Join Avery D'Arc, Space Orc, as he wrestles with the mysteries of the universe, Cat-girls with no conception of personal space, and the slings and arrows of outrageous vacation destinations.
- - - - -
“Cauchy”: Space Orcs might be the most rawly impressive species in the known galaxies, but it turns out that they're not the most confounding when Billie and Avery set out to investigate the mysterious appearance of a vast artificial complex (just one of many). Spanning two light years, its main mass is empty and seems to have no effect on spacetime around it.
Its otherwise bare surface isn't quite entirely bare though, with a ten million mile building standing out as a beacon-like calling card for all and sundry. As if this weren't enough, the interior proves increasingly more bizarre, making the exterior seem merely a little outsized by contrast. At the heart of the matter is a being more outlandish than they'd ever expected, and all because of what will never happen, ensuring that what wasn't remains so.
“Cauchy” is the first chapter in the story arc “When in Rome,” which is in turn the third story in a series (“Tell me more about this Earth-thing”).

“Lands' End, Point Omega, call it what you will, it reeks of death,” the Engram intoned.
Ryo-ohki twitched in her sleep, dreaming of an alien planet made of pure carrot, fresh greens sprouting all over the surface, and cool springs and brooks abounding and redolent with sweet, carrot-juicy goodness.
“Silent halls of marble, but impenetrable to all scanners, and resistant to all attempts to so much as scratch them for samples,” it went on, pausing as if to ensure that the significance sank in.
“So, y'all are talkin' a ghost town here?” Avery clarified.
The Engram paused further, considering the Deathworlder's question.
“Ghosts?” it asked, unable to come up with any better reply.
For all that the Deathworlder's language inexplicably matched Audible Galactic Common, there were inevitably some disjoints. Billie had learned that very quickly, and it wasn't just food and local planetary lifeforms and astrography, nor yet their curious deafness to their own minor regional variations (they called them languages, and claimed not to understand one another). Deathworlders had words for weather, pursuits of pleasure, so many methods of warfare… things that rarely had more than the merest tangential similarity to anything cultured and civilized, and this persisted in every “language” on the planet!
“Non-physical continuations of once-living physical beings,” Billie stepped in.
“Of course,” the Engram nodded, “a common enough metamorphic stage for–”
“They dead,” Avery interrupted.
“Then I'm afraid that I don't understand.”
Billie spent the next hour trying to explain primitive Deathworlder superstitions before the Engram gave up, more confused than ever.
“So, the message finally self-destructed?”
“That's not how they work,” ze replied, dodging nimbly around him and fending off his hands as ze made zer way to the food-o-matic, “they're fully integrated archailects1 composed of refracted micronodes for ephemeral interactions.”
“Oh! So... it self-destructed?”
Ze arched zer brow and ignored him as ze withdrew zer half-melted coffee ice cream and mandarin orange sorbet, balancing the slice of gingerbread very carefully and bumping him out of the way with zer hip. The gingerbread was dark and heavy with rum, rich with molasses, allspice, and bits of fruit, and quite distracting to the nose.
“You really like that stuff, huh?” he teased.
“You should too, you know. I find that it 'puts me in the mood,' in case you hadn't noticed.”
“Best stuff in the world, like I always say. Did I ask? No sirree, not me! You sure you got enough there? Lemme go get you some more, you look famished.”

“...Spirits and Demons: beware! ”2 Avery sang aloud, nasal and off-key.
His heart was light and the tune jaunty. All was good with the world.
Billie slapped his arm lightly, half in jest, half soberly.
“OK, OK. But you still ain't said: which one of us is Spencer and which is Tracy?”
“You do remember my 'frog-tongue,' hmm...?”
A smile glued itself to his face as he lost himself for a moment.
“Care to see it again?”
His attention snapped back to the present as the tip of zer tongue slid gently across zer lips, arcing upward to reach zer nose, then slid seductively down and across zer chest.
The tweaks to a Genomorph's body took some time to affect, from hours for minor biochemistry to a few days for major anatomical shifts, and could only come about by horizontal gene transfer. They also took a bit of a toll in caloric needs, nutrition, and even some degree of subconscious acuity while being brought online. Zer body accounted for environmental needs automatically, but ze could also intentionally call up modifications that zer genetic library had previous exposure to.
“I'll be good,” he promised.
Sometimes zer modifications served no immediate practical need, but this 'frog-tongue ' – as Avery had once dubbed it – served several uses, and it was one modification that ze was glad to keep.
Coming out of Planck-BEC transit, they saw what they'd already expected, but it was still difficult to accept.
A featureless surface fully a light year in radius, slightly rounded along the edge and tapering like an inverted chocolate kiss beneath.
Featureless, that is, except for a single structure at the center of the flat face.
A rococo monstrosity ten million miles in each direction, with what could only be described as a garden world with a like footprint laid out before what was undoubtedly its front façade. Sensors showed a Class-M atmosphere along the disc face, along with a one-gee field, solar light beaming into existence in all downward directions from its Kármán line.
Following the beautifully curving ocean-river to either side, one's eyes were naturally drawn to a very clear landing area at what amounted to its doorstep.
Their descent was unhindered and uneventful.
For all of the pomp of the structure's exterior, its interior – or at least what might be called its foyer, whatever its physical extent – was that of a typical space station. Somewhat more convivial, and certainly less business-like, but still easily recognizable as what one might expect of a rich eccentric with an entire planet's resources to throw at their vestibule. Literally a world's resources – that entire world, physically – if you poured it all into an enormous puff-pastry and added intergalactic tech to solve the engineering issues.
And this was just one of the many identical installations that had simply appeared across the galaxies and voids. They had shown up simultaneously, some balancing on black holes' ergospheres, a few sitting directly in place and pierced through by quasars' jets, quite a few buried deep within thick nebulae, and every single one neither affected by nor affecting their surrounding medium.
Avery took a long look across the vast open area, the city-sized water features and rest areas, then back at their all terrain mobile shelter.
“We're gonna need a bigger boat.”
No sooner had he said this than they noticed an unobtrusive area, displaying numerous models of vehicles, but all clearly top of the line. Above the top of the line, from what he could see of Billie's reactions.
All were parked pointing inward, at least those that one could see or infer to have directionality to them.
All were open to anyone who might come along.
“What do you think?” he asked.
Billie simply tilted zer head down and pulled zer neck back, looking up at him with zer brow knitting in clear communication that ze thought that he had finally lost the last of whatever he'd had that passed for Deathworlder sanity.
Then the air between them and the courtesy suite lit up with a soft lavender glow, calm ochre strips marching away at a sedate pace.
In the end, they selected one that resembled a three-legged ice-skating wading pool. Every ship was the height of luxury, food and drink – curious fruit juices, tantalizing pastries, and strange meats of elusive textures and flavors – were brought to them by various services objects (or possibly creatures; they really couldn't tell) in each that they boarded, but this one was the least outlandish-looking of the lot. After the first servitor pair had sought to massage them, and Billie had slapped them soundly for it, further overtures remained constrained to silent tour guides and wait-staff.
The ship traveled far but fast. There was no way to tell their speed, seeming breakneck and crawling at the same time. Sizes and distances were deceptive, and no two things offered a consistent gauge.
At last it came to rest at the opening of a hallway. A hallway of reasonable size letting in to a brass wall without other marks for as far as they could see.
It felt almost claustrophobic in contrast with the journey thence.
They proceeded forward, now on foot, though fed and rested, Ryo-ohki alternating between flouncing along the hall ahead of them and bounding back again.
With nothing more to look at, they became intimately familiar with the walls, ceiling, and floor along the monotonous path. A bland beige to the sides, slightly darker below, slightly lighter above, and hints of varicolored mood-lighting to the air at times. No clear turns were apparent, though every so often they would look ahead or behind and find that the hall now showed some gentle curve to the side, or an incline or downward slope.
They had walked for hours.
Dank and now ill-lit, the air having grown clammy and close, the walls having slowly shifted from finished and seamless metallo-ceramic polymer to crumbling mortar and decaying stones, the hallway had come to an end.
They had seen the exit for a while before reaching it, though it seemed to near them only in jumps.
Now that they had exited, they stood outside of a cave mouth, a simple flat-bottomed boat sitting untended not twenty feet away, a barge-like coracle, no oars nor sails nor rudder. The beach to either side felt soft and pliant, a continuous surface rather than sand, though dully reflective as if of lightly brushed metal, and stretching off into the distance to grow dim and blurred in the twilight and mist.
“Any chance I could talk you into that dolphin blow-hole thing, later?” Avery asked lightly, eyeing the shallow water of a nearby cove.
Billie looked at him, then the cove, and back again, waiting for him to focus on the moment.
He wiggled his eyebrows in an exaggerated fashion, hoping to get a laugh out of zer.
“Yes, that sounds like a terrific idea! Absolutely the most appropriate possible course of action at this time,” ze replied, shaking zer head in equal but mild parts amusement and frustration, and muttering “Maybe later, you sex-crazed Deathworlder.”
Seeing no other option suggest itself, they chose the obvious, the ship accelerating moderately as soon as they'd boarded and heading toward the strait at the far side of the water, raising barely a ripple over the slow swells.
As they made some distance from the beach, the mist thinned, first showing clear the vast and irregular blocks that thrust out from the surface, seeming convex and concave in turns with their angles and curves holding no sure and steady form, and then permitting the looming figures themselves to slowly become apparent along the horizon to the sides.
Cyclopean statues, miles-tall each, their bodies twisting and contorted, some with long and vicious tails in mid-lash, others bearing tentacles depending from their mouths, still others indiscernible but yet giving the impression of deep thought slowed to a standstill. A pale and spectral light limned their skins wan and pallid, leaving a sense of subliminal and oily patterns writhing whenever one wasn't looking.
It didn't help lighten the mood any that Avery could almost hear something baying far ahead of them.

After what might arguably have been only a few miles, the mist closed in once more, sounds muffled and seeming to come from any distance and no direction.
This continued for perhaps ten more minutes before the ship grounded itself.
“Hello, hello, hello-o!”
Avery turned from helping Billie off, stepping out of zer way so that they could now both see the being of smokeless fire that stood before them, chipper and bouncing on its heels as if to greet them warmly.
“Ahh, I am so very glad to see you again, it will have been simply too long,” he said, smiling expansively, “I remembered just in time that you were due to arrive now, and so will be leaving to see you in only a few minutes.”
Avery wasn't sure which to disbelieve more, his ears or his eyes.
Not many Humans had made it off of Earth, or glowed, for that matter – aside from a few hedonists seeking the exotic pleasures and relaxations of alien worlds and culture, there just wasn't much out here to appeal to anyone but a few scientists.
Ryo-ohki's ears perked as she bobbed her head down, then up, repeating this a few times before leaping all around their host, who immediately produced a large carrot from nowhere.
“You may call me Cauchy, and I do apologize for the charade. All of the entry was just theater for your benefit, to give you a sense of accomplishment and some ambiance. Terribly important, ambiance. And a sense of accomplishment. Can't get anywhere without that. Or ambiance, come to think of it.”
Avery leaned in to Billie and whispered behind his hand “Battier than a belfry full of bats on a buttered bagel...”
“Billie, Avery, come. We'll eat, we'll talk, and this will all make ever so much more sense. Except for the bits that won't, of course.”
Dreamlike, sudden and without transition, while yet offering no psychological surprise, as if this were what one would expect had they given it any thought, they were ensconced within a private dining area of comfortable size laid out with cushions all around. Whole lamb tenderloins wrapped in bacon with a mushroom and chestnut chutney between them (hints of anchovy and capers clearly present in the Dijon vinaigrette aroma), and all beneath an outer layer of pancetta sat before each of them on silver platters that hovered still in the air, as did the wine, the crab bisque with malted onion bread, roasted potatoes and toppings, bowls of honeyed lemon yogurt, plates of fig and date pastries, and indeed the entire service. All were engaged thus but for Ryo-ohki, at least, who lay in a pillowed cocoon of lettuce and turnip greens with a huge mixed salad before her, multiple vegetable juices clearly puddled throughout.
They weren't hungry at all – hadn't been since they were last on Billie's ship, in fact – but they all found that they had room to eat.
At a slight remove, neither too near nor too distant, a small assembly of animals played chamber music, its light sounds accompanied by several dancers and a handful of simple stage props.
Peering closer, Avery grew certain that the trees and houses in the background were no props.
“This isn't Yggdrasil, after all,” Cauchy smiled.
“What's Yggdrasil?”
Cauchy smiled again, “Enigmatic.”
“Nano-aether? Some sort of utility fog?” Billie asked abruptly, waving zer hand at the meal.
“No, not that way” Cauchy replied, “quite literally nano-aether in that what you would call Planck-epsilon-bots form and re-form to purpose, and predictively, out of the aetherial substrate of reality, writing bespoke local physical laws as needed and separately endowing resulting materials with whatever properties are called for. You could say that it's easier than doing it myself, but technically it's more complicated in fact, though only in the same sense as epsilon-sub-null3 is meaningfully larger than epsilon-sub-epsilon.”
Avery glanced to Billie, who only shook zer head.
Ze was clueless as to what this mysterious Genomorph was talking about, and greatly relieved that Avery was showing patience with zer practically private conversation. Still and all though, it was unspeakably gauche to dive into conversation in one's homeworld language when around other species without first ensuring that they too understood it or possessed a translator.
Considering all of this, ze cast about. The food, all of the familiar things of home, lacked luster. The raktajino a flavorless dishwater to match its tepid state, the hasperat bland and seeming almost as if made of mashed avocado and boiled spinach and crème fraîche in unseasoned roux crêpes, and the iguana-chicken tasted like steamed tofu.
Ze had no idea of how Avery was managing to make his way through any of it.
At least Ryo-ohki seemed happy with her greens.
“Home is where the heart is, some say,” Cauchy murmured.
Ze looked up at this, but ze only gestured to zer food again.
Sighing, ze nodded and returned to zer plates, only to find vichyssoise with brown bread rarebit, a perfectly seared bacon cheeseburger with roasted tomatoes and bursting with grease, chipped potatoes, Caesar salad, a spiced treacle pudding with custard and pear – and coffee. Looking up again, ze saw that Avery's food had changed as well, now bearing all of the familiar hallmarks of deathworld cuisine.
“The nano-aether,” Cauchy explained, seeing zer surprise.
“Is it a new development?” ze asked.
“Not yet, no,” ze replied.
“I don't mean to be rude or nothing, but what's a Human doing way out here, anyway?” Avery asked.
More surprised by this than by anything else so far, Billie looked around quickly. Surely they were the only ones to have come here recently, and just as surely no other Human had been here before, much less left behind.
“Oh, investigating the mysterious, of course.”
“And how'd you get here?”
“I was already here, have always will be – that's why you are now, after all,” Cauchy replied.
“Where's this other Human?” Billie interjected nervously. Ze'd grown accustomed to their ways, to an extent, but they were wildly unpredictable, and the circumstances here were far from ordinary.
“What other Human?” Avery replied, looking around himself, now.
“The one that you're talking about, dear.”
“What? I was just talking with Cauchy, here.”
“Yes. About a Human.”
His eyes narrowed as he tried to work out where ze was going with this.
Ze continued to stare at him levelly while waiting for him to simply answer zer.
It was Cauchy who brokered the détente.
“He means me, Billie. I am a Ljósálf4, and our physical appearance varies with the psyche of the observer. To you, I am a Genomorph; to him, a Human. And no, I don't speak any language5, which is why you're each able to understand me respectively – and before you ask, I can't read your mind, I only knew because it's what you were going to ask, though you won't now, but it's just as true, so the paradox resolves as a subjunctive tautology – a sort of Nash Equilibrium cum Feynman diagram.”
Needless to say, this sparked some rather confusing conversation. For one thing, it turned out that Ljósálfar tour worlds, which Cauchy insisted were “world-ponds,” as if they were museums, precious and fleeting moments pinned in place like flies in amber.
“And our universe is one of them?” Billie asked, trying to feel zer way through what Cauchy was saying.
“Yes.”
“And these other universes–”
“World-ponds. Or worlds, if you wish.”
“They're worlds, but not in this universe.”
“Right.”
“And this universe is a world.”
“Exactly.”
“But these other worlds aren't universes.”
“Well... some of them are. An infinite number of them, really. Beth two of them, if you really want to split hairs.”
“And all of these universes aren't a multiverse.”
“Not at all, just all part of the universe as a whole, really.”
“So they're all just worlds, as far as universes and worlds go.”
“To be fair, so are the worlds. They're worlds too. And some have universes in them.”
“An infinite number of worlds? Beth two of them, if I really wanted to split hairs?”
“Now you have it!”
Ze had no idea what ze had, but it was nice to have it.
Like nailing down mud, Avery would say.
“You know what they say,” Cauchy countered, apropos of nothing, “all roads lead to Ljósálfheimr. Isn't that right, Ryo-ohki, my little Beth Node6? Yes it is! Yes! And you know just what I'm talking about, now don't you? Ohh, yes you do!”
The cabbit purred as her leg thumped in time with his scratching her head and neck, and chucking her beneath her chin with his fingertips.
“Where's Ljósálfheimr?” Avery asked.
“Well-l-l, after normalizing your non-orientable monadic space – co-dimension7 three, you might say, but that would be telling,” Cauchy winked, “– and accounting for the effective cosmic scalar transform, zeta function notwithstanding...” he continued, sticking a finger into his mouth, then holding it aloft for a moment, “round about fifty billion light years thataway,” he said, crossing his arms, one finger pointing vaguely up and to the side, the other hand curled halfway around backward, “You could then add a little over one point eight million miles west-northwest, plus quite a bit of a ways extra-up and just a touch semi-kata in a Hausdorff-fractal sense. Or not, that's your call.
“Look, I called you here today... do you know, I've always wanted to say that!
“I called you here today to discuss a matter of great importance.”
Here he looked around, as if seeing if anyone were eavesdropping.
Softly, the entertainers' music faded away, replaced by sourceless expository music drifting downward from the very air above them in general and gradually becoming focused from some point between them all.
“I'm going to tell you a story, and in this story, time isn't, it's just being,” he began, tapping the bridge of his nose, “The Greys go as fast as possible to stay in one place, a question of indeterminacy, you see, a bit like the Red Queen8, though I really don't think that you'd like her one bit. I know I don't, I don't mind telling you.
“Meanwhile, Ásgarðr is set to position-only, making speed irrelevant – not negated or uncertain, mind; movement is possible, but that would cause 'problems,' and I won't be clarifying that phrasing. Location is treated as a property of matter, assigned by quantum hand-waving, and can be manipulated and designated; it's what keeps Ásgarðr in place and shielded, after all.
“If we assume some upper speed limit for ships – or buildings, or cities, or world-ponds – then this explains the observed speeds that one would expect of Kardashёv type two-plus technology to be able to exceed. This isn't necessary, if such speeds are permitted to occur, but permitting higher speeds would also beg the question of larger networks of world-ponds forming more solid groups or empires.
“Now tell me, why do you suppose it is that they don't, hmm? What if, let's say – and just for fun, of course – what if there were some property of spacetime that doesn't prohibit that, it just makes it an Incredibly Bad Idea to exceed some approximate boundary speed? For example, if you go less than speed X, you're fine. Go at speeds in a certain higher range, and you'll blow things to kingdom come. Your ship, and likely everything within a thousand miles, for example. Go above that range though, and you're looking at shattering the foundations of reality. Not a black hole, as such – more like... more like reaching a resonant frequency in a two-dimensional world set between glass plates, or no, a two-dimensional world that is a glass plate, one that's right smack up against other such worlds: rub those just right, the panes shatter, and everything melts into madness, and reality becomes a distorted version of itself, along with local fluctuations of physical laws that might well vary over time as well. This melting and merging of realities isn't a probability-superposition-thing, just a blurry wobbly thing of literal physical speed and location in a spatiotemporally infinite rule-based random universe; it all has to do with which world you're in at any given moment, and being in too many of them over the course of too few moments, and so it reaches a sort of Hagedorn temperature, except that instead of energy density, it's the informational entropy of the location property, which in a Shannon sense is somewhat equivalent I suppose, not to mention the silly buggers it plays with an imaginary Doppler shift...
“But not to worry, this won't be a problem.”
They sat there dazed for a moment.
“Then why are you telling us all of this?” Billie asked, “And you do realize that we have no idea who or what all of these things are, don't you?”
“No, no, no. And yes, of course. But both of these are why it won't be: because it did, or else we wouldn't be here now, because you weren't anymore, or else you would have been, and we wouldn't, but now you are because you will be were. You see? Reality never was anyway, since we wouldn't be here if it were, except that we are, so there it is. Bit of a sticky wicket, I know.”
“But why so many of these... this place?”
“Well, I had to be sure that I got your attention, now didn't I?”
Having wound down, he focused on a fingernail for a moment, then began to chew at it.
“So, you're trying to warn us to warn them not to play with higher speeds?” Avery asked, beginning to boil it down.
“Oh, quite the contrary: what will be, always was. Now it's just a question of not doing what you're going to do, and you haven't, so you won't. I find that what isn't happening is always far more fascinating to watch than what is, don't you agree?
“Now, aside from catching up to do, time is short, but we have plenty of it. So, what did you want to talk about?”
In the end, they left rather more confused than they'd been upon their arrival, but had apparently made an old friend, having only just then met him – or zer or it – and were eventually assured that they did indeed meet again. They actually found themselves looking forward to this, albeit with more than a little concern.

Footnotes:

1 Archailect: See Orion's Arm (URL below) for greater detail, ▐► https://www.orionsarm.com/eg-topic/492d76d2f173e
2 Demons and Witches: From the theme song of “Ghost Busters ”, the 1975 Filmation live action Scooby-wannabe (not its 1986 incarnation, nor the unrelated Columbia franchise). ▐► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBZCUiR7Iq8&list=PLIl2eWOVM20HMp85S3KZFgftJRgwStzIv
3 Epsilon null: Here, Cauchy is referring to the surreal divisions of infinitesimal epsilon, rather than the transfinites, or I'd have written “...meaningfully smaller...” rather than “...meaningfully larger...” – his point being that either is negligible, mathematically vanishing, but not identical.
TL;DR is essentially (and painfully inaccurate, mathematically) 1/∞; in this context, ε-sub-ε could then be likened to (1/∞)/∞, though this is where we would normally differentiate between the former denominator being aleph null and the latter combined form being more akin to aleph one or beth one (then again, normally ε^2 = 0, which would normally put paid to the whole issue were it not for surreals).
For a more in-depth coverage of epsilon (and ZFC to an extent) please see the Technical Appendix of the “Icewall ” .pdf at: ▐► https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1BG7P_sVezz8Dn5b8js_34yeAjSBhfN0v
See also “I am the Walrus ” footnote on aleph and beth numbers (essentially the transfinite complement of infinitesimal epsilons – the latter not to be confused with the poorly named transfinite epsilon) at ▐► https://archiveofourown.org/works/26951104
This footnote is a rather abbreviated and very limited explanation, but it would take up far too much space to explain it well (not to mention all of the mistakes that I'd no doubt make). Go to your favorite math site / encyclopedia, and/or search engine – or simply StackExchange, Wikipedia, Wolfram MathWorld, DavidDarlingInfo, Quora, etc. – and look into the terms {transfinite, infinitesimal, aleph number, beth number, nimber, surreal number, hyperreal number, and ZFC / Zermelo–Fraenkel set theory with AC (axiom of choice)}.
4 Ljósálf: Operating at a level at least that of the Avatars of “Charmed ” and Time Lords of “Dr. Who ”, Ljósálfar are demonstrably Powers (Appendix F “Powers and Principalities ” of WIP “I am Legion ” .pdf, Tier Two: Supers, Rank 5+: individually Kardashёv Type I-II, Classic Traveller TL 17-25) at a bare minimum. The nature of Cauchy's private universe (and Ljósálven idiosyncrasies) argues a good chance of his being a low-rank Principality (Tier Three, Rank 1-2), though probably(?) less powerful than Q, the Beyonder, or Dr. Manhattan (but presumably more powerful than Moorcock's Gods of Law and Chaos).
“I am Legion ” .pdf available at ▐► https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1BG7P_sVezz8Dn5b8js_34yeAjSBhfN0v
NB: re. Principalities, cf. Qhalqhal of “Nothing's gonna change my world ” URL below (or Negent of the WIP “I am Legion ”): individually Kardashёv Type III-V, Classic Traveller TL >27 → 31+. ▐► https://archiveofourown.org/works/24380977
Ljósálven environs are perceived as whatever comforts the beholder, appropriate to circumstance. In a like manner, their physical appearance is that of whichever species is looking at them. >>> 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐑 >>> This is much like the Vorlons of Babylon 5, though without the limiting factor of how many are looking – it was only after thinking of this (and not much later, either) that I finally watched B5, but there's never anything new under the sun, it seems. <<< 𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐑 <<<
5 Language: In “The Space Orcs are coming, hooray, hooray! ”, we saw that all of Earth's languages are heard by intergalactics as a single language with tiny regional differences that might as well amount to no more than slight and irrelevant accents. Now we find that each species has its own language, but that they're presumably mostly or always the pulp sci-fi trope of a monoculture; one species, one language. We also see here that at least this Ljósálf (NB: yes, all of the rest of them, too) doesn't even have language at all, much less a language in particular. Curiouser and curiouser.
6 Beth Node: I'd explain this, but... spoilers. If you really insist, then you can find them (and Aleph Nodes) explained in a couple of references in the “Icewall ” .pdf and the Afterword of the “Seize the Deity ” .pdf. Once you tumble to their implications, make what you will of this Galactic world-pond.
“Seize the Deity ” .pdf available at ▐► https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1BG7P_sVezz8Dn5b8js_34yeAjSBhfN0v
7 Co-dimension: There's an Easter Egg waiting there. Who might be interested, search out the term. Doctor the math. It won't take too much time, and it's “relatively ” funny.
8 Red Queen: Yes, the “Alice in Wonderland ” series. She's an example BBEG in this story's larger RPG/story meta-setting of Icewall.

= = = = =

“Cauchy” is the first chapter in the story arc “When in Rome,” which is in turn the third story in a series (“Tell me more about this Earth-thing”).
“When in Rome” is an ongoing story arc, with three chapters so far. The first two chapters (“Cauchy” and “Don't throw the babe out with the bathwater”) are already uploaded to AO3 (if you can't wait for it on reddit).
I plan to upload that second chapter to reddit here next week, though it and the third chapter feel more like Tenchi Muyo than a more general HFY-theme to me, so I'm unsure of whether you guys might want it here. I hope to finish writing (and uploading) the third chapter (“A day at the beach”) to AO3 on Sunday; right now, it's only a little more developed than the bare bones outline.

"The harmony that holds the stars on their courses and the flesh on our bones resonates through all creation. Every sound contains its echo. Before there was humankind, or even forest, there was sound. Sound spread from the source in great circles like those formed when a stone is dropped in a pool. We follow waves of sound from life to life. A dying man’s ears will hear long after his eyes are blind. He hears the sound that leads him to his next life as the Source of All being plucks the harp of creation.”

Morgan Llywelyn, Druids

The druid's grove is an ubiquitous image. A serene location, usually woodland, an open, but hidden meadow, ringed with trees and maybe a stone altar dominating the center. Classical, if a bit dull. What happens here besides festivals for the turning of the seasons and the occasional sacrifice? It is the aim of this post to bring some new and fresh ideas as well as providing some tools for you to create your own groves with some more interesting features.

Worldbuilding Considerations

The grove is the center of life for any humanoids in the area, beyond their homes and workplaces. The Druids, while feared, are seen as the wisest and the most honest, and are often called to officiate on disputes, discuss the meanings of portents, dreams and visions, preside over criminal trials, tend to sick livestock and children, discuss agricultural strategies, and any number of things related to humanoids living in the wilderness.
Some groves will have a lot of contact with the locals, and some won't have much at all. Its up to you to decide how "social" your grove's Druids are, and try to build some history into the area before the players arrive. Has their been any strife between the locals and the grove? How are the current relations? Interesting dynamics can be created if you try to sketch out a short timeline of prior events. You could even draw up some small random tables to generate the events between the two factions!

Druid Orders & Circles

The Order

The Druidic order--often simply called the Order--can be thought of as a federation of regional priesthoods that form a loosely organized worldwide faith, all of whose members worship Nature and follow a similar ethical philosophy. Druids divide up their world into regions, here called domains. A domain is a well-defined geographic area bounded by mountain ranges, rivers, seas, or deserts-- druids normally divide a good-sized continent into three or four domains. Druidic regions do not rely on national borders, or on racial or ethnic groups; a domain can encompass several countries, races, and peoples.
NOTE: You can obviously call this whatever you like. In my world of Drexlor, the Druidic order is called the Canathane, and has a regional name of the Quluthane in the desert lands of Ashaaria.

The Circles

All druids dwelling within the bounds of a domain are organized into a Circle. Circles typically are named for the geographic area their domain occupies, but sometimes they bear other names, harking back to their founders or the gods the druids worship (if they worship deities rather than Nature itself). For instance, druids might have formed "The Dragon Isles Circle" or "The Circle of Danu." The members of a Circle hold themselves responsible for the well-being of the wilderness and the continuation of the orderly cycles of Nature within their domain. This doesn't mean a cCrcle remains unconcerned about what occurs in other domains-- forming circles is just the druidic order's way of recognizing that those druids who live in a particular region can best serve to protect it, and should therefore hold formal responsibility for the domain.
Some Circles operate within a very loose structure. They use no large temples or abbeys, for rarely do more than a few druids live together. When they do, their dwelling places are usually less than ostentatious: small cottages or huts of the style of local hunters or farmers.
Some, however, congregate in numbers to cover a larger region, protect something under threat, or perhaps to establish a presence in a new part of the Wilderness. This post will deal with this version.
All druids within the Circle acknowledge a single Great Druid as their leader and recognize this figure's moral authority. The Great Druid gives the Circle's members great freedom compared to most other religious leaders. The druids adhere to a rather informal hierarchical structure and require their initiates to hold true to the basic ethos of the druidic order and respect higher-ranking druids.
All druids, from the humblest initiate to the Great Druid, may freely follow their own interpretation of druidic beliefs and act however they believe best serves Nature.

Druidic Demographics

A typical domain (one that has seen no persecution of druids but includes other priestly faiths as well) contains, on average, one druid for every 10 square miles of rural farmland or 400 square miles of lightly inhabited wilderness or steppe. Druids dwelling in rural areas usually are initiates (1st to 8th level, generally). Those in the wilderness usually have reached higher experience levels, frequently 7th to 11th level. A domain might feature one druid per 500 to 1,000 citizens, although this statistic gives a distorted picture, since druids are concentrated in some locales and rare in others.
The grove is a Sacred Place. A place of respite. A place of power. A place where the druid can commune with the very fabric of the cosmos, with the deities that rule these wilds, and with one another through fellowship and community. The grove is many things. A home. A temple. A garden. A hospital. A place of learning. A battleground. All these and more, the grove is not just an "altar in a clearing", although it can be that, it has the potential to be so much more.
There are druids for every terrain and biome. Guardians and preservationists, they shepherd every wild place of the world, regardless of remoteness, harshness or danger. The grove should reflect its surrounds, and its function should match the needs of the land in which it dwells.
Let's look at some example ideas for groves according to biome/terrain.

Arctic - Deep in the icy caves of a lonely mountain, or at the center of a large glacier, is a place of serenity frosted in rime. A place of pure ice, it reflects a thousand points of light from the small braziers that hang from its roof, washing the whole in refracting rainbows. A small pool of frigid water serves as a scrying pool and there are furs draped across the many natural seats that have been carved into the structure itself. Small bands of fox, ermine, mink, snowy owls and arctic hares dart and flit here and there, playing in the knowledge that the natural laws are suspended here. It has been seen to snow in here, on sacred days, and the Borealis sometimes is reflected throughout the chamber, giving the whole a surreal, dreamy quality. The grizzly bear who guards the entrance recognizes all friends and foe upon sight, and can, if needed, shift the grove into the Astral Plane as a quasi-vibration, for as long as is necessary for the threat to pass.
Desert - There are canyons out beyond the endless, rolling expanse of the Dune Seas, and deep in one of them is a sprawling oasis, verdant and filled with birdsong. There is only one way in and one way out of the box canyon, and that way is guarded by a Galeb Duhr whose name is known only to the druid circle and its allies. It will repel all threats with its powerful earth-abilities, and can shift the grove to the Elemental Plane of Earth if desperate. The oasis itself is a bubbling spring that has spread out and covered nearly the entire floor of the canyon. Palms, shrubs, flowering bushes, succulents and wildflowers have thrived here, and the whole is redolent with perfume and the buzzing of bees and the flittering of butterflies. Birds of all stripes flit about and rock hares, lizards, coyotes and small sheep all live in harmony here, and there are many fruits and groundfood to nourish them. The pool provides a coolness to the winds that get trapped here, and sandstorms and the like never trouble the spot.
Forest - Deep in the ancient forests is a ring of ancient trees intertwined with dense, thorny thickets and poisonous plants. A dryad guardian can open the way to the grove inside, but she is wary of any who approach, even allies, and caution must always be taken to appease her fickle nature. Inside the grove itself is a place of eternal summer, warm and comfortable, with a slight cooling breeze. Natural shelters of stone and wood have been erected to protect stocks of food and to house the farming tools and seeds required to sustain this busy place. Over 100 druids could easily dwell here for months, and many do, keeping gardens, flowerbeds, bees, and herb and fungus patches to sustain the grove. Dominating the grove is not an altar but a standing circle of stones - one of the many Places of Power that druids recognize and use to keep the earth healthy and renewed. A stream runs through the grove and forms a pool under one of the ancient trees. Its waters are sweet and cool and used for drinking, rituals, and scrying.
Jungle - In the heart of the rainforest is a waterfall and a large, spreading pool that feeds a riot of wildflowers, climbing vines, rambling banyan trees, and an abundance of edible fruits. A spike of pure crystal erupts from the center of the grove, canted and sparkling with mist from the falls. Jaguars lounge in the spray and the Jungle Giant that guards this place keeps watch in the guise of an outcropping of granite.
Mountain - In the windswept heights, just below the snowline, is a sheltered canyon, and its constantly watched by the Roc who nests at the mountain's pinnacle. A standing circle of stones dominates the sparse grove, and all of the ancient rocks are carved with a plethora of sigils and runes invoking protection, blessing, and peace. A few benches have been carved from the living rock and large fire pit is stained with the ash of millennia of sacred flame ceremonies.
Plains - Under the endless night sky, in the midst of a vast grassland is a standing circle of stones to rival all others. It contains over 1000 plinths and lintels and could easily hold 8 city blocks. It is ringed in torchlight and two Stone Golems, waiting beneath the earth itself, protect the site. An altar of bluestone dominates the center and small lean to's have been erected around the outside of the structure, crude housing for the hundreds who have come to celebrate the summer solstice.
Seacoast - In a flooded seacave on a rocky coast, corals and oysters, periwinkles, and scallops cover the walls and floor, thriving in the rising and falling tides that leave this space exposed for only a few hours a day. A Giant Crab guards this location, and can call others of its kind if necessary, and can even flood the grove in the event of a true crisis. Fish regularly swim in and out of here, and once a month an Awakened Great White Shark arrives to commune with the local Circle. A chunk of seaglass, some ancient empire's relic, washed up here ages ago, throws prismed light across the tumbled walls.
Swamp - A dryad's tree, long abandoned, but still remaining rooted in the Feywild, dominates a watery bog surrounded by thick thornbrakes and Assassin Vines. Crocodiles prowl the murky waters surrounding it, and a Shambling Mound ensures no outsiders can enter. The grove has three permanent structures, and an illusion disguises the sight and smell of the smoke that trickles thinly from the chimneys of the low structures. Mosses drape every surface and tame Will o' Wisps drift lazily, keeping the whole place lit with faerie fire.
Underground - In a vast bell-shaped chamber is a bubbling, sulfuric pool and its poisonous (and cleansing) vapors are carried about the vast space by a freshet of cool air, gusting through one of the many cracks and holes throughout this spongework cavern system. This particular chamber is filled with a carpet of fungi, growing up and over the walls as well, of all shapes and sizes. Lizards run through the darkness and bats hunt overhead. Only the bubbling pool is lit with some submerged arcane illumination, and the yellow glow washes the chamber in alien light. Crystals and shattered geodes throw dazzling sparks, and the old She-Bear dozing in the corner fills the air with soft snoring - a fitting soundtrack for this quiet place.
Urban - A graffitied alleyway down in the Buckets dead-ends against a burbling sewer drain, and the tide-marks of the filthy backwash that regularly surges here stains the crumbling walls with a lazy smear of greens and watery blacks. Half-a-dozen seats are bolted to the cracked flagstones; one a bucket, the other a broken dining chair, one a broken chunk of pillar, one a crude wooden stool, the last a corrugated iron box, half-rusted from repeated dunkings from the overflow. A flock of pigeons nests on the broken window sills and the roofline, ever vigilant for trespassers, and the large black rat that lives in the walls here has allies with half of the Undercity and no one would dare profane such a sacred place. The graffiti is news, from Druid to Druid and back again. Their comings and goings as strange as the bricks pathways they sometimes twist to their advantage, and their allies - cockroach to alleycat, are ever present in a world that does not even see them.

Circles and Branches

A given Circle normally covers a domain vast enough to include members from several, but usually not all, branches. A domain with a temperate climate might contain a circle composed of forest, swamp, and mountain druids. In contrast, a Circle in a tropical domain with flat terrain would consist of jungle, plains, desert, and swamp druids. All druids should possess an equivalent number of advantages and disadvantages regardless of branch.
However, equality is never guaranteed. In most fantasy worlds, the forest druids exercise the most influence. Due to the resources of the woodlands and humanity's desire to clear them for use as farms, forest druids often consider their problems the most pressing. The Order's priorities frequently reflect this stance; circles dominated by forest druids try to make sure that a member of that branch ends up as Grand Druid, the leader of the druidic order. As jungle druids and swamp druids share many of the forest druids' concerns, they often become allies. A well-balanced druid sees each branch as part of a single tree, all equally important.
Unfortunately, though, not all druids have this vision. Members of the informal forest-plains-swamp-jungle coalition sometimes look down upon desert and arctic druids due to the relative infertility of their habitats. Sometimes druids fall too deeply in love with their own particular part of the world--forest druids who see trees as the be-all and end-all of Nature may hold arctic, desert, and gray druids to be inferior. The victims of such prejudice, in turn, can come to resent the forest branch. Great druids from the few circles dominated by arctic or desert druids often ally to try to keep a forest druid from becoming Grand Druid-- although more often than not, they fail.

Main Duties of the Circle

These should apply to all Circles, regardless of their attitude towards the locals, and mainly covers the things you would expect Druids to be concerned about:

Patrol the area for hostiles
Tend to the health of the ecosystem, whether that be encouraging growth in some, or culling in others. This includes humanoids.
Celebrate the changing of the seasons with rituals of thanks and blessings, in exchange for the powers of magic, renewal and death.
To serve the needs of the lands and preserve the balance of all in harmony.

Great Druids

As stated earlier, the great druid leads a circle. Like other inner circle members, the great druid usually has won the position through the challenge and has to maintain the ascendancy by defeating other challengers. However, some great druids become so respected (or feared!) that subordinate Archdruids forgo challenging them, instead preferring to enter the service of the Grand Druid or wait until the Great Druid advances in level.

The Ban

The Great Druid can impose a strong, nonviolent sanction upon those who have offended the circle. All must shun someone placed under the ban; no druid in the circle will aid, speak to, or associate with the target of the ban. When an entire town or village suffers the ban, no druid may enter that area or speak to or aid any resident. Some druidic allies volunteer to follow the custom of the ban as well. For instance, a clan of sprites or centaurs on good terms with a circle may receive word of a ban and choose to honor it.
The great druid has the right to pronounce a ban on any druid in the circle. A ban also can cover non-druids, whole communities, or druids visiting from other domains (except the Grand Druid and personal servants), to demonstrate the circle's displeasure.
To pronounce the ban, the great druid stands up during a moot and announces to the group the reasons to impose the ban. Then the subject of the ban--if present--answers the accusations before the assembly. Finally, the High Council of the Moot votes on the matter openly, usually at sunset. If a majority of the council votes in favor of the ban, it passes. If not, the great druid should start keeping an eye on the circle's Archdruids--the opposition to the ban likely reflects an impending challenge.
A ban generally lasts 10 summers. However, the inner circle can vote to lift a ban early or (once the time is up) to extend it. The shunning does not extend outside the domain, so banned druids usually choose to go into exile--the result the great druid probably intended in the first place.

The Grand Druid

Above all others within the Order stands the figure of the Grand Druid, the highest-level druid in the world.

Duties of the Grand Druid: First and foremost, the Grand Druid acts as a politician, responsible for keeping harmony between the great druids of each domain and between the various druidic branches. The Grand Druid also rallies the circles against the rare global threat to Nature or the cosmic balance. This always proves a difficult task, as many circles fiercely cherish their autonomy, believing each one should remain self-sufficient and not meddle in other domains' affairs. Few circles willingly send contingents off to aid other circles unless they feel absolutely certain that the threat will menace their own domain as well. To make matters worse, the inflated pride of many circles prevents them from accepting help from "foreign" druids. As a result, often only one thing can convince the Order a threat warrants a combined effort: the destruction of an entire circle. Fortunately, such occurrences are few and far between.

The Grand Druid and entourage spend most of their time visiting different regions and speaking to the Great Druids, Archdruids, druids, and, rarely, lowly initiates. In particular, this leader serves as a diplomat and peacemaker, who mediates disputes between druids of neighboring circle. Normally the circles act with autonomy. However, if a circle appears in great disarray--for instance, an enemy has killed most of its members or forced them into hiding--the Grand Druid may try to rally the circle or recruit aid from other domains. If a circle has been effectively destroyed, the Grand Druid might decide to rebuild it from scratch.

Hierarchies

Each Circle decides for itself what role each member will take, and how each druid advances in the order.
Traditionally, druids would fight one another to ascend through the ranks. The idea was that there were a finite number of druids, and a finite number of druids at each class level. To level up from 1 to 2, a level 1 druid would have to find a level 2 druid and defeat them in combat (which wasn't necessarily lethal, the rules were decided upon before the fight and generally ended at "first blood"). If the level 1 druid wins, he goes to level 2, and the level 2 druid drops to level 1.
Personally, as a DM, I love this conceit and I've kept it since it was introduced in the early editions of the game. I'm sure many of you would vehemently disagree with this and think it wouldn't be "fun" for the loser PCs, but you'd be surprised how flexible players are, and how losing and wanting to do better next time are strong drivers for behavior in the game. Not every player is going to like this, but some will, so have a conversation and do what feels right for your table.
In my own world, the Canathane Order has a strict hierarchy of titles, but each Circle has its own, internal set of roles that need filling, and these roles can be filled by a druid of any level, as this isn't about rank, its about ability/talent.
For example, in the Crows Wood Circle in Tazuria, a forest grove, there are the following roles:

Pathfinders - Scouts and navigators
Firetenders - Fire managers - both fighting and using as a tool
Bloomwalkers - Gardeners, herbalists, researchers
The Blades - Ecologists who keep the populations of all creatures - animals, humanoids, and monsters in balance.

Now there may be level 1 and level 12 druids as Bloomwalkers, as its the skills of the druid that matter.
The traditional "level structure" in D&D looks like this (with titles included):

Level 1 - Aspirant
Level 2 - Ovate
Level 3 - Initiative of the 1st Circle
Level 4 - Initiative of the 2nd Circle
Level 5 - Initiative of the 3rd Circle
Level 6 - Initiative of the 4th Circle
Level 7 - Initiative of the 5th Circle
Level 8 - Initiative of the 6th Circle
Level 9 - Initiative of the 7th Circle
Level 10 - Initiative of the 8th Circle
Level 11 - Initiative of the 9th Circle
Level 12 - Druid
Level 13 - Archdruid
Level 14 - Great Druid
Level 15 - The Grand Druid

In my world, however, the overall Canathane hierarchy looks like this:

Level 1 - Acolyte (newcomers, given mundane tasks)
Level 2 - Watcher (paired with a mentor, forbidden to speak)
Level 3 - Seeker (students who guide the acolytes and watchers)
Level 4 - Mentor (guides the students)
Level 5 - Teacher (guides the mentors)
Level 9 - Great Druid (leads a Circle)
Level 14 - Wanderer (walks the earth seeking wisdom)
Level 19 - Council of Ravens/Snakes/Salmon (depending on the terrain) - advisers to the Grand Druid
Level 20 - Grand Druid (overall Order leader)

All other levels not represented on this list are given the general title of "Priest/Priestess of the X Mystery", where "X" the level number (e.g,. Priest of the 8th Mystery).
So in our example of Crows Wood, the two Bloomwalkers would be equals when performing their duties in their roles, but when it comes to "official druid business", the level 2 Watcher would defer to the level 12 Mysteries Priest.
Take the traditional and make it suit your world and your needs, and remember to be creative when it comes to your hierarchies and think about what roles your druids can fill! There's a post I did awhile back that outlines some of these roles, and it may help.
“In the secret island the Druid shall dwell once more, and the Bard, the slave of the harp, utter the speech of the Gods.”

Lewis Spence

The Life of a Druid Grove

The cycle of annual events that marks time in the Druid world dictates a strict regimen of tasks, sacrifices, blessings, and rituals to ensure the health of the land, the weal of the wildlife, and the ancient adherence to time-honored traditions.
The Sacred Grove is the center of that cycle of life, and its existence is far more than a simple construction of earth, stone, and wood. The Grove existed as a place of power before the Druids recognized (and harnessed) its natural and spiritual essence. Groves are unique things. Each has its own place in the world, its own power levels, and a Name upon which devotion should be given.

The Permissions

A Sacred Grove, when "adopted" by a Druid circle, is modified by magic and ritual to hide its resonating power from the outside world, and this is almost always some form of barrier.
In forests, these are often tall and thick, thorny hedge walls, interspersed with rock and living trees, they disinvite curiosity and most animals do not dwell in or near them. In deserts, sandstone walls are sometimes used, intermixed with cacti and other native foliage, but sometimes raw illusion hides a desert Grove - it depends on the need of the circle's Great Druid to decide. In other terrains, other walls are created to match their surrounds, and underground large cavern systems are sealed off and closely guarded. The permissions that allow the flow of Druids and visitors are key to ensuring the Grove remains safe and hidden from non-allies.

The Known: These are any creatures/people that the Druids have observed but not interacted with verbally. They are the least trusted among the circles. The Known never know anything about the Druids, and the Grove remains unseen by them.
The Spoken: These are minor allies of the circle, who have proven themselves trustworthy enough to conduct affairs with, but remain outsiders to the Grove itself and its whereabouts. The Spoken are often allowed to trade with the Druids - information, goods, or whatever else, and can be raised to the next permission with time, and continued good will.
The Seen: These are allies of the circle who have proven both trustworthy and useful. They know where the Grove is located, and most of the Druids who are loyal to it, but must be escorted inside and are never left alone while in the Grove itself. Friend or not, the Druids maintain secrets that no outsider can ever be allowed to learn.
The Wise: These are strong allies of the circle who are trusted friends. They are friendly with all the Druids and are allowed to enter and leave the Grove on their own, and are treated as near-equals within the Grove itself (although some secrets will never be trusted to outsiders).

Guardians

Guardians of the grove can come in many, many forms, and will most likely be tied to the surrounding terrain (but not always! A fire elemental in a polar setting is fiercesome indeed!). The role of the guardian is obvious - to guard the grove from threats, to hide it when necessary, and to act as a repository for passed messages or news.
Each guardian should be a fully fleshed NPC, with a rich personality and the usual quirks.
Here are some sample guardians, by terrain.

Arctic and Subarctic - Remorhaz, Yeti, White Dragon, Snow Elemental
Desert - Brass Dragon, Earth Elemental, Manticore
Forest - Dryad, Pixie, Faerie Dragon, Nixie, Sylph
Jungle - Dakon, Coatl, Green Dragon
Mountains - Galeb Duhr, Roc, Awakened Tree, Bear
Plains - Buffalo, Lion, Wolf
Seacoast - Shark, Crabfolk, Awakened Bird
Swamp - Shambling Mound, Froghemoth, Naga
Underground - Gargoyle, Myconid, Umber Hulk
Urban - Awakened animal or object, Therianthrope (Rat or Dog or Pigeon would work)

In all of my examples above, I said that the guardian can shift the grove away from the Prime Material Plane (or at least to another location on the PMP), and that's a traditional power of guardians in some folk tales - hiding the sacred from the profane. Your choice if you want to include that, so be creative with your guardians abilities!

Gatekeepers

A great many Groves have Gate/Doorkeepers that serve as the first line of active defense against the circle's enemies. Oftentimes these are not humanoids, but are more ancient creatures whose loyalty often lies more with the Heart than the circle. Examples of Doorkeepers are Galeb-Duhr and other Elementals or Elemental-kin, Dragons (these are rare), Celestials, Fey (also rare), or Spirits. The Doorkeeper knows all the permissions, and oftentimes will have proscribed rituals that must be performed before access to the Grove is permitted. The circle members most often do not have to perform these if they are above 3rd level, but every Doorkeeper has its own quirks.
Door Opening Ritual Examples

Collect a rare flower and offer it as sacrifice.
Collect a rare fruit and offer it as sacrifice.
Make a live sacrifice of a creature.
Use specific speech pattern/structure (ritual language).
May only petition during natural, recurring events (full moon, solstice, etc...)
Must strip away all goods and possessions before entering.
Chant prayers/request for a timed period (oftentimes this is at least 6 hours, but Doorkeepers each decide how long the petitioner must show patience).
Present a basic work of art (sand/rocks/crude paint) as sacrifice.
Wait quietly for a timed period (the length varies, but from 1 hour to 1 week is common).
Defeat a minor guardian manifestation before being allowed to enter. This may be combat via melee, magic, or wit (dialogue).

The Outer Grove

Once past the Doorkeeper, the Druid or visitor finds themselves in one of 2 interior "zones". These are not marked by any physical method, usually, and is more of a grouping of convenience, and not security concerns.
The Outer Grove contains the practical elements that a living community needs to survive and thrive. These often take the form of the following:

Traveling Druid/Guest Quarters
Animal Shelters/Pastures
Storehouses: Food/Equipment/Weapons/Medicines/Seeds
Kitchen and Dining Areas
Gardens/Crops/Orchards
Craftshops
Laundry Area
Latrines/Garbage Disposal
Access to clean, running water (waterfall, stream, magical fountain, etc...)

Food Sources
This is just a sample list

Vegetable Gardens
Herb Gardens
Fruit Orchards
Apiaries
Dairy Pastures
Fungal Blooms
Game/Fish/Fowl Hunting Grounds

The Inner Grove

The Inner grove contains the spiritual elements that the circle needs to attend to to keep their order in line with ancient traditions and philosophies. These often take the form of the following:

The Sacred Heart: The phenomenon/object that powers the grove and what the grove is built around. (See section, below)
The Circle Druids' Quarters: These can take many forms, but should reflect the terrain in which they dwell.
Vault/Secure Storage: These often contain revered/powerful objects, seed banks, items of value that are not needed yet (but may be in the future), or any other item that needs powerful security.
Circle/Altar: This is where all of the religious aspects of the Circle are performed. The material of the circle (traditionally of stone) depends on the local terrain and the focus of the Circle itself.
Magical Portal(s): These lead to other groves, safe areas, or towns or other important locations.
Guardian/Sage/Ally Quarters: These can take many forms, but should reflect the terrain in which they dwell.
Special/Magical Gardens: Often these are the exclusive gardens of the Great Druid, and contain rare and magical plants (some of which are the guardians!) that are used in times of great need.
Honored Dead (tombs, graves, pyres, etc...): These are not always inside the grove, but are always tended.
Magical "Feature: See the sample list, below the Sacred Places example list.
Other Sacred Places: The sacred places (not Hearts) within a grove can take many forms. Here's a small sample list:

Sacred Earth

Circle of stones
Mineral outcrop
Huge bouldeboulders
Mudpots

Sacred Fire

Torches/Lanterns
Firepit
Bonfire
Lava outflow/pool
Natural gas jet (lit)

Sacred Wind

Windchimes
Fluted Rocks
Moaning Rock
Wind sculpture

Sacred Spirit

Effigies
Totems
Charms/Sigils/Glyphs

Magical Features

Terrestrial/Planar Gate
Teleportation Circle
Healing Circle
Stasis Chamber (for the critically wounded, cursed, or preserved dead)
Eternal Season (within the grove)
Unnatural Day/Night Cycle (or only Day/Night)
Deity Communion Area (not necessarily the Heart)

You could also add some really fun ideas like:

The grove is concealed through illusions and (mental) traps.
The terrain around the grove is subject to a mass soothing effect, and no violence is possible.
A tree or boulder is Awakened and can be chatted to for 2-3 rounds a day. The locals might know about this.
No one inside, or approaching the grove is able to tell a lie.
Fire is unable to be kindled in the terrain surrounding the grove.
Weather does not affect the grove.

Sacred Hearts

The Heart of a grove is a place where the Druid can immerse themselves in the flow of magic and natural energies, and is key to keeping the Druid's health and sanity protected from the often immense burdens of shepherding the world. When a Druid visits a Heart, they are subject to the Heart's divine gifts. These gifts can take many forms, and may include recharging spells, healing wounds, lifting curses, and the like (see section, below).
A Heart is a place that is unusually beautiful or awesome (in the original sense of the word), and a feeling of physical dweomer passes over the perceptions of all sapient creatures who get near to it. This feeling is pleasant, and energizing, but will never cause anxiety or ill feelings, no matter how long the sensation is experienced. The magic here is welcoming, safe, and encompassing. A place of peace.
Creatures that are wicked/evil/destructive will be repelled from such places, driven to shun them, or destroy them if they think it can be done. A Heart is a font of positive divine magic, and resonates as such to any who pass near to it, which is why Druids go to such great lengths to disguise them, and protect them with strong guardian magicks and creatures.
Each Grove has, at its center, a natural object or phenomenon that is inherently magical and tied to the divine powers that ensure the health of the world. The Sacred Heart of the Grove can be many things. Here is a list of examples, by all means, homebrew your own!

Sacred Hearts

A huge, ancient tree
A waterfall
A natural spring
An outcropping of mineral
A sinkhole/deep pit
An oasis
A crystalline cave
A huge mushroom
A pile of huge boulders
A lightning-struck tree
A boiling mud pit
A whirlpool
A thermal/volcanic vent
A dust-be'deviled box canyon
A deep pond
A meadow of rare flowers
A mineral/gemstone vein
A balancing rock(s)
A place of howling winds
A mountain peak

Sacred Hearts each have different abilities, according to the needs of the grove's inhabitants. These abilities are left to your imagination, but here's some examples:

Regeneration – By spending time here, the druid can be healed of wounds, disease, poisons, venoms, and madness.
Empowerment – By spending time here, the druid can more easily commune with nature and the deities that govern.
Meditation – By spending time here, the druid can regain access to used divine energies, restoring spell access, or even granting new spells.
Travel - The veil between the realities is thinner in these places, and can be often used to move between the planes or even just around the Prime Material Plane. Most often these places are connected in a network, and can function as "divine teleporters" or Planar Gates.
Communication - It can be possible to communicate over vast distances to other places of power, and thus keep all the druidic Circles up-to-date on the world's events.

Religious Activities

The Heart serves as the focus for religious activites, as stated previously. So let us ask the question - what is a religious activity? Here is a sample list:

Celebrate the changing of the seasons and thank the Gods for their blessing and protection
Celebrate the full moon(s), and to recognize the cyclical aspects of nature - life, growth, decay, and death.
The sacrifice of items to honor, appease, or petition the Gods. These may take myriad forms - food, creatures, treasure, blood, or any other item the Circle and their Gods have deemed worthy of value.
Mass spellcasting to protect the grove, or the local area from harm.
The induction or death of a member of the Circle.
Specific rituals undertaken by the Circle based on tradition, location, or need - and these will be individual, unique activities. Perhaps a Circle of Grey Druids in the Underdark comes together once a year to cloak the Grove from a mass migration of a dangerous monster or beast pack.
If you want more ideas on specific mechanics for rituals, I've written about them here

Broken Groves

Through some evil, or plan, or accident, groves can lose their connection to nature and become broken - that is, cursed, defiled, or otherwise desecrated in some way. This can take any form, from reversed seasons (or persistent ones), hauntings, poisoned ground where nothing will grow, to warped ground where those who eat from it become entranced and will refuse to leave, to awakened and murderous plant or animal life, or anything else your devious minds can conjure. The reason should be great, however, as the groves are considered places that mark the health of the world as a whole, and losing even one should be a loss. Don't forget the grove's guardians and powers would warp and change as well. Stay safe out there!
The Druids officiate at the worship of the gods, regulate public and private sacrifices, and give rulings on all religious questions. Large numbers of young men flock to them for instruction, and they are held in great honor by the people. They act as judges in practically all disputes, whether between tribes or between individuals; when any crime is committed, or a murder takes place, or a dispute arises about an inheritance or a boundary, it is they who adjudicate the matter and appoint the compensation to be paid and received by the parties concerned.

Julius Caesar, The Conquest of Gaul

Stay tuned for Part 2, where you will get a fully fleshed out Sacred Grove to drop into your campaigns!
This is going to be part of an upcoming book - check out my other work!

Join Avery D'Arc, Space Orc, as he wrestles with the mysteries of the universe, Cat-girls with no conception of personal space, and the slings and arrows of outrageous vacation destinations.
- - - - -
“Cauchy” (cross-post from HFY): Space Orcs might be the most rawly impressive species in the known galaxies, but it turns out that they're not the most confounding when Billie and Avery set out to investigate the mysterious appearance of a vast artificial complex (just one of many). Spanning two light years, its main mass is empty and seems to have no effect on spacetime around it.
Its otherwise bare surface isn't quite entirely bare though, with a ten million mile building standing out as a beacon-like calling card for all and sundry. As if this weren't enough, the interior proves increasingly more bizarre, making the exterior seem merely a little outsized by contrast. At the heart of the matter is a being more outlandish than they'd ever expected, and all because of what will never happen, ensuring that what wasn't remains so.
“Cauchy” is the first chapter in the story arc “When in Rome,” which is in turn the third story in a series (“Tell me more about this Earth-thing”).

They had talked for so long that dinner had turned into an extended brunch. Billie had nibbled the most delicious ginger muffin, then a simple gingered mushroom and scallion noodle soup. Knowing better, this soon became a theme nevertheless. The ginger curried chicken had been strong, but the “palate cleansing” slices of pickled ginger understandably more so. Ze'd thrown caution to the wind after that, piling on a light ginger tea, sliced pork with ginger-rhubarb compote, salad with a ginger dressing, caramelized peaches in ginger syrup, and at last a large ginger margarita.
Yeller had chosen to sleep in the flight deck, and they'd finally managed to free the bed of Paws, and so they could now relax at last.
“Mmm, did I mention that raʔûR will be visiting? You'll finally get to meet her!”
Avery nodded uncertainly, not uncomfortable with the thought, but unsure of where ze was heading with this. The Cat-girl was one of zer best friends, and he didn't wish to misstep with this.
“And I never have shown you my spinnerets, now have I...?” ze asked coyly, sipping a sweet ginger Armagnac as they slid beneath the sheets. The bed covers were semi-sapient, designed to snuggle close and actively provide psychological cover, warmth, cooling ripples of air, massages, and hugs; Avery still wasn't quite used to them, but this spinneret thing held his full attention now.
He quirked his brow.
“Oh, nothing, just a little surprise that I was calling up before all of this began – but if you're not interested...” ze wriggled zer hips suggestively, then shrugged.
The temperature and air currents were perfect, the gravitational center set to just inches above the sleeping nest, but still a ginger candle burned nearby, adding to the close of zer day. It would be days before the air cleared of it, and they'd both be sore and exhausted afterward, but it would be worth it, and right now ze had only one thing on zer mind anyway.
Their report would take some time to compose. Detailing it all would be straightforward enough, but supplying coherent interpretations of it all would likely prove itself a challenge.
For now, they simply settled for a good, long rest – first things first, though, of course; after all, one must keep one's eyes on the important things in life.

O ~~~ O

Footnotes:

1 Archailect: See Orion's Arm (URL below) for greater detail, ▐► https://www.orionsarm.com/eg-topic/492d76d2f173e

2 Demons and Witches: From the theme song of “Ghost Busters ”, the 1975 Filmation live action Scooby-wannabe (not its 1986 incarnation, nor the unrelated Columbia franchise). ▐► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBZCUiR7Iq8&list=PLIl2eWOVM20HMp85S3KZFgftJRgwStzIv

3 Epsilon null: Here, Cauchy is referring to the surreal divisions of infinitesimal epsilon, rather than the transfinites, or I'd have written “...meaningfully smaller...” rather than “...meaningfully larger...” – his point being that either is negligible, mathematically vanishing, but not identical.
TL;DR is essentially (and painfully inaccurate, mathematically) 1/∞; in this context, ε-sub-ε could then be likened to (1/∞)/∞, though this is where we would normally differentiate between the former denominator being aleph null and the latter combined form being more akin to aleph one or beth one (then again, normally ε^2 = 0, which would normally put paid to the whole issue were it not for surreals).
For a more in-depth coverage of epsilon (and ZFC to an extent) please see the Technical Appendix of the “Icewall ” .pdf at: ▐► https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1BG7P_sVezz8Dn5b8js_34yeAjSBhfN0v
See also “I am the Walrus ” footnote on aleph and beth numbers (essentially the transfinite complement of infinitesimal epsilons – the latter not to be confused with the poorly named transfinite epsilon) at ▐► https://archiveofourown.org/works/26951104
This footnote is a rather abbreviated and very limited explanation, but it would take up far too much space to explain it well (not to mention all of the mistakes that I'd no doubt make). Go to your favorite math site / encyclopedia, and/or search engine – or simply StackExchange, Wikipedia, Wolfram MathWorld, DavidDarlingInfo, Quora, etc. – and look into the terms {transfinite, infinitesimal, aleph number, beth number, nimber, surreal number, hyperreal number, and ZFC / Zermelo–Fraenkel set theory with AC (axiom of choice)}.

4 Ljósálf: Operating at a level at least that of the Avatars of “Charmed ” and Time Lords of “Dr. Who ”, Ljósálfar are demonstrably Powers (Appendix F “Powers and Principalities ” of WIP “I am Legion ” .pdf, Tier Two: Supers, Rank 5+: individually Kardashёv Type I-II, Classic Traveller TL 17-25) at a bare minimum. The nature of Cauchy's private universe (and Ljósálven idiosyncrasies) argues a good chance of his being a low-rank Principality (Tier Three, Rank 1-2), though probably(?) less powerful than Q, the Beyonder, or Dr. Manhattan (but presumably more powerful than Moorcock's Gods of Law and Chaos).
“I am Legion ” .pdf available at ▐► https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1BG7P_sVezz8Dn5b8js_34yeAjSBhfN0v
NB: re. Principalities, cf. Qhalqhal of “Nothing's gonna change my world ” URL below (or Negent of the WIP “I am Legion ”): individually Kardashёv Type III-V, Classic Traveller TL >27 → 31+. ▐► https://archiveofourown.org/works/24380977
Ljósálven environs are perceived as whatever comforts the beholder, appropriate to circumstance. In a like manner, their physical appearance is that of whichever species is looking at them. >>> 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐑 >>> This is much like the Vorlons of Babylon 5, though without the limiting factor of how many are looking – it was only after thinking of this (and not much later, either) that I finally watched B5, but there's never anything new under the sun, it seems. <<< 𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐑 <<<

5 Language: In “The Space Orcs are coming, hooray, hooray! ”, we saw that all of Earth's languages are heard by intergalactics as a single language with tiny regional differences that might as well amount to no more than slight and irrelevant accents. Now we find that each species has its own language, but that they're presumably mostly or always the pulp sci-fi trope of a monoculture; one species, one language. We also see here that at least this Ljósálf (NB: yes, all of the rest of them, too) doesn't even have language at all, much less a language in particular. Curiouser and curiouser.

6 Beth Node: I'd explain this, but... spoilers. If you really insist, then you can find them (and Aleph Nodes) explained in a couple of references in the “Icewall ” .pdf and the Afterword of the “Seize the Deity ” .pdf. Once you tumble to their implications, make what you will of this Galactic world-pond.
“Seize the Deity ” .pdf available at ▐► https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1BG7P_sVezz8Dn5b8js_34yeAjSBhfN0v

7 Co-dimension: There's an Easter Egg waiting there. Who might be interested, search out the term. Doctor the math. It won't take too much time, and it's “relatively ” funny.

8 Red Queen: Yes, the “Alice in Wonderland ” series. She's an example BBEG in this story's larger RPG/story meta-setting of Icewall.

= = = = =

“Cauchy” is the first chapter in the story arc “When in Rome,” which is in turn the third story in a series (“Tell me more about this Earth-thing”).
“When in Rome” is an ongoing story arc, with three chapters so far. The first two chapters (“Cauchy” and “Don't throw the babe out with the bathwater”) are already uploaded to AO3 (if you can't wait for it on reddit). I plan to upload the third chapter (“A day at the beach”) to AO3 this coming Sunday.
I also plan to upload that second chapter to reddit here next week, though it and the third chapter feel more like Tenchi Muyo than a more general Space-Orcs-theme to me, so I'm unsure of whether you guys might want it here -- then again, the third chapter does show some of the Space Orc pack protection and its side effects.
I expected the third chapter to end this story arc, but a plot bunny attacked me last night, so there's a fourth one in development (“Is he good to you?”). Captain Stabby the Skutter attacks, and there's some relationship talk between Billie and one of the Catgirls (whom you'll meet in chapter 2), but that's all that I know so far (though I do want to introduce a hortaform pet rock).

DC Next presents:

Legends of Tomorrow

Issue #1: Draft Day
Written by: dwright5252
Edited by: JPM11S, AdamantAce
Previous Issue Next Issue>
“You can’t pick Superman.”
“You said I got first pick, and who better to add to the team than the Man of Steel himself?”
“If we wanted to call as much attention to ourselves as possible, he would be a fine choice. However, consider this a covert operation where not being the center of attention is the goal. Besides, he’s too important to the timeline to pull him out.”
“Ugh, fine. But that’s your one veto according to the rules.”
“Whatever makes this progress go faster. Now, pick someone we can actually add to the team.”
Markovburg, Markovia. 2020
It had taken Violet all these months, but finally she found a location that seemed… familiar to her.
She had tried her best to retrace her steps, though her memories only went back as far as the secret base of the 1,000. Returning there took a strength she didn’t know she had; the stench of death had fused into the walls of the compound and made her visit there that much more unbearable. She found little evidence of her existence, almost as if her time in captivity was but a horrible nightmare. However, she did find one link to her possible past: a heavily redacted file mentioning the only name she knew and a location, Markovia.
Traveling to another country on the other side of the world without any proper documentation was difficult, and she knew attempting the journey with her aura would drain her considerably. The arrangements took longer than she would have liked, and all that time she spent in cramped quarters and the damp holds of rocking boats. Nothing to do to pass the time but practice… Test… Hone.
By the time she reached the shores of the country, smuggled in through the exported goods surrounding her, she felt more in touch with herself than she ever remembered. Maybe that’s why the streets of the Markovian capital felt safe to her. Like she had sought refuge here before.
The tales she’d heard pertaining to the state of this country were of a utopia of sorts, that the people were thriving and the leadership was guiding Markovia to a new golden age. The truth of the matter was slightly different.
Violet was met with soldiers walking the streets, a few harassing citizens as they walked by, but most minding their own business. If she didn’t know any better, Violet would’ve thought she was back in the 1,000 with guards preventing her from leaving, but was glad that most of the people seemed to walk without interference and seemed safe.
“” a voice from behind her said. She was surprised she understood what they were saying, as it was clear they weren't speaking English. She turned around and found herself face to face with two soldiers, each one towering over her. One of the guards, an older man with reddish hair, had his hand out expectantly.
“” Violet replied, easily recalling the language from some newly unlocked portion of her mind. The guard advanced on her, grabbing at her hijab. Instinctively she swatted his hand away, causing him to grab her arm roughly.
“” the soldier sneered. As his grip tightened around her wrist, Violet instinctively felt her aura change to red as a force field formed around her and pushed outwards, forcing the two soldiers to the ground.
Quraci. That word struck a chord with her, but she didn’t have time to dwell on it as the eyes of the people around them were suddenly upon her. She saw fear in their eyes, another pang of memory striking deep within her again. People feared her before… But why? Why do they fear her now? She was only protecting herself.
“” the guard shouted from the ground, causing everyone around the square to approach her. Violet quickly summoned her orange aura, lifting into the air and away from the attacking townspeople. She saw the soldiers ready their rifles, and decided her best course of action would be to run away. She didn’t want the bullets bouncing off of her and hurting innocents, as much as she was frustrated by their blind loyalty and fear.
Soon Violet found herself in an out of the way alley, away from the roar of the newly formed mob trying to find her. She took several calming breaths, placing her hands on her knees as she steadied herself in the dark corner.
“Hey Violet! Long time no see!”
She whirled around, willing her aura into a golden glow as she prepared to blast the person behind her. Before she could, a spark of recognition ignited within her, one that lit into a full flame when she saw the familiar visage of Booster Gold.
“Michael!” she shouted, embracing the gold-clad figure in a tight hug. He returned it, then stood back to get a good look at her.
“When you said you wanted to find some answers about yourself, I didn’t think that’d lead to you being chased by soldiers,” he joked, clearly trying to relieve the tension Violet was sure was on her face. She forced a smile and rubbed her wrist, emanating a violet aura that caused the pain to recede into her. “Nice to see you have some practice with your powers though!”
“I have been working hard, but still find myself lacking what I need,” she said quietly. “I fear I may never discover my identity.”
Violet saw Booster smile, which she thought was odd considering the sad statement she just made. “Can I ask what you find enjoyable about my failure to find myself?”
Booster shook his hands, eyes growing wide. “No no no! I don’t find that funny at all! I was just smiling because I have something that can help you.”
“I appreciate your insistence in aiding me, but I am fine on my own,” Violet said, beginning to walk away from him. Though it would help to have someone to work through the fog with her, Violet knew the dangers that lay in the unknown. She couldn’t subject him to such horrors that she might have to face.
“Please, just hear me out. I’m putting a team together, a team that helps people. You’re perfect for it, and we can help you find who you really are in between missions.” Booster walked up next to her, displaying a holograph from his wrist of a strange looking ship. “We’d be traveling through time, and we need someone with your abilities. Hell, I don’t even care about those, I want someone with your mindset.”
Violet studied Booster’s face, looking for traces of deception or ulterior motives. It was hard for her to believe what he was saying, but she saw how he and his friends helped her escape the 1,000. Even if they couldn’t help her find what she was looking for, she did owe him.
“I will help you.” Violet nodded, though she couldn’t shake the feeling this partnership might not work out in her favor.
“We can help her find out who she really is, right?”
“I don’t see why not. It seems like this… Violet has no real effect on the timeline.”
“Could you maybe be a little less… assholey? Besides, it’s your pick.”
“I pick Matthew Tyler.”
“Really? You’re picking the android you’ve already worked with? That’s such a boring pick!”
“I can rely on him; he gets the job done. Your pick, and try not to pick the most recognizable heroes on the planet.”
“... You’re the worst.”
Radiance, Pennsylvania. 2020
The Anthracite Bar and Grill was the perfect place for Mitch Shelley: dark, out of the way, and a place where nobody asked you questions.
Radiance was, by all accounts, a small slice of Americana you only saw in the travel guides. “A Small Town With a Big Heart” was its motto, and Mitch really disliked how friendly most of the townsfolk were. Thankfully he found the Anthracite, the lump of coal in the stack of diamonds that was this picture perfect town.
There were only two other patrons at the bar along with Mitch and the bartender: one that was slumped unconscious on the pool table while the other drunkenly warbled to the general tune of whatever song came on the faded jukebox in the corner. As Mitch downed his third beer under the glow of the Lash Whiskey sign, the door to the establishment swung open, letting in the sunshine that the barkeep had spent so long trying to block out.
“Hard man to find,” said an annoying voice as someone sat at the stool right next to Mitch. It was one thing for someone to barge into a bar with such loud gusto, but another thing entirely to sit right next to someone when there were literally open seats everywhere else. “How’s that sponsorship you stole from me going?”
Mitch looked up into the blue eyes of that one idiot he had to save back in North Carolina. He couldn’t be bothered to remember his name.
“Well, all’s forgiven!” The man slapped Mitch on the back, causing some of the beer to spill from the mug in front of him. The bartender quickly grabbed the mug and refilled it, shooting the intruder a dirty look. “Listen, I’m putting a team together, and I think you’d be a perfect fit.”
Mitch, now thoroughly annoyed at the loudmouth, turned in his stool to look him in the face. God, what a punchable face.
“Fuck off,” Mitch stated, his words piercing the music around them.
The grinning idiot’s stupid grin faltered before he gave a hesitant chuckle. “Always the kidder, this one,” the clown said to the bartender, who continued to stare daggers at him. “Look, I know we didn’t get off on the right foot-”
“If you don’t leave this bar in the next five seconds, I’m going to freeze that smile on your face and smash your head into pieces to use as ice cubes.” Mitch took the mug from the bartender and demonstrated his latest power, turning the glass frosted and the beer frozen before slamming it onto the bar.
“Messaged received.” The idiot gulped and made a beeline to the door, letting in the sunlight one last time before returning the bar to the familiar darkness.
“Fucking moron,” Mitch Shelley, the Resurrection Man muttered before placing a crisp $100 bill on the bar for the owner.
“Another round.”
“OKAY, guess it’s my pick then.”
“Whoa whoa whoa! That doesn’t count for me, the guy turned me down!”
“Still, he was your pick and he didn’t work out. Guess it’s my turn again.”
“You literally suck the fun out of everything you do, you know that right?”
“It’s all part of the heavy responsibility of being a Time Master. You’ll learn about it someday.”
Gotham City. 2046
“Blast it!”
A marker collided against the wall of Gotham University’s Physics Department, a sign of the frustration and fatigue felt by the thrower. David Clinton had gone over the formulas again and again to no avail. He had accounted for the rotation and placement of the Earth, the differences in elemental levels across the various decades, the various limits of the human body and the protections against those shortcomings. He did the math again and again, coming so close to his answer that he was sure it was right there, right on the tip of his brain.
And yet, he still came up empty. The elusive concept and execution of time travel lay beyond his grasp. The other professors, once amused at his little “side project” now looked at him with pity-filled eyes, looked at him like a man without a purpose. But he did have a purpose, and he was so close to achieving something he worked his whole life to accomplish.
“What variable have I left unaccounted? What am I missing?” David yelled into his empty lecture hall, the mass of numbers and equations on the clear board in front of him beginning to mock him like his colleagues.
“You’re on the right track.”
David looked out into the seats of the hall and saw a man with a five o’clock shadow, dirty blonde hair and a green shirt. “Sometimes all you need is a little inspiration.”
“W-who are you?” David asked, slightly frightened by the presence of this unknown entity. He was positive he had locked the lecture hall to provide him with maximum privacy. “How did you get in here.”
“Call me Rip,” the man responded, holding out a hand. David ignored the handshake offer, instead walking over to retrieve his marker. “And let’s just say it’d take more than locks to keep me out of somewhere I want to go. But you know all about that, don’t you?”
David felt a bead of sweat drip down his forehead. Did this man know about his after hour excursions to the labs? No, he couldn’t. David made sure he was never seen.
“What do you want?” David questioned the man before him, wondering what exactly his game was.
“I want to help you succeed in your mission.” The man held out his other hand and displayed a feat of engineering Clinton had only dreamt of. From what he could tell from the shape of the vessel and the configuration its hull and engine was in, there was only one theoretical use for it. This was what he had been working towards, but actually finished.
“Is that… a time machine?” David saw the future, his future all in a simple projection. Could this man be for real?
“Yep, the genuine article,” Rip confirmed, switching off the projection. “You can finally fulfill your dream, show all of your colleagues you were right. All you have to do is come with me.”
David found himself lost in a daydream of all the places he wanted to visit, the things he wanted to see. The assassination of Caesar in the Senate. The execution of Blackbeard. The Battle of Gettysburg. This is the moment his life has led him to.
“How do I know this isn’t a scam?” David said, hedging his bets as he thought about the potential outcomes. It could be an elaborate hoax from his peers. It could be a sting operation to get him to confess to the thefts he’d made in order to fund his project. It could have been a lot of things.
But what if it was real?
“I guess you won’t unless you come with me,” Rip replied, shrugging his shoulders as he began to walk out of the lecture hall.
David Clinton pushed all of the possibilities aside and allowed himself to come to the conclusion of the hypothesis he desired to be proven.
“This guy seems like a real dreg. Are you sure we want this egghead on the team?”
“He has the theory of time travel down pretty well, meaning I won’t have to explain the consequences of getting this wrong to him.”
“Does he really end up inventing time travel?”
“Would I have plucked him from the timeline if he did?”
“Good point. OK, my pick…. How about her?”
“Very funny, now who’s your next pick?”
“It’s her, I want her on the team. Seems like we need to even out the boring parts you’re adding with some excitement.”
“Booster, she’s a criminal. She’s too much of a wild card; I veto her.”
“You already used your veto, and I’m going to use my golden ticket to push her through to the team.”
“What the hell does that mean? What golden ticket?”
“Listen, why should I suffer if you haven’t had the pleasure of watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? She’s in.”
“... Fine, but if she ends up being a disaster-”
“Yeah, I know. It’ll be my fault. I’m willing to take that risk, because I’m positive I know how to sell this to her so she keeps on message.”
“I’d love to see this.”
Tinderland Penitentiary. 2020
For a maximum security prison, Deirde Harkness was pretty impressed with how cozy it felt.
Sure, the guards were as rude as ever, preventing her from getting into any thrilling situations like a lunchroom brawl or a breakout attempt, but honestly she couldn’t have asked for nicer inmates. They understood her need for the adrenaline rush that came from randomly decking someone in the face, and they responded in kind with such enthusiasm she would’ve sworn they actually wanted to kill her if she didn’t know better.
“Rot in hell, copycat!” one of the inmates yelled through his bars as the guards guided Dierdre to the solitary confinement wing of the prison.
“Try not to tilt your head back, never a good thing to do with all that blood gushing from your nose!” Deirdre responded cheerily, attempting to wave to the inmate with her cuffed hands. The guard to her left gave her a shove and urged her forward.
The escape plan she was being sent to solitary confinement for definitely wasn’t her finest hour. Sure, she had no real drive to break out just yet, but she was disappointed in how… pedestrian it all was. Trying to sneak out through the laundry shoot? She was better than that. The thrill of accidentally getting caught in a spin cycle was nothing compared to a riot. That would’ve been better.
“On a scale of one to ten, how badly do you want to kick my ass for that stupid escape attempt?” Deirdre asked the guards behind her as she was pushed into a small cell. “What was I thinking? Seriously, have you guys ever seen a worse attempt?”
“Warden says you like picking fights, you little adrenaline junkie,” the hulking guard with a bristly mustache said, ignoring her question. “Good luck fighting without anyone around.”
Deirdre smiled pleasantly at the guards as the door slammed shut. Looking around at her home for the foreseeable future, she respected how quickly the warden reacted to her actions. Usually they allowed for a little anarchy from the prisoners, knowing that certain people need to mark their territory and stuff. However, she got shut down after only two misdemeanors. Maybe it was different with inmates that took on the Flash. She knew that some of her father’s old teammates ended up in the old Iron Heights, back before the Rogues burned it down, now and then, and if she didn’t hate the son of a bitch so much she might have felt honored to be in it’s replacement.
“Yo, you the new Boomerang?” A muffled voice came through the wall to her right, causing her to lean in close to talk to it.
“And improved,” Deirdre added, sitting down on the pitiful excuse they called a mattress. “Definitely in the looks department.”
“Still got taken down like the old Boomer,” the voice guffawed. “They say you tried to fly away from the Flash?”
“Who would’ve thought he could get that high in the air? That was a rush for sure,” Deirdre sighed, remembering the attempted kidnapping like it was yesterday.
“Addicted to that rush, huh?” Deirdre was surprised to hear another voice in her cell, only this time the owner was actually inside with her.
“Pretty crowded for solitary confinement,” she noted as she looked over the tall guy standing in front of the steel door. From the look of his costume and the stupid grin on his face, Deirdre immediately pegged him as a hero. “Here to give me the lecture on how evil never triumphs and good wins out? I like a good story to put me to sleep, that’s mighty considerate of you.”
“I have a feeling that wouldn’t work with you,” the hero shook his head, leaning himself against the door. “I have a bet going with someone that I can get you to come with me.”
“Don’t know if you’ve noticed, darling, but my schedule’s booked solid for more than a few years. Why don’t we talk again in… oh… a decade or two?” Deirdre could see the hero was enjoying her banter, something she appreciated compared to the no nonsense Flash.
“That’s where you’re wrong. What if I told you I can get you out of here without anyone noticing? And then what if I followed that up with the thrill of a lifetime?” The hero crossed his arms and waited for an answer.
“Community service isn’t a thrill, Gold Bond.” Deirdre slumped against the wall, disappointed that this hero might not be so fun after all.
“Did I mention it’s a time machine? And that you get to fight a bunch of people through time And did I mention I’m not actually getting permission to take you out of jail?” Deirdre picked herself off the cot and leapt to her feet. That was the last thing she was expecting to hear from the golden action figure in front of her.
“You’re more than meets the eye it seems,” Deirdre rubbed her hands together, ready for the adventure he’d promised. “Let’s get going!”
“Hey, how come she gets out?” The voice on the other side of the wall lamented.
“She’s a lot more interesting than you, buddy!” The hero replied before grabbing Deirdre’s arm and teleporting them out of the prison.
“Welp, I think we have our team.”
“Not so fast, I get one more pick.”
“Frakk, I was hoping you’d forget about that. What boring pencil pusher do you have in store this time?”
“Actually… I think you’ll appreciate this one.”
Metropolis, 2480
Michelle Carter walked through the pristine halls of the Metropolis Space Museum, thinking about old times.
Her brother used to work in the museum, not as the curator like she was or as a guide but as the janitor. She was proud of him for working through the pain he’d suffered, the embarrassment and shame brought upon him by his bad decisions.
She was upset and concerned when he suddenly vanished without a trace, leaving her to look after their sick mother. After she passed, Michelle spent years searching for any sign of Michael, hoping he’d come home and realize there was nothing that couldn’t be forgiven, no chasms between each other that couldn’t be crossed.
But as the years went by, Michelle found herself succumbing to the anger. It was a side of her she didn’t like, a side she inherited from him, and one she tried so hard to keep at bay. Michael left them, just like he did. Soon she found that anger for the two absent family members fused into one, like an amalgam of hate and shame. She had no one anymore. All she had were memories and a cold trail.
Then, a man named Rip Hunter… No, he wasn’t ‘Rip Hunter,’ Michelle reminded herself… A man named Vandal Savage came and told her what had happened to her brother. Instead of facing the consequences of his actions, he decided to make a name for himself in the past as a superhero. The rage consumed her whole, and she found herself helping this supposed “Time Master” rig a trap to cause him to see justice. Finally he can be responsible.
So she became Supernova, she lured “Booster Gold” into his community service. But when she saw Michael, still young after all of this time, she found the anger start to simmer. This was her brother, her best friend. She felt at war with herself, angry at his abandonment but happy he was alive and doing what he wanted to do.
Then she found out he wasn’t her brother at all.
The “Michael Carter” she discovered in the past was from another world, a parallel dimension. Instead, her real brother had spent years acting as a time travel secret agent, completely shutting himself off from his family to protect them. The real Michael, now going by “Rip Hunter” (as if the name didn’t make her want to throw up before) explained everything to her, offered a weak apology and dropped her off back in her “proper” time.
And here she was, running the very museum that started this whole affair. She would’ve laughed at the poetry if it didn’t make her immensely sad.
As she stood in front of the Hall of Heroes, unable to summon the courage to walk through, a hand landed on her shoulder.
“Hey, sis.”
And there he was, specks of grey encroaching into his dirty blonde hair, wearing that stupid vintage letterman jacket he always insisted on wearing. He wore a small smile, but Michelle could tell there was actual sadness in his eyes. She thought he’d given up feelings a long time ago.
“Mikey,” Michelle whispered, looking him over to make sure he was real. “I thought you weren’t-”
“I know what I said.” He sighed, looking down at the ground as his hands fiddled in the pockets of his jacket. “I said a lot of things, and there are a lot of things I should’ve said that I didn’t.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Michelle said, holding up a hand. “I understand your job comes first.”
“But that doesn’t mean you have to come last,” Michael asserted. “Listen, I know I can be a real asshole sometimes-”
“Understatement of the century,” Michelle scoffed.
“I deserved that,” Michael admitted, taking his hand out of his pocket to scratch his scruffy chin. “And you deserve this.”
He took the other hand from his pocket and held out a small key. Michelle studied it, noting how ancient it looked.
“You didn’t steal this from the Revolutionary Wing, did you?” she asked, taking the key and inspecting it.
“No, it’s the key to the Waverider. I mean, technically the ship doesn’t operate with a key so this is mostly a symbolic gesture but you get what I’m trying to say, right?” Michelle noticed how nervous he looked, reminding her of the time she helped him out with a school bully.
“Yes, Mikey, I understand.” She held the metal fob in her hand, considering the weight of it. This could be her chance to reconnect with him, forge a new path forward in their relationship.
But more importantly than that, Michelle recalled flying through the air as Supernova, seeing the cities below her from a new and different angle. She remembered the joy of being somewhere other than here, like she was truly making a difference.
She wanted to feel that way again, and it only took a visit from her estranged brother to remind her.

During my time in the borg, I have met far too many witnesses that have absolutely no grasp on their finances. It's especially sad to see in older and elderly witnesses. Many of them have to rely on the generosity of other witnesses and government help to get by. But you can't really blame them! We are taught to put the meetings and the preaching work above all else. We are even told to quit our jobs if they don't give us meeting or assembly days off. On top of that, many of these witnesses are planning their lives and finances around the idea of "the world could end tomorrow", so what good are material things?
As you leave the organization and learn the truth about the truth, you've probably come to the realization that no, the world is not going to end tomorrow. You have your whole life ahead of you! But that also means you need to prepare for your future, your grand plans, and your retirement. I've read many posts here from young exJWs and new exJWs that feel lost when they leave and are worried about providing for themselves after getting shunned by everyone they know and losing their entire support network. Well I believe that the best way to take control of your life is by taking control of your finances first! After all, you will just be faced with a mountain of stress if you aren’t able to maintain yourself and achieve your dreams in the world. You might even consider doing the unthinkable… Going back 0_0
Since leaving the Borg, I have gotten my bachelor's degree in finance. After trying out several different positions and companies, I now own my own Capital Management company. In short, I provide financial analysis services and advice for individuals and companies, as well as manage various investment portfolios. I figured why not help how I can? While this post is primarily targeted towards those just leaving or planning to leave, I hope everyone can find this advice helpful as you prepare for your bright future outside the Borg. I'm going to start with the very basics and work our way up. This is going to be very long, but I promise I'll try to make it entertaining and relevant to the exJW.
But first, legal disclaimer time - Don't sue me bro. I'm not a financial advisor. This is not financial advice. Do your own research. Don't YOLO Tesla Puts. Don't leave your inheritance to the Borg.
With that out of the way, lets dive in.
**1. Open a bank account! **
This seems very basic, but it is the most critical step to begin your path to financial freedom. I know many younger people may have relied on their parents to “hold” their money or had a joint account with a parent, but it’s time to control your own money. Don't just stuff money under your mattress or in your sock. At the bank of your choice, open both a checking account and a savings account. My advice for a checking account is Wells Fargo; they have branches across the US, as well as many thousands of ATMs all over the place. It's helpful to be able to easily get to a branch to talk to a human when you need help with your account. For savings accounts, my recommendation is Ally Bank. This is a fully online bank, so no branches, but thanks to that they typically have among the highest interest rates of the industry. They also have the highest rated customer service for a bank. You call them up, wait for a couple minutes, and you're talking to a human - no more yelling at a robot when you need help with your account.
Earning interest on your money is important because otherwise you are literally losing money thanks to a little thing called inflation. Briefly, this means that the value of $1 (or whatever your local currency) goes down over time. Typically in the US, it's around 2% per year. Over your whole lifetime of not dying in a fiery Armageddon, that's a whole lot of percents. Interest rates don't always match inflation for a few complex reasons, but Ally will usually pay you 1-2% a year on your money. That's better than 0% on the money under your mattress.
Most companies offer direct deposit for your paycheck so your money can go directly into your account rather than having to deal with checks, plus its free unlike cashing checks. Having a bank account also makes it easier to pay all your bills, and holy sh*t will you have bills when you're independent. But we'll get to that later.
On top of paying you interest and keeping your money safe, a huge reason to have and use a bank account is that you will always know exactly how much money you have, how much money you spend, and where your money went. This brings me to the next point...
**2. Make a budget! **
The next step to your financial Independence is making a budget to see how much money goes in and out of your account on a monthly basis. I recommend using the free Mint app by Quicken. This lets you link all your bank accounts, credit cards, investment accounts, and large assets in one place to keep track of everything. They also have a budget function where you can type in what you want to budget for every category, and they will automatically keep track of how you're doing every month.
Once you know how much money is going out every month, you know how much needs to come in. If more money is going out than is coming in, or you need to increase your savings, then you need to...
**3. Trim the fat off your budget! **
Pretty much all of us are guilty of spending more than we should. I mean we're accustomed to getting our Starbucks coffee right after the service group, going to our favorite return visit - the donut shop, stopping for lunch with the friends after knocking on 2 doors, and donating to global pedophile ring... But I digress. Now it's time to trim the fat! Any unnecessary expenses need to go in order to succeed in your final future. Now that you have a budget, you'll actually be able to tell what you can cut down on.
If you are spending $100+ on Starbuck coffee, cut that sh*t out! I don't care how many stars you're earning. Buy yourself a $10 drip coffee maker or a $20 stovetop espresso maker (even though its more work, I prefer the espresso maker). Then buy a bag of your favorite ground coffee, some milk or half and half, and a sh*t ton of sugar. Want to play barista in your own home? Buy some flavored coffee syrups to add to your coffee. You'll be able to recreate your Starbucks coffee flavored sugar beverage for a fraction of the cost. Usually under $1. You can even misspell your name on your cup for a more authentic experience.
Fairly universal expenses are Food, rent, and utilities. But even these can be cut down on.
For food, you might be tempted to go out and eat, get some fast food, or some takeout. Maybe even just survive off meals from the frozen aisle. These are the easiest options. But you will quickly rack up a significant food bill over the course of the month. Instead, try your hand at cooking! Start easy with some pasta. $1.50 for a box of pasta, and $2.50 for a jar of sauce. The ratio I use is 1 box of pasta to 1/2 a jar of sauce. This leaves my pasta with plenty of flavor and color but not a huge pool of sauce in my bowl. To cook - boil & salt water, throw pasta in for 10 minutes, drain, add sauce, mix, done! (*Instructions unclear, got baptized into a cult*). For this $2.75 you should end up with 3-4 servings of food (Less than $1 each!). Toss the leftovers in some Tupperware and you have your lunch for work and another dinner! My advice is to look up your favorite recipes online and just practice. You will very quickly learn how to make lots of great food and significantly cut down on your food budget. I just learned how to make Nigerian Jollof rice by reading recipes online! Another way to cut down on food expenses, BUY THE STORE BRAND!!!! There is absolutely no reason to buy name brand foods IMO. Kroger is my favorite, but Great Value and Market Pantry are just as good. You can also buy the off brands. Fruity pebbles and Dyno bites? Same sh*t.
For rent and utilities, get a roommate! By getting a roommate you can cut your rent in half. If getting a roommate isn't an option, then try looking for another smaller or cheaper apartment. If that's not an option, then go the opposite direction and find a bigger apartment with a roommate! Getting a roommate is the most effective way to cut down on your rent expense. Sure, it may be awkward at first to live with someone else, but your wallet will thank you and you may even make a friend! We all know those are in short supply when you leave the Borg...
Subscriptions are the biggest killer of any budget. They leach off your bank account every single month like a cancer. For years I subscribed to the gentleman’s box to get my tie and colorful socks of the month to rock at the meetings. But after leaving, I can count on one hand how many times I've worn a suit. Now I have a closet full of ties and a drawer full of socks and nowhere to wear them. Subscriptions have got to go!
After having watched years of the broadcast (*cough* propaganda *cough*), you may now be tempted to subscribe to every streaming service you can find to fill your brain with meaningless worldly TV. But don't overdo it! You don't need Netflix, Hulu, HBO, AND Disney+. Pick your favorite streaming service with the most shows you like to watch, and stick with that one for a while. You can only watch one thing at a time after all. Once you get bored with it, cancel it, and try another one. You can cancel these and restart them at any time, and for the most part the content isn't going anywhere. There’s also YouTube, which is free. There is a mind-blowing amount of professionally made content on YouTube completely free, I guarantee you will find channels and shows you like watching. Sure, there's commercials, but that just gives you time to look at a couple memes on exjwhumor.
These are just some basic suggestions for how to cut out or reduce some large expenses. If you want to dive deeper in to saving even in the small places in your budget, you should explore some ideas of a frugal lifestyle. I find it kind of fun seeing everywhere you can save money by adding just a small amount of effort. Over time, these small efforts can really start to add up to some serious savings.
Once you cut down on your expenses, you should have a nice jingle in your pocket left over at the end of every month. **Don't forget to treat yourself! ** I'm not telling you to buy a jet ski or the newest iPhone with your extra money. In fact, you should be saving most of that extra money! (But we'll get to that next). You have just gotten out of a long-term toxic relationship and you need to take care of yourself. Give yourself a nice little discretionary budget every month to do whatever you want to do with it. If you like getting a manicure or pedicure (fellas, you don't know what you're missing out on), treat yourself! If you want to go get an ice cream or some dessert, treat yourself! Want to buy that video game that you have been dying to play? Treat yourself! If possible for your budget situation, try to give yourself $100 a month (or whatever you can) to do something you want to do.
**4. Start an emergency fund! **
The current pandemic and economic crisis show better than anything why you need to have an emergency fund. One day to the next you could be out of work, of you could have your hours cut, or you could fall ill and not be able to work. The average American can't afford a $500 emergency, and I don't want that to be you now that you don't have your support network anymore. Your emergency fund should be in its own high interest savings account. You want it to be easily accessible for when you need it, but not so easy that you might use it when you see a top at H&M that you just can't live without.
The rule of thumb is to keep 6 months worth of expenses, though having more doesn't hurt. Set your own goal based on what you think you need. The Mint app can also help you set and track a savings goal. On your budget, look at your monthly expenses and multiply x 6. This number may seem daunting at first, but remember that you don't need to get it all at once. Take your time and plan it based on your budget. Now that you have trimmed the fat off your budget, you might have some leftover money burning a hole in your pocket. But don't succumb to the temptation to spend! At the end of the month (or the end of the pay period), move all your leftover money into your emergency fund! No matter how big or small, contribute to your emergency fund every month.
But now that you have this pile of money staring at you in your bank account, you're going to need to set yourself some ground rules. Limit yourself on what you can spend this money on. Don't break open this piggy bank just because its Prime day and everything on your wish list is on sale, or because Gabe Newell decided to put an 80% discount on all your favorite Steam games. This is an EMERGENCY fund! Use it when your car gets a flat tire and you can't afford to fix it. Use it when you get an unexpected medical bill you can't pay. And of course, use it if you're laid off or can't work.
**5. Get a credit card and build credit! **
Getting a credit card may seem counter intuitive because you're taking out debt, but that's not really what it means. When you buy things on a credit card, after you get your statement at the end of the billing cycle you get a whole month to pay it interest free. *whispers* It's free money. The key is PAY OFF YOUR CREDIT CARDS! The interest rates on credit cards are f*cking painful, don't do that to yourself. If you're carrying a credit card balance, then pay that sh*t off as fast as you can or it will snowball into a nightmare.
When you get a credit card, they check your credit. If you have no credit history, it’s kind of hard to get a credit card but not impossible. However, it is nearly impossible to get any other type of loan, at least at any reasonable interest rate. This will especially hurt when you are trying to buy a house in the future. However, once you get a credit card, they will start reporting your credit usage every month to the credit bureaus which will start to build your credit history. Remember how you thought you would no longer get graded on anything when you left school? Guess what! You get graded on how well you can manage your debt. If your balance stays reasonable and you pay off your balance when its due, your credit score will go up. If you max out your cards, and let the balance roll, your credit score will go down.
Download Credit Karma, type in your info, and check out your credit score for free. It even updates every 7 days so you can keep track of how you’re doing. If you have absolutely zero credit history, it may not work right away. But that doesn't mean it won't work or that you can't get a credit card. It is very very very important to know your credit score and to keep it high because banks will judge you based on your credit score the minute you walk through the door. Remember how worldlies looked in jeans and a T-Shirt the first time they came to a meeting? That’s how a bank will see you with your sh*tty credit score. You gotta pump those numbers up!
Discover bank is a great credit card provider for starter cards. But you can google "started cards" and find tons of lists of different starter cards. If this is your first credit card, just spam applications until you get approved for one. Pay attention to your credit limit. A pretty standard limit is for your first card is $1,000. You may look at that and think "Cool! I always wanted to buy those sweet pinky rings the GB wear!" WRONG! Use your credit responsibly. Ideally you want to keep your credit usage under 30% of your limit. At $1000 this would be $300. But always remember to only spend what you can actually pay off when the bill comes due. Follow your budget!
Once you get your first card and manage your credit nicely, you should try applying for cards once a year. Pick a month where you will apply to several credit cards to expand your access to credit. For me this is the month of November. I will usually apply to 3 credit cards I've thoroughly researched. Focus on credit cards with no fees. There is absolutely no reason you should be paying an annual fee on a credit card when there are so many free ones out there. Also look for cash back cards. It means you will earn money just by spending money. *whispers* It's free money. Even if I get approved for all 3 credit cards, I won't use them. I'll just throw these somewhere super safe like my underwear drawer. If one of your new cards gives you a significantly higher credit limit, or gives you lots of cash back, then start using that as your primary and put the rest somewhere safe. Effectively, you are raising your credit limit every year while (hopefully) keeping your expenses the same. On your credit report it will look like you have access to a huge amount of money, but use a smaller and smaller portion of it. It will make you look responsible and in turn raise your credit score over time. Now when you walk into a bank, they'll look at you like you would look at the visiting speaker from South America when they walked into the kingdom hall. Banks may even take you out to eat after (with all that cash back they give you).
As you move through your life, it is very important to have a good credit score. That is what will allow you to get a good rate on a car loan (I don't recommend that, but that’s a story for another day), and also get a good rate on a mortgage when you buy a house. Debt isn't always a bad thing as long as you know how to manage it well.
**6. Make a Career Move! **
This may seem like a crazy option, but it serves a great purpose. If you are stuck in a dead-end job, if you don't make the kind of money you want to be making, or you don't see making a career out of your job, then its time to switch jobs! We have been told to avoid higher education our whole lives but that just forces us in to sh*t dead end jobs dreaming about how wonderful paradise will be instead of going out and grabbing life by the horns. Invest in yourself! Invest in your knowledge! Quarantine lock down is the perfect time to do that, and it doesn't look like its wrapping up anytime soon. Personally, I'm taking online classes to become a Real Estate Broker. This will let me expand what I am able to do with my company and increase my income. These classes were only $800, compared to going to college for 4 years to the tune of $20k+ per year. If you have some savings, use that to invest in yourself! If you want to change to a different career path, then look into what you need to do to make the move. Look for online courses or trade school if you don't want to go to college years or incur lots of debt.
Here's some examples of careers that don't take a lot of education but can take your income to the next level:
*Real Estate Agent or Broker
*Plumber
*Computer Technician
*Programmer
*Electrician
*Electric Pole Climber
*Mechanic
The world is full of options. Now that you aren't committed to studying for 2 meetings a week, attending 2 meetings every week, reading the bible every day, personal study, family study, monthly broadcast, and service on your off days, you should have much more free time to invest in yourself. Take advantage of that and move up in the world! Do what you never could have while drinking the Kool aid.
**7. Side Hustle! **
A great way to increase your income is to take on a side hustle. There are so many you can do (just google side hustles), but some of the easiest to get in to are being a food delivery driver. This is especially good business right now during the pandemic with everyone staying home. Sign up with Doordash, Postmates, Uber Eats, InstaCart, or any other delivery service you can. After gas and maintenance, you will typically earn an average hourly rate of $10-$15. Sometimes more. Like I mentioned in the last point, you should have a lot more free time to yourself now that you are not drinking the Kool aid. Why not take advantage of that time to make more money?
If your primary income covers all your expenses, you can use all your side hustle income towards your emergency fund, general savings, or investing. Personally, I use all my side hustle income towards increasing my investment accounts. Rather than making $10 an hour, in the long run you can turn that money into much much more by investing it.
**8. Start Investing! (Retirement Accounts) **
Now we're getting to the good stuff. Now that you have a bank account, a budget, and an emergency fund, it's time to start thinking about your future. The world isn't going to end in our lifetimes, although 2020 looks pretty dicey so who knows. You are going to want to stop working one day in your old age and relying on government cheese doesn’t give you too much freedom. This is where retirement accounts come in. The two primary types of retirement accounts are an IRA (Individual Retirement Account) and a 401k (four-oh-one-khay). The main difference is that an IRA is self directed, ie. you fully manage the account, and a 401k is employer directed, ie. your employer or benefit provider manages the account.
Let's start with a 401k. Most companies where you would have a career offer a 401k as part of your benefit package. The Benefit part of this package is that your employer will give you free money!!!! Kinda. Back in the olden days of the pre-1980s, a company would pay you a salary, called a pension, when you retired at 60ish as a thank you for your loyalty and career with that company. Then in 1978, 401ks became a thing and employers realized they didn't have to treat you like a human and reward your loyalty anymore. Instead, most employers will match your 401k contributions. It varies by company, but an example is that if you put 6% of your salary into your 401k, your employer will match your contribution adding another 6%. They may match it in full or in part, again it all depends on the company rules. But in some cases this could double how much money goes in to your retirement account just by using this one easy trick. The key to a 401k is that the money has to come directly out of your paycheck, you can't go back and add more later. But this can be a benefit; if you never had that money in your bank account to spend on a pair of Yeezys, it’s almost like you never earned it so you won't miss it. Plus, when you finally do get access to that money in retirement, it will be worth more and you'll be able to buy even more pairs of Yeezys!
On the other hand, with an IRA you can add however much you want, whenever you want, up to the legal limit. The current IRA contribution limit in 2020 is $6,000 per year. There are some tricky ways you can get around that but I won't get in to that here. Just google "backdoor Roth IRA" if you plan on contributing more than $6,000 a year. With an IRA, you get to choose the provider, you get to chose what you invest in, and you get to chose when and how much to invest. If you’re young, a high stock (high risk, high return) and low bond (low risk, low return) mix is best for your retirement account. You can afford more risk since you have more time to recover. However, as you get older you will want to slowly reduce how much you have in stocks and increase how much you have in bonds. The older you get, the more your risk tolerance goes down.
Now let’s talk Roth. To Roth or not to Roth? Well that depends. If you're under 59, you get charged penalties to access your IRA, or 55 for your 401k. In other words, you aren't supposed to access these accounts till you are (close to) retirement age. When you contribute money to a traditional IRA or Traditional 401k, you are contributing pre-tax money. You won't pay taxes on that money until you take it out at retirement age. The issue with that is that hopefully, that money will be worth a sh*t ton more when you retire than when you put it in. You'll be paying taxes on a bigger pile of money! Thats where a Roth IRA and Roth 401k come in. With a Roth account, you are contributing Post-tax money, or money you already paid taxes on. When you go to take the money out in retirement, its tax free! And everything you do in those accounts is tax free! My personal recommendation would be to go with a Roth account, especially if you are young. We all know to "Give to Caesar what is Caesars" (or whatever the f*ck that book says, I never read it), but you want to give Caesar as little as possible so you end up with more money in your pocket.
The best thing you can do for your future is invest in your retirement. You don't want to be working at 70 just to make ends meet. Future you will thank you.
**9. Start Investing! (Personal Accounts) **
Personal Investing! This is investing with (almost) no restrictions! When you invest into non-retirement accounts, you will be able to access this money whenever you want and do whatever you want with it. Almost. Don't buy drugs. Unless you're into that… When I'm talking about investing in this section, I'm talking about stock market investing. The best way to grow your wealth long term is by investing your money. When you invest, your money starts making you money. So even though you work the same amount, and get paid the same amount, by investing your money you are making more money because your money starts working for you. In general, you should be investing for the long term. This is for a couple of reasons - 1. you're more likely to make money over the long term than the short term, and 2. you'll pay less taxes on what you earn in the long term than the short term. Long term would be anything more than a year. Sure, you can go on to WallStreetBets and see people making a killing by day trading, but you can find far more people losing their asses day trading. I’m going to focus on long term strategies.
When you invest, there are 2 main strategies - Growth, or Income. Growth investing is if you want your money to grow at a good rate over time. Your $100 today will be worth $150 tomorrow (Not really that quick, but you get the point). The stock price itself will go up, so when you sell it in the future it will be worth more. Good long-term growth stocks would be Apple, Amazon, Coca Cola, and other large established companies. I would say Tesla, but who knows what the f*ck is going on with Tesla stock. One tweet from Elon can wipe out your investment or double your money. Income investing is if you are trying to get a second source of income. This is through stocks that pay dividends - once every 3 months they will pay their shareholders a piece of the profit they have made. This is straight up cash deposited into your investment account just for owning certain stocks. You can either reinvest this money to grow your investments, or you can deposit it into your bank account and use it. If you're young, the best thing to do is focus on growth and reinvest any dividends you get. Either strategy you choose, you can be making much larger returns on your money than you would on a bank account or by not investing. Investing is magic. Though they won't admit it, even the Borg has sizeable investment accounts to grow their money. Yes, they rely on the world that they condemn so much. As those CSA cases get more expensive, they need more money with which to pay them. The Mormon church has over $100 billion invested, one of the largest investment funds in the world. Investing is the smart thing to do with your money.
So while the people living "the best life ever" are dreaming about where they want to travel in paradise, you can use your growth or dividends to actually go there. The more you cut your expenses, the more you can afford to invest. The more you invest, the more money you will make in the long term. If you invest enough, you can even generate a completely independent source of income from your job which will go a long way in granting you financial freedom. My goal is to invest at least 50% of my income, but currently I'm at 20%. Try to invest as much as you can. Future you will thank you.
The way you choose to invest will fully depend on your comfort level with investing and your investing budget. Yes, you should have an investing budget.
Let’s say your comfort level is zero and/or your budget is very small. Then I would recommend Acorns. Acorns is a round up or spare change investing app. You link your credit cards and bank accounts, and every time you spend, it will round up your purchase and invest that. Say you buy a pastry for $1.75, Acorns will pull $0.25 out of your account and invest it, bringing your total to $2. You can choose from conservative through aggressive portfolios. If you are young, I would recommend you lean more towards aggressive investing. There is more risk involved, but you can also make much more money than a conservative portfolio. If you are young, you can afford some down days in the market. The one issue I have with acorns is that they charge a $1 a month fee, though this is very low.
If you are more comfortable with investing, have a larger budget, but still want a hands-off approach, then I would recommend M1 Finance. This is a portfolio-based investment platform where you pick what stocks you want to invest in, pick how much you want to invest in each based on percentages, and M1 will handle the rest. They have a minimum investment of $100 to open your account, then only $10 each time you invest every time after. For long term growth, I would recommend doing a portfolio with 50% allocation of SPY (S&P 500 Index tracking fund, tracks the largest 500 stocks on the US Stock market), and 50% other stocks you like. Follow the Warren Buffet investment method. Like Coca Cola? Invest in Coca Cola. Like Target? Invest in Target. If you like something, chances are that other people like them too and the stock will keep growing. Every time you add money to your account, M1 will automatically invest it in the allocation you chose. If you chose 50% SPY, 25% Coca Cola, and 25% Target, when you add $10 M1 will buy $5 worth of SPY stock, $2.5 worth of Coca Cola stock, and $2.5 worth of Target stock. This is a great option if you want easy investing, and its completely free.
Now if you're more advanced and comfortable fully running and managing your portfolio, then I would recommend Robinhood. With Robinhood, there are no minimums, and you can buy fractional shares. But you are fully in control of exactly where your money goes when you invest it. You want to buy 10 shares of Coca Cola? Then you click on KO, click buy, type in 10 shares, and boom, you own 10 shares. Robinhood even lets you trade options, but this is effectively just gambling on the stock market and I don't recommend it. Robinhood is also completely free and is a great and easy to use full-service investment platform.
I recommend these because I use all of them myself. I won't include my referral links on this post, but if you want to get some free stuff when you sign up for any of them just PM me which ones you want and I'll send you a referral. With a referral link you can get some free money or free stocks.
Invest your money! It will take you a long way towards your independence from the borg!
**10. Invest in Real Estate! **
Now we're getting really crazy. Though it may not be as crazy as it sounds. I won't go in to too much depth in this since there is so much information.
Real estate is by definition a long-term investment. It is highly illiquid, meaning you can't quickly turn your investment in to cash, but the beauty of real estate is that you can earn a wonderful income off of it. The easiest way to invest in real estate is by investing in REITs, or Real Estate Investment Trusts. These are portfolios managed by companies backed by real estate assets that generate a regular income, usually on a monthly basis. REITs are required by law to pay out 90% of their profits to shareholders. There are publicly traded REITs on the stock market you can invest in (Ticker Symbols - O, BPY, IVR, WPG, PEI, and many more). While the barrier to entry on these is very low (you can buy just one share at a time), and they have higher liquidity, they carry a lot more risk because their price moves with the stock market rather than based on the underlying real estate they own. They do still pay very nice dividends which can supplement your income.
The way that I would recommend investing in real estate would be through Fundrise. They have a minimum investment of $500 to open your account, and $100 minimum investment every time after. Since this is a private REIT, the prices remain stable even if the market is fluctuating like crazy. Personally, my Fundrise investment account is the only one that didn't lose money during the 2020 economic crisis. Plus they pay out very nice dividends, and the real estate assets appreciate nicely. Again, this is a LONG TERM investment. Don't expect to invest today and pull your cash out 6 months from now. Ideally you want to keep this money invested for years. If you want an income, you can set your dividends to deposit into your bank account, or if you want to grow your investment you can set dividends to be reinvested.
Investing in REITs is a great way to get started with real estate investing. Real estate is a "get rich slow" scheme. It may take a very long time for your investments to grow, but they will see very long-term stable growth. If the Borg is nothing else, it is a massive global real estate holding company. They own all the kingdom halls which are essentially big commercial buildings with empty interiors. They have great resale value, and since many of them were built and maintained with free labor, they have appreciated tremendously. So take a book out of the Borgs secret playbook and invest in real estate.
**11. Buy a House! **
This seems like its way out of reach to many people but it's really not. Owning a house is the single biggest indicator of wether a family will accumulate wealth or not. For most homeowning families, their house is their single biggest asset. Real estate has historically always appreciated, so when you go to sell your house or pass it down your house to your children, it will be worth more than when you bought it. Sometimes a lot more. I won't go into a huge amount of detail because again, there is a lot of information.
Once again, real estate is a very long-term asset. So make sure that you are ready to buy a house. Take your time, do your research, and find the right house. Thanks to the magic of leverage by using a mortgage, you only need to put 3% down to buy a house. While this will definitely mean you will have a higher interest rate, it also makes buying a house much more accessible. Say you want to buy a $300k house, the minimum you would have to put down is $9,000! Traditionally you would put down 20% on a house which in this case would be $60k. Always go with a 30 year mortgage, cuz math and numbers; don't do a 15 year mortgage. Yes, it is very daunting that you will be paying for your house for 30 years, but think about it this way - if you're not paying a mortgage, you're going to be paying rent for a place to live. When you pay rent, you are essentially throwing money out the window never to be seen again. When you pay a mortgage, a portion of your monthly payment goes towards equity in your house. You are buying a piece of your house every month, not just throwing money out the window.
When you pay rent, you are paying your landlords mortgage + profit that goes into their pocket. You are the one buying your landlords house for them. When you are paying a mortgage, you are paying interest on your loan + equity in your house (the balance of the loan). You are effectively paying yourself when you pay the balance of the loan because that piece of equity in your house is now yours to keep. You may even find that your mortgage payments are lower than your rent. In my case, I went from renting a 3 bedroom 2 bath apartment to paying a mortgage on a 4 bedroom 2 bath house and my monthly payments went down by over $500!! That's an extra $500 in my pocket every month to do as I please with (like invest it).
Additionally, you can buy more houses and rent them out! Then you become the landlord, and your tenants are the ones buying your house for you. That is the magic of real estate investing. If you want to learn more about mortgages or real estate investing, just watch some Graham Stephan videos on YouTube.
When you're young, buying a house might not be at the front of your mind or in your near-term plans. But you should absolutely plan on buying a house as soon as you have the credit (remember I told you why you need credit?) and the money for it. Buying a nice car might seem like a better use of your thousands or tens of thousands of dollars instead of buying a house. But how much is that car going to be worth in 10 years? Chances are it will have almost no resale value left. It will also be way out of style and may not even run well anymore. But if you put that money down on a house? You will own an appreciating asset (an asset that goes up in value) that you can sell down the road and get your money back.
**Closing Thoughts**
YOU ARE FREE! You have made the biggest step towards having a great life already by leaving the organization. Things may seem very overwhelming right now that you are stepping out from behind the curtain and looking at the real world for the first time. But don't panic! It gets better, I promise you. Me and many thousands of others on exJW can tell you that though stressful, leaving was the best decision we have made in our lives. I hope all this information will help you make some better informed decisions on how to financially prepare yourself to step in to the world. We have all been told that it is too difficult out in the world and that we will never make it, but I'm here to tell you that you can and you will! Focus on yourself, take care of yourself, and enjoy your freedom! :)

Garden of the Gods Pool Oasis - Caesars Palace Las Vegas Pool

is caesars pool open year round

is caesars pool open year round - win

“When in Rome”; ch. 1: “Cauchy”

Footnotes:

Places of Power - The Druid's Grove (Part 1)

Worldbuilding Considerations

Druid Orders & Circles

The Order

The Circles

Druidic Demographics

Circles and Branches

Main Duties of the Circle

Great Druids

The Ban

The Grand Druid

Hierarchies

The Life of a Druid Grove

The Permissions

Guardians

Gatekeepers

The Outer Grove

The Inner Grove

Magical Features

Sacred Hearts

Sacred Hearts

Religious Activities

Broken Groves

“When in Rome”; ch. 1: “Cauchy”

Legends of Tomorrow #1 - Draft Day

Legends of Tomorrow

How To Handle Finances for the New (and Existing) exJW

is caesars pool open year round video

is caesars pool open year round top

Body Painting on Farm Girl. Happy New Year! - YouTube