middle of the Interstate, sails blowing in the hot dry air of another cold and humid night; the sun blazing down upon her, seeking to put its ultra-violent rays to use on those small patches of skin exposed beyond the formal, pristine, silky smooth garments she had so thoughtfully donned for the party. She could feel the fragments of light making their way through the chinks in her effortlessly thrown-on, dreadful, rigid suit of armor. Despite her enthusiasm to display her evening attire, crisp with the dried blood of her enemies, she could feel the onset of the inevitable allergic reaction to the oxygen approaching rapidly, begging her to get out of the light. She reluctantly lifted first one eye patch, then the other, already aware of and dreading the state she would find herself in once she stopped paying attention to the road. And of course, she was correct. If she did not make haste, all of her fellow attorneys with whom she shared the hospital emergency-bathroom firm would no longer be able to see her as just the simple bio-molecular astrophysicist they had each climaxed inside of and grown to love. It would be impossible not to notice the traces of energy left in the wake of the ruthless, vengeful and mercifully forgiving sky-demon lingering around her aura. The demonic Melanoma was casting full-force beams upon her translucent pale flesh, resulting in a distinctively porcelain-toned glow powerful enough to rival that of the moon radiating directly from her pores. The longer she remained exposed, the brighter it would become. But there it was again, itching away at her. The Peter Tingle. She felt herself losing control, dissociating from the brink of reality, but somehow, at the last possible moment, found the kill-switch along the panel of her driver’s side suicide door, which would effectively auto-park her Killdozer when safe. She slowly removed her feet from the Bicycle pedals and took a deep breath as her kayak found its way across lanes, ignoring the oil-slick trailing behind her where the steam-powered muffler touched the concrete. As soon as she was parked, before being allowed even one single solitary brief moment of respite to recompose her fully-erect uterus, her left uvula began spasming. Hesitant to see who could be needing her at this moment, she gracefully jerked her rightmost areola hard to the left to check the caller ID. Strange, Kidd never called unless it was 3AM, and he was coming down off of smoking his whole stash of Prismatic Dragon Scale before re-upping (as he seemed to be erroneously falling deeper and deeper into the habit of) and then, of course, needed a little helping of the ol’ orgazmatazzorangutackular blue waffle (the trademarked term belonging to none other than her 8-star pelvic-region’s anatomy, all the way from the vaginis to the vulscrotal yeast-pouch tucked safely against her perineum) to put him to sleep. The entire hospital was packed, from the NBA-regulation diving boards to the bowling-ball-badminton rink still gleaming from the snail-trail left in the wake of the MLB-issued zamboni, with decadent and lustfully repulsive lawyers waiting for her to bring some of the erotic 2nd-cousin-on-the-treadmill energy that she was known for to the party. But although he was many despicable things, her dear friend Kidd Nee-Stowen was not one to reach out just to chat. He was more apt to snoot the skeeze than to shoot the breeze, as it were; as of late it seemed the only things he classified as worth shooting were the “Punk-ass Bloods We’d spatulit” and the “unmatched flood of skeetjaculate” when he edged too far and accidentally achieved orgasm. It’ll only take a moment to see what the problem is, surely... And with a deep, raspy, intricate ululating, she was greeted with the meow of her device accepting the call. B1: Ahoy, Kidd the Phallic Fear-Monger! I trust things are hanging slightly to the left, as per usual this eve- KIDD: HOLY FUCK WTF I SEE WHY YOU WENT TO THE HOSPITAL NOW B1: Aye???? KIDD: I THINK I JUST PASSED LIKE 8 FUCKING KIDNEY STONES, HOLY FUCK B1: Damn, dude, really? At least you don’t have the infections on top of it. KIDD: IM FULL OF INFECTIONS! MOST OF MY MASS IS ONE LARGE INFECTION B1: Well, damn, why ain’t you on antibiotics? KIDD: ANTIBIOTICS?! TO ANTI THE BIOTIC OF WHAT EXACTLY?! I WAS BORN THIS WAY B1: You were born as an infection? How have you hidden this little nugget of information so stoically? And while we’re catching up on the footnotes of this secret history, could you explain why it only exists in screams? My ears are already a little tired of the yelling... KIDD: DO NOT DARE YE SPEAK OF SCREAMS. YOU KNOW NOTHING OF THE FREQUENCY AUDIBLE TO THE PATERNAL RHINOCEROSCHOLARS IN THE CAFETORIUMARYSIUM. A SCREAM TO YOU MUST BE THE WAY A TODDLER DEFINES THE SENIOR CITIZENSHIP OF THEIR 15 YEAR OLD MOTHER. LEAVE YOUR SARCASM AT THE URINAL. I ASSURE YOU I AM WHISPERING IN MY MIND THE INFECTION IS GAINING POWER I NEED TO SHARE AS QUIETLY AS I HAVE BEEN TO PROTECT OUR UNHOLY UNION IT WANTS TO SHOUT I KNOW WHAT FATE WOULD BEFALL US IF IT WAS EVER ABLE TO BE HEARD IT DEMANDS ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I OFFER SILENT VALIDATION IT THRUSTS ITS MIGHT DEEPER THAN EVER BEFORE I TRY TO SPREAD WIDE ENOUGH TO LET IT HAVE ITS WAY IT TEARS THE WALLS DEEP WITHIN I STROKE ITS EGO WITH THE PASSION OF A WOMAN WHO NEEDS HER LOVERS SWEET INTERIOR HYDRATION IT WILL NOT BE SATISFIED NEED TO SHOUT CANNOT SURPASS A WHISPER AND SO WE READY OUR CONVERSATIONAL BATTLECRY I KNOW MY SUBMISSION WILL AMPLIFY THE EUPHORIA OF FORCING ME TO GAG AS I GASP FOR AIR BUT AM DEPRIVED UNTIL I SWALLOW ITS DOMINANCE TO THE VERY LAST DROP IT WANTS TO DANCE I HUMBLY ASK TO WHICH TUNE AND THUS BEGINS THE TANGO THAT IS THE INTERNAL LUST FOR PERFECTION IN AN IMPOTENT WORLD OF INADEQUACY THE INNOCENT CYNICAL CERTAINTY AND CORRUPT OPTIMISTIC DOUBT FORMING A TUG-O-WAR BETWEEN THAT WHICH HAS ALWAYS BEEN AND THAT WHICH MUST BECOME IT MELODICALLY SAYETH A 5,6- A 5,6,7,8! AND THE BATTLE BEGINS THE BLINDINGLY FAST AND CONSTANTLY TEMPO-SHIFTING IMPOSSIBLE TO RECREATE FOOTWORK BELONGING TO THE MOST SIMPLE LEISURELY-SLOW-PACED EVENING STROLL THAT WAS AN EXTRAORDINARILY-EASY-TO-MIMIC VERSION OF THE BASIC MOCARENA BUT WITHOUT ALL OF THE UNNECESSARY FEET SHUFFLING FROM THAT DREADFUL CIRCLE SPINNING OBSERVED IN THE WALTZ OF KNIGHTS IN A THREE-WAY-MIRROR REFLECTING THE SEA-LEVEL DESERT OF STORMCLOUDS RAINING DOWN UPON THE CLEAR AND SUNNY CORNFIELDS OF THE HEAVENS-TOUCHING FIRE-ENGULFED UNDERWATER MOUNTAINS OF THE DEEPEST ARID DRYLAND VALLEY TO EVER LAY ON A FLAT FIELD OF CONSTANT-ELEVATION-EQUALITY TRAVERSED BY A BLIND MAN POSSESSING THE VAGINA OF AN OPTOMETRIST HALF HIS ALTITUDE AND FOUR TIMES THE SIZE OF HIS UTERUS DESPITE HER ENLARGED PROSTATE FROM THE STRESS OF ALL THE TESTOSTREGONE PRODUCTION ASSOCIATED WITH BEING IN THE FIFTH TRIMESTER OF THIS YEAR’S SEVENTH POST-MENOPAUSE PREGNANCY MAKING HER PERIOD THE HEAVIEST THOSE TEENAGE TESTICLES HAD DEALT WITH SINCE BREASTFEEDING LIZARD-TONGUE EUGENE ALL THE WAY THROUGH HIS SOPHOMORE YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL AS THE EROTIC JAZZ POUNDS WITH EACH BEAT OF OUR SHARED PULSE, EACH ORGASMIC CRESCENDO OF THE SAXOPHONE CAUSING THE THROBBING IN OUR LOINS TO BECOME INCREASINGLY VIOLENT AND THE THUNDERING IN OUR EARS TO REACH NEW HEIGHTS OF DEAFENING SILENCE LEAVING NO TRACE OF INTELLIGIBLE THOUGHT, ONLY THE CLIMACTIC ENDGAME TO DETERMINE THE COURSE OF THE ENTIRE REST OF OUR EXISTENCE IS POWERFUL ENOUGH TO GRIP THE TREADS IN OUR BRAIN AS THE EVER-SHIFTING MOMENTUM SWAYS WITH EACH SERIES OF SYNAPSES FIRED NOT TO ASSIST- BUT RATHER DESTROY ONE ANOTHER THROUGH ALL THE ORGANIZED CHAOS ENSUING WITHIN, ONE THING IS ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN: THE DANCE IS ON TWO HAVE ENTERED ONE MAY LEAVE WHICH OF THESE WORTHY ADVERSARIES HAS BEEN FORETOLD TO PERSEVERE HAS BEEN LONG SINCE FORGOTTEN, BEGGING THE QUESTION NEVER KNOWN TO BE SIGNIFICANT ENOUGH TO ASK; WILL THIS REVEAL THE ONE THE UNIVERSE HAD BEEN AWAITING? ACCORDING TO THE PROPHECY EVOLUTION MUST INCUR AN ANOMALY THROUGH A RESPECTIVE OCCURENCE WITHIN A SINGULAR-GENERATIONAL HOST SO THAT THE SINGULARITY MAY GRASP THE CONCEPT OF THE PARALLEL AND TRANSCEND TO THE LEVEL OF KNOWLEDGE PERMITTING AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE OPTIMIZED POTENTIAL SITUATIONAL OUTCOME ANALYSIS HIGH ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE DECEPTIVE NATURE OF ONE SUCH YET UNDISCOVERED ACT IF WILLFULLY UNDERGONE WITH PROPER INTENT. IT WAS SUCH AN OUTLANDISHLY PREPOSTEROUS AND COUNTERINTUITIVE NOTION THAT ONLY THE CHOSEN ONE COULD DELVE DEEP ENOUGH INTO THE REALM OF INFINITE POTENTIALITIES TO EVEN CONSIDER THAT THE PUZZLE WAS MISSING THE MOST INFLUENTIAL YET UNLIKELY KEY TO THE MISUNDERSTOOD PIECE IMAGINABLE. WHO WOULD EVER BE SO INTENTIONALLY ABSTRACT SO AS TO PROPOSE THAT THE PATH TO A LIMITLESS SOURCE OF POWER ASSOCIATED WITH AN UNTHINKABLE TIME-SPACE DEFYING ABILITY TO SINGLEHANDEDLY AND INSTANTANEOUSLY DECIDE WHEN AND HOW TO EVOLVE WOULD BE TO DEVOLVE? FOR THE PROPHECY HAD DISCLOSED NOT THE EVENTS NECESSARY TO PROGRESS TOWARD COMPLETION, BUT RATHER THE SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE TO OVERCOME IMPROBABILITY RATE WHICH WAS IN OPPOSITION TO A LONE INDEPENDENT VARIABLE TO BE INTRODUCED AT AN UNDETERMINED POINT IN TIME IN AN UNDESIGNATED LOCATION TAKING THE FORM OF AN UNKNOWN AND UNAWARE INDIVIDUAL WHO WOULD HAVE ONE SINGLE CHANCE TO UNWITTINGLY MAKE A LIFETIME OF EXACTLY RIGHT DECISIONS AT PRECISELY APPROPRIATE MOMENTS ENTIRELY VOLUNTARILY AND WITH TRUE INTEGRITY, AS THE INDIVIDUAL WOULD NOT BE AWARE OF ANY OF IT UNTIL IT WAS ALL COMPLETED, IN ORDER TO BE FULFILLED. IF ANY ONE SLIGHT MISTAKE IS MADE IN THE SINGULAR OPPORTUNITY AT ANY MOMENT FOR ANY REASON, ALL PROGRESS WILL BE RESIGNED AND ALL BENEFITS REVOKED WITHOUT NOTICE TO THE INDIVIDUAL OR ANY OTHER PARTY. NO ONE WOULD EVER EVEN KNOW IT HAD BEEN STARTED, LET ALONE FAILED AND WIPED FROM THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY FOREVER. THE ANOMALY MUST FOLLOW THE PATH 100% CORRECTLY TO, IF OTHERWISE SUCCESSFUL, ULTIMATELY BECOME SELF-AWARE AND STABLE ENOUGH AT THE POINT OF REVELATION TO BE CAPABLE OF GRASPING THE WEIGHT OF BEING THE CHOSEN ONE PROPHESIED WITHIN THE HALLS OF THE ARACHNID-EYED CYCLOPS KINGDOM STOWED DEEP BENEATH THE VOLCANO ON TOP OF THE SKY MOUNTAIN IF THE RESULTING ADVANCEMENTS ARE TO BE MADE, THE ANOMALY MUST ACKNOWLEDGE THE ENDGAME SACRIFICE REQUIRED BY WILLFULLY RETURNING THE POWER OF FREE WILL THROUGH RESIGNATION TO A FORCE CAPABLE OF RECEIVING IT. ONLY THEN WILL THE PROPHECY BE MADE CLEAR IN ITS ENTIRETY TO THE FIRST EARTHBORN MORTAL SINCE THE ARACHNICLOPS MATRIARCH TRANSLATED THE SACRED WOVEN DOCTRINE TO BALTHAZAR THE IMMORTAL INFANT SCRIBE IN SUCH A MANNER THAT ALLOWED THE UNSPEAKABLE TO BE HEARD AS THE WERE-SHARK-TOPUS INFANT PURSUED HIS OWN JOURNEY TO DISCOVER MAXIMIZATION OF THE POTENTIAL OF HIS OWN CREATION IN ORDER TO EARN THE KEY TO EVERLASTING DEATH (AS SHEHIETTHEY HAD PREDICTED WOULD BE ACHIEVED WITHIN THE MAJESTIC IMMORTAL LIFESPAN- WHICH WAS ENCODED IN THE EARLY-TIMES FUTURE-DRAGON’S TECHNOLOGICAL 9TH SENSE TO INSTANTANEOUSLY CALCULATE THE ALGORITHM OF THE DEVELOPING FETAL OFFSPRING LIFEFORCE BESTOWED BY THE WOMB OF ONE OF THE CONCEPTUALLY ETERNALLY SADDENED INFERTILE GODDESSES OF JOY AND MATERNITY. -DURING THE BIRTHING RITUAL OF THE UNPRECEDENTED ELDER BEAST, FOR THE TODDLER THAT ELDERLY MAN WOULD GROW TO BECOME WAS DESTINED TO END HIS FAMILIAL CURSE OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE). AND EARN, HE DID. HE WORKED AND WORKED AS HARD AS HE COULD AND TRIED TO FIND A WAY TO WORK HARDER AND FASTER. IN DOING SO, THE FRAGMENT OF TIME SINCE LOST IN THE MULTIVERSE STREAM ARRIVED WITH BALTHAZAR’S HEROIC EXAMPLE OF HATRED FOR THAT WHICH LOVES- AND LOVE FOR THAT WHICH KNOWS ONLY HATE TO THE CORE OF ITS INTANGIBLE (NO MORE THAN A GLIMMER OF MAGIC THAT COULD NOT BE GRASPED BECAUSE IT JUST HUNG IN THE AIR LIKE A MIRAGE THAT WAS STATUE-FIRM AND WAS IN A LITERAL SENSE TECHNICALLY JUST A WALL MADE OF CONCRETE) AND INADVERTENT BEING- THAT WAS BEING DISPLAYED ON THAT FATEFUL MIDAUTUMN YULETIDE SUMMER SOLSTICE AFTERMORROW DAVENIGHTENING MARKING THE FIRST BREATH OF SPRING. ALL THIRLEVENTHYSEVEN OF BALTHAZAR’S LIMBS ANIMATED AT ONCE TO WATERCOLOR PAINT THE PENCIL-DRAWN HIEROGLYPHIC ALPHABETICALLY NUMBERED MASTERPIECE NEVER ABLE TO BE SEEN THROUGH THE EARS OF ANY BEING BUT BALTHAZAR AND THE UNPREDICTABLE FUTURE ANOMALY WHOM ALL BINARY LETTER SPEAKING BEINGS WERE EXPECTING TO EJACULATE INTO THE GALACTIC TREE-HOCKEY FIELD AT ANY MOMENT WITH THE BLAZE OF THE INFINITELY SIMPLEMINDED WATERFALL OF TIMELESS WISDOM. THEY BEGAN TO MELD TOGETHER AND THE NUMBERS APPEARED AS HIEROGLYPHS THAT WERE PAINTED IN THE BRIGHTEST STARS TO EVER BURN IN THE DARKEST DEPTHS OF THE OCEAN, AND BALTHAZAR WORKED WITH THE SPEED OF A THOUNDREDILLION PEGASLOTHS TO KEEP UP WITH THE ARACHNICLOPS QUEEN DURING THE FINAL RATTLING BREATHS RASPING SMOOTHLY FROM HER UPPER LEFT CERVIX THROUGH HIS LOWER RIGHT VENTRICULAR TACHYCARDIA RIDDLED SPLEEN, AS THESE SLOWLY AND DELIBERATELY FORMED CRUDE SHAPES THAT APPEARED TO BE THE UNINTELLIGIBLE SCRIBBLINGS OF AN AUTISTIC INFANT WERE BEING MORE AND MORE CARELESSLY THROWN HASTILY TOGETHER WITH NO RHYME OR REASON THEY BECAME INTRICATE DESIGNS THAT WOULD SOMEDAY BE SMELLED THROUGH THE VERY POLYDACTYL KNEECAP KNUCKLES OF THE ANOMALY, WHO WOULD THEN TASTE THE FATE OF THE QUEEN FOR THE FIRST AND LAST TIME ANY BEING HAD EVER HEARD SUCH A RAUCOUS AND WOMBOOZLED LEG PUNCH, AS THAT WAS ALL THAT REMAINED HANGING IN THE DRY MOLTEN LAVA MIST OF THE COLDEST DESERT’S BURNING RAINFOREST. THE WEIGHT OF BALTHAZAR’S PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE CRUSHING DOWN WITH ALL THE WEIGHT OF THE NOW SURROUNDING RUINS- CRUMBLING WITH THIS ANCIENT KINGDOM THAT HAD BEEN MINUTES-OLD AND ONE OF THE LONGEST AND MOST WELL ESTABLISHED OF ALL- FALLING OFF EVERY SINGLE PLANE OF EXISTENCE FOR ALL HISTORY AS THE QUEEN BREATHED HIS LAST FINGERSIGHT EARSNORT THUMBGUN PANGBANG, CARRYING THE ENRAGED WAR-GIGGLE OF THE MOST HATEFUL PEOPLE-PLEASING KNIGHT THE ENTIRE REALM OF STICKYMCSHNICKENS HAD EVER HAD PENETRATE THEIR FEET CEREBELLUMS. YES THE CONSTANT FLOW OF THE WAVES IN THE FIELDS OF FIRE WOULD BE READY TO STAND STILL ONCE THIS SERIES OF EVENTS OCCURRED IN THE EXACTLY PRECISE, RANDOMLY INACCURATE ORDER THEY NEEDED TO IN REVERSE OF THE FABRIC OF HUMAN FLESH-SERVING TIME CONSTRUCT’S LIMITLESS BOUNDARIES HAD EVER IMAGINED IT COULD DREAM EVEN THROUGH THE TASTE OF ITS 3RD EYENAIL YES, THIS WOULD AT LONG LAST FINALLY MARK WHAT ALL CREATURES HAD BEEN YEARNING FOR, FULFILLING THEIR MOST OBVIOUS DESIRE THAT WAS NEVER MADE APPARENT, THE VERY END OF THE BEGINNING WHICH WAS ENTIRELY UNEXPECTED BY ALL THE ANOMALY WILL INHALE -IN ITS ENTIRETY- THE CIRCUMCISED FORESKINSIGHT OF BALTHAZAR’S DEEPEST DARKEST HAPPY MEMORIES WHICH BOTH BEGAN ON THE SECOND LEFT AND ENDED INSIDE THE THIRD UPRIGHOWNS EXTERIOR, AND HAVE THE PRESENCE OF MIND KNOWN ONLY IN THE MOST PEACEFUL CONSISTENTLY VIOLENT AND MURDEROUS LOWEST DEPTHS FLOATING ON THE SURFACE OF A FLOWERPOTS INABILITY TO MEOW AFTER MOLECULAR ENGINEERING THE VOCAL CHORDS OF A TYRANNOSAURUS FELINES KANGAROO STRIPES TO EXPERIENCE FIFTHHAND THE CALMEST MOST STABLE AND EXUBERANTLY JOYOUS MOMENT OF A BIPOLAR MATADOR’S ANXIETY-FUELED ELBOW’S PANIC ATTACK IN THE MIDST OF HIS SUICIDE ATTEMPT, FOR THE FIRST TIME TRULY FACING ETERNAL SUCCESS THROUGH FAILURE ONCE MORE ON THE THIRSEXIENTHOUSANDRETH TIME THAT MORNINGS DUSK AS HE ENERGIZED HIMSELF TO CALMLY CHALLENGE THAT COLOR NUMBERED IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DEPRESSIVE STATES TO EVER REAR ITS UGLY HEAD IN THE SHAPE OF A LOVING MOTHERS HATEFUL FISTS MADE TO TENDERLY PUMMEL EVERY SQUARE OCTAGON OF HER WELL WORN STRETCHED OUT INFERTILE VIRGIN WOMB BECAUSE HER OLDEST DAUGHTER REFUSES TO DISOBEY HER MOTHERS UNCLES GRANDNIECE WHEN HE HUMBLY SUGGESTS IN HIS USUAL ARROGANT TONE THAT IF THE DONKELEPHANT GETS TO RIDE THE DESERT SURF LIKE HE WAS FORCED THE PRIVILEGE OF, THEN MAYBE HER LONG-LOST, CLOSEST AND FAVORITE CHILD SHE LOVED WITH AN ATOMIC MUSTARDGAS MOLOTOV BOTTLE FULL OF LOATHING, THE LOBOTOMIZED-AT-BIRTH, DOWN-SYNDROME ASTROPHYSICIST MANNEQUIN PAINTER SHE SO ENJOYED SPENDING TIME WITH DESPITE NEVER MEETING, COULD FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE SET ASIDE HIS PRIDE AS HE ALWAYS DID AND BRAG MORE ABOUT THE MODESTY THAT COMES WITH THE FAME OF TEACHING A KITTEN’S LITTER OF PUPPIES TO TRIANGULATE EVERY ANGLE OF A CIRCLE USING A TELEPATHICALLY TRANSFERRED FORMULA SIMILAR, OR RATHER IDENTICAL, TO THAT OF THE QUADRATIC EQUATION-ASIDE FROM THE ONE INDISTINGUISHABLE, UNNOTICEABLE AND OBVIOUS TELLTALE DISTINCTIVE FEATURE THAT THEY WERE ABUNDANTLY APPARENTLY NOTHING ALIKE AND DID NOT PROVIDE ANY SEMBLANCE OF SHARING EVEN A SINGLE PROPERTY- FOR THE FAME WAS GETTING TO BE TOO MUCH, HE COULD NO LONGER HANDLE NOT BEING KNOWN BY ANYONE ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE OR ALTERNATE PLANES. HE HATED BEING SO FAMOUS NO ONE KNEW HE EXISTED. BUT THAT WOULDN’T STOP HIM FROM PURSUING HIS DESIRE TO ISOLATE AND AVOID HUMAN CONTACT AT ALL COSTS AND SO, AS ALWAYS, FISTS RAIN DOWN HARDER THAN FEATHERS FLOATING ONTO A PLATFORM OF JELLO. THIS WAS THE DEPTH OF UNDERSTANDING WHICH THE ANOMALY IS DESTINED TO ACCIDENTALLY FALL INTO. AND ONCE THAT KNOWLEDGE HAS ENTERED, THE CHOSEN ONE WILL ONCE AGAIN BE ABLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, THE ACCEPTANCE THAT WILL NEED TO BE DENIED AND ALL THREE OF THE UNLIMITED AND INFINITE POSSIBILITIES THAT THE INVOLUNTARY SELFLESS FORCING OF THIS SELFISH, WILLINGLY VOLUNTARY ACT WOULD CURSE ALL THE REST WITH THE BLESSING OF. FOR BALTHAZAR KNEW AS WELL AS HELEN KELLER KNEW JUSTIN BIEBER THAT THE DEMONIC ANGELS ON THE SHOULDERCAP PINKEYLASH OF THE ANOMALY WOULD FIGHT WITH ALL THEY HAD FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO PEACEFULLY SURRENDER TO THE WILL OF THE ANGELIC DEMONS DIABOLICALLY EVIL PLAN TO BENEFIT ALL BEINGS MUTUALLY WHICH BECAME HARDER AND HARDER TO MAKE ANY EASIER WITH EACH WHISPER SCREAMED INTO THE NOSEHAIR FOLLICLES OF THE METAPHORICALLY LITERAL AMPUTEE LEPERS THAT FIGURATIVELY AND HYPOTHETICALLY GO ABOUT BEING REALISTICALLY FACTUAL IN THE OBJECTIVE TONE THEY LOOK AT THEIR REFLECTION IN THE CEMENT WITH WHEN THEY CALL THEMSELVES THE HUMAN RACE IN THE SECLUDED PRIVACY OF THEIR OWN DENSELY PACKED PUBLIC FAIR BEHIND THE SHADES OF THE FIREPLACE ATOP THE ROLLERBLADE-WEARING ROLLERCOASTER OF UNCERTAINTY THAT COMES WITH THE TERRITORY OF KNOWING EVERY DETAIL BEYOND DOUBT. BY ALLOWING THE INFECTION TO TAKE OVER TOTAL CONTROL, GAIN COMPLETE DOMINANCE, ALLOW THEIR BEINGS TO MERGE INTO ONE BY LETTING GO OF ALL CONSCIOUSNESS PREVIOUSLY HELD AND GIVE ONE LAST SHOW OF ALPHA DOMINANCE BY SUBMITTING ENTIRELY, GIVING IT ALL UP WITHOUT PROOF THAT HIS ASSUMPTIONS WERE CORRECT AND HIS TRUST ACCURATELY PLACED, THE ANOMALY WILL BE GRACED WITH THE OVERWHELMING CLARITY AND SENSE OF PEACE, WELLBEING AND TRUE SUPERLATIVE BLISS. FOR IN THE CODING OF THE GLYPHS, BALTHAZAR HAD PROVIDED HIDDEN SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING BY DISCRETELY POCKETING A SINGLE STRAND OF THE QUEENS SILK BEFORE HER PHYSICAL FORM FADED INTO THE FOG HER 8 EYED CYCLOPS ANCESTORS HAD SO LONG AGO TOLD HUSHED STORIES OF, AND FRIGHTENING WARNINGS THAT IF SHE SHOULD SEE THE EXCRETION OF AN OCTOPUS, TO STAY FAR AWAY FROM ITS RAZOR SHARP TALONS MADE OF PLUSH PILLOWS AND THE ENTRANCING FLAP OF ITS HELICOPTER WINGS FLAPPING AND FLUTTERING THROUGH THE DARKNESS, FOR THAT WAS HOW IT TORE OPEN SEAMS BETWEEN THIS REALM AND THE VOID TO TRAP THE ESSENCE OF THOSE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO GAZE UPON ITS BEAUTY. IN THE VERY FABRIC OF THE SILK WAS AN ANCIENT POWER NEVER REALIZED AND THEREFORE NEVER CALLED UPON. UNTIL, THAT IS, BALTHAZAR HAD AN ASTRAL-PROJECTION-INITIATED EPIPHANY THAT STOPPED THE PASSAGE OF WHAT IS EXPERIENCED AS TIME AT THE PRECISE MOMENT THE OCTOPUS HAD MANAGED TO TEAR ITS DREADED SEAM HALFWAY BETWEEN THE IS AND THE NEVER WAS. BALTHAZAR HAD FORTUNE ON HIS SIDE, AS HE WAS TOO FOCUSED ON HIS WORK TO HAVE GLANCED AWAY FOR EVEN A MOMENT AND WITNESS THE BEAST IN ALL ITS GLORY. WHEN THE AWFUL SCREECHING STARTED HE INSTINCTIVELY SHIELDED HIS EYES AND EARS, UNAWARE THAT HE UNINTENTIONALLY PRESERVED HIS LIFE BY THIS THOUGHTLESS, SPONTANEOUS REACTION. BUT THEN IT STOPPED. ALL OF IT. NOT ONLY THE SCREECHING, BUT SUDDENLY BALTHAZAR WAS ENGULFED IN STILL, DEAFENING SILENCE. HE HESITANTLY LOOKED UP AND FOUND THE INEXPLICABLE AND UNDEFINABLE STATE THAT REALITY HAD ENTERED ALL AROUND HIM. HE PAUSED HIS TRANSCRIPTION, AS ALL THE PIECES OF THE PUZZLE HE HAD BEEN FORMING WERE FROZEN IN THE AIR. WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING WHAT POSSESSED HIM, HE SUDDENLY KNEW THAT HE NEEDED TO BE THE ONE TO TAKE A PEEK BEHIND THE VEIL, CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THAT WHICH NO ONE HAD EVER WITNESSED, BECAUSE ONCE THAT REALM IS ENTERED, ALL TRACES OF THE PRESENCE LEFT INDICATING SOMEONE EVER WAS VANISHED SPONTANEOUSLY. HE CROUCHED DOWN AND GAZED INTO A REALM MANY THEOLOGICAL SECTS THROUGHOUT THE PLANAR MULTIVERSE PREACHED THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF THE EXISTENCE OF. FOR HAVING NO PROOF THAT SOMETHING EXISTS MAKES IT EXCEPTIONALLY EASY AND CONVENIENT TO DENY THE EXISTENCE OF, AS WELL AS CONVINCE OTHERS THAT AN UNPROVEN PHENOMENAL CONCEPT IS NOTHING MORE THAN THE PRODUCT OF SOME DELUSIONAL CHARACTER’S WILD IMAGINATION, DEVELOPED TO TRICK THE NAIVE AND GULLIBLE INTO A BLASPHEMOUS FALSEHOOD THAT PROVIDES AN ENTIRELY FICTITIOUS AND UNREALISTIC AS WELL AS DANGEROUSLY UNWARRANTED SENSE OF SECURITY PLACEBO EFFECT, THAT WAS PASSED THROUGH THE RANKS OF ELITES TO DEVISE A STRATEGIC COURSE OF ACTION TO MONETIZE A BELIEF SYSTEM BASED AROUND FOLLOWING THE GUIDELINES THOSE SAME ELITES DECIDED WOULD SIMPLIFY THEIR OWN LIVES IF EVERYONE ELSE WOULD ABIDE BY THEM, AND THE BEST PART OF THEIR SYSTEM WAS THAT THE SIMPLEMINDED RAVING LUNATICS THEY WOULD FEED IT TO WERE SO DESPERATE TO FEEL SAFE THEY WOULD GLADLY ACCEPT ANY AND ALL TERMS AND EVEN GO AS FAR AS BUILDING TEMPLES TO SPREAD THE FALSIFIED "MESSAGE" ALL ON THEIR OWN! BUT DESPITE THE EFFORTS OF THE CYNICAL TO SPREAD THIS CONSPIRACY THEORY AND MAKE OTHERS SEE REASON, THE CURTAIN BALTHAZAR HAD LIFTED WAS THE PHYSICAL PROOF OF ALL THE THINGS THOSE WHO CARRIED THE FAITH BELIEVED IN ACTUALLY EXISTING. MINDBLOWING AS THE DISCOVERY OF THE THINGS HE WAS WITNESSING FIRSTHAND WERE, ONE STRANGE OBJECT PLACED VERY PECULIARLY CAUGHT HIS ATTENTION ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE. IT APPEARED TO BE SOME SORT OF PASSAGEWAY ENTRANCE, BUT WITH A STRANGE DEVICE CAUSING THE ENTRANCE TO REVEAL AND REHIDE ITSELF WHEN SOMETHING GOT CLOSE TO IT. BUT NONE OF THE CREATURES SEEMED TO ACKNOWLEDGE OR EVEN NOTICE ITS PRESENCE. THEN HE SAW IT. A BANNER WITH SOME UNKNOWN LIGHT SOURCE ILLUMINATING THE DISPLAYED TEXT FROM WITHIN ITS VERY HOUSING MECHANISM. HE HAD TO PAUSE AND TAKE A MOMENT TO BE SURE, IT COULDNT BE... HE LOOKED AGAIN. "BALTHAZAR" THE BANNER READ IN HIS OWN NATIVE TONGUE WHICH WAS NEARLY EXTINCT, AND HAD NEVER BEEN SHARED WITH ANY OUTSIDERS. ONCE MORE HE WAS OVERCOME BY AN URGE SO STRONG IT WAS ALMOST AS IF HE WERE WATCHING SOMEONE ELSE CONTROL HIS BODY. HE APPROACHED. THE PASSAGEWAY REVEALED ITSELF, BUT THIS TIME, WITH BALTHAZAR ACTIVATING ITS UNFAMILIAR TECHNOLOGY, IT OPENED NOT TO AN EMPTY, DARK PASSAGE, BUT A ROOM. WITHOUT A THOUGHT HE LET THE FORCE URGING HIM GUIDE HIM FREELY AND STEPPED WITHIN. A LARGE CHAMBER OF SORTS, BUT ENTIRELY EMPTY AND VACANT OF ANY SIGN IT HAD EVEN BEEN ACCESSED PRIOR TO THIS MOMENT, SAVE FOR AN ORNATELY DESIGNED THRONE THAT POSSESSED THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ARCHITECTURE HE HAD EVER WITNESSED BUILT INTO ITS VERY STRUCTURE, AND THAT BUILT WITHIN THE VERY FOUNDATION OF THE ODD ROOM. HE APPROACHED AND MADE A MENTAL NOTE THAT, ACCORDING TO EVERYTHING THIS THRONE TOLD IN ITS LONG AND COLORFUL STORIES CARVED OUT GLYPH BY GLYPH, A KING MUST HAVE RULED HERE. THERE COULD NEVER HAVE BEEN A THRONE MORE FITTING FOR A KING OF THE HIGHEST STATURE AND MIGHTIEST OF WILL. EXCEPT NO SIGNS OF WEAR WHATSOEVER. IT WAS AS IF IT HAD BEEN BUILT AND THEN FORGOTTEN, PERMANENTLY UNTOUCHED. THAT INCREASINGLY FAMILIAR SENSATION WASHED OVER HIM AGAIN, THOUGH DIFFERENT IN SOME WAY HE DIDNT INITIALLY UNDERSTAND. THEN HE REALIZED HE WAS STILL IN CONTROL. HE FELT THE SAME GUIDING HAND THAT HAD ACCOMPANIED THE PREVIOUS URGES, BUT IT WAS MUCH LESS DOMINANT THIS TIME. IT DIDNT TAKE OVER CONTROL AS BEFORE, BUT RATHER FILLED HIM WITH AN UNPARALLELED SENSE OF CONFIDENCE. HE DIDNT NEED TO BE LED. HE KNEW AUTHORITATIVELY WHAT TO DO, AND EXPERIENCED COMPLETE FAITH IN HIMSELF AND HIS DECISIONS FOR THE FIRST MOMENT IN HIS ENTIRE EXISTENCE. HE APPROACHED THE THRONE, AND ENVISIONED HIMSELF TAKING HIS SEAT WITH THE EASE OF A KING RAISED AMONGST ROYALTY WHO SAT IN A WAY THAT SAID, “THIS IS MINE, I BELONG HERE.” NO AGGRESSION, JUST THE CALM AIR OF A MAN FULFILLING THE DESTINY HE KNEW WAS COMING TO HIM HIS ENTIRE LIFE AND TRULY BELIEVED HE HAD EARNED IT. AND BALTHAZAR TOOK THIS MENTAL IMAGE, AND RECREATED IT DOWN TO THE RELAXED YET ALERT AND PRIVILEGED TRIUMPHANT "HUMPH" AS HE ABSENTMINDEDLY LOOKED OUT OVER ALL THAT HE NOW RULED. IT WAS AT THE EXACT MOMENT THE NOISE LEFT HIM THAT HE FELT THE GUIDE TUG HIM AGAIN, BUT NOT TO GUIDE HIM ANYWHERE. THERE WERE NO WORDS, BUT HE FELT THE ENERGY BEHIND WHAT IT WAS TELLING HIM AND UNDERSTOOD THE COMMUNICATION IN A WAY HE COULDNT EXPLAIN EVEN TO HIMSELF. BUT HE AGREED WITH THE MESSAGE BEING CONVEYED, AND THEN THE GUIDE’S PRESENCE WAS GONE AND HE HAD TO QUESTION IF THAT PART REALLY HAPPENED, OR IF IT WAS ALL IN HIS HEAD AS A SIDE EFFECT OF THE OVERWHELMING AMOUNT OF INFORMATION HE’D PROCESSED SINCE GETTING OUT OF BED WHAT SEEMED TO BE A LIFETIME AGO. BUT HE KNEW. NOT A DOUBT TO THE CONTRARY LURKING IN HIS MIND. THIS IS WHERE I BELONG. I AM NOT SITTING LIKE A KING WOULD ON A THRONE, I AM A KING TAKING MY RIGHTFUL PLACE. NO ARROGANCE. NO OVERCONFIDENCE EVEN, JUST THE ALL-ENCOMPASSING NOTION THAT IN THAT MOMENT, ON THAT THRONE, THE WORLD HAD FINALLY FOUND ITS PROPER ORDER. AND ANOTHER VERSION OF HIMSELF SEEMED TO MATERIALIZE WITHIN HIS PSYCHE. HE STOPPED PROCESSING THOUGHT AS A LINEAR STREAM OF CONNECTED IDEAS. HE STOPPED PROCESSING THOUGHT ALL TOGETHER. HE DID NOT NEED TO THINK. HE KNEW. BEFORE HE COULD EVEN FORMULATE A QUERY TO HIMSELF REGARDING HIS POSSESSION OF THE KNOWLEDGE ON A SUBJECT, HE FELT IT. HE FELT ALL OF IT. HE UNDERSTOOD EVEN WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN REAL-TIME, AND WAS EVEN AWARE THAT THERE COULD BE NO REASONABLE EXPLANATION OF THE WAY IT HAPPENED, BECAUSE IT ALL OCCURRED SIMULTANEOUSLY. HE WAS THE ONE. THE ONLY ONE. NOT THE PROPHESIED ANOMALY, NO, BUT HE WAS THE KEY TO THE TREASURE CHEST THE ANOMALY WAS GOING TO NEED TO OPEN SOME DAY. BALTHAZAR, BY FULFILLING HIS OWN DESTINY, HAD MADE IT POSSIBLE FOR THE CHOSEN ONE TO FULFILL THEIRS WHEN THE TIME CAME. IN REACHING THIS LEVEL OF FULFILLMENT, BALTHAZAR INSTANTANEOUSLY UNDERWENT A MULTITUDE OF UNIVERSALLY SOUL/RENDERING CHANGES. HE DID NOT SO MUCH LEAVE HIS OLD SELF BEHIND, AS UPGRADED THE CAPACITY TO STORE FACETS OF HIMSELF. BALTHAZAR, WITH ONE EXHALATION, WAS REWARDED FOR BEING EXACTLY WHERE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE EXACT RIGHT TIME, WITH A BLESSING THAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS ULTIMATE TRANSCENDENCE. HE WAS GIFTED WITH ESSENTIALLY A BOUNTY OF SPIRITUAL AWAKENING THAT ALLOWED HIS AWARENESS TO RISE. AND RISE. AND RISE. THERE WAS NO CEILING. HE TRANSFORMED VIA EPIPHANIC TRANSCENDENCE INTO A BEING THAT MOST CULTURES WOULD REFER TO AS AN OMNIPOTENT ENTITY. HE WAS NO LONGER MERELY BALTHAZAR, LOWLY SCRIBE STRUGGLING TO GET BY BECAUSE HE LACKED THE CONNECTIONS TO ADEQUATELY MARKET THE GENUINE TALENT PERFORMING HIS UNIQUE CRAFT. BALTHAZAR DID NOT PERCEIVE THE CHANGE, AS THERE WAS NO MOMENT OF SWITCHING OVER, BUT RATHER AN AWARENESS THAT APPEARED WITHOUT MENTION. IT JUST WAS. REALITY SHIFTED IMPERCEPTIBLY AND IT SEEMED ENTIRELY NATURAL, AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED, BUT HE HAD ASCENDED BEYOND THAT KNOWN TO BEINGS ON ANY LEVEL OF EXISTENCE BELOW THE HIGHEST OF HIGHS RESERVED FOR BALTHAZAR ALONE. NO MORE BALTHAZAR THE SCRIBE. HE WAS, HE IS, HE WILL ETERNALLY BE “BALTHAZAR THE ALMIGHTY: KEEPER OF...” THAT WAS ALL THE MORE TITLE NECESSARY, BECAUSE ANYTHING FIT IN THE BLANK. HE HAD ACCESS TO THE UNIVERSE WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO SEARCH HIS MIND. KNOWLEDGE. POWER. ABILITIES. BALTHAZAR WAS IN A POSITION OF BOUNDLESS, UNLIMITED AND INFINITE POWER, THERE WAS NOTHING THAT HE DID NOT HAVE INSTANTLY AVAILABLE WHEN HE DECREED IT WAS THERE. IT JUST WAS. AS INCREDIBLE AS IT ALL WAS, IT ALSO MEANT DEALING WITH ALL OF THE BURDENS ASSOCIATED WITH BOTH GODLINESS AND CLEANLINESS. HE REALLY DID HAVE IT ALL. HE WAS, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, AT ALL TIMES AWARE OF EVERY SINGLE DETAIL THAT PRESENTLY WAS, EVER HAD BEEN, EVER COULD BE, EVEN THOSE BEING DESIGNED AS THEY WERE CREATED. NO SHUTTING OFF ANY PARTS OF IT. ON ONE HAND SO REWARDING TO SEE THE AMAZING TALENTS HONED BY INDIVIDUALS AND ALL OF THE HAPPINESS THAT COULD EVER BE EXPERIENCED. ON THE OTHER THE REASONS, CAUSES, EFFECTS AND RIPPLES OF EVERY SADNESS EVER EXPERIENCED. EVERY HURT EVER FELT. EVERY LOSS EVER SUFFERED. EVERY IOTA OF PAIN EVER INFLICTED. UNLIMITED AND UNFILTERED EMPATHY IN ITS PUREST FORM. ELATION AND JOY AND ACCOMPLISHMENT FROM CELEBRATING WITH EVERYONE ACHIEVING GOALS, LOVE ON EVERY LEVEL IT CAN EXIST, FREEING RELIEF. BUT ALSO UNBEARABLE PAIN, UNSPEAKABLY DARK DEPRESSION, CRIPPLING ANXIETY, GRIEF SO DEEP IT COULD NEVER BE HEALED, PSYCHOTIC RAGE, BITTER HATRED. IF IT HAD BEEN OR WAS CURRENTLY BEING FELT, BALTHAZAR ALSO GOT TO AFFECT IT AS A PERSONAL FIRSTHAND EXPERIENCE. HE HAD THE ABILITY TO DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE IMAGINED AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. BUT ALSO A FIRMLY RESPONSIBLE REASONING CAPACITY. SOMETHING MIGHT BE EXTRAORDINARILY FUN FOR A MOMENT, BUT NOT MUCH IS TRULY BENEFICIAL, SAFE, HEALTHY, SELFLESS NOR MORALLY-ANGELIC IN PRINCIPLE- AT LEAST NOT ENOUGH TO PURSUE WHEN EVERY OUTCOME AND POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCE HAS JUST AS LOUD OF A VOICE AS THE ONE SUGGESTING THINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT THE GREATEST PART OF THE GIFTS BALTHAZAR HAD BEEN BLESSED WITH, WAS KNOWLEDGE AND GENUINE UNDERSTANDING OF ALL THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSES. EVERYTHING EVER KNOWN IN ANY MIND ABOUT ANY POSSIBLE SUBJECT WAS ALL NEATLY ORGANIZED AND READILY AVAILABLE. NO DOUBT OR FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN, BUT ALSO NO CURIOSITY TO EXPAND YOUR KNOWLEDGE OR INFORMATION TO BETTER YOURSELF, BECAUSE THERE ARE NO QUESTIONS, ONLY ANSWERS. BALTHAZAR THE ALMIGHTY WAS AN ENTIRELY UNIQUE AND LOVING, CARING ENTITY, WHO ONLY WISHED FOR THE BETTERMENT OF EVERYONE WITHOUT REVOKING FREE WILL. HE CHOSE TO FINISH THE QUEENS TRANSCRIPTION THE OLD FASHIONED WAY DESPITE THE ABILITY TO SIMPLY THINK IT WITHIN AND HAVE IT COMPLETED IN THE MATERIAL REALM INSTANTLY AND EFFORTLESSLY. HE NEVER FALTERED IN REMAINING TRUE TO HIS AUTHENTIC AND HARD-WORKING CHARACTER. HE ONLY EVER MADE TWO DECISIONS THAT WERE DEBATABLY QUESTIONABLE. HE REALIZED RELATIVELY EARLY ON JUST HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO BE BLESSED (ESPECIALLY ON THIS LEVEL) WHILST KNOWING OTHERS ARE SUFFERING AND NO ONE ELSE WOULD EVER GET TO EXPERIENCE THE EXISTENCE KNOWN BY THE ALMIGHTY ONE. IN THAT PARTICULAR VEIN HE CREATED A MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE LOOPHOLE ALLOWING FOR THE EXTENSION OF HIS STATUS TO INCLUDE A "+1," ESSENTIALLY BENDING THE RULES OF EXISTENTIAL CREATION TO MAKE ROOM FOR A COMPANION WITH ACCESS TO EVERYTHING THAT HE HAD BEEN CHOSEN TO BE BLESSED WITH, BUT JUSTIFIED IT BY CREATING AN AUTHORIZED USE OF CERTAIN ABILITIES RULE FOR HIS SECOND IN COMMAND RATHER THAN 2 SETS OF UNLIMITED POWER. HOWEVER, IT WAS NEVER PUT TO USE, AS THE INTENDED RECIPIENT WAS THE ONLY INDIVIDUAL WHO WOULD HAVE POTENTIALLY BEEN ABLE TO RELATE TO THE ALMIGHTY ONE. THE ONE OTHER CHOSEN BEING THE UNIVERSES NEEDED- WHETHER THEY KNEW IT OR NOT. BUT BECAUSE TIME WAS A FALLACY PUT IN PLACE TO IMPOSE AND ENFORCE A THEORETICAL STRUCTURE WHICH WAS NOT TRULY REAL, AS WELL AS THE FREE-WILL CHOICES MADE EVERY MOMENT THAT CAN ALTER THE COURSE OF THINGS IN AN ENDLESS AMOUNT OF POSSIBLE OUTCOMES, IT IS NOT WITHIN THE REALMS OF POSSIBILITY TO ACCURATELY PREDICT THE FUTURE, OR EVEN THE MOMENTS THAT GUARANTEED EVENTS WILL HAPPEN, AS THE ELITES COULD DECIDE TO CHANGE THE "LAWS" OF "TIME" HOWEVER THEY SAW FIT AT ANY MOMENT. BEFORE ARRIVING AT THE POINT OF CREATION BECAUSE OF WHICH THE EXISTENCE OF THE ANOMALY ARRIVED, THE ALMIGHTY ONE MADE HIS SECOND AND FINAL QUESTIONABLE DECISION. THE TOLL OF UBIQUITOUS AWARENESS COUPLED WITH THE FRUSTRATION OF WAITING AND WAITING AND NOT EVEN KNOWING HOW MUCH LONGER THE WAIT COULD BE EVENTUALLY BECAME GREATER THAN THE POTENTIAL BENEFITS OF HOLDING OUT INDEFINITELY, SO AFTER MAKING ALL OF THE ALTERATIONS NECESSARY TO ENSURE THAT THINGS CONTINUED RUNNING AS SMOOTHLY AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT INTERVENTION FOR HOWEVER LONG THEY NEEDED TO OPERATE WITH NO ONE TO MAINTAIN EVERYTHING CONSTANTLY, “BALTHAZAR THE ALMIGHTY, KEEPER OF...”ONE OF ONLY TWO BEINGS THAT WILL EVER EXIST WITH SUCH A SIGNIFICANT ROLE TO PLAY ONCE THE MOMENT TO MAKE A DECISION THAT WOULD ALTER EVERYTHING PERMANENTLY ARRIVES, RETURNED TO THE SEEMINGLY ENDLESS PURSUIT HIS FORMER LIFE HAD REVOLVED AROUND. WITH THE SINCE-GAINED ABILITY TO CREATE OR DESTROY ANY LIFE FORCE, HIS FINAL ACT WAS TO FULFILL WHAT HE HAD THOUGHT HIS DESTINY WAS BEFORE FINDING A HIGHER PURPOSE, BY FORFEITING HIS TRUE DESTINY AND FINALLY COMING TO A PEACEFUL END OF A LIFELINE IMMACULATELY DESIGNED TO BE ENDLESS. THE ALMIGHTY ONE TRANSFORMED THE VERY CORE OF HIS BEING TO IMPLEMENT THE FACTOR OF MORTALITY WITHIN HIS LIFELINE, WHILE HE IGNORED EVERYTHING IN HIS ALL-POWERFUL MIND SCREAMING AT HIM TO STOP FOR LONG ENOUGH TO TAKE HIS OWN LIFE. A TALE OF A TORMENTED SOUL WHO MAKES THE PERILOUS AND UNLIKELY JOURNEY FROM PEASANT TO KING TO GOD TO DUST IN THE WIND BY HIS OWN DESIGN. A TALE AS OLD AS TIME. THE TRAGIC PORTRAIT OF AN ARTIST; TORTURED, TRAPPED IN HIS OWN DRAWINGS. AND HENCEFORTH THE RACE WAS ON, A DOOMED WORLD LEFT UNATTENDED ON AN UNTESTED AUTOPILOT SYSTEM SPIRALING DOWNWARD WITH ITS ONLY HOPE OF AVOIDING THE EVER APPROACHING FATE OF ALL LYING IN THE SANDS OF “TIME” AND THE HANDS OF A PROPHESIED BEING INTENDED TO SUFFER ENOUGH TO REDEEM ALL SPECIES-KIND BEFORE DISCOVERING TRUE PURPOSE. WILL THE LONG-AWAITED ANOMALY ARRIVE BEFORE ITS CHANCES ARE WIPED OUT PREMATURELY? WILL THERE BE ENOUGH TIME LEFT FOR THE PROPHECY TO RUN ENOUGH OF ITS COURSE TO PRESENT THE CHOSEN ONE WITH ANY OPPORTUNITY TO RESERVE SALVATION FOR ALL? WILL THIS BEING MAKE THE DECISIONS NECESSARY TO WALK THE PATH INTENDED WITH NO FORM OF GUIDANCE WHATSOEVER? WILL THE LAST HOPE OF THE WORLD PERSEVERE DESPITE EVERY OBSTACLE IMAGINABLE BEING THROWN IN THE WAY? ALL THAT IS LEFT IS TO HAVE FAITH IN AN UNGUIDED CHILD BATTLING BOTH AN ACCELERATED AND AMPLIFIED LIFETIME’S WORTH OF SUFFERING AS WELL AS CONSTANT TEMPTATION TO REMEDY THE PAIN WHILE THROWING AWAY ALL THE SECRETLY DESIGNATED POTENTIAL LYING DORMANT, AT LEAST LONG ENOUGH TO STUMBLE INTO THE ONE AND ONLY CLUE LEFT BY INTENDED MENTOR-UNEXPECTEDLY-TURNED PREDECESSOR BY DEFEATING ALL ODDS AND BY NATURAL BORN RESILIENCE SURVIVE LONG ENOUGH TO ACHIEVE SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT SIMPLY BY DESPERATELY STUMBLING AIMLESSLY THROUGH THE DARK, WHICH WILL ULTIMATELY TRIGGER THE BLESSING OF BALTHAZAR THE ALMIGHTY AND PROVIDE THE PHILOSOPHICALLY HIDDEN COMPASS LEADING THE WAY TO SALVATION. THAT IS THE POINT AT WHICH THE WORLD REGAINS A FIGHTING CHANCE. NOT THE DESTINATION, BUT THE PIECE OF THE JOURNEY THAT NEEDS TO BE REACHED IN ORDER TO FIND THE BOUNTY OF KNOWLEDGE AND DETAILED INSTRUCTIONS FOR EACH STEP THAT MUST BE TAKEN NEXT, LEFT BEHIND BY A LONG-GONE, BUT NEVER-FORGOTTEN HERO. A DANCE TO DETERMINE DEFINING MOMENTS OR DEVOURING DOOM. TIME TO SET THE TEMPORARY TUNE FOR THE TWIST. WILL IT BE A WONDERINGLY WITHERING WALTZ OF WOE? OR A TANTALIZINGLY TUMULTUOUS TANGO WITH TRIUMPH? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT! And with the last word just barely transmitted through the underground outerspace microwave clock radio Twin Towers oceanic mountainous satellite signal into B1’s listening receptesticle, there was the sound of a communications device hitting the hard, linoleum carpet of a fuel station’s restroom floor, the violent crunching of glass beneath the soft-soled cushion of titanium boots, a deep, guttural, high pitched, inhuman wailing screamed with the burning agony of three trillion sons being rinsed from a virgin’s post-coitus cardio-uterine left femur ventricle as she tried her best to wash off the shame and guilt she felt within at the concept of her disturbing and grotesque favorite hobby echoed throughout B1’s Urethra Franklacanal and trailed off into silence as the line went dead. B1: Kidd? Kidd! Ahoy, Captain Nee-Stowen! Are you there? Ahoy! Do you copy, me daddy-dicked miscreant matey? ......................... RADIO SILENCE .................... B1: Oh, Son of a Tiger-Teabaggin’ Ostrich-Fellatin’ Donkey-Diddlin’ Hamster-Humpin’ Goat-gone-gay fuckin’ a Tyrannosaurus Rex up the Tyrannosaurus rectum with a dissonant chorus flex of immense colossus wet phlegm... Every time- every single time I’m about to get railed into a cartwheelchair... Here comes my Peter Tingle, ready to refasten my straitjacket. Ugh. Something (damned Peter Tingle) tells me it’s gonna be a long morning. TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF THE EPIC SAGA: The Marvelous Misadventures of KIDD NEE-STOWEN Search TikTok for the hashtag #anomalousascension for access to an early audio version! -Trigga Tri
I Just Watched Mullholland Drive- I have a theory that after doing a quick google search seams to not even be in the top 5's SO, Spoliers Ahead! ok so the movie plays out in two very distinct acts, becoming nonlinear in the second half, the film in true Lynch style is replete with symbolism, what i love about Lynch is he is a huge fan of 'show dont tell' and so alot of what you see can be interpenetrated like the way one interprets subconscious symbolism, as well as a 'top layer' the movie has a secondary and even third layer to it. I have applied what I have learned about David Lynch's philosophies that he was into at the time, and also his directing style and symbolism from twin peaks ( i have extensively unpacked that series) this was the first time Ive watched Mullholland drive, heres my take on wtf happened and wtf its all about. Themes ; Illusion, Shadow Elite Ruling , Hollywood, Love/Hate, Twins/ Duality ( a lynch signiture theme )The Light and the Darks to all things.. *disclaimer my theory isnt 'holeproof' I am going to cover this in a way the expects the reader to have seen the film. So layer one- The Linear timeline of events as i interpereted Camilla (dark haired actress) and Diane (Blonde) are lovers and Camilla is the lead actress on a big film being directed by Justin theroux's douchey narcissitic classic hollywood archetype character. Diane is not as 'seen' and appears to be in Camilla's shadow, her "love has become a dangerous obsesssion. The film director is having his way with Camilla who seams absolutely smitten, whilst we get the vibe that the director is a womanizer who hooks up with all his lead actresses but he is nonetheless in the honeymoon phase with Camilla, despite having a wife and the affair being an open secret. Dianes jealously (that we find out has been a simmering pot since she first met Camilla auditioning for the same part -she didnt get it) finally erupts- she hires a the hit man -meeting in the dinner on hollywood blv gives him a sack of cash. Its about now the the first scene of the movie is set. Camillas driver pulls over on Mullholland drv. and points a revolver at Cammila in the back seat (apparently about to shoot her although i theorize he would have forced her out of the car and shot her and left her in the woods), at the same moment 2 cars filled with hooligan teenagers joy riding smash into Cammila'ss limo killing the driver but flinging Camilla to saftey albeit a severe head injury. She wanders away from the wreckage through the dark woods towards the lights of the city. Its at this point that I also believe that Diane as committed suicide in her apartment from regret at what she had done- in the film we see that when Diane had arrived in Hollywood she had HIGH hopes, that contrast what she had ultimately been reduced to seams to drive her to suicide- We see this symbolised in the form of the 'perfect happy elderly couple' chasing her and making her crazy upset untill she shoots herself -the old couple symbolise - long life- happiness- perfect couple - things that she feels are no longer in reach for her, being a lesbian who cant get a role and who has just spent all her money killing the woman she loved, plus Diane looks like shes been hitting some hard drugs. So who is Betty?? Betty Is Camilla. (this is my theory anyway) Camilla has some 'identity issues' from car accident she sleeps in the bushes and when she wakes she shes a rich woman having her car packed - she (in full survival mode at this point i feel) Camilla sneaks her way into the now vacant apartment and showers and sleeps. Now in the film what we see is this character called Betty, played by Naomi Watts (also playing Diane who in my theory is dead at this point) We also know that the name Betty was inspired by the waitress at the dinner. So i feel like its safe to say the Betty Doesnt Exist. Her character is too perfect, and from the beginning there is something very ILLUSORY 'Hollywood' about betty. Her name is Betty, shes a blonde belle, from out of town, staying with aunt, is amazing actress immediately like her whole deal is a trope in itself. So Camilla is hiding out in the apartment and has disassociated and projected an alternate persona as a coping mechanism. Not only does she have a head injury and amnesia, she is a hollywood actress that has been being used by the director and in the clutches of a pscho lover trying to whack her off if safe to say there a many layers of truama going on for Camilla. So she becomes two people, she invents Rita and Betty to investigate who she is and find out what has happened to her. This is the first act of the film, Betty and Rita is an amnesiac Fight Club Situation but Betty is Tyler Durden. I think Camilla has probably been wearing a blond wig and pretending to be Betty, and the Rita person is probably just her mind projection observing and collecting info. The first act is mainly this Duo of Betty/Rita investigating like fun gal pals- they have these clues; the accident was on Mullholland Dvr - the name "Diane Selwyn"- the sack of money -a cryptic key (i dont think this is a physical item and is meant to represent the mystery note how its not the locked box (also a symbol mystery but the pov of the key suggests to me that the mystery is unraveling backwards) When they call Dianes house they get a machine message- (Betty Calls, and Rita listens and just says 'its not my voice' ) they go over to investgate and Rita is very on edge is triggerd by limo. they sneak past anyone seeeing them but knock on the wrong house- it would seam Diane switched with her Neighbor (suggesting Diane was at some point trying to evade something..?) When they find Diane's house they sneak in through a window- well Betty does and Rita follows cautiously, remember Rita and Betty are Camilla, and one person. What she/they discover is the decomposing body of Diane, and so we know she has been dead for a few days and no one has even reported her missing. Rita and Betty flee in shock. I think from memory this is the night that the eccentric lady disturbs betty and rita who are still confused and in shock and scared, This Woman knocks at the door and starts carrying on about how the Aunt has called to say there is an intruder in the house but Betty smooths it all over with Coco the land lady. At this point the first threads of Camilla's delusion are un-ravelling, but in response Camilla dives further into Betty's character to escape. feeling a type of shame for her darker Rita character. So when she goes to an audition that she is pressured into as a favour to the aunt/random woman whos house she broke into. She Aces it, she is an experienced actress after all, not made up Betty. Then the casting director recognising talent, but somehow not that its an established actress in a wig (the wig is EVERYTHING its like Clark Kents Glasses), drags her over to audition for the replacement lead roll of the film (she was already the lead for) at this point im assuming that the director has been informed that she is dead - even though we know the police never find her body) This is why when Justin Theroux director turrns around and sees her he looks like hes seen a ghost- he is not looking at Diane or Betty, he is looking at Camilla with blond wig, and after what hes just been through (more on that later) hes freaked out Camilla/Betty/Naomi Watts sees him and also goes faint and starts to disassociate and runs out of the room. What i feel this means is that Camilla knows what is happening deep down but her coping strategy is that she has partitioned off things that are too painfull (she is basically trying to figure out who wanted her whacked without admiting too much to herself in one go) So she runs out probably before the director can put 2 and 2 togther (the wig ppl, the wig) ok so things start unraveling from here for Camilla She goes home and her alternate persona Betty starts to slip back into her memory of Diane Selwyn - Camilla's ex lover - this is evident after Rita and Betty's sexual tension is resolved and after they make love but Betty starts repeating "Im In Love with you" Camilla also begins to "intergrate" her personas as she is closing in on solving the mystery, and as Betty becomes of less use as a character the Camilla begins to remember Diane. So, now things go to a shakier version of reality, Camilla's revelations are illustrated to us the audience through David Lynch Style symbolism. Camilla wakes in the night and insists they both go 'somewhere' this place turns out to be an old theater, there is a stage, a red curtin, and a most seats are empty, Rita and Betty are clutching each-other anxiously waiting for the show to begin. this is in my opinion a non literal place- lets just call it Camilla's minds eye. The performance is an man claiming loudly and repetitively that the music is a tape! not a real orchestra/band. at the same time he is perfoming actions of the band and has a man playing trumpet who turns out to be miming. the message here is quite obvious. He is telling his audience in plain english (and italian or spanish (i dont speak and have not actually looked into what he says in the other languages) that what they are seeing is an ILLUSION- and yet they and me even kept falling for it over and over- typical "magic" stuff - then we see a beautifully sad woman perhaps in the age bracket that Hollywood dispose of female actresses. She begin to perform an incredibly moving rendition of Crying by Roy Orbinson in Spanish, the theme of the roy orbinson version lyrically are about un requited love and mirror what Diane was probably going through when she made the hit on Camilla, and remember that techniqually Camilla has found Diane's rotting corpse (as 'betty and rita' so hasnt come to terms with that fully until now) Betty and Rita are now both sobbing at the moving performance and revelation happening on a deeper level for Camilla. Suddenly the singer drops dead, and the music contintues- and we remember abruptly what the MC had told us from the begining "its a tape, an illusion' - the singer was a disposable puppet - another level of truth has sunk into Camilla, because as she also walked in on her lover (the director she was essentially leaving Diane for (remember they were having it off) auditioning a new actress for her role within days of her supposed death (heartbreaking for her to come to terms with) This whole realisation comes to her in the form of this so called 'Bizzare break from reality Stage Band scene' When she returns to the apartment she gets the money and purse from the accident and finds that she now has the BOX that that she once had the Key to. =mystery solved and Betty VANISHES. at this point the movie goes back in time and reveals what i basically wrote at the start, We see Diane Selwyn for the first time (Naomi Wats not as Betty (Camillas imaginary alterego) but as her actual real life charachter.) We learn shes a shit kicker and no way near as bubbly and enthusiastic as 'Betty'. This second act transition was such a huge curve ball most people who were watching and felt like they had a handle on the plot now feel like they have lost the plot( this makes them all annoyed and they will start claiming that this film is 'stupid, makes no sense, and fair enough really) Lets just shift for a moment and delve into the sub plot of the Hollywood execs controlling the directors film, and i will cover the Hit man here too. So the director is in a meeting, hes got his sunglasses on inside and in a meeting (evidently he is Always always wearing them) his manager is definitely the parent whilst the director acts like a spoiled brat child, he is reluctant to recast the lead female role (we retrospectively know that is because his lead has died in a car accident whom he was having a spicy affair with) We have an interesting hierarchy playing out in this scene. its goes like this director >manager two film execs > directors manager then two men enter who are mysterious, one of them doesnt look at anyone and is clearly the top dog don alpha man of the room, his righthand man is also feared by all and does the talking- the two previous execswho were moments ago the top dogs are now wimpering at the sight of these men, the director seams to be the only one completely un-phased albeit defensive and arrogant as usual. these two men have control of the meeting and demand the new actress be cast of there choosing, this whole thing is shady as even tho they are having the last say on the matter for some reason they have to have the director see her picture and agree to it before hand, -a couple of things here- the suggestion of an invisible hand that is directing and manipulating hollywood from the shadows - a theme very close to david lynches heart given his struggles with creative control in his work and disagreements with producers and execs interfering with his own work - and second the model in the picture is named Camilla Rhodes but just ignor that for now because i think that her name is just a placeholder to represent that she is simply a replacement of the previous actress i will refer to this actress as the 'next replacment' as I dont think we ever know her real name. Now where was I? So the director is all butthurt about these alpha guys swinging there dicks around, and storms out and takes a golf club to thier limo and speeds off- big mistake turns out- they pull the plug on the whole movie (i think this is happening after the accident but BEFORE Betty has gone to the audition and been triggered by seeing him) His assistant Cynthia, who is clearly sycophantically inl ove with him tells him that the movie is clancelled, and he realises that the golf club thing was a bad idea and flees to his home, where he finds wifey in bed with a hunky sweetheart that is full-filling his wife not only sexually but emotionally as well, he gets punched in the face and flees- cynthia calls and tells him to meet a cowboy about a thinig- he is desperate at this point because hes lost movie-wife-house-money - yet arrogantly meets this cowboy mystery who has the power to restore his once functioning life somewhat- the cowboy seams to be of an even higher hierarchy than the men from the meeting whos car he totaled with the gold club- and hes willing to make a deal- its a bit of a deal with the devil situation- he can have his money and movie back but he has to cast the model from the picture he was shown- he REALLY doesnt want to but he has no choice and agrees- there is also some other kind of creepy old white guy behind the scenes ordering the cowboy and such around - i think this is all the representative of underbelly hollywood - So the next day hes auditioning new leads and after turning and seeing his lover in a wig run out he then sees the replacement and is promtped to say "shes the girl" after all there is great importance on him being the one to PICK her. (shady hand wants to remain in the dark) The Hitman: this needs its own bit actually, Im not solid on my hit-man theory mainly because the scene was so fucking hilarious i wasn't paying enough attention, it goes that he is talking to this long haired surfy guy and they know each other from collage or something- the hit man says im 'working for a guy' yadda yadda nek minnut he turns a gun on the guy and shoots him -the gun has a silencer so we know now he is a hit man and the guy he works for is probably the cowboy or in that organisation. i think the surfy guy is connected to the car accident i cant remember the exact dialog and i will look at that later - anyway he is trying to make the whole thing look like a suicide (oh yeah the earlier suicide i spoke of re Diane *may* have been a hit thats still up in the air for me) but after shooting and killing surfy guy is staging a suicide crime scene then he accidentally fires the gun at the wall shooting a woman in the next room- she is so large she thinks she was bitten by something (silencer on gun) the hit man then wrestles her and eventually kills her but attracts the attention of the janitor and has to kill him as well- and after all of that gets back to making the original murder look like a suicide putting the gun in the surfy guys hand, seams fairly useless at this point given the state of the crime scene and pile of bodies laying around, this was by far my favourite part of the whole movie it was a pure comedy- very mel brooks - anyway -my take away was that this hit man was a. incompetent b. inexperienced and overall tying up lose ends very sloppily but without any amount of stress about the terrible job he was doing. important to note hes not great at his job. We see him also in the diner with Diane Selwyn when she is ordering a hit on Camilla out of jealousy - We find out at the end of the movie that not only was Camilla fawning over director at the party the previous night (when everyone was alive) but the replacement girl comes over to her table and kisses her on the mouth this girl on girl action is what really tips Diane over the edge I believe. the symbology of the kiss is 'the Kiss of Death' . My theory (not 100% solid but anyway) is that its possible that the controlling hand of the Hollywood elite were preparing to replace Camilla and had planned her assassination separate from Diane. Diane gives the hit man heaps of cash and then believes that he uses the money to have her killed- and she kills herself after - but the cowboy and his gang had planned this anyway and the driver was meant to kill her - instead the lazy a dumb hit man has paid some idiot friend (the surfy guy) to orchestrate a car accident and knock Camilla's limo off the road- i think this means that the cash would have had to be flung from the teenagers car and ended up in Rita's possession (i need to re watch the movie) i think the cowboy man and his ppl had to tidy up the mess that Diane Selwyn ultimatly made when they had there own plan to get rid of Camilla and replace her. Thats why the cowboy visits diane selwyns house to ensure she is dead and then have the hitman kill the surfey guy and the hitman probly works for cowboy now or will be killed himself. Finally; The two men in the diner, and the dumpster woman. -Two men meet in a diner at some point in the film and a cryptic scene takes place, these scenes are really David Lynch's way of communicating with his viewethe audience/you. You the viewer will always be addressed directly and represented by a character in Lynches work. ( in twin peaks agent cooper is the agent for his audience) and believe me Lynch is trying to communicate to the viewer a message, he captures his audience with a mystery and through that captivity he shows you something that cannot be described by words he shows you his idea through pictures stories and symbolism. One man who speaks of a dream and talks to the other man in the suit he has your typical 'suit' mentality- who IS the cowboy. the dream telling man wanted to meet the cowboy suit here at this diner he has never been to but has dreamed about it twice. I think this dreamer is YOU. the Audience. Lynch is suggesting You the audience are experiencing what the character Camilla does in that you the audience know about (he dreams that something unknown and terrifing is lurking behind the diner) the darker side of hollywood but choose to ignor - the dreamer states he never wants to see that 'face' again yet here he is meeting with the hollywood devil cowboy suit - questioning him - because he was in the dream - and he too was affraid - the suit man then takes him out the back- and behind a dumpster wee see a terrifying face of a woman poke out (dirty face/ dead looking/ witchy looking/ in rags/) This is the ugly truth of Hollywood- count up the dead bodies in the film in the name of making movies - Lynch explores both the glitz and glamour of Hollywood as well as the dark side, but that it is ultimately an illusion that the audience passive/actively participating in. I think i need to let it digest a bit more (watched last night for first time) and i will be re watching- because im only like 70% convinced of my own theory. the biggest lose end for me is Diane Selwyns neighbor that she switches house with. have no idea what that is about. anyway im down for discussion, so thoughts? also i cbf spellchecking ivee been on here all day and i suck at spelling so deal with it. Edit. No TLDR- sorry but I can’t sum it up if you want to know my theory watch the film and read it and let me know what you think. It takes about 5 mins to read because it’s so long. A whole 5 mins, I’m soooo sorry! And yes T.I.L that this movie was going to be tv show :)
Jeopardy! recap for Thur., Jun. 18 (encore from Feb. 1, 2018)
Today's contestants are:
Justin, an English teacher from Cheyenne, WY, who met his wife on stage during a melodrama;
Sara, an attorney from Washington, DC, who told readers of sign language that "I can win this game"; and
Ryan, a banker from SeaTac, WA, who is popular because his job is to manage all the cash. Ryan is a three-day champ with $67,399.
In a change of pace, instead of coming from behind, Ryan was defending his lead most of the way here. But a dreadful wagering error on DD3, similar to the one he made on the previous show, cost him first place going into FJ with $11,400 vs. $12,200 for Justin and $6,600 for Sara. DD1 - LITERARY TERMS - 3 types of conflict are man against man, man against himself & this title of an anthology with Hemingway & Heyerdahl (Ryan won $2,000) DD2 - TOTALLY METAL, DUDE - A beam of cesium is a prime component of this extremely accurate device; the first experimental one was built in 1949 (Sara lost $2,000) DD3 - TV SHOWS IN OTHER WORDS - "Homely Boop" (Ryan lost $4,000 - there was one other $2,000 clue remaining and Ryan had $15,400 vs. $12,200 for Justin. With a wager of less than $1,200, Ryan could have wrapped up the lead going into FJ.) FJ - U.S. AUTHORS - In his 1958 essay "Essentials of Spontaneous Prose", he compared a writing technique to a jazz musician's style It seemed that this FJ category would be perfect for English teacher Justin, but instead it was Ryan who was the only player correct (despite leaving out the middle letter in the last name). Ryan chose to give up a chance at a possible Triple Stumper win and nearly doubled up to $22,799 and a four-day total of $90,198. That's before our time: No one knew the 1962 film classic starring Peter O'Toole was "Lawrence of Arabia". Football follies: There were five straight stand-and-stares in a category about the gridiron sport, which was a foregone conclusion after the second clue, when the players couldn't associate Tom Landry with the Dallas Cowboys. Most embarrassing about that triple-miss is they don't know "King of the Hill". One more thing: Ryan did a truly "excellent" impression of Mr. Burns, much better than his imitation of the Daily Double sound effect. Correct Qs: DD1 - What is "Man Against Nature"? DD2 - What is an atomic clock? DD3 - What is "Ugly Betty"? FJ - Who was Jack Kerouac?
If you think you have seen her before, you are right. She was Hilda Suarez from Ugly Betty, the older sister of Betty. And get this: She also has a gay son in the series, Justin.
I've been planning to find this subreddit and write a long essay about how much I love the first season if Ugly Betty but man am I heart broken there aren't more of us. Nevertheless, I just want to say I love Ugly Betty so so much. It came out when I was 8 but I saw tons of ads for it on TV growing up and I never really wanted to give it a go because it just looked so... ugly? But recently, I got back into Superstore and from there went down a rabbit hole through all the film and TV the cast of Superstore are in, including America Ferrara - which leads me to Ugly Betty. Man is this first season good. I kept thinking that Ugly Betty was going to get a makeover soon - when her sister took over and tried to give her a makeover I thought this is it. It's not Ugly Betty anymore it's going to be just Betty. But no - Ugly Betty remains who she is, how she looks and I feel like the way they've normalised her looks is amazing. She no longer sticks out like a sore thumb compared to Amanda or any of the other pretty ladies because she's part if their gang, she's a Mode girl too. She's just Betty but she's a Mode girl!! Idk it's just really thrilling to see that she can have highs and lows in her life without having to change the way she looks because she is absolutely beautiful, braces and all. I'm 21 now, so my struggles with beauty standards are far from over but I'm lucky enough that I've gotten better about it over the years. But man if I had watched this show growing up, I think I might be a little better at loving myself for who I am, and working hard regardless of what other people think. Another thing I love is the way they humanized the characters!! Everyone has their own stories and dynamics, and they dont rely on Betty to live their lives - maybe other than Betty's family, whose screen time generally revolve Betty or is spun for comedic relief. But regardless, Ignacio is a sweet man who's trying his best to bring up his children but ultimately has a sweet spot for Betty. Hilda is a loving and caring sister but can be blinded by love and jealousy in equal measure. I also like the way they handled Justin's Dad (Dan from Lucifer!!!). It's obviously hard to accept your kid growing up with different interests than you, especially if it makes them a "swishy" and it's clear he hates it at first. But he tries, and that's what family is supposed to do. Of course, Ugly Betty also explores the opposite of that - Marc's own coming out is painful and raw and he's a sweet mama's boy but his mother isnt as supportive and that's such a story to share. The "bad guys" are especially human, with their own motives and agendas. Marc and Amanda are terrible to everyone, especially to Betty but they stand by each other - and even for Betty because at their core they're trying to get through their own problems. Amanda actually talks about being stuck as a receptionist - she is not just a pretty lady that's there to show her boobs to Daniel for plot progression. She's a real person with hopes and dreams of a career, of making it big. And Alexis!!! A big surprise. I have to say I really thought she'd be played for gags and yes they made a couple of family jewel jokes but it's kinda sweet that they explored the post transition life - exclusion from people you used to love, the first time you get back into the game, your family rejecting you. It was interesting to see how Claire, Bradford and Daniel differed so much in the way they treated Alexis. It was especially clever to portray Daniel and Alexis competing, because that's such a sibling thing to do, no matter whether it's with a brother or sister. Of course, I'm a cis woman so I cant speak for anyone, but I really did think the actress portraying Alexis did a great job, even if shes not a transsexual herself. She just expressed Alexis' sensitivities so well. Wilhemina is an absolutely nasty woman who will do anything to get what she wants - but shes willing to bow her head to Fabia to get her assistant back, she's trying her best to be a good mother when she never had any role model for that. I would've have liked Nico to be more involved in the later seasons, or at least mentioned, but I can understand there were more important things to explore, although to be honest that's one of Ugly Betty's flaws - a lot of the things they introduce are meant to drive story or character growth but they disappear once they're done growing. But anyway, I just love the first season so much. The last episode with justin on stage playing dead, then cutting to Betty delivering the news to Hilda and Hilda screaming and crying, then pulling back to see a somewhat motionless, and emotionless audience watching Justin's performance is an absolute cinematic masterpiece. I'm so excited to continue watching the next season!
The Visitor (Excerpt, with link to free digital download if you want to read the whole thing)
In Cedar Falls it was one of those rainy days that Jack’s Uncle Teddy called a real bleeder. In the morning, as he ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes, the sky had been gunmetal gray shading to an ugly green in the distance. By the time his parents has left for Aunt Helen’s in Bloomsdale a light drizzle had started to fall from the sky, the kind of patter that might hold the promise of more to come, or might just be an empty threat. By the time the digital clock on the cable box hit noon the threat had proved to be all too real, and the rain was pouring down so hard and fast that even old Noah would’ve found little comfort in his boat. Jack thought about seeing if maybe Kyle or Justin wanted to come over, but on second thought he dismissed the idea. Their parents probably wouldn’t want to drive them over in the downpour, but the real reason was that he sort of liked having a little time alone. He rarely had the house to himself, and he liked the peaceful quiet of it. So instead of calling a friend he made a bag of microwave popcorn (careful to take it out when the rate of popping slowed down to keep from burning it), and sat down on the couch, setting a big yellow bowl filled with the still-hot popcorn on the coffee table. He turned on the TV and started the hunt. For him the hunt was half the fun of watching TV. Sure, you could hit the button that would bring up the channel guide, or search for a certain movie or show you wanted to see, but he preferred another method, and older method. He would simply started at a certain channel (usually channel 29, which was the first of the really good channels), stare at it for a second while passing quick judgment on whether or not whatever program happened to be on that channel at that given time was watchable or not, and if he judged it unworthy he would hit the button to move one channel up, where the brief moment of judgment would be repeated. The downside to this method was that it could take a while to find something good to watch, and whatever meal or snack he had made for the occasion was usually room temperature by the time he was ready to eat it, but he thought this a minor inconvenience. And he really didn’t mind cold popcorn, anyway. Unable to able to help himself Jack grabbed a big handful of popcorn while he was still hunting for something good, dropping a few puffed kernels on the carpet and making a mental note to pick up said puffed kernels before his folks got back from Bloomsdale. He wiped his buttery hand on one leg of his jeans, a habit that had earned him his share of stern looks from his mother, though she rarely ever said anything beyond, “Well, if you’re not ashamed to go walking around with dirty pants, then good for you”. Jack had finally found something he thought he might like to watch, one of those animal shows where big cats chased down buffalo and antelope and stuff like that, when he heard the doorbell chime. He paused with his hand mid-reach to the popcorn bowl (which was actually still warm), before muting the TV and setting down the remote. As he walked to the front door a funny thought passed across his mind (don’t open the door), but it was gone so quickly that it barely registered in his consciousness. He took a look out the peephole, but he didn’t recognize the man standing on the front porch. Again that thought zipped through his head (don’t open the door, don’t open it). He shrugged off the thought and opened the door in spite of it. The man was tall and skinny (gaunt wasn’t a word that was a regular part of Jack’s vocabulary, but if it had been that would have been how he thought of the man), and looked very old to a boy of fourteen. The small awning over the front porch was doing a good job of keeping the rain off of the man, but even so he should have been soaked from the walk to the door. Strangely, though, his black suit and matching hat were dry as a bone. “Excuse me, son” the man spoke, his voice a thin, dry sound. “Is this the Dixon residence?” “Yeah,” Jack answered. The man’s thin lips spread in a lopsided smile, revealing teeth that were too white and too perfect to be anything but dentures. “Well then I guess I’ve found the right place,” the man said. “You must be Bob’s boy. Jack, right? My name is Abraham Stimson.” Abraham Stimson stuck one hand out. Jack looked down at it, wondering at how thin and fragile the wrist looked, how the fingers were all gnarled and bony. When Jack took the hand he thought the skin felt dry and rough, like sandpaper. “Can I…help you?” Jack asked, unable to hide the uncertainty in his voice. Abraham took his hand back, but that smile. “You sure can,” Abraham said. “You can run inside and tell your father that I’m here to see him.” “Uh…I would, but he’s not home right now.” The smile left Abraham’s face. “He’s not?” “No, sir. He left down for the day with my mom. I’m not sure what time they’ll be back.” The old man lifted one wrist and rolled back the sleeve of his suit jacket (looks kind of like the suit a mortician in a movie would wear, Jack thought) to look at his watch. “Well, it’s one o’clock,” Abraham said. “I’m right on time. Guess he must have forgotten.” “I guess…when he comes home I’ll tell him you were here,” Jack said. “Yeah, I guess that’s fine. It was nothing too important, anyway. You see, I was thinking of buying me an insurance policy off of your daddy. But I guess I can do that anytime.” This struck Jack as odd. He knew that his dad sold insurance policies for Midwest Life, but nobody had ever come here to their house for that purpose. His dad had an office downtown for that, right next to Betty’s Nail Salon. “The only thing is,” Abraham continued, “I could use a little rest. I parked a few blocks down on account of forgetting the exact address.” Jack looked over the man’s shoulder and confirmed that, indeed, there was no vehicle parked out on the street in front of the house. Again he wondered why Abraham’s clothes were so dry. “If it wouldn’t be too much of an inconvenience, maybe you wouldn’t mind letting me come on in to spit for a spell.” Two conflicting thoughts faced off against each other in Jack’s mind: One said that this man was, in spite of the exchange of names, a total stranger, and the other one said that he was a frail old man, and that it would be cruel to send him out into a downpour without letting him at least take a load off for a few minutes. “I guess that would be okay,” Jack said, one of those two conflicting thoughts having defeated the other. Jack stepped back to give the man room to come through the doorway. [That was the first 1,200 words or so of a 4,500 story. At the following link you can download the full story in various formats, e.g. epub, pdf, mobi, etc., or simply read it online: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/715983]
On Supergirl, when Alex told Kara that she had feelings for Maggie and realized she's felt this way about women for a long time.
Also on Supergirl, when Nia, as Dreamer, told the world that she is a trans woman.
On Never Have I Ever, when Fabiola told Eleanor she is gay, and Eleanor asked which Kristen Stewart character she loved.
On Elite, when Omar told his parents that Ander was actually his boyfriend.
On Grey's Anatomy, when Callie confronted her father after he didn't accept her relationship with Arizona.
On Shameless, when Mickey came out to a bar filled with his friends and family, and then beat up his dad when he refused to accept his relationship with Ian.
On Batwoman, when Sophie came out to her mother, who heartbreakingly didn't approve.
On Dead to Me, when Jen noticed that Judy really liked Michelle.
On Brooklyn Nine-Nine, when Rosa came out to her parents during dinner.
On Shadowhunters, when Alec kissed Magnus for the first time in front of everyone at his own wedding.
On Glee, when Santana told her grandmother how much she loved Brittany.
Also on Glee, when Kurt realized that he could be anything and told his dad he is gay.
On The Bold Type, when Kat came out to Jane and Sutton as bisexual after having sex with a guy.
On Ugly Betty, when Justin danced with Austin at Hilda's wedding reception.
On Little Fires Everywhere, when Izzy revealed to Elena that she dated April for a year without her knowing.
On It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, when Mac created a super moving dance to explain to his dad how he felt.
On Sex Education, when Eric confidently told his dad that this is who he is and he's proud of it.
On BoJack Horseman, when Todd finally said that he is asexual out loud.
On Pretty Little Liars, when Emily came out to her dad while he was home.
On Good Girls, when Ben told Annie that he is a boy and Annie said she always wanted a son.
On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when Willow told Buffy that she liked Tara.
On Wynonna Earp, when Waverly simply asked Wynonna if girls also liked scars.
On The Get Down, when Shao learned about Dizzee and Thor, and simply said that he had him.
On Arrow, when William got the chance to tell Oliver he was gay after going back in time.
On Atypical, when Casey finally kissed Izzie after Izzie revealed that she had feelings for her.
On Derry Girls, when Clare told Erin that she was the one who wrote the essay about being a lesbian.
And finally, on Riverdale, when Cheryl told Toni about loving a girl when she was younger, but her family didn't approve.
I am so sad it has finished. What an epic, beautiful show. I love how nuanced the show was with its themes and its characters. How real and emotional the beats were, even if scenarios were completely absurd. I don’t know how they managed to keep it so grounded, what an absolute testament to the writers, actors, directors etc. I know they’ll never see this, but I have so much gratitude for everyone who made this show, for bringing me so much joy. Haha and lots of tears too, damn. Those familial moments really get you sometimes. About ten years ago, I watched Ugly Betty religiously, was a big fan. Jane the Virgin definitely reminded me of the same magic, but so much more, so dope. The relationships in this show, the familial bonds. How everyone was a work in progress, the forgiveness, those challenges and acts of service. I loved how complicated the relationships were, but they made it work. As Justin Baldoni essentially said (in Ep 18; looking back episode); how positive choice can affect relationships. What a beautiful refined and detailed study on relationships with a telenovela backdrop. Even from a romantic point of view. I love the contrast between Jane and Michael; the penultimate fairy tale relationship vs the real life up-and-down (maybe at times too erratic) relationship of Jane and Raf. I’m so #TeamRafael all day. Xo and Ro was a beautiful relationship too. Just absolute acceptance of each other. Boy, am I gonna miss Rogelio, he is my spirit animal. Jaime Camil is so amazing. I love how they portrayed Males and Females. That we’re just all so human. I personally felt so glad to see Straight males with quirky tendencies, wearing their hearts on their sleeves, yet being messy and complicated and masculine and feminine, without being pigeon-holed into being gay or seemingly weak, where some characters in shows tend to go. They were written as whole multi-faceted humans. It was a breath of fresh air, and what a lot of us that come from ethnic backgrounds are like, except we aren’t represented on screen as whole males, so we can often feel like we’re not normal. I loved the females, as they reminded me of the females around me, strong, vulnerable, absolutely loving, messy, but ultimately real. Not trying to be portrayed as ‘badass chicks’ or the opposite, but actually whole beautiful women. That was a joy to watch. Especially Alba, Xo and Jane's relationship. Oh and how could I forget the great evolution of Petra and Janes relationship. So well executed. Ah, and alas… It’s over. (Narrator Voice) I hope in the future there will be a reunion movie. In the meantime, I’ll be watching re-runs when I need to check back in with the crew. Thanks Jane the Virgin :)
Jeopardy! recap for Thur., Feb. 1 - Today's contestants are:
Justin, an English teacher from Cheyenne, WY, who met his wife on stage during a melodrama;
Sara, an attorney from Washington, DC, who told readers of sign language that "I can win this game"; and
Ryan, a banker from SeaTac, WA, who is popular because his job is to manage all the cash. Ryan is a three-day champ with $67,399.
In a change of pace, instead of coming from behind, Ryan was defending his lead most of the way here. But a dreadful wagering error on DD3, similar to the one he made on the previous show, cost him first place going into FJ with $11,400 vs. $12,200 for Justin and $6,600 for Sara. DD1 - LITERARY TERMS - 3 types of conflict are man against man, man against himself & this title of an anthology with Hemingway & Heyerdahl (Ryan won $2,000) DD2 - TOTALLY METAL, DUDE - A beam of cesium is a prime component of this extremely accurate device; the first experimental one was built in 1949 (Sara lost $2,000) DD3 - TV SHOWS IN OTHER WORDS - "Homely Boop" (Ryan lost $4,000 - there was one other $2,000 clue remaining and Ryan had $15,400 vs. $12,200 for Justin. With a wager of less than $1,200, Ryan could have wrapped up the lead going into FJ.) FJ - U.S. AUTHORS - In his 1958 essay "Essentials of Spontaneous Prose", he compared a writing technique to a jazz musician's style It seemed that this FJ category would be perfect for English teacher Justin, but instead it was Ryan who was the only player correct (despite leaving out the middle letter in the last name). Ryan chose to give up a chance at a possible Triple Stumper win and nearly doubled up to $22,799 and a four-day total of $90,198. That's before our time: No one knew the 1962 film classic starring Peter O'Toole was "Lawrence of Arabia". Football follies: There were five straight stand-and-stares in a category about the gridiron sport, which was a foregone conclusion after the second clue, when the players couldn't associate Tom Landry with the Dallas Cowboys. Most embarrassing about that triple-miss is they don't know "King of the Hill". One more thing: Ryan did a truly "excellent" impression of Mr. Burns, much better than his imitation of the Daily Double sound effect. Correct Qs: DD1 - What is "Man Against Nature"? DD2 - What is an atomic clock? DD3 - What is "Ugly Betty"? FJ - Who was Jack Kerouac?
On last night’s episode of Ugly Betty, Justin took one big gay step out of the closet and finally kissed a boy!It’s been a long journey for the flamboyant teen and feels fitting now that Betty ... Ugly Betty (TV Series 2006–2010) cast and crew credits, including actors, actresses, directors, writers and more. Justin and Austin in Ugly Betty! #Cute #Justin Suarez #Mark Indelicato #Ugly Betty #Gay Couple. 799 notes. lipstilinski. Follow. Justin Suarez walked so Kurt Hummel could run. #Justin Suarez #Ugly Betty #kurt hummel #glee #Justin is better though #yeah i said it. 43 notes. bradyhudson. Follow. I just really need Ugly Betty back in some capacity. Like, have a spin-off where Justin starts ... TV Shows Ugly Betty. Follow/Fav Loving You. By: UglyBettyForeverandEver. A little one-shot : We all know how Justin came out, but how does Austin tell his parents? Will Austin finally tell Justin that he loves him? Read and find out! Read and reviewww! :D . Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Austin, Justin S. - Words: 2,973 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 11 - Published: 5 ... Justin Suarez is a fictional character on the American comedy-drama series Ugly Betty which is an adaptation of the Colombian telenovela Betty la fea. He is portrayed by actor Mark Indelicato. Justin lives with his mother Hilda, his aunt Betty, and his grandfather Ignacio. His biological father is Santos who is murdered in the finale of Season 1. It’s been a long seven years since the final episode of Ugly Betty aired on our television screens, but during that time, Betty’s little nephew Justin has all grown up. These days, Mark ... Justin Suarez is a fictional character on the American comedy-drama series Ugly Betty. He is portrayed by actor Mark Indelicato. Ugly Betty Streaming.Serie TV Ugly Betty in eurostreaming online.Guardare Serie TV streaming in HD ITA e SUB ITA su EuroStreaming Gratis. Mark Indelicato played Justin Suarez, Betty's fashion-obsessed nephew, on "Ugly Betty." Microsoft may earn an Affiliate Commission if you purchase something through recommended links in this ... Austin was one of Justin Suarez's fellow students in Lena Korvinka's acting class. He began a rivalry with Justin over a girl in their acting class. Following one of their class's performances, the two shared an unexpected kiss after the curtain fell. Justin and Austin date secretly, with Justin's stepfather-to-be seeing them sharing a kiss at the front door of the Suarez house. Austin is very ...
Couple: Justin and Austin from Ugly Betty Song: You and me by Lifehouse I OWN NOTHING, BUT THE EDITING OF THIS VID! Ugly Betty - Justin (HD) - S04E20 - Part 17 Austin kisses Justin for the first time, in episode 16 of season 4[HD] About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators ... FOR INFO ON THE SONGS & THE WHOLE STORYLINE: I've been uploading Justin's storyline from the beginning of the fourth season, and I will continue to do so. Yo... FOR INFO ON THE SONGS & THE WHOLE STORYLINE:I've been uploading Justin's storyline from the beginning of the fourth season, and I will continue to do so. You... Il tanto bacio tanto atteso fra Justin ed Austin nella 4 stagione di Ugly Betty! Godetevelo amanti della stupenda Suarez!
![Ugly Betty Justin and Austin first kiss [HD] - YouTube](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/95vhxMdNi9w/default.jpg "Austin kisses Justin for the first time, in episode 16 of season 4[HD]")
![Il Bacio tra Austin e Justin! [ITA] - YouTube](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/RHG-lzUaBdw/default.jpg "Il tanto bacio tanto atteso fra Justin ed Austin nella 4 stagione di Ugly Betty! Godetevelo amanti della stupenda Suarez!")
