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Shift Report
Divining wooly views gathered amidst shaven sheep hither Withered over swithering stalls denial state of dither Truth be told frank pens naif soliloquy Safe as house path hath proven treachery Steer clear of herd social immunity Distanced readily available data parsed trendily Blinks recount lost meanings earned from strife learned through catastrophe Graft retained splices tour de force movie Analyzed improvised differently Can't regain past yet relive history Elder protocols reference frames with specificity Documentary denotes concise recusant heresy Fish stink emanates spoils unquestioned head Rather than responsible gods chose dead Lightning rod shields guide flash EMP spread Relevance revivalist revived rival survivalist Diatribe analogous corroborates ridiculous Atoms congress fortuitous naught sea Devoid self restraint officiates ye Fitting new attire inspiring streaking Who protects us whilst we pay for havoc employ they reeking Hypocritically childish generally speaking Handshake implies word registers advice Modern intelligence is artifice Every three steps forward step back twice Deities influence me aloof aligned schism in rhyme Mother Hera ewe chimera godspeed breeds failed design Bell weather brethren splay scapegoat supine Veil of illusions enmesh conscious mind Can't feel my legs good help is hard to find Hawk departs from pleather glove turtle returns grounded dove Counteract abet anyone lapped them twice yet still they won Titans once asked before taking QE With us or against me democracy Issuance debt free usury for ye Soon to be impacting all interested negatively Cyclops blissfully fail to see plague kills with leniency World saved through open window tsunami Backdrops distinct radicle uprooted Restless tartarus not I confuted Reputed gambler prophet of doom rigged mind meld welds my tomb Despondent preach not gloom be democratic or leave cocoon Imploding race exploding time and space Unfathomable depths shallow measures Glasses adorned rose reflective pleasures Erratic compass static attained gains unsustainable Emphatically all ages deal unascertainable Sentiment key to public interest Democracy assess Big apple bests Guiding hand meaning Pantheist behest Seeking one's fulfillment complements of demagoguery Building baseless pyramid in name of Great Recovery Hallucination merits upheaval Remit repreival persecute venal Sufferance from nescience trumps all evil Yon morrows martyr covets this abysmal cross commuted Tread on entrenched fear submit control guiltily included Govern is to rule as meant to intents Resourceful proxy heir establishment Record rallys infer where loans were sent Pristine colosseums reared commerraderie Fed rum bread Dropping said crumbs returns dread Which nevermore nary imbeds Insolvent casino scenario House always wins with my reservation Sharing the bulk ignites indignation Transparency Which critiques subtly speaks Feds peak repent Weak covenants contained slain whence Green peripherals were went Theses Ben delivered on depression Maestro museum managed impression Keynesian intervention harped dystopian opium Appeal to supremacy bandwagon psychology Latin arguementum ad nauseum Better than expected mass approval Refuse discard fantasy removal If you audited our books write off markets on the morrow No one do we answer to where wheelbarrows go we borrow Sciences religious mythology Philosophised finance dichotomy Genetic archetypal entities Conversations incidental informations monumental Facets fawned fastidious selfless attires instrumental Minions mimic Socratic opinions Authority inbred majority Consider selves distinct minority Yield to ye inferiors subjectively superior Mechanisms failing sublimation with interior Greeks conceived benefits in politics Propaganda versed all in rhetoric Dwelled anarchic run redeem autarkic World perceptions inconsistent to obtained views of my own Optimism timeless shown fantastically overblown Fate collapses upon observation Ostriches banked on unexamined lives Perturbations quantum fluctuations Foregone measures austere pleasures enforced authenticity Cessation trepidation ensures no future certainty Whilst known speed and position now in sync One makes ye taller yet none make me shrink Doth not know thyself yore on the brink Fulfillment will not quail forbidden face of foreign dangers Entrainment derailed arranged marriage twixt incomplete strangers Birds of a feather flock with the weather One marked to market worth two under Bush Lemmings allegedly demand a push An existential exercise spins nihilistic nightmares Nonconformed confirmed uncomfort spirals condescending stairs Slaughter abolished pig sucklers now fly Fed up rich bullshit Which lies upon lye Doth need not for lipstick ride we bone dry Left to right wrong motivations paved by best intention Pound me with the cure denounce flesh as impure meets prevention Overdue elixir panacea Gold in led stead transmutes alchemist Fed Spirits confirmed in actions idea Though hungry swine will freely plow fall submissive tow the line No offence is meant whence I commence casting pearls before thine Lead thee to sustenance soon thou shall find You feed a seed of rage contented caged That Which hath been remains yet to be seen One finds upon a wander from yon cave we've left regression Whence without luminescence stem outlandish such obsessions Actualized self's realization Fasting of heart leaves no trace of ego I fell here from Olympus apropos Upshot in authenticity shows secure survivors test Where indiscretions excesses discretely are repressed Desperate knowledge grievous awareness I first blew reed pipes but then I digress Values eroded integrity Climate corroded ideals irresponsibility Satisfied my agency autonomous capacity Bet Dow hath finally had a bad day Bear in mind they will say twas anway Old high still standing gold stones throw away Shorting shooting slope of hope enormous towers treacherous Each new era crashes in increasing half glass emptiness Overabundance deserts time delay Accounts inner morality decay Strength in pessimism fear forfeits right Dusk withdraws from sight as shade is drawn over dawn's early light Narcissistic psychopaths inherited the earth our plight Quarrying light inspired murky night flee Ye gods laugh heartily ridicule me Reckoning another day mine shall be Subsequently I subsist shifting this rock as Sisyphus Future pulls upon me as due ration to minus remiss I'm half crazy bicycle built for two Network circuitry daisy chained to you How do I know what is reel to be true Gather input sensations scrutinize for degradation Dissembling dissemblance as lacking in resemblance Singularity prophesied end be Less threat than icons presently envied Graven is our image in our idol Misunderstood system holds revolutions banked on bridle Give me dominion over doe I care not who makes law Hegellian dialectic shock and awe Fixed moments instability move becomes necessity Moses leads bull rush reeds deceptive swaith Crisis opportunity incompetence seasons good faith Fallow plot begot furlough shrieks foul wraith Yay though I plod through the valley of death Evil gives comfort my rod and my staff No fear preparest for my enemies Parasitic symbiotes surviving vicariously Job gyrations exploitations sloth thrive ubiquitously Unnatural select evolution Bad apple genes rot barrel pollution Big bang extends concussions extrusion Elude intrusion neath tapestry relay inscribed decree Conspiracy theories deliquesced evidence coalesced Duress dressed as justice undue process Reduce the law to writ for oversight Infinitely rules stretch fractally tight Dollar press lever Wizards tweak whence practised Which deceiver Feeding frenzy at the top on last chair hot potato drops Animal farm irrigation believer Cuckoos in nested loops launched retriever Social ecological equity Fauna all created equal although some are more than most Perched aloft nights sleepless roosters backdate options after posts Tell a vision avulsed exclusive boasts Foxes bird box hens fake news oven roasts Occupy Wall Street greeting champagne toasts 5G technology expandable densification Cameras considering Laws actual ramifications Depressions perpetuate FOMO motes FIFO Ponzi scheme boat redeems fresh float Gloat sessions connoted roat smote through goat Destructions need demands feed for Which Fed never hesitates Beyond salvations hope for damnation destined reprobates Wolf in sheep's clothing with diplomacy Bragging best ever broke economy Pre warned of bubble in candidacy Memories impeach me markets relapse collapse candor Black and white deliberations compromise grey matters or Burning empire riddled Nero fiddled No new under the sun any longer What doth not kill my will makes ye stronger Suicidal quarantine commit sheer to absurdity Crash course in urgency suspends to decade Odyssey Engulf journey as is illusory Entailed magical curtailed mystery Reproduced sequence spawns duplicity Great truths infect minds space whilst time distorts fabrics ablation Balanced scales duration dual edged knife grinds calibration Wildlife exhumed landslide menagerie Submission supports popularity War of attrition print press edition Release Kraken abridged dictations unredacted memo Cognitive mind is least informed second thought tis last to know Feedback iterates habitually Zombie apocalyptic shopping spree Animal myriad corroboree Discrepancies adorable approaching deplorable Configured integrations simulate exaggerations Conceptual reorganization New century frail clings frayed to pale past Dot com bust imprints last iconoclast Tragic disposition anchored significance within story Spherical lyrical expository mourning glory Expansion dominates fertility Appropriate most apt utility Bubble envelops errs infinity Bold ignorance advanced hind sights distilled new high arrogance Underlying trauma repeats cycle till addressed complete Sublates convergence becoming congeals Cavernous kingdom stalagmite conceals Peer not in mirror prefer not appeal Sew a thought in hope to reap an action something real to feel Neverland begotten old whilst kid futures are oversold Life lived not lest bits of bites record it Biased suggestions imbue news reported Syrinx sears titans with my brand of creed Written word ceded all forgotten need to practise recall Calculated math skills lost computer brought thoughts holocost Ensconced by lantern hung from beam of straw Helios heals blow of iced ages thaw Loyal to natural attributes raw Extraordinary delusional madness of ye crowds Trot proudly upon road to serfdom congregations praised aloud Brave was this new world before eighty four Hunger games in store jaybird tweets that score Jehovah bore witnesses door to door Insure myself against four horseman paid my tithe expired spent Sow ears flying high on credit barely do I afford rent Time unwinds quickly at least doth for me April showers levee spring bankruptcy Litres live forever in latency Bailing water steady rising deep subterraneously Foresee floods invest in arks of financial calamity Extraneously Rome's blaze radiates Simultaneously Fed Witches toiled Slow perniciously satiates frogs boiled Crisis constructs messenger of sordid too tongued character Stocks which rise so should slide chosen goose footing egg opposed side Federal innovates imbibed bribed state Reserves umpire status hunched hind home plate Falling knife of fear impaled atmosphere Short bets squeezed rife barren years unfruitful bleeds contango wine Inverse ETFs unprecedented reverse splits declined Nothing it's equal creature without fear Can't fill hide with harpoons or head with spears Mire strive dire try pull in Leviathan Endless procrastination doth avert intent deflation Unclear when routes passage appears clear as destination Sorrows station seems my inculcation Divides built up babble between nations Seven trumpets summon revelation Electrostatic circumstance transmits catalytic twist Substitute reacted chemical transmits platonic tryst Ironically passion not my goal Ionically bonded blending coal Mirrored dipole roll poised down rabbit hole Experiment first ever repeats Laws defraud endeavor Mississippi reflating dollar debt exchange creating Wealth effect transfers helicopter drop Fracking reserves crack too big to stop Ineptitude or evilly adept Calm filled the room as elephants silently drowned in tar pits History Which hails tense whence Fed injections flew to market Lucrative house flipping stained soil carpet Real reign swamp purge comes to street again Broken window theory frisk fallacy Destructions need graciates feed for Which Fed never hesitates Seven headed hydra twixt blaspheming regime duplicates Purgatory epic allegory Apathy lacks worry for avoidance Dreams annoyance recurring clairvoyance Complacent consternation burns concerned capitulation Catacomb further catenates future pyroclastic blasts Install a new partition date saved last God creates man's imaged eternity Man made device for immortality Only way to beat life be articulate as dead machine Foiling might be finding wanting nothing just as pleasing Emoted thoughts and deeds confer disease Viral joy contained anxious unease Communicable known uncertainties Mention stoic abstention receive lepers reprehension Addend subconscious attention suchness sought destination Protectionist tribal groupthink ensues Misdirect blame profane color thou choose Divide and conquer plan by Jove we use Minting for a living tis nothing short of scintillating Weaponry mass produce we entropy disintegrating Rebirth essential in this finite trap Technicals crucial analysis map Impulse mined collective wiretapped caps Souls endless extrapolating each threshold encapsulating Mutually affecting Titans ever overreaching Battles march business no fight beseeching Cyanide reaction gold is leaching Settle for distraction Athene’s teaching Shares fabricate infrastructure bonds for manufactured war Master in ways of deception weaving fleece her predilection Declined vine illustrates interjection Fundamentally ye add furthermore Whole vacuus nature I find abhor Each new day opportune to go by street sideshow pundits shout Marginally most will comply seek aggressive salesman clout Run through stampede proceed in funnel out Mosaic tile code mixed mirage mud grout Worm abated hook ate some fat cat’s trout Informed when glad relate when mad great is not the worst we've had Next quarter rates Which inflates translates to direct tabled fate Disinformation chads dangling depart Troublesome travel when horse pushes cart Trojans craft driftwood regifted as art Taken rate decision interest always is a given Approached encroachment infringements lunged impingement I expunged Spell manifests as living hell digests Calcareous sponge absorbed rimstone plunge Cookbook to serve lamb seals underhand Sinter sauntered asunder plotting pillage of my plunder Attack technique intervenes quoth slighted victim claims obscene Cried mystified feeling such waste sprayed mace Save face retrace find safety inside shrouded space Access filter modified denied trash storage verified Angels four spew brimstone fire scorched ingress half expected less Trick talk turns back clock players profiles rotate roles resume Covertly campaigned defiling my name Creations Instigate destruction Erupts surreptitious instruction Bewildered heard shocked embrace loomed Gates of Hell gauge WHO won race Military missionary hold prostrate to vaccinate Chaotic Kronos ordered time consumed Stow stoked fumes subsidies gave the gods room Whilst land of the fraud is home to the knave Babylon of living nonexistent through the golden age Cassandra of this stage ilk ignores inklings of alarmed sage Chicken little forebodes sky is falling Rope a dope fades rationalisation Brittle doth be fragile ye recalling Loquacious news needs slews feigned of disambiguation Mendacious or fallacious contagious be implications Butterfly flapped wing doth not move a thing But a gnat perhaps who's too GAD to fly Financing is how but where is the why Important that all patriots patronize conquesting troops Dodge ye head stoop as pooping eagle swoops Most dismissive uninspired missive Perceptually far too derisive Guiding hand not apparent visual Missing cash flows continual residual bottom lines Pinnochio hopes to know Which ideal conjures growth sublime Dendrites potentially stimulate spine Titanic torrents mist venetian blinds Decidedly distort bilked disincline Writhe in through chasm in awe open wide Formless figures summon uniform pride Dismiss discontent conveyors subside Tributaries dispersed springs knowledge trees freeze molten ore Splintering sparks displaced thick dark coruscate tangible floor Cumulus clouds of primordial dust Question our senses in sun god we trust Sifted silts produce thunderbolts of Zeus Oval elliptical orbits the folds tidal tendency Blue sphere girds spoken word breathed clay Boulder Forge Company Quality moulding is job number one Caste mass producing consumes many sons My duty to ensure we always run Figured would be a piece of cake more at work than give and take Thought this would be my big break but not knowing literally Apprenticed construction now I maintain Composite skill same commissioning game Swim or wallow in Uranus disdain I made the trade not for reward nor deemed security Only gospel guarantee is confidence in mastery Tasked to sit in a chair contemplate stare Crosswords in wait for a breakdown repair I study craves of machines which behave Rhythmic clang links chain react percussional power set free Insatiable harmony piques morbid curiosity Beast belly bowel bubbles belch smelt death To quota of product do I owe breath Economic cauldron of corrosion We operate Vesuvius ungodly hours breathing brine Facilitate yon amplidyne oxygenate lavas shine Steering eather into three cyclops cells Myopically they motion for me when cycles in chaos my sirens knell Lion hearted as Hephaestus take knee before crucibles hearth Examine vitals symptoms prognosis deduce further impart Volt amps transcend times root of three powers Frequently electrons ebb in order Arc bath gives rise to hot molten showers May bring flowers demonstrate my will in accord rewards her Athena is truth incarnate dream she is a movement Immaculate perfection possessed no need for improvement in her coveralls Wert she to eaten apple I befall Sand disseminates beneath hourglass curves she manipulates How could I anticipate Rapt hints had she to intimate Roots hypotenuse squares summed pendulum Enlightened visions profound pit this plum On que she hooks her thunderbolts so ample in restriction Destabilized my volts despite my amping up conviction Magnetisms repulsive attraction Bipolar feedback generates action Machining floral dissatisfaction Narcissus is spring can't this robot tool be taught anything Recommence imaging thine vault undermined after fault Intuit as her nuclear annihilates tumult June accusations forced violation Vulnerable to invalidation Confrontations repudiation consents allegation Placate June”s wells breached swell fore July conflagration Use wu wei to vacate situation But weightless behemoth ate all greenbacks Can’t manage exit not even a crack Inward forays shunned malfunction unknown overgrown morass Cult of quantity all students get a pass coach seat class God’s walled over all access to egress Those who cannot do are experts at best Past practise succeeds failures teach what needs Viridescent pools dilate grey eyed dubious stressed madness Feeling she was slighted by my passage through her nucleus Disinterested I had disinterred Down period Kondratieff winter Intrinsic tragedy all fairy tales end inherently Gave me what I wished for in a way I was not hoping for Destiny permits paths forbade How shallow wilt thou will wade PCB cesspools black bile pitches glue Smoldering sand dune trenches shore magmas excess residue Admit this time smashing cymbals whilst cyclops wert drumming too Keep the fantasy alive in my head Earthquake take other route instead Always say they never saw it coming They did In Herculaneum still their brains steamed in their skulls Summer solstice solace lulls lava ladles plentiful Cumulative studies validations Inseminate process degradation Trying not to mention my invention Bending toward normalcy absorption emits diffraction Inverted perceptions withdraw inflections from emptiness Perplexing she rejects ram intellect Anecdotal evidence cached respect Zip plans to stockpile cognizance combined Designed secret punishment to circumvent I resigned Recollect for instance cognitive lessons in dissonance Logic accepts one view perceived of two Pit of mine stomach whence knot always knew Treasonous betrayed lion taming shrew Spite cleaved interface continued dutiful onward pace Humiliations goal wert to replace cheers with disgrace Orchestrations untold meticulous Malevolence is still in existence Narrative streams unfold conspicuous Childish bliss unscrupulous epidemic Narcissus Invasive species multiplied since Zeus supplied his sun’s abyss Affect change rather than effect ere cause Gaslight obfuscates reasonable laws Tall tales half truths edged lies by omission Unwary reprehense motive intents of recognition Splitting of the faculty augments a new reality Fight freeze or flee options only three Trials choose middle choice typically Stockholm syndrome captors figured friendlies Volunteer for brunt of blame acquiesced toxic shame domain Raging stirs steroid cortisol adrenaline cocktail brain Idealize devalue sudden discard Benevolent dictatorship abstained Without the faintest regret or regard Figured she was playing me but never thought she'd try so hard Had a little influence pummeling blacksmith into bard Feeling flashback symptoms PTSD Reflux acid regurgitates anxiously Facilities shut down my apogee Estranged entanglement is indiscriminate vicinity Projection deflects inspection detects proffered rejection Upon reflection I/O failed connection Reverse detail switched doppler direction Attacked mine tranquility enacted thine stability Great relationships determined by good portability Amor Fati defeat of agony Heroic transitions affirmation Chinks of crevasse evasive to bypass Labyrinth strings web of deceit light and dark unlikely meet Shadows reconnection Schadenfreude revels surrection Maze ambled afore trapped in Minotaur Disintegrating reintegration Unfurled divest individuation Emergence of self under siege August surfacing intrigues Sun god aims retribution penetrating air dilution Perpetrating vengeful execution Cyclop's blindsided coming attraction Apollo's exaction vents extraction Redress reclaimed door discharged from mine chore Concussions cavitations roar gaff retrieved my staff from shore Gangplank fastened transit for deck from wreck Embodied under mass gravitation Nothingness consistent contradiction In retrospect ahead investigate that Which is suspect Chastened flaming embers titillate orange September moon Hastened retreat not an instant too soon Burgeoning three wave prosperity shewn Wave five trait mimics Echo past monsoon Perpetually parallel dramas punctual insane Aphrodite's inception purged migraine foam seethed fire in vain Twain hath liquidity trickled down drain Consult oracle ogle tangent plane Bow to stern brood tempestuous coxswain Demurrage fee aptly sought to regain lay of way terrain Masked my gnashing lion waves stumble as they spread before me Mountain rubble crumbles bloodied red sea Locusts cannibalistic commotion Uncanny notion overt devotion Fixed betwixt twin scorpions stings subtle by a hares degree One longs to age as seas submit one hole subliminally Desire loves desire more than that desired Overtime I find wanting displeasing Fuel to fire Aphrodite’s teasing Symptomatically nymphomaniac releasing Random cosmos berth patterned beyond cyclic perimeter Doth not feel momentum ye be the tide Volume reduced ambient limiter Futile to resist flow fatal to ride Impressed by the strung rope ladder of unquestioned good status Doctors orders therapeutic regressive Hedonism Bureaucracy forced parentalism Founding fathers Titan nepotism The health preventative catechism Give only to take away to give again another day Rewards gods some token compensation Anyone here not get paid besides me Red light starboard wax eared crew rendezvous Bounded by my sacrifice to irresponsibility None of the other prize winning players gamble here but me Battened down fear gauge groups psychopathy Ever since world went into bankruptcy Call for Panic Zeus black masked his swan song Yarn for youthful innocence gone stick slip traction moves this throng Tread borderline separating time providing till from when Uneven Titans tip unbalanced ships Dualities tune unity in trine One thing I did learn when within confine Whom hath desire for nothing believes doth not need anything Misinterpretation required missing zero still a thing Axons bemoan sequence of no return Feeling slight injustice step forward commandeer ambition Venus akin to mine headache just better known rendition Under spotlight favorite position Internally propelled by externals Take this Autumnal equinox swear on the cross tis vernal All the gods explicitly sing chants how lucky I must be Bring Mordor back to toss this precious ring Prospect she fertilized inferring seed Open union upon Which we agreed Karma conflates heavens gates contrived in Pandemonium Green shoots elate consummate concerns inspire Pavlovian Theories cosigned conspiracies maligned Impermanence ineffably refined Ignorance binds energy disinclined Universal conception pride of self love contraception Trying to be pliable but find it reprehensible All dispensable Great Complacent Sea Sizing words wisely rids ostensible Lies the only guise now found comprehensible Prophylactic allude to didactic Though whilst I work at chore she’s Ares whore I snagged them embarrassingly naked afore gods before Yellen Helen neither nor wert worth war Bowl of wrath judgement ignored poor decor Titans empathizing with swimming clothes In her throws she extolled excitement being extra exposed Far be it from she to assume joint responsibility Exponential debt credits game theory On that we agree tis rigged currency Opportunistic imperialists Propaganda grasshoppers enlist ants backbone socialist Can't remember when gathered last had a say any matter Other nations forfeit right to do it Export of inflation needs conduit Concert donates borders New World Order Blockchain came about when drunk bartender could not reach the spout Yahweh will control all money now they have it figured out Waiting for my minute to be clever Stamp my name on the gods minds forever My switchblade really needs to cut them off No clue what the gods know only that they need to run the show Narcissistic parasites charisma lands entitlement Vampires nourish roots to stunt encouragement Protocol enticing invitation Condemnation staged cooperation Intolerable acts left no coercive tea leaves intact Coven of bag passing Witches gave chase across red waters Need another nine stitches sons twixt daughters Waiting in the balance moment of force Hatch guillotine MRI triggered source Soaked up dripped Wyrmwood postulated solvent tasted good Full equilibrium half ballast set assail for malice Octobers placid benign chilled chalice Brain scan photocell senses light all is well If instead bulb shows dead off with thee head Also as a godsend bonus honed mom’s splendid jury throne Captive chaperone audience fettered judgement chains inlaid Skipping to a Witch hunt after masquerade Topside upper deck on the promenade Propellor fashion later ohm made blade Behooved turtle jail sac tail flailed back satyromaniac Passionate parade personifying Nature of tirade Horney gimp hind quarters brace graced limp Llama spitting image of Obama Clinton's dole out cigars contribute scars All guests in attendance dressed as promised change we forget lest Salubrious familiar strangers grooving Harvey Danger Politically free redundancy Reagan closed asylums threw away key Identity hath no cost found when lost Consolidations vibrate quantized sinusoidal noise Pullback hull triangulate alow by my device and Echo Feel lonely frost amongst the other masks Survival is appeasing to their tasks Remember November elect Semper Meaning faithful to all members not just only archaic On the way to office run your head through photovoltaic Vanishing quickly old liquidity Seven plagues capsized immortality The line hath paid out to the bitter end Too big to sail exhale replications glorification Night zeniths elevation nadirs sun's regeneration
Travelling SEAsia - my massive review. Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand (Shenzhen, Macau). Motorbike & vegan travel tips
Mammoth post incoming..... I read a lot of posts in this thread and others to help me prepare for my first time backpacking in South East Asia, used mostly reddit and youtube to collect information and in return to all the helpful people who advised me, I want to add a bit to the info out there. This was our first time backpacking in Asia but we have both travelled a decent amount, apologies to those seasoned backpackers who might eye roll at the obvious things I point out! And how long this post is! few linked included where possible. I travelled with my boyfriend (both in our mid 20s) for 7 weeks from Nov 2019 to Jan 2020 covering 4 countries; Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. We travelled as a couple, not really looking for the typical hostel/partying experience. I had spots/cities we wanted to stop in picked out more so I could check that our return flight back gave us enough time (bf had job to come back for). For those interest I travelled with 40l backpack (Osprey ladies size I recommend for small gals). and 15l day back and boyfriend had 65l backpack. I really reccommend getting up to date on vaccines and/or visiting somewhere like Nomad travel (UK major cities only) for additional shots. We also bought a medical kit from them which came in very handy and I would buy THIS one (works out cheaper than making your own). Our original plan was to buy a motorbike in Ho Chi Minh and then use that as our main mode of transport to bike across Cambodia and then finally go to Bangkok, so there's a section about bikes at the end. I am plant based / have a pretty strong dairy intolerance, so I'll add a section about travelling as a 'vegan' as I found it more difficult to get concrete advice on that before I left. We are from UK so our budget/prices we evaluated against £ GBP Hong Kong - this was the most built up and relatively similar experience to our lives at home and eased us pretty gently into travel. I would compare Hong Kong to a metropolitan place like London. We stayed in the Wan Chai district and would recommend the are for first timers. Not as expensive as the Central District and gives more local flavour with the street markets which you are likely to explore or pass through on the way to the MTR. Stay on Hong Kong Island over the peninsula as a lot of activities are there and though it is more compact you get a good sense of what HK is really like. Prices - cost of restaurants was about the same as home - £8-10+ for a meal. Transport - incredibly cheap, routes often less than £1 or 50p Lots of 7/11 and Circle K with reasonable prices for snacks or eating in Things we did: - Victoria Peak - there are some views more 'within' the city if you take the giant escalator up and walk a bit further as opposed to going straight to the top - Mong Kok area and surrounding markets - Hong Kong museum - quite dated and nothing on history of recent years but it is free - Hong Kong Peninsula night time view of HK island (symphony of lights show) - Temple Street night market - Dragon's Back - this was easy to get to via bus and a nice welcome break from the city. An easy hike. - Ching Chung Koon, Tao temple - really beautiful temple with turtles, easy trip by bus to visit Shenzhen - We went to Shenzhen as we wanted to see what China was like and had some intrigue about it being a Special Economic Zone. My advice to absolutely everyone, unless you know of something on the other side you want to see, is do not go. We read that it was free to enter but you would have to get a short stay visa stamp. We ended up stuck in immigration after getting off the MTR for about 2 hours, first you must go and get a photo and a visa put in your passport which includes filling our a form and being asked a few questions about your stay, then you go downstairs and fill our a landing card, get fingerprinted and then pass through to Shenzhen. There isn't a clear explanation as to where these different rooms are to get the whole process done and you're at the mercy of how busy the waiting rooms are for how quick you get out, no visas would be ready and then they would surge in 10 being ready for collection at once. Shenzhen was a very homogenous city, we couldn't find any historical sites or areas designed for non Chinese to engage with the local fare, though bare in mind Shenzhen is absolutely huge and we were short on time after arriving later. Tube system is cheap and in English and we used cash to pay. When we tried to use bank cards to take out more money I had no luck with Mastercard, Visa and Visa credit card at more than one ATM. The best part of the trip was a small antique shop in the train terminal with genuine trinkets, pottery etc. The guy was quite fair with our haggling too. Macau - Again we visited this as another special zone outside of HK. Again unfortunately I don't recommend going. To us, Macau was missing all the parts of the Vegas strip that would make a high concentration of casinos together worthwhile; no smoking indoors, no open carry on alcohol on the streets, no street vendors or anything to create an interesting people-watching street, not helped by how spread out all the casinos were from one another. We visited the Venetian which brought us away from the casinos on the ferry side of Macau, so that might have made a difference. The Venetian at Macau had the same feeling as The Trafford Centre if UK readers are familiar with it. If you have been there you'll have your own opinion about it and use that to inform going to Macau. Hong Kong Protests - Before leaving for HK I'd been keeping up with the protest news. Though by November the 'peak' of protests seemed to have passed a lot in UK news there were still plenty of reports of violent clashes daily. From digging around online I felt that it was still safe to go but just to be mindful of large groups of people collecting or the university area. Whilst we were in HK we didn't see anything that alarmed us or made us feel unsafe. While I don't think the media outlets were incorrectly reporting protest clashes, the actual volume of them appears to be exaggerated (but that's how news makes money, right..). We saw graffiti at most MTR stations and some bus stations that had english text posters and print outs explaining the situation that were even updated overnight to new developments like Trump's treaty. One mall we tried to go to adjacent to some university buildings was closed and the MTR next to it was all smashed up but other than graffiti we felt very safe when wandering round the city both day and night. I would say the university area probably needs the most caution, but if the MTR is stopping there again then there has probably been improvement. Vietnam - We flew into Ho Chi Minh city, stayed for about 3 days. I'm curious to return to Vietnam in the North of the country, while the South was very interesting to see I was more than ready to move on after about 8 days. Didn't really get a good feeling out of HCMC; extremely loud, sticky, busy place. The best thing we did was go to the War Remnants Museum, things like the old post office were interesting but they don't really take up much of your day. A phone sim for 2 weeks with unlimited data was easy to get and cost less than £10 I think. HCMC is a good place to take advantage of cheap taxis and cheap food. We could get a good meal and a soft drink/smoothie for £2.50/£3, grab taxi was about £1 anywhere and £1.50 in a grab car, Circle K essentials like a sewing kit were about £2. Would recommend the Grab app for getting around - though it wasn't my favourite place we visited, I was really able to appreciate the pace and culture of the city zipping through little side streets on the back of the bike from District 1 down to other places in Chinatown area. There are plenty of markets to visit, but when you've seen the stuff at one the others aren't really much different and people didn't really want to haggle with us. We did a Mekong Delta day trip, though I'm not always a big fan of a guided tour this was fun and worth going on. Have a look on a site like Klook and pick something that sounds interesting and in budget - we visited temples, honey farm, coconut farm, held some snakes, traditional boat on Mekong and lunch for about £18 each for everything. Nha Trang - we visited here as somewhere in South Vietnam by the sea before heading westways for the rest of the trip. It was a much calmer and quieter city than HCMC but I'm not sure I would visit again, very windy in November. An unbelievable amount of Russians here, more built up and developed than I was anticipating too. Long Son Pagoda and Ba Ho waterfalls were good to visit, though Ba Ho seemed to be having a very big touristy development built on it which was a weird contrast to the very difficult to climb and almost untouched waterfalls. We biked to Bai Dai beach - just make sure to take the first turn down to the beach before you hit the strip of resorts being built because it goes on forever and they won't let you through for access to the sand. Beautiful views on the way down but can see the whole area and Vietnam in general being swallowed up by package resort tourism which is a shame. Cambodia - This ended up being my favourite country of the visit. Though there's not really pavements or waste management or sewage and you can't drink the water etc, but there was little rampant tourism, people were kind, the weather was great and we saw some beautiful places. Phone sim will cost you about $5 and you can only top up limited data about $5 for 8GB. Prices - Cambodia has 2 currency system with USD and riel though most of the time you're using USD (4,000 r = $1). I felt like because of USD prices were rounded up a bit more so it was still cheap, but more expensive than Vietnam. Eating out probably about $5-7 or more if you're not holding back. There aren't many chain stores in Cambodia so you're at the mercy of individual places for a good selection of snacks and then hopefully not grossly inflated prices especially on Western imports ($2.50+ for pringles?). I did find that pharmacies were cheap. Make sure you haggle with tuk tuks or use PassApp, but that app needs some work so it's often easier to take one that's in the street. In PP/SKampot getting around we paid no more than $3. In SR to go to the airport $7. We took a bus to Phnom Penh from HCMC which made the border crossing quite easy. We had e-visa already printed out etc but it didn't seem to make our waiting time any shorter but saved us having to fill out any forms at border control. Phnom Penh - felt a lot nicer than HCMC as soon as we got there really. Still hot and dirty and hassled like hell for tuk tuks but I felt more kindness from Cambodians. Compared to HCMC this was a whole lot quieter and more relaxed. Not every building has a formal address so if you're not staying at a hotel (airbnb) bear in mind you might need more visual instructions to find your stay. We stayed near the Royal Palace and the area round there, though more for expats was chilled out and there were local markets, not far to walk to temples and sites etc. There are a few hotels in this area with pools if you need to cool off. The one we tried we just took the lift up to the roof no problem, but I had messaged another nearby that said it was for residents only. Siem Reap - though this city is pretty much here for Angkor Wat tourism I enjoyed being here not just to see the temples. We stayed at THIS airbnb which was very reasonable and probably one of our favourite stays. No pool but there were a few places nearby that were happy to let us use theirs, we just bought drinks and food. There are a few temples in the city near the city where you can see fruit bats all in the trees. The river here is nice, big market, lots of cats. Angkor Wat: we bought a 3 day pass and went on a sunrise tour one morning and then did our own thing on the other days. Doing the tour means you get up and in for sunrise at the right time and it's good to get some history about the places you're seeing. Angkor Wat temple itself wasn't the most interesting to me and there are hundreds if not thousands of people there in the morning that makes it a lot less enjoyable. We also visited: Ta Phrom - temple from Tomb Raider Angkor Thom city gates Bayon Temple - this was a cool 2 storey temple that is merged with depictions of Hinduism and Buddhism Preah Khan You can hire a tuk tuk driver for a day around $15 mark or you can hire electric bikes in SR centre and take those around (tourists not allowed to ride motorbikes in temple complex) $5 for 24hrs. Just make sure to give your electric bike a good charge beforehand as the battery doesn't always read right. There is a restaurant in the complex you can swap your battery at - the whole temple area is an extremely large place, you can be 15mins drive in between spots so plan carefully. Koh Rong Island - we took a flight from SR down to Sihanoukville to then get the ferry across to Koh Rong. Our flight ended up being delayed by 12 hours (welcome to Cambodia) so we had to stay a night in Sihanoukville and go across the following day. Travelling from Sihanouk airport to Sihanouk we had to wear bandanas over our faces to stop breathing in the dust, even though only one window in the car was cracked, it's hella dirty. If you are travelling from the airport to town I highly discourage taking a tuk tuk or rickshaw; the roads are not well surfaced in a more extreme manner than what I saw in PP and SR, there are a lot of freight trucks which will need to be over or undertaken in order for the journey to not take hours. Taxis are unfortunately the most expensive here and the journey cost $20. Sihanoukville - I'm told recent infiltration and development of Sihanouk by the Chinese has completely transformed the city in the last 2/3 years at an incredible rate with no care for the local Khmer population. It was possibly the worst place I've ever visited. Dusty and dirty on another level, open building sites and construction absolutely everywhere. Very young looking boy in a digger pulling up the pavement less than 5ft from a busy restaurant. I had to climb up a 3ft pile of loose rubble to get to an ATM because the whole side of the road had been obliterated. If you are waiting for the ferry on Beach Road and you need an ATM but they're all broken like they were when I was there in December, there is an ATM on the actual pier. I was stressing about taking money out for Koh Rong as I heard there was no way to get cash on the island but when I was there I saw a few places that offered cash out (but I didn't try them). I reccommend reading THIS reddit thread and the LINKED article by a Chinese blogger about Sihanouk. I read THIS travelfish article about Koh Rong which was very helpful too. I had an impression from the article that the island is quite under developed, which in some ways was definitely true, however it was easy to do what we wanted and we didn't struggle for places to eat etc. We stayed on the main pier (though really this is still a small strip of restaurants and shops, no resorts) and spent most of our time on White Sand Beach. Koh Rong could not be any more different than Sihanouk and it was a great place to spend Christmas and unwind. We didn't do much other than swim and lie on the beach and it was great! There were boat tours to take but a lot seemed to end with 'free drink and party' and we weren't interested in that. Prices on the island were the same as PP/SR. The only things that were a lot more expensive were activities - someone had a jetski you could rent for $100.. and there was some tree top zip line you could do for about $20. We visited 4k beach next door which was a lot more remote, beautiful as well but only one option to eat. We came past Coconut Beach when we left on the speedboat and that looked to a bit less than the main pier but still stocked with a good few options. Overall the food we had on Koh Rong was some of the best! Kampot - A small town/city on the river. Very chilled with a nice central part of town with good places to eat. There are hardly any big hotels or buildings over 3 stories - it felt like a more real Khmer place than somewhere like Siem Reap. From Kampot you can visit Bokor Mountain, Kep, salt fields, a lot of natural escapes. Unfortunately we both got very sudden aggressive gastro-bug or food poisoning so we spent 5 days pretty much inside doing nothing (was going to happen at some point). Kampot was a quiet place and we were able to recover well here though. Kampot to Koh Chang - From Kampot we travelled to Koh Chang, Thailand. I'd seen some speculation online that it wasn't possible to do this trip in one day, but having done it I can say yes it is but it is a long day. Almost every bus trip we took on our adventure meant that we lost all of the day (no motorways in Viet/Cambodia) however the quality of transport means it can take even longer. Vietnam was good with sleeper or semi sleeper buses, however in Cambodia our 6.5 hour trip from Kampot to the Thai border at Trat was 16 people in a 12 seater minibus plus a baby.. so bear in mind long distance trips in Cambodia can be testing! From Trat border we got a minibus to the bus station, then a songalew/thai taxi to the ferry and then a minibus took us to our hotel on the other side [12 hour trip]. Thailand - Much more infastructure and felt more modern than Cambodia and Vietnam, but I couldn't really get a vibe for the place and felt like a lot had been lost to the prevalent tourism. I would maybe visit again but staying away from coastal areas - if felt like the Spain of South East Asia. Prices could be a little more on top of Cambodian prices but you could find cheap places to eat. About £5 for a meal. Taxis cost about £3 through Grab. 7/11 and Family Mart very cheap snacks for pennies. Bangkok - as this was our last stop we didn't travel to many temples or big spots outside the city because money haha... we stayed away from the expat areas, the Museum of Art & Culture had a cool free exhibition, the malls Siam Discovery, Siam Paragon are worth visiting for the food halls and just to see. Where we stayed had a pool so we took it pretty easy. Went to Chatachuk but too much tourist and sweat.. Bikes: We bought a bike in HCMC via facebook marketplace - I would suggest if you know anyone Viet to get them to help you get the true price because as a tourist you're probably seeing an inflated price tag. If not that it might be possible to get one from another backpacker, but then you may be at the mercy of any damages or issues with the bike they're not aware of as they aren't familiar with bikes. We took our bike (Honda Cub c 50) to Nha Trang with us stowed in our sleeper bus - we visited a few bus trip/tourist places and one was happy to do it for us. I think for 2 people and the bike was about £23 one way, so not bad at all. You'll have to empty the fuel before it goes in the bus so just remember that at the other end you might have to give your bike a min to run the fuel through it again. We sold it in Nha Trang because it wasn't quite powerful enough to get us around with any bags (i was not in charge of buying bike haha...). Bikes are more than easy to rent in every country we went to for probably £5 a day max. We had a bike in Koh Chang but I know in Thailand there are more rules about tourist rental so I would swerve riding on the mainland. The most hectic place we rode was HCMC so I would just suggest avoiding that if you can, even if you ride in your home country. We sold our bike in Nha Trang via facebook marketplace. We took a loss but it was more about cutting our dead weight before the rest of our trip so to speak. If you really want to ride a lot in SEAsia, Cambodia has no restrictions on tourists having bikes up to 125cc if you want to play the legal legal route (not that I saw any police in Cambodia over 3 weeks!). A bike is also a responsibility and if you're wanting to feel completely free while travelling it might not be right to buy one. Do thorough research! I travelled with a full face helmet and I was grateful for it on windy rides and hectic places likes HCMC. If you're not planning on riding a lot then this is definitely not essential but finding a full face helmet, that fits, that isn't too bootleg to break on you might be some things to consider (bare in mind I was planning on doing long rides when planning this trip initially). Veganism / plant based / special diets: As mentioned I have strong intolerance to all dairy products and am generally vegan; I still eat eggs maybe once a week and might have fish and chips a few times a year. With the exception to intolerances and allergies I think the best approach to eating in South East Asia or travelling in general is be willing to be flexible. I only like to eat plant based, but I'm happy to eat eggs and at a push will eat fish or chicken. This is obviously not what I want to do for every meal but consider that you might be getting places late at night, options that are clearly described in English as not containing your allergens may only have meat in them etc. When I travelled to Japan and also for all these countries, I wrote 'I cannot eat dairy etc' in English on Google translate and then screenshotted the response in the desired language if I needed to show someone to confirm ingredients. For Japan I looked up pre made examples as I know the kanji can sometimes not translate directly, but here I just had the google translate page as a back up. Hong Kong - a lot of English spoken here and a lot of specifically vegan places however they are more expensive. At 7/11 they sell the 'Kind' granola bars which are vegan and yummy! and I also ate the ready made egg and rice sushi balls. Some ingredients were listed in English but I don't remember finding any other easy go-to's. At bakeries, of which there are a lot, almost everything appears to be cream filled, buttered, flaky pastry. I found I could eat walnut and raisin breads without any noticeable issues, but I didn't have an ingredients list to check. Vietnam - in HCMC I was very lucky to be staying down the road from a fully vegan restaurant that had ice cream, vegan banh mi, smoothies etc (Healthy World in District 1, there is another somewhere else in the city). Tofu was on menus and on an English menu in a Viet place I could safely pick something veggie. Asking for a dish to be 'chay' means veggie and that works too. Because everything is so cheap, it seemed to be easy enough to eat here. Desserts were limited with the exception of a vegan shop. They do have Oreos, in general for all these countries, I hope you like Oreos because they're the only dessert option most place ! Cambodia - Sometimes easy and sometimes not. Tofu did appear on menus, I would recommend trying Tofu Lok Lak as a veggie Khmer dish (it will probably come with a fried egg) and I was able to ask for curries just veggie or with tofu. I ate mostly eggs and toast of some kind for breakfast because that was a filling option. Every city I was in there was at least one vegan cafe or restaurant that was not too much more ££ than a normal meal so I knew at least I could get myself something nice and safely vegan every other day while keeping a budget. I was concerned about Koh Rong being a remote island that I would struggle to eat but this was one of the best places! There is a purely veggie/vegan restaurant on the main pier, as well as other restaurants offering vegan pizza, veggie pad thai, tofu curries etc. I also found a second kind of chocolate biscuit that wasn't an Oreo here! Koh Chang/Thailand - though we were back to having access to 7/11 the options seemed more limited and Thailand was my least favourite place to eat. In 7/11 I did find a few different kinds of Almond milk (& oreos!) but ingredients were rarely in English. Some options at the food halls were inari sushi, Subway (hash browns) and a few other (but more pricey) dedicated vegan restaurants in the central district. You deserve a medal if you made it this far - any questions please ask me, thanks :-)
Hey folks! Today I returned to the US after a week aboard the Oasis of the Seas gambling at the single zero roulette table. If you're interested, you can read the original story here where I kept day by day notes in the comments about my winnings and observations. Finished ~$2500 ahead Martingaling for a week. Cruise Background I wanted to vacation in Vegas this fall, my wife wanted to cruise again, so I spent a few months searching cruise lines, looking for a single zero roulette table with at least an 8-bet min/max spread. As it turns out, there are thirteen cruise ships in the world that fit that profile (that I discovered), and after checking all of them against NovembeDecember departure dates from CONUS, I downselected to the Oasis of the Seas from Royal Caribbean for a 7-Day Caribbean cruise, booked it, and thus it was so! The Game For the duration of this cruise, I played single zero roulette and nothing else. The casino on board the Oasis of the Seas has four roulette tables; two American roulette tables on the smoking side, and one each American/European on the non-smoking side. I use the word "European" loosely because while it was single-zero, it had no European rules on it. All four tables were $5 - $100 on the inside, and $5 - $1000 on the outside. I attempted to make arrangements before the cruise as well as with the casino manager during the cruise to raise the limits for my gambling to no avail since I didn't have an established play history with Club Royale. I also requested La Partage be put into effect during my session play without luck - but that was a long shot anyway; the only single zero table I know of in the US with a minimum bet lower than $25 is the $10 - $3000 La Partage table at the Soaring Eagle in Michigan (sorry guys, terminal games don't count!) Single zero roulette tables have a 2.7% house edge; down from the scandalous 5.4% house edge of American roulette (let alone the scammy triple zero crap that Carnival Cruise lines and the Venetian in Vegas are doing); La Partage lowers it to a magnificent 1.35%, but alas - I was destined to go without. My Bets Most of you are probably familiar with a martingale) series bet. For anyone else; on a $5 - $1000 table, $2,000 can bankroll a 8-bet sequence where I double my bet each time I lose, restarting my bet sequence each win. Due to chip denominations, my martingale progression is $5, $10, $25, $50, $100, $250, $500, $1000, which I find more reasonable than 5/10/20/40/80/160/320/640 due to the typical chip denominations 1/5/25/100/500/1000. In a tip of my hat to superstition, my increases from $10 to $25, $100 to $250, and $1000 to $2500 where applicable are my way of "punishing" the casino for making me leave the comfort zone of the outside minimum bet. Mock me if you must; its my personal flair - if my bets grow that high I "deserve" to win more than my base bet for the stress of having to bankroll the roll. The chances of heads or tails on a coin flip are 50% for either outcome. On a single-zero table without La Partage, the equivalent bets - black/red, even/odd, 1-18/19-36 is ~48.6%, with the other 2.7% representing the green zero, or house edge - creating a theoretical loss probability of 2.7% of your bet per bet over time. While the probability of an individual spin being black or red in my case is ~48.6%, the martingale betting progression ties your bets into a session, such that on the table I'm playing on, as long as I don't guess wrong 8 times in a row, I always win. On the off-chance that any newbs are reading this, this is NOT a "strategy" or "guaranteed way to make money." Martingale betting is a low risk, low reward means of using a large sum of money to win a little sum of money - pretty much the opposite of what people go into casinos to do. In statistical terms, the chances of me guessing wrong 8 times in a row in an 8 spin series is three tenths of one percent...but no one sits down for 8 spins and leaves - so my gambling is that when the house spins my losing sequence...I'm not there. =D Such is gambling. Goals! I've learned over the years that if I don't sit at a table with a fixed goal of when to leave, I will get bored and start making side bets (other even money bets or thirds) - more ways to win also mean more ways to lose, and when I am gambling, I am heavily socializing and drinking; I can't keep track of all of it at the same time. My goal is thus to always leave with 120% of my bankroll. This trip was a bit confusing for me because I couldn't reconcile what my bankroll was. Not knowing whether the table limit would be fixed to $1000, or be able to be raised to $10,000 I brought $5,000 in cash with another $35,000 available as credit - I'd wrongly assumed the casino would at least double the table min/max to $10-$2000, and had been hoping they would leave the minimum and double the maximum, adding a one-bet buffer to my 8-spin series. With a $1,000 bet maximum, I stopped bringing more than $2,000 to the casino. If my bankroll is $2,000, I aim to leave with $2400. If my bankroll is $5,000, I aim to leave with $6,000. With $10,000, I aim to leave with $12,000. I initially hoped to turn $2,000 into $2,400, but after doing that the first night gambling and the prospect of the rest of the cruise being bereft of gambling, I decided that since I'd brought $5,000 to gamble with, even if I could only play with $2,000 of it, my 120% goal meant I wanted $1,000 in winnings or bust. On day two when I realized how stingy Club Royale was, and that I'd be buying my own drinks, I shelled out $360 for the liquor package, and adjusted my winning threshold to also cover the liquor package. Then there was a $300 spa treatment. Then an $1800 studio photography session since my wife wanted some nice pictures - something we've not done in a decade. With these confusing inputs leaving me unsure of how to decide if I was up or down, it came down to the fact that while the casino was generally open 8-12 hours a day, the lone roulette table with the single zero didn't open until 8:00 PM - about when the cruise shows started. I did some begging and pleading to have it opened earlier every day to mixed success - a bit on the first day and on the last day, with nothing in the middle. They really wanted people on the American tables - which I had to resist, since for much of the cruise, it was American roulette or nothing. I contented myself during those periods with drinking, socializing with other gamblers, watching, drinking, and trying to find people who didn't have the booze package so I could buy them drinks. Fun Facts
Over 6 days of gambling, averaging 4 hours per day, I hit the $1,000 table maximum bet twice. Both were heart-attack inducing. The first was at 0100 on day 5, I was the last gambler at the table, $1,000 on red didn't screw me, and I took it as a sign to go to bed. The second happened on Day 6; since a $2,000 loss would have left me break even at that point, I took a short break, stretched my legs, and came back.
In the same period, I hit the $250 bet mark in my progression 4 times (resetting from $250 back to $5), and the $500 bet limit zero times. $100 and below bets were too numerous to count.
Total winnings were probably closer to $2800, but I tip freely when its free money.
Despite my "follow the house" betting method of deciding to bet red or black (which capitalizes on streaks), and I never choose which to bet on, there was one dealer would occasionally call a color, and she was only wrong once. I started switching bets when she'd call a color because it was spooky. If I asked her, most of the time she'd say, "I don't know" - but out of 20-30 "calls" over a week that I saw her spinning for me, she missed one.
If I had the balls to play numbers or neighbor bets, I'd have made tens of thousands; I don't believe in ball control; not on modern wheels, but one dealer put out four 28s in 8 spins, three of them in a row, 7 of the others were neighbor bet winners, and he just kept doing it. He's been a casino dealer 44 years...and kept telling people what number to bet on, and no one would listen to him. God, I wish I had.
I learned to play craps as a backup in case the single zero table was closed, but the craps tables were $5 - $300 with 1x odds, shifting to 3-4-5x with $50 minimum bets. I need to ease into craps, and didn't want to have to track different odds systems, nor did I want to play on a $300 limit table - all my practicing on craps was with 3-4-5x odds on a $5 - $2,000 table, and I have a tendency to double down on everything in every game. And in life too; Losing a 5/15 bet makes me put $20 on the pass line. It gets expensive quickly, so I'm not playing craps with less than $5k, $10k to be comfortable, and I need at least a $2k table.
Actually, all the games were a bit ...less competitive. 6:5 blackjack, 1x craps odds, no Euro rules on the Euro table, crappy slots payouts - I get it; I really do. Captive audience, no need to compete with other casinos. Once they're on board, you've got 'em for a week; they're gonna gamble or they're not.
Club Royale has terrible comps compared to Casinos at Sea with NCL. It takes 2500 points with Club Royale to earn comped drinks while gambling. Not only did Club Royale not buy my drinks this cruise, at the rate of my point earnings, it will take me 4 more cruises gambling at the same rate to earn free drinks. That's right; $10,000+ to get free drinks. I did however come away with an amazing $100 off my next cruise voucher.
Assuming total winnings of $2,800 (before tips), being right 48.6% of the time, I gambled through ~1200 roulette spins in a week.
Anyway; it was a blast - but I'll probably go to Vegas for my next vacation instead of cruising. I want to gamble during the day, and go to shows in the evening, not wander around during the day, then have to decide whether I want to gamble or watch shows in the evening. edit And here's a picture of me at my remote office aboard the cruise ship in case anyone was wondering what your mean old /gambling moderator ShelixAnakasian looks like.
A week of degenerate gambling on the Oasis of the Seas comes to a close!
Hey folks! Today I returned to the US after a week aboard the Oasis of the Seas gambling at the single zero roulette table. If you're interested, you can read the original story here where I kept day by day notes in the comments about my winnings and observations. Finished ~$2500 ahead Martingaling for a week. I called out 14 crew members that I thought were exceptional; 11 of them in the casino - the crew were amazing everywhere. The ship itself is probably due a refit. Elevator buttons broken, chairs broken, everything looking a little run down and scuffed. I won't dig into the ports because everyone in here probably knows their way around the Caribbean by now. =D Cruise Background I wanted to vacation in Vegas this fall, my wife wanted to cruise again, so I spent a few months searching cruise lines, looking for a single zero roulette table with at least an 8-bet min/max spread. As it turns out, there are thirteen cruise ships in the world that fit that profile (that I discovered), and after checking all of them against NovembeDecember departure dates from CONUS, I downselected to the Oasis of the Seas from Royal Caribbean for a 7-Day Caribbean cruise, booked it, and thus it was so! The Game For the duration of this cruise, I played single zero roulette and nothing else. The casino on board the Oasis of the Seas has four roulette tables; two American roulette tables on the smoking side, and one each American/European on the non-smoking side. I use the word "European" loosely because while it was single-zero, it had no European rules on it. All four tables were $5 - $100 on the inside, and $5 - $1000 on the outside. I attempted to make arrangements before the cruise as well as with the casino manager during the cruise to raise the limits for my gambling to no avail since I didn't have an established play history with Club Royale. I also requested La Partage be put into effect during my session play without luck - but that was a long shot anyway; the only single zero table I know of in the US with a minimum bet lower than $25 is the $10 - $3000 La Partage table at the Soaring Eagle in Michigan (sorry guys, terminal games don't count!) Single zero roulette tables have a 2.7% house edge; down from the scandalous 5.4% house edge of American roulette (let alone the scammy triple zero crap that Carnival Cruise lines and the Venetian in Vegas are doing); La Partage lowers it to a magnificent 1.35%, but alas - I was destined to go without. My Bets Most of you are probably familiar with a martingale) series bet. For anyone else; on a $5 - $1000 table, $2,000 can bankroll a 8-bet sequence where I double my bet each time I lose, restarting my bet sequence each win. Due to chip denominations, my martingale progression is $5, $10, $25, $50, $100, $250, $500, $1000, which I find more reasonable than 5/10/20/40/80/160/320/640 due to the typical chip denominations 1/5/25/100/500/1000. In a tip of my hat to superstition, my increases from $10 to $25, $100 to $250, and $1000 to $2500 where applicable are my way of "punishing" the casino for making me leave the comfort zone of the outside minimum bet. Mock me if you must; its my personal flair - if my bets grow that high I "deserve" to win more than my base bet for the stress of having to bankroll the roll. The chances of heads or tails on a coin flip are 50% for either outcome. On a single-zero table without La Partage, the equivalent bets - black/red, even/odd, 1-18/19-36 is ~48.6%, with the other 2.7% representing the green zero, or house edge - creating a theoretical loss probability of 2.7% of your bet per bet over time. While the probability of an individual spin being black or red in my case is ~48.6%, the martingale betting progression ties your bets into a session, such that on the table I'm playing on, as long as I don't guess wrong 8 times in a row, I always win. On the off-chance that any newbs are reading this, this is NOT a "strategy" or "guaranteed way to make money." Martingale betting is a low risk, low reward means of using a large sum of money to win a little sum of money - pretty much the opposite of what people go into casinos to do. In statistical terms, the chances of me guessing wrong 8 times in a row in an 8 spin series is three tenths of one percent...but no one sits down for 8 spins and leaves - so my gambling is that when the house spins my losing sequence...I'm not there. =D Such is gambling. Goals! I've learned over the years that if I don't sit at a table with a fixed goal of when to leave, I will get bored and start making side bets (other even money bets or thirds) - more ways to win also mean more ways to lose, and when I am gambling, I am heavily socializing and drinking; I can't keep track of all of it at the same time. My goal is thus to always leave with 120% of my bankroll. This trip was a bit confusing for me because I couldn't reconcile what my bankroll was. Not knowing whether the table limit would be fixed to $1000, or be able to be raised to $10,000 I brought $5,000 in cash with another $35,000 available as credit - I'd wrongly assumed the casino would at least double the table min/max to $10-$2000, and had been hoping they would leave the minimum and double the maximum, adding a one-bet buffer to my 8-spin series. With a $1,000 bet maximum, I stopped bringing more than $2,000 to the casino. If my bankroll is $2,000, I aim to leave with $2400. If my bankroll is $5,000, I aim to leave with $6,000. With $10,000, I aim to leave with $12,000. I initially hoped to turn $2,000 into $2,400, but after doing that the first night gambling and the prospect of the rest of the cruise being bereft of gambling, I decided that since I'd brought $5,000 to gamble with, even if I could only play with $2,000 of it, my 120% goal meant I wanted $1,000 in winnings or bust. On day two when I realized how stingy Club Royale was, and that I'd be buying my own drinks, I shelled out $360 for the liquor package, and adjusted my winning threshold to also cover the liquor package. Then there was a $300 spa treatment. Then an $1800 studio photography session since my wife wanted some nice pictures - something we've not done in a decade. With these confusing inputs leaving me unsure of how to decide if I was up or down, it came down to the fact that while the casino was generally open 8-12 hours a day, the lone roulette table with the single zero didn't open until 8:00 PM - about when the cruise shows started. I did some begging and pleading to have it opened earlier every day to mixed success - a bit on the first day and on the last day, with nothing in the middle. They really wanted people on the American tables - which I had to resist, since for much of the cruise, it was American roulette or nothing. I contented myself during those periods with drinking, socializing with other gamblers, watching, drinking, and trying to find people who didn't have the booze package so I could buy them drinks. Fun Facts
Over 6 days of gambling, averaging 4 hours per day, I hit the $1,000 table maximum bet twice. Both were heart-attack inducing. The first was at 0100 on day 5, I was the last gambler at the table, $1,000 on red didn't screw me, and I took it as a sign to go to bed. The second happened on Day 6; since a $2,000 loss would have left me break even at that point, I took a short break, stretched my legs, and came back.
In the same period, I hit the $250 bet mark in my progression 4 times (resetting from $250 back to $5), and the $500 bet limit zero times. $100 and below bets were too numerous to count.
Total winnings were probably closer to $2800, but I tip freely when its free money.
Despite my "follow the house" betting method of deciding to bet red or black (which capitalizes on streaks), and I never choose which to bet on, there was one dealer would occasionally call a color, and she was only wrong once. I started switching bets when she'd call a color because it was spooky. If I asked her, most of the time she'd say, "I don't know" - but out of 20-30 "calls" over a week that I saw her spinning for me, she missed one.
If I had the balls to play numbers or neighbor bets, I'd have made tens of thousands; I don't believe in ball control; not on modern wheels, but one dealer put out four 28s in 8 spins, three of them in a row, 7 of the others were neighbor bet winners, and he just kept doing it. He's been a casino dealer 44 years...and kept telling people what number to bet on, and no one would listen to him. God, I wish I had.
I learned to play craps as a backup in case the single zero table was closed, but the craps tables were $5 - $300 with 1x odds, shifting to 3-4-5x with $50 minimum bets. I need to ease into craps, and didn't want to have to track different odds systems, nor did I want to play on a $300 limit table - all my practicing on craps was with 3-4-5x odds on a $5 - $2,000 table, and I have a tendency to double down on everything in every game. And in life too; Losing a 5/15 bet makes me put $20 on the pass line. It gets expensive quickly, so I'm not playing craps with less than $5k, $10k to be comfortable, and I need at least a $2k table.
Actually, all the games were a bit ...less competitive. 6:5 blackjack, 1x craps odds, no Euro rules on the Euro table, crappy slots payouts - I get it; I really do. Captive audience, no need to compete with other casinos. Once they're on board, you've got 'em for a week; they're gonna gamble or they're not.
Club Royale has terrible comps compared to Casinos at Sea with NCL. It takes 2500 points with Club Royale to earn comped drinks while gambling. Not only did Club Royale not buy my drinks this cruise, at the rate of my point earnings, it will take me 4 more cruises gambling at the same rate to earn free drinks. That's right; $10,000+ to get free drinks. I did however come away with an amazing $100 off my next cruise voucher.
Assuming total winnings of $2,800 (before tips), being right 48.6% of the time, I gambled through ~1200 roulette spins in a week.
Anyway; it was a blast - but I'll probably go to Vegas for my next vacation instead of cruising. I want to gamble during the day, and go to shows in the evening, not wander around during the day, then have to decide whether I want to gamble or watch shows in the evening. And here's a picture of me at my remote office aboard the cruise ship in case anyone was wondering what your mean old /gambling moderator ShelixAnakasian looks like.
I sit on the back of the couch, leaning against the wall. Four people are crammed into the seats, three gorgeous women and one of my buddies. From my perch on the back of the couch, I’m lord of all I survey. It’s good to be the king, and tonight, I am the king. It’s the third night of our trip, and I’ve gotten us access to a special birthday party in the dance club on the top floor of the casino. Dave’s night of debauchery at the five-star strip club on our first night in Vegas was up to his usual high standards. Joey’s casino night was fun, I made a little money at the craps table. Neil’s plans for tomorrow are still under wraps. I want to make Saturday memorable. The birthday party is for a reality TV star. A very notable, famous one. It’s not a Kardashian, don’t worry. It is a big deal, though, cameras for the show will be filming, and it seems like everybody under age 30 wants to be there. Back home, before we left, I told the boys to pack clothes suitable for a club. They laughed, we are not a group that went to dance clubs at 25, they don’t want to start now. I ask them to trust me, and they do. Our car service drops us at the main door, and there is a line. I ask security if this is the VIP line, and he says no, follow this line inside, the VIP table is to the left. We go in, the couple dozen folks outside wondering if we are famous. Joey and I walk through the glass foyer, Neil and Dave behind us, and the line stretches ahead, as far as we can see. There are hundreds of people dressed for a club night stretched along the casino floor. As we stride past them, we hear a couple bratty girls complain “what makes them so special,” and a guy loudly say “I think the big one was a hockey player.” It’s a long queue. I’m amused at how many people are lined up to be in the background on reality TV, while a guy who doesn’t want to be famous at all is skipping the wait. After crossing the clanging casino floor, we get to the check-in. A pair of frantic women are overwhelmed working the general admission table, while a very professional lady sits at the empty VIP table. “Aaron Bloom and guests,” I state as she looks up. She asks for ID and credit card, staring at me as I hand them over. She makes a “Hmmm” sound and crosses my name off the list, “I thought you were shorter.” She is about to run my card, and stops. “Your reservation is for four, but there are seven in your party, are you paying for them all?” There must be another group behind us that she’s mixing up, but as I turn, I see Dave wink, a stunning girl on each arm. A third girl is with Neil, Dave’s lifelong wingman, and Neil has a shit-eating grin plastered across his lucky face. I turn back to the table, looking the lady in the eye, half a smile on my face, trying to be charming. “Seven it is, ma’am. We are one short if you’d like to join us.” She pretends to think about it for a moment, raises an eyebrow, then hands me my cards and receipt. She shoos us along to the elevator, but we exchange a smile as my group departs. The seven of us get on the elevator. The operator swipes a card and hits 51, one floor short of the big dance club on 52. Dave introduces the girls, all of them about twenty-five, all of them very grateful to get into the party and out of the long line. They are very pretty, but Nikki, the gorgeous one, slinks up to me and grabs the lapels of my blazer, pulling me down low enough for a whisper. “Thank you, you’re the best. You can get us on TV, right? I just want my opportunity.” I don’t lie, leaning in and replying, “we will be in the right place for it.” As I say it, I glare over the girl at Dave, who smiles and shrugs. I don’t know who the girls think I am, but Dave has them thinking I’m important. That’s my third mistaken identity of the evening, and not the last. Girl at the table was right, the powerful and very wealthy Aaron Bloom is shorter than me, and a good bit older. He’s a known name with a less known face, and it happens to be the name on my drivers license. My face and height? Ten years earlier, I’d occasionally get a beer on the house, a bar patron buying me a drink and swearing I was a hockey player, even though the barkeep would tell them that I wasn’t. I can’t even skate, but the dude in line was an echo of those days. Now these fame hungry girls think I’m Hollywood reality TV connected. I need a drink. It’s a long ride to 51, and Joey is odd man out, no girl. Dave introduces the girl on his arm, Lauren, to Joey. Based on the walk across the casino floor, the fact that Joey and I are good friends, Dave paints a picture that Joey must also be an influential guy to know, he’s tight with the big fella. The girl is suddenly intrigued by soft spoken Joey, and now has a grip on his arm and a big smile. Neil’s new friend, Allison, seems happy enough, and Dave is now solo. No one feels bad for solo Dave, it never lasts long. The elevator dings at 51, and the doors open to an opulent private club. Dark woods, deep leather couches, a grand piano with a cover on it. It is a classy contrast to the clanking noise and the tracksuit clad gamblers in the casino. A hostess meets us as we leave the elevator. She looks at my receipt, then up at me, and at the receipt again. She calls over another hostess, hands the new girl the receipt, and we follow her to our spot. We pass through a pair of rooms with small groups of party-goers in front of enormous bottles of booze, bottle-service parties within the bigger party. No one in the first room notices us, but everyone in the second room stops what they are doing and looks at us. “Who are they?” “Do you recognize them?” Someone even snaps a picture of Joey and I and the girls on our arms. I’m confused, until we leave the second room and enter the opulent bar area. The main bar area is mahogany and brass, crystal and LED light. The walls are curtained, and there are pods of couches lining all of the walls. Three tables are on the small dance-floor, for the guests of honor. I look around the room, it is uncrowded. I recognize a pair of stand-up comics, one who’s been in a couple movies. A sports team owner holds court with his group of guests. A pair of NBA players has a gaggle of girls around them. One gets up as we approach, taller than me. He gives me a handshake/ back pat, and says “good to see you, brother” as the hostess hustles us by. The girls are impressed, I turn to Joey and mouth “what the fuck?” We arrive at our pod, a pair of couches and a low table, with the back of the couch for the next pod making a U shape. As we settle in, Dave disappears. Yet another hostess pops up, two waiters behind her with trays. We get bottle service as part of the admission. I choose Vodka, and the hostess opens and places a towering bottle of Grey Goose on the table with an array of mixers. We have been comped another round of bottle service, do we want another vodka? I want gin, everyone, even the girls, makes a face, and moments later another huge bottle of Goose joins the one on the table. It is a fuckton of booze. Dave returns, another pair of hot ingenues on his arms, his deal with the devil apparently still working. We settle in, only one of the girls joining the four of us for a raw shot of vodka to remember an old friend. Then Neil starts mixing drinks. Vodka-cranberry or vodka-redbull for each of the girls. I’d enjoy a martini, but with the intimidating bottles on the table, my “don’t die” reflex kicks in and I opt for a weak vodka-tonic. After the bro-hug from the NBA player, Nikki is now thoroughly convinced I am worth knowing, and she’s got a death grip on my left arm. She gives the two new girls Dave brought a scowl, warning them off. I feel bad, I’m not some producer. But all she wants is to be on camera, and I’ve gotten her into a room full of celebrities. She knows it, and keeps an eye peeled for camera crews and microphone booms. One of the new girls asks “Oh my god, who are you guys? We are twenty feet from the main table, are you friends with the star?” The questions continue on, and Nikki mistakes my honesty for modesty as I say “We are nobody, don’t worry about it.” After fifteen-twenty minutes, as we mix another round of drinks, she leans in and kisses me, claiming me, marking territory for the other girls to see. Nikki is gorgeous, a lithe 5’8”, athletic, tan, toned. She’s wearing a shift dress, mostly sequins, and I’m pretty sure the dress is all she’s wearing. No bra straps, no bump on the back of the dress where hooks would be. She’s got lovely medium sized boobs, and she’s young and fit and firm enough to skip a bra tonight for her chance to be on camera. She’s immaculately made up, her stunning face accented perfectly. She has long brown hair with subtle shading, and a near flawless physique. I do not end up with girls who look like models, my “type” skewing to quirky, or tall, or busty, or bookish. Tonight, there is a wannabe actress on my arm. She’s not there for me, she’s there for the Hollywood guy, or the hockey player, or the billionaire, whichever will get her on TV. I’m not those guys, but it doesn’t matter. I’m going to get her on TV regardless. I look up, and see the camera crew arrive. When the cameras pan the dance floor upstairs later, everyone screams and raises their arms. Here, it is restrained. The comedians say “hey”, the basketball players make a peace sign. I give a thumbs up with a raised eyebrow, Nikki flashing a perfect smile by my side, the rest of the group briefly “in the shot” as the camera pans in. Fame is Nikki’s aphrodisiac, apparently. As the cameras move on to the next group, she kisses me, then swings a leg over to straddle me and kiss me harder, a few howls of “get a room” from the group. A half hour later, the guest of honor arrives, and people stand, offer toasts, the comics make jokes, all in service to the hunger for story in their show. I’m urged forward by one of the hostesses as the cake is brought out, “in shot” with the other celebrities singing happy birthday. Nikki is beside me, she has almost dug trenches in my elbow with her nails. The VIP treatment, the cameras, the access, it’s far more than she dreamed. As we get back to the table, everybody is happy, some are shit-faced and happy. Dave has cycled a near parade of girls through our couple of couches, only Allison remains of the original crew. Four new girls are mixing drinks with Dave and Neil, Joey lost to the dance floor upstairs, dragged away by some half-drunk girl. Nikki leans into me, and asks “can we go back to your room?” My room is halfway across town, I’m not staying in this hotel. Before I answer, I wave over one of the VIP hostesses who patrol the room. I tell her I’m a bit woozy and need to compose myself, do they have a private place available to rest. She looks at me, at horny Nikki, and back at me, seeing right through my weak ruse. It doesn’t matter, VIPs needing a room in the middle of a party is a thing they are prepared for. “Of course sir, I’ll have someone escort you.” I flash Dave three “tens” with my hands, signing that I’ll be gone for a half hour as yet another hostess introduces herself. A short elevator ride later and the hostess swipes us into the room, handing me the room card. I tip her generously as she leaves. Nikki whistles as she takes it all in. The room is much, much nicer than my “pretty nice” room at the Venetian. A king bed dominates the room, the furniture is leather. The far wall is all window, with a glass door to a balcony, overlooking the city, the Vegas Strip twinkling in the distance. “You are the best. All I wanted was to be on the dance floor near a camera, to be seen. I’m going to be on TV in the VIP, standing between you and a movie star singing happy birthday. Thank you.” She lowers the straps of her dress off her shoulders, and with a shrug, the satiny, sequined shift slides to the ground at her heels. No bra, that much I knew. No panties either, just that loose dress hiding this perfection. Nikki is a knockout, framed in front of those windows, that view of Vegas, a magazine cover waiting to happen. She steps over her dress and preens, posing, seducing. Her black heels stay on, and her long tan legs are toned, shapely calves and slightly curved thighs drawing the eye up, to her ass. With heels and a slight bend forward at the waist, her behind is a work of art. The cute butt sweeps and curves into a slim lower back, the curves enhanced by the little circular dents where the muscles meet. Her ass tapers into a narrow waist. She’s toned, and her frame is slim. The long torso is flat, but unmuscled, no visible abs, but no extra padding. Her breasts are beautiful, perfect and firm mounds, a small C. The nipples are a deeper tan than her skin, almost brown, tilted up. Even the curve of her collarbone into her shoulder is graceful, as if sculpted by a master, every detail important. Perfect features, gorgeous body, flowing hair, and plainly eager. “Do you like this?” she asks. I’m sure that she has never heard anyone answer “no” to that question, but I can hear doubt. I tell her she’s beautiful, and I find the source of her doubt “Come on, you’ve been with models, actresses…” I stop her, and tell her, honestly, that she’s perfect. She smiles and crosses the room to me, and begins unbuttoning my shirt. Once removed, she kisses my chest, up to my shoulders, demure and aggressive at once. I lean down to kiss her, my hand on the small of her back, lifting her slightly. She stretches up, forearms resting on my shoulders, fingers entwined around my neck. She breaks the kiss, and walks to the window. Placing her hands on the glass, she gives me a show. She bends gracefully, her perfect behind on display. She curves herself forward, flexing her elbows, pressing her breasts to the cool glass. Her nipples harden, and she shivers. I approach her, kicking off my shoes and undoing my belt as I walk. She turns, and slides my pants to the ground. As she rises, she says, “Jesus, you’re a billionaire and you have a big cock? That’s almost not fair.” Now I know which mistaken identity she’s latched onto, no wonder she thought I slept with models. She traces her fingernail across my shorts, along the length of my dick, making little shapes, teasing. She stands, and presses herself into me, and peels my shorts down and off. My cock springs out, and she grabs hold. First with one hand, then barely wrapping her other hand around it, still with space below and above. It throbs, and reddens, in her hands. “That’s not big, that’s huge” she whispers. I pull her close, hands on her ass, cock pressed against her belly as we kiss again. I lift her, swinging around and laying her on the bed. She looks down at me, between her legs, and says “you don’t need to do that for me, I’m already …” the next word was probably “wet”, but it’s lost behind a little grunt as my tongue finds her clit. I feel her thighs on my ears, and her hips thrusting up, wanting more. I trace lines and circles on her, working her button then sliding my tongue along the crease of her lips, then back to her clit. In moments, I feel little tremors, she’s having an orgasm, shaking, whispering “wonderful” at the end. I ask her to go back to the window, it was very sexy, and she says she’s got a better idea. She opens the door to the balcony, and beckons me to follow. She grabs the rail, and shakes her ass at me. It’s not cold out, but it’s windy up here, her hair blows behind her as she turns her head to say “take me.” I approach her from behind, squeezing her ass, sliding two fingers into her, eliciting a soft moan. I wrap an arm around her from behind, pulling her up to me, kissing her shoulder and neck. My cock rests on the shelf of her behind, pressed into her back. She whispers over her shoulder, “fuck me, now.” She’s wet. She’s very, very wet, her orgasm from the oral adding to her ready state. She has her hands on the rail as I briefly tease her lips with my head. The wind whips by as I push into her, a quiet moan taken from her lips to the sky. I work my way into her slowly, methodically, enjoying the moans, listening for any negative sounds or reactions. I’ve learned to be careful, but Nikki has other thoughts. She reaches back, hand on my hip, and says “all of it”. I change from my short and deepening strokes, slidIng out nearly all the way. With one hand on her hip and the other on her shoulder, I slowly drive my cock all the way into her. She’s wet, and very willing, moaning louder as my fat cock fills her. “Oh god damn you’ve got a big one” she says into the wind. She wriggles her ass, then yells “stay still!” With her heels planted firmly on the balcony, her hands on the rails, she slides forward. The arch of her back exposes her tits for the world to see, not that anyone is looking at the 47th floor. Then she slides back onto me, a long hard stroke, grunting at the end. Again, slowly, she slides forward and slams back, finding a rhythm, grunting with the effort, moaning with the rising pleasure. She is a thing of beauty, a work of art, repeatedly and needfully impaling herself on my fat red cock. She cries out, and lowers her torso, changing the angle. I have to take a half step back, but she has a new rhythm, a new urgency, finding a deep connection she wants more of. I grab her hips, helping her drive down and reach a place inside her that is working for her. She screams, a long “ohhhhhhhh” out to the world, not caring who hears. “Oh fuck, goddamn, that was amazing.” She slides forward, disengaging with a filthy wet noise. As she turns to me, my wet dick brushes her taut belly. “Jesus, that didn’t make you come?” She grabs my cock and drags me inside to the bed. We lay down together, and she kisses me before rolling on top of me. Her bright blue eyes look through me with lust and more as she perches on me. She’s still perfect even after the hard balcony fuck. I realize she’s chosen positions to keep her hair and makeup from being mussed too much. No missionary, no doggy. I admire her high perky boobs and the taut tendons of her upper thighs as she positions herself. She leans forward, and guides my cock deep into her. She slides all the way down, and then straightens upright. She starts to bob, short strokes, taking my full length each time, smiling. She asks for my hands, and I raise my arms. She locks her hands into mine. With the leverage, her strokes are longer, she knows what she’s doing. Her smile adjusts, less glee and more determination, driving toward her own orgasm, and mine. Her pert breasts wobble each time she slams down onto me, her fingers hold tight, intertwined through mine. I feel my blood rise, my own urgency, I’m close. She’s close too. A deep growling moan escapes her lips and she clenches her hands, digging nails into the backs of my hands. After the exhaling moan, she drops onto me, all of my cock deep inside as I explode into her. She’s let go of my hands, leaning back slightly, propped on my legs, no longer riding. She’s still coming, riding her wave, her eyes lost and rolling. I feel my own final spurt, one last throb. I look down and see a trickle of our mixed love on the top of my cock, below her lips. “Oh fuck. That was supposed to be my thank you, I didn’t expect that. Fuck me, that was good.” She’s still on me, chattering away as my erection flags, spent. Finally, she pops off, and heads to the restroom, still talking. “Do you ever get to Denver? I’d love to see you again.” I hear the water run. A moment later I join her, looking for a towel. As I’m cleaning, she grabs it again, giving it a kiss. “Hopefully I won’t be in Denver for long, I’m sure you get to LA, right?” Nikki is career focused, I will give her that. I tell her I’m always happy to help someone out, keeping myself technically honest. After we clean ourselves, and dress, I dial for a hostess and Nikki kisses me some more, still trying to show her appreciation without falling back into lust again. We get back to our VIP pod, Joey and Dave drinking with a new group of girls, our “party” now commingled with the NBA players in the next pod. Their side pieces and groupies are hot in entirely different ways that our reality wannabes, it’s quite a mix. Nikki promises to come back after she finds Allison and Lauren. She will find her friend just after she finishes giving Neil a stairwell blowjob, the relationship they began in the elevator coming full circle hours later. Lauren is out on the dance floor, the only one of the three having the night they planned. One of the girls on our couches hands me a fat cigar, out of a box that was “sent to Mr. Bloom” while I was away. All the seats are taken, so I climb to the back of the couch, and sit. I bite off the end of the cigar and chomp on it, unlit, waiting for Nikki’s return. Most nights I’m just a guy, the big fella, but just a guy. Tonight, I’m a VIP, sharing camera time with celebrities, bro-hugs with pro athletes, and still glowing from my time with the work-of-art woman. I’m a king in this room, not just a guy, at least for tonight. It’s good to be the king.
Although it is the world’s second-smallest continent, Europe welcomes more than half of all the tourists worldwide. 7 of the ten most visited countries in the world are European nations . It’s easy to see why a well-preserved cultural heritage, productive history safety and efficient infrastructure makes visiting Europe a breeze. Here’s a look at the best places to visit in Europe.
Vienna
📷 As the former seat of the Hapsburg Empire Vienna is awash with impressive imperial buildings and palaces which so comprehensively convey the wealth and power of its previous monarchs. Now the capital of Austria the city is a delight to get lost in. Nicknamed “the City of Music” the names of its famous residents roll off the tongue with Mozart Beethoven and Schubert among those who once graced its streets.
Stonehenge
📷 You have to marvel at the determination of prehistoric man when you look at Stonehenge. Construction started about 3000 BC on what was initially burial grounds. Huge monoliths weighing 25 tons dragged One hundred fifty miles to the site a few hundred years later. It’s not known precisely how many humungous rocks were moved to a field near Amesbury, but there are 13 standing today. It’s also not known why Stonehenge was built, but many believe this significant English landmark is associated with ancient astrology.
Matterhorn
📷 Egypt may have its pyramids, but Italy and Switzerland have a nature-made pyramid of their own Matterhorn. At 14,692 feet high, this famous mountain is one of the highest in Europe. The mountain has four faces, each equally rugged. The legendary mountain has been popular with climbers since the first ascent in 1865 during the summer 150 people a day try to climb it. Couch potatoes may be just as happy to stay below and gaze in awe at the summit playing hide and seek with the clouds.
Plitvice Lakes
📷 The Plitvice Lakes are so pretty officials turned them into a national park. Located in central Croatia Plitvice Lakes consists of 16 lakes that attract more than a million visitors a year. Lush forests surround the lakes and connected by waterfalls cascading down from one lake to another. The lakes are dividing into two sections lower and upper because of the difference in elevation. The best way to see the lakes is walking on the route you might even see some wildlife.
Budapest
📷 Budapest was already an established city when the Hungarians took over in the ninth century. Today Budapest is the country’s capital and largest city. In between these two events, Budapest was ruled by the Mongols and Ottomans among others. Considered one of the most beautiful cities in Europe Budapest is home to the Museum of Fine Arts with its collection of more than 100,000 works. Be sure to visit the centrally located Old Town with its many museum’s churches palaces and Parliament building.
Lisbon
📷 The Portuguese capital of Lisbon lies on the Tagus River along the Atlantic coast. It is this location that encouraged explorers to sail far and wide around the world in the15th 16th and 17th centuries. One of the things you’ll want to see is Belem Tower a 16th-century fortress on the Tagus’ north bank if you’re looking for excellent views of old Lisbon head to Saint George Castle that was built on a hilltop by the Moors.
Gullfoss
📷 You probably don’t know too many people who’ve been to Iceland. But it may be worth a trip there to visit the spectacular Gullfoss waterfalls. Located in southern Iceland Gullfoss is one of Iceland’s top tourist attractions. At times it almost appears glacier-like appropriate perhaps since a glacier feeds it. The waterfalls begin just after the Ölfusá River makes a perpendicular turn and then cascades down a three-step staircase into a canyon that is 115 feet deep.
Athens
📷 Athens, a city that’s been inhabited since the fifth century BC, gave the world the concept of democracy and is the birthplace of Western civilisation. Many of the city’s significant landmarks can found in the old town particularly around the Acropolis. The list includes the temple of Zeus the Theatre of Dionysus where Sophocles works were performed and the Parthenon which sits atop the Acropolis.
Bay of Kotor
📷 When you’re hungry for breathtaking scenery feast your eyes on Kotor Bay in southwestern Montenegro. This bay off the Adriatic is just downright picturesque hemmed in by mountains with quaint villages sandwiched between the cliffs and the beautiful blue water. Several well-preserved medieval towns ring the bay. People make pilgrimages here not only to take in the scenery but also to visit the many Orthodox, and Christian churches spread among the villages.
Moscow
📷 For nearly 900 years Moscow has been the capital of Russia. As such, this old city has plenty to offer visitors. Let’s start with the 15th century Red Square since many of the city’s key attractions surround it. A top landmark is the Kremlin a former fortress that houses museums and the president of the Russian federation. Lenin’s Tomb sits in the middle of the square while the iconic onion-domed St.Basil’s Cathedral now a museum is on one side.
Venice
📷 Venice is for romantics who love gliding through the Grand Canal with a gondolier singing Italian love songs. This is, after all the city that sent Marco Polo off on his journey to China. Start your exploration of Venice at San Marco Square, the city’s most famous square. Here you’ll find the Doge’s Palace the seat of Venetian government and St. Mark’s Basilica the main church in Venice with stunning views from the tower. Venice also is famous for its bridges across the canals.
Monte Carlo
📷 If you’re into glitz and glamour, look no further than Monte Carlo the major city in the tiny principality of Monaco. Monaco has always for these qualities, which reached new heights when its prince made Grace Kelly his princess. Sitting on the shores of the Mediterranean Monte Carlo is known for fast car races and its elite casino. Take a walk along the harbour to see yachts that belong to the rich and famous.
Alhambra
📷 The Alhambra is one of the great wonders of Spain. It’s a gorgeous palace-fortress complex that can found in Granada in southern Spain’s Andalusia province. This imposing complex started as a small fortress in the late ninth century though it was built on the ruins of a former Roman fort. Taken over by Christian rulers, it is the site where Columbus got the go-ahead to discover the New World. The blending of architectural styles over the centuries is stunning. You’ll find great art and grand gardens throughout.
Florence
📷 If it weren’t for Florence, the Renaissance might not have happened. Florence is generally credit with bringing Europe out of the dark ages with great artists like Michelangelo. You can see their works at the Uffizi gallery or the Academia that displays the original David. Eat a gelato while strolling the Ponte Vecchio that bridges the Arno River. Ogle the over-the-top riches of the Medici family at the Pitti Palace.Marvel at the new engineering that created the magnificent Duomo.
London
📷 English history buffs will have a field day in London. This city on the Thames is chock full of palaces from Buckingham Palace to Hampton Court Palace. More a prison than a castle the Tower of London is home to the crowns jewels. And from Knightsbridge – don’t forget to visit the magnificent food halls at Harrods to Carnaby Street the shopping is fantastic. You can get around London quickly and efficiently by riding the famous Tube.
Neuschwanstein Castle
📷 “Fairy tale castle” is a phrase that aptly describes Neuschwanstein Castle in the Bavarian Alps. These 19th century Romanesque Revival castles look like it just stepped out of a fairy tale some say Neuschwanstein inspired the castle in Disney’s Sleeping Beauty. The castle was built as a retreat for King Ludwig II of Bavaria. Who viewed it as a romanticisation of the Middle Ages The castle was built of brick then covered in rock including the white limestone that is visible from afar.
Amsterdam
📷 Amsterdam is a pleasant city marked with meandering canals lined with tall narrow row houses. It is the city where Anne Frank kept her famous diary, so visiting the house where she wrote that. Also is a city of great art beginning with the Rijksmuseum home to great European masterpieces Rembrandt’s house and the more modern van Gogh museum. Take a break from sightseeing to tour and sample Holland’s beer at the Heineken Brewery.
Prague
📷 Prague, with a long history of war and destruction, is considered one of the best places to visit in Europe. Despite the devastation caused by World War II Prague has a charming Old Town that is worth more than a few hours of your time. Prague has many pedestrian zones which making walking a delight as you wander by Prague Castle through the Jewish Quarter and over the Charles Bridge. Wenceslas Square situated in the New Town hums with a vibrant nightlife and entertainment air.
Istanbul
📷 Istanbul may be on the outer fringes of Europe but well worth a visit when you’re travelling abroad. Turkey’s biggest city is a fascinating place filled with a rich history, colourful markets and mosques. Top attractions include the Bosporus that separates Europe and Asia. The ecumenical Hagia Sophia that’s been a Greek Orthodox Christian basilica then an imperial mosque and now a museum and the 15th century Topkapi Palace also a museum today. Get in a little shopping at the Grand Bazaar that’s been in operation since 1461.
Geirangerfjord
📷 When the summer heat of Europe gets you down head to Norway with its pretty cool scenery. Geirangerfjord is a 9.3-mile long fjord with crystal blue waters fed by picturesque cascading waterfalls. Take a sightseeing trip on a car ferry through the fjord passing villages on the shores. Look out for the Seven Sisters and Suitor waterfalls so named because legend says he’s trying to court the sisters. Also, look for Bridal Veil – when the light is right, it seems like a thin veil covering the rocks.
Barcelona
📷 Founded by the Romans Barcelona today is a bustling city on the Mediterranean Sea. As the capital of Catalonia, it is a powerhouse in the region. It is perhaps best known for the unusual buildings designed by the architect Antoni Gaudi. These landmark structures include La Sagrada Familia a church that’s been under construction since 1892. You could build your entire visit around his buildings. But then you’d miss out on other Barcelona delights such as La Rambla a famous pedestrian street in the central part of the city.
Dubrovnik
📷 As European cities go Dubrovnik isn’t huge but don’t let its size deter you. This little jewel with less than 43,000 people is one of the most visited cities in the Mediterranean. Dubrovnik transports visitors back to a time when the fortified town was a significant maritime power commanding the third-largest navy in the Mediterranean. As you wander the streets, you’ll likely come across sculptures of St. Viaho the city’s patron saint whose life is celebrating every February.
Santorini
📷 When it’s time to sit back and relax take yourself to Santorini an island in the Aegean. Top travel magazines consider this a prime destination once there you can’t help but agree. The island has picture-postcard villages an active volcano and stunning sunsets. Be sure to visit Fira, a town perched atop a cliff. You’ll also want to sample wines such as the dessert wine Vincent as well as the product that is made sweeter and tastier because of the volcanic ash soil it grows in.
Paris
📷 Songs laud Paris in the springtime but any time of year is an excellent time to visit this riveting city on the River Seine. It’s a city loaded to the brim with history culture great food and high fashion. The iconic Eiffel Tower is one landmark you won’t want to miss. The Louvre houses one of the most significant art collections in the world. Its great churches include Sacred Heart and Notre Dame. When it comes to opulence, there’s Versailles with its famed Hall of Mirrors.
Rome
📷 The ancient Romans established outposts as far away as Great Britain. They didn’t ignore their home city; however when it came to building great monuments. One must-see landmark is the Colosseum an arena that could hold up to 80,000 people for gladiator contests. One of the biggest draws is a tiny country inside the city The Vatican City, with its impressive St. Peter’s Basilica with art provided by Michelangelo. Maybe you’ll get a glimpse of the pope at his Wednesday audiences. Source
We just spent a week in Vegas split between two hits and three hotels. This is my 6th time in Vegas, my fiancé’s 3rd time, and my friend’s 2nd time. We love the city. It is the only place like it on Earth. I love it, but this massive adult theme-park needs to be treated with respect and best approached with experience. So, I hope this report will help others. We were here last year, and although we had an amazing time, we did make some mistakes. This year’s trip was refined to near perfection. Flights (UK to Vegas). We’re from the UK. We flew direct with Virgin Atlantic. As far as I know VA are the only airline that flies direct from UK to Vegas. We used 80,000 airmiles to upgrade to Premium seats. When you’re sat on your arse for 11 and a half hours, the extra comfort, space, and legroom are well worth it. It also means the actual cost for the flight was super low compared to booking Premium seats without miles (£400 compared to around £1500). As it's a 747, I would recommend getting seats on the upper deck. As it is the top bulge of the plane, it only holds around 70 passengers. It feels exclusive, with faster service from the staff, shorter lines for the bathroom, and far less chance a child or baby will be sat near you. Jetlag. Something I didn’t take into account last time was the effect of jet lag. We paid for it. With the West Coast being 8 hours behind the UK, we tried a different tactic this time around. As soon as asses touched seats on the plane, we adjusted clocks to Vegas time. We respected the need to sleep by front-loading the flight with lots of booze and soon got our heads down. With those few hours of sleep, we were much better adjusted when we landed. ESTA. Immigration into the US can be a pain, but here’s a tip; if you’ve travelled to the US before with the same ESTA, you can use the automated passport scanners and skip the massive line. Food. We’re foodies. We’ve traveled the world and eaten at many Michelin Star restaurants. It’s our thing. It’s our passion. We had high hopes for Vegas food last year, but we came to the quick realisation Vegas can’t do quality. It's not surprising. The sheer volume of people that pound the strip means restaurants don’t really need to try to turn a profit. As I said above, Vegas is a theme-park. It supplies the fake and gaudy like no other, but on the flip side it can’t really do genuine or authentic. Last year we had to pay truly spectacular amounts of money before we got a properly impressive meal at é by José Andrés in the Cosmo. I can’t afford to do that again. So, this year we did things differently. We embraced the brash, the massive, and the crappy and ate like the locals. Finances. Vacations are my opportunity to live large. I look forward to them all year, and save for them with the intention to experience things way beyond my normal life. I want luxury. I want finery. I want to be treated like a rockstar, because these things just don’t exist in my day to day life. I spent a lot on this holiday, but that’s because I saved for it and budgeted hard for it. If you’re doing Vegas, then you have to do it right! Hotel 1: The Vdara. After the flight and immigration we got a cab to our first hotel; the Vdara. What a brilliant hotel. It doesn’t have a casino attached, so is less Vegas and less insane than many strip hotels, but I’ve been there and done that - so this was a beautiful, calm hotel for the start of our trip. We went for a Lake View Suite. Sounds fancy, and it was, but so much cheaper than an equivalent at one of the other big hotels. The room was massive, and modern. It also had a microwave and food preparation area with fridge separate to the mini bar. The Vdara also has a nifty room service robot that can deliver snacks and drinks to you autonomously. It is a novelty now, but it worked well and I can see it being rolled out to other hotels soon. As for location, the Vdara is right behind the Aria and the Bellagio. There’s a sneaky walkway to the Bellagio, or a short walk across the valet to the Aria. From either of these hotels you are straight onto the strip. Adventures. Day 1. First port of call was a walk down the strip to In-n-Out burger next to the High Roller. We don’t have In-n-Out in the UK so its a real treat. We walked the strip until well after dark, visiting Caesars, the Bellagio for coffee, and finally back to the Vice Versa bar at the Vdara. It is a quiet lobby bar with a calm outside section. We had a few drinks there and then off to bed. Day 2. Breakfast at Eggslut at the Cosmo. Expensive, but very tasty. Get the cookie. I has just the right amount of gooey inside and salt crust to make the perfect pud. Back to the Vdara for a workout at their OK gym and then relaxing at the pool. They do a bag check, but we just had water and coke so let us in. I think they were looking for booze. After our fill of the sun (still 30o C + in October) we made our way back to the Cosmo for a late lunch at Block 16. This is their new “street food” area with an excellent selection. We went for the sushi rolls at Tekka. Really good, and bigger than expected. They also have Asahi on draft. Again, a little expensive for the type of food but nice. Hopped in a taxi for a walk around the canals at the Venetian, then over the the Wynn for drinks at Parasol Down. We like drinking outside, and it was really relaxing sipping cocktails by the waterfall. I had a crab cheesy dip thing with breads that was surprisingly tasty. We headed back to the Vdara to get ready for our evening at the Luxor. It started with drinks at an Irish bar I forget the name of. It actually had genuine Irish staff and live music, so the fakery was better than most. A few pints later we went to see the Blue Man Group. Hilarious and a lot of fun. Well recommended. After BMG we wandered to the Mandalay looking for food, but their restaurants were all taken over by a massive convention. We hopped into a cab and made our way back to the Cosmo to Beauty and Essex for food. The restaurant was very cool. You enter through a secret door in a cheesy gift shop. You’re then lead to a dimly lit, intimate table by a pretty server lady. Food was only OK, but definitely not up to scratch for the price. However, the atmosphere was amazing. Day 3. Breakfast was a 15 inch pizza slice from Pin Up Pizza at Planet Hollywood. Horrible, greasy pizza, but the novelty was fun. We checked out and picked up our car from our Turo host, a Tesla Model X for the next leg of our trip; a week in San Diego. Amazing city. Go. Vegas Day 4. Hotel 2: The SLS. It was fight night. Hotels were stupidly expensive because of McGregor vs Khabib, so we stayed for one cheap night at the SLS. When we booked it it was still the W, but the SLS since took it over. The room was a Fabulous King, but I’m not sure that name is relevant anymore. Anyway, the hotel is still in a state of flux. The W side was dead. The bar was closed and the few remaining staff seemed to just be milling around. It was odd. The room was spacious, and had an interesting theme, but seemed a little empty given its square footage. It did have a mirror above the bed, though. Very Vegas. After the long drive from SD, we freshened up and got dinner at Bazaar Meats by José Andrés. This was my favorite meal in Vegas. José Andrés can actually be counted on for a great theme and good food. It wasn’t quite good enough for the price, but it was closer than any other restaurant we visited on this trip. The atmosphere and decor were incredible. A massive industrial fire pit grilling many meats greets you as you enter. The entire room is bordered by the various kitchens and preparation areas, and produce is proudly on show. There were some freakishly huge vegetables and a vast array of meat slabs all around. Of all the Vegas restaurants I’ve visited, the theming here was on point. After dinner, we stayed at the SLS for drinks around the casino watching the fight in the sports bar. Vegas Day 5. Hotel 3: The Cosmopolitan. We checked out of the SLS quickly, glad to be away from its strangeness. As if to confirm our ikky intuition, we passed a crime scene investigation outside, little orange cones all over indicating spent bullet casings. Welcome to America, motherfucker! We headed to our next and final hotel - the Cosmo. What an incredible place. By far and away my fave hotel on the Stip. In addition to the hotels this trip, I’ve stayed at the Stratosphere, Luxor, Aria, and Bellagio. This was better than them all. Even though it was around midday when we hit the check in desk, the concierge sorted us out with a room upgrade to an immediately available room. With three of us sleeping in one room, he wanted to ensure we were comfortable, so booked us into an unlisted suite with two bathrooms, a japanese soaking tub, and a massive balcony on the 55th floor overlooking the Bellagio fountains and the strip. That view was breathtaking, and the room was stunning. Only one minor issue - we found a diaper behind the sofa that housekeeping had missed from the last guest. We complained to the front desk and they sorted it with a $75 credit and resort fees refunded. Score! Lunch was at Secret Pizza. A good slice. Be aware they have more slices available than is on display. We went to Walmart to pick up booze and snacks. And a kettle. I’m English. I need my tea. Vegas hotels don’t have tea and coffee making facilities in the room, so a $15 kettle and some tea was a must. For the cost of three drinks at Starbucks, this is a good move for us Brits. The Cosmo room also had a little bar with additional fridge to the mini bar, so we packed that bitch with booze, mixers and fruit. After Walmart we picked our friend up at the airport and got her showered and dressed ready for dinner. A few drinks at the Chandelier bar in the Cosmo, then over to Jaleo by José Andrés. I’m sure you’re seeing a theme with our booked restaurant choices, but José is consistently good. Jaleo was no exception. The paella was a touch disappointing this time, but the other dishes were amazing. We drank a bit too much sangria, so kept the party going with drinks in Beauty and Essex. It may be a restaurant, but the little bar area also has seating for drinkers to watch the patrons come and go (and the pretty front of house ladies). It proved a great spot to people watch and enjoy their amazing cocktails. After too many drinks, we retired to the room and enjoyed the view with more drinks and snacks on the balcony. That experience was priceless. The twinkling view of the Vegas madness far below our own intimate little party felt very special. We got pretty messy loving that very special moment, and eventually found the bed. After all, our friend had been up for nearly 35 hours. Hardcore! Day 6. To work off the punishment to our livers the night before, we hit the Cosmo gym. It is OK, and actually has a good number of heavy dumbbells. Many hotel gyms I’ve been to stop at around 60lbs but the Cosmo went way up to 100lbs weights. There were only two benches though, so I can see it being a problem when busy. We got brunch at Lardo in the Cosmo Block 16 street food thingy. Great food, but three sandwiches, a coke, and one fries cost nearly $75! Fucking ridiculous. Street food prices these are not. After nursing my abused credit card, we headed to The Range 702. We’d booked the Triple Threat package where you get to pick three guns of your choice with 25 rounds each. I shot a Colt, a P90 and an M4. The girls both opted for two handguns and an AK47. The automatic rifles were quite an experience. Loud and violent. I have shot at The Strip Gun Club before and they were very attentive and let us take our time. Our shooting at 702 felt a little rushed in comparison. They have you shoot all your guns back to back, so for the girls especially they were a little beaten up after their sessions. It would be better to alternate shooters with each gun to give the wrists a rest, but hey, it was a noisy, blasty, shooty good time anyway. After the blasting we went back to the Cosmo to get ready for our evening. This is where we again paid for wanting to wing it and not book too many things. All dressed up, we headed to the Bellagio because we wanted some drinks at Hyde to watch the fountains as the sun went down. It was booked out by a conference party. So we went to try at Spago. Same story. Booked out by conference weenies. We tried back at the Cosmo at the Chinese Mexican called China Poblano, but again the same fucking story! Booked out by conference weenies. We said fuck it, went to the room, threw on our shorts and sneakers, and hit the strip for a dirty night. We walked the craziness with slushy margaritas and ended up at In-n-Out again. We had a burger and then went on a drunk hunt for pudding. Ok. Let me make one thing clear. If you cover a cupcake or doughnut or cookie in enough frosting to choke a donkey, then it will just taste like frosting. And it seems like that’s all you can get at the quick and easy places on the Strip. Our failed pud-hunt brought us to Caesars. I remembered the Gordon Ramsey restaurant did a sticky toffee pudding. Somehow we got seating for three, even though we looked like we’d just been kicked out of a pool party. I say somehow, but when we entered we could see why. Gordon Ramsay’s Pub and Grill is the perfect metaphor for Vegas. I’ve eaten at two of Gordon's Michelin starred restaurants in London and one that didn’t have a star. They are all exquisite. Decor, food, service and the general experience all live up to his reputation for perfection. London is possibly the best place on earth for fine food. Gordon has to be on top of his game to make it there. And he does. Vegas he does not. Vegas is about churning out vaguely thematically relevant crap to the clueless for huge profit. Gordon’s Pub and Grill is hilarious. The theme is old English pub in the middle of a Roman themed casino. With TVs. Lots of TVs. It’s as if someone described a pub down the phone to the designer it’s that bad. We had the corned beef poutine (not an English pub dish) and and the sticky toffee pudding (better). The poutine was terrible. Just fries with pastrami meat (not corned beef) and bad cheese. There was hardly any gravy. The pud was good though, but maybe that was because of a few sunk pints. It hit the spot and the size of it caused comment from the table beside us (who were eating burgers - sigh). Anyway, after done there, back to the room for more balcony drinks and that view. Day 7. A quiet one today. Using the room credit we got a daybed at the Cosmo pool. The cabana bed thing is a $200 minimum spend. The $200 lasted us all day. We managed to eat well, with breakfast, other nibbles, and a few drinks reaching $200. The pool is gorgeous and the attendants were very attentive (hence the name, I suppose). By the time we’d spent our credit, it was nearly dinner o’clock. Dressed up pretty, we headed to New York New York and got Shake Shack burgers. Tasty. Not quite In-n-Out good, but still better than anything in the UK. We played some giant jenga with some random people at one of the outside bars, then went to the Zumanity show. Zumanity was great fun. Very naughty, funny, and the acrobatics were impressive. Well recommended. The boobies on show and the sexy theme got us ready for our next stop - the Palomino Strip Club. My fiance and I had been to the Palomino the year before and we loved it. It is the only club in Vegas that does full nude and booze so it is a no-brainer to be number 1. Our friend had never been to strip club before, so that night was a special treat. We got a bottle service table at the runway with champagne and a stack of ones. It was spectacular pervy fun drinking, watching the girls, and chatting with them as they visited our table. We all got a few sofa dances and had a brilliant night. The girls were super attentive, really looked after my friend as it was her first time, and made us feel very special. We got a drunk burger at In-n-Out (our last - I promise) and somehow made it back to the room alive Day 8. Our last full day. After the craziness of the night before, we slept in. Brunch was at Mon Ami Gabi. Much like Gordon’s Pub, this place was a hilarious parody of a Parisian café. It was nice to sit outside and watch the Strip go by as I munched my lunch, but the food was pretty bad for the price. After brunch we walked up the Strip past the Mirage and then over to the Venetian. The girls did some hard-core shopping while I made stupid comments, made their lives difficult, and generally didn’t help. I don’t like shopping, OK. Because I’m a child, they soon gave up. Back to the room for our last bookings of the trip. Yay. After getting pretty, we hit the Skybar at the Waldorf Astoria (previously the Mandarin Oriental). Gorgeous views and really tasty cocktails. We hit up Lemongrass for dinner without a booking because the Aria was next to the Waldorf. We ordered way too much food, so got most of it boxed up. We dumped it at the room, and then grabbed a cab to the Wynn for our last big destination. We were on the guest list to see Afrojack at Intrigue. Great club. The line wasn’t too bad. About 30 minutes as they checked on everyone. My friend had a bit of an issue with her ID as it is an English driver's license, but she found a picture of her passport on her phone to confirm it was her. The girls both got two free drink vouchers and I got one (am I not pretty enough?). The club was just my thing. It was not massive, but still big. The large outside area around the fire fountains and the waterfall was perfect to escape the heat and craziness of the dance-floor. We stayed for far too long given we had a 9 hour flight to catch the next day, but it was worth it. An amazing last night in an amazing city. Of course when we got back in we ate the rest of the Chinese food on the balcony. Day 9. One last (expensive-ass) Eggslut, and we were on our way home. Thank you Vegas.
Trip Report- Dirt Cheap Vegas Trip with Hooters Review and Naps!
TLDR; 20 something couple who has been to Vegas before stayed at Hooters Hotel and Casino 4 nights, 5 days with airfare and resort fee for $887 and it was worth every penny. Hooters Hotel and Casino: With the flight, hotel and resort fee we paid $444 a person which we thought was too good to pass up. The hotel wasn't as bad as I expected it to be but it was pretty old. It is located a short walk to the strip which accessible by going into Tropicana located next door and using a bridge. When we booked this trip we only expected to be at this hotel to sleep at night and we ended up staying there for a lot more since it beat our expectations. Some parts of the hotel are "nice" and newish and some aren't. The new parts will NEVER be comparable to many of the casino's listed in the faq(even the budget ones) but that doesn't make it bad. If you are a regular person that doesn't need fancy shit or all you plan on doing is sleeping here(bachelobachelorette party or 21st birthday) it's great. The casino was small and never crowded, it was great for gambling a bit at the end of the night since it's almost impossible to get lost or lose whoever you are with. There was a cafe area with a coffee place, Krispy Kreme donuts and a Pizza Hut. There was also a pool bar, Hooters, and Steak n' Shake. They boasted about free parking, $15 buckets of bud light, and $1 margaritas inside the casino bar. The room service seemed incredibly cheap but we did not use it. Our room was average and as far as we know it was not one that was recently remodeled. The bathroom wasn't very nice and the safe was busted. It looked as if the Bathroom had been done about 10 years ago and the glaze was coming off of the bathtub corners. The room was clean and it had two awkward chairs that belonged in the 70's around a small table. We both thought that a reclinechair was missing from the room due to empty space. The bed was very comfortable and we slept amazing. The AC was ice cold and we had a tiny balcony overlooking the pool. It was $25 a night for a mini-fridge which we decided against and I kept filling up bags of ice and moving it from the sink when needed. If you are not flying in, bring a cooler and save yourself the money or go buy a cheap cooler at Walgreens on the strip for $8. The pool was very clean and quiet, it felt like we were the only people there most of the time and I got a ton of reading done. You couldn't bring your own alcohol or food and the security was tight. The menu seemed decently priced for a pool in vegas. If you stay at Hooters I highly recommend purchasing the Hooya One Pass, it comes with two different show tickets, a coupon for a free margarita, buy 10 wings get 10 wings, and a 1 hour open bar with wings NIGHTLY between 5-6 pm. At the same bar the drinks cost $5 during happy hour and we watched numerous hotel guests spend more than $20 on drinks in just that hour. I must've eaten about 100 wings and had over 30 drinks the entire trip because of this pass. The bartenders were really great to us during the open bar and we always had a drink in our hand. It saved us a ton of money on dinnelunch but I would've liked to have done one more nice dinner. It also would have been nice if we didn't have to go back to the hotel for 5pm every day but, my GF and I really enjoyed the happy hour, a nap, and a shower before going out for the night(not always in that order). It seemed like a lot of teenage kids were staying in the hotel for a basketball tournament or something and I never saw any parents. I observed a bunch of people staying in some rooms and the kids would sit outside of the room to charge their phones in the hallway. We had one issue with the kids, we were trying to go down and two girls got off our floor, when we got in the elevator all of the buttons were pressed to go up. It wasn't a big deal to us but it could be to people looking to make a show or relax and not have to deal with that crap. The elevator was also kind of shady and it seemed like it skipped our floor or something a few times when trying to go down. I don't know it it happens a lot but both of these things probably don't happen at places on the strip. Monday: We left my house at 3:30 am and flew Spirit Airlines from Newark to LAS which landed at 8:40 am. I'll never fly spirit again if I can help it. It was a $14 taxi to the Hotel where they wanted to charge a $25 early check in fee, we debated and decided to drop off our luggage and explore the area so that we could stay up a little longer before crashing since we got roughly 3 hours of sleep. While walking the strip we decided to get a quick bite to eat at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company since there is one in NYC and we've always wanted to go. We each got a flavored margarita which we normally don't get and they were pretty good, she got a shrimp po' boy, and I got calamari and a gigantic bucket of french fries. We mostly went to some shops for gifts and got supplies like shampoo, sunscreen and water for the week at Walgreens and the Liquor store. We checked in at 2:30, unpacked and took a nap. Between 5-6 we had an open bar(well and domestic drafts) at the pool bar with complementary wings and vegetables because we purchased the Hooyah One Pass for $20. At 7pm we took a Lyft to Freemont for a tour at Bangor Brewing. We had a flight and 2 or 3 beers. The guy giving us the tour waited patiently for us since our driver didn't follow directions and we were late. We were the only people on the tour but the place was pretty packed for a while. We explored Freemont Street for the remaining of the night which was very fun and interesting. If I had a kid under the age of 9 I wouldn't bring them but it honestly wasn't that bad besides some girls in thongs, pasties, and dominatrix looking girls(if your kid has an Instagram they have seen worse). Security walked a beat like they were riot cops and one came up to us and told us we couldn't drink in cans on Freemont and that we could drink out of plastic cups instead. He was really cool and I swore he was a cop until we saw real cops. Heads up to anyone. I really liked the vibe of Freemont but the light show was honestly terrible, I may have been spoiled by light shows at concerts and sporting events from a previous job, my girlfriend thinks that the show just needed different music... Tuesday: We woke up around 8:30 am and went to breakfast at the Steak n' Shake in Hooters. The food was average but service was slow(we never went back). We went to the pool for an hour or two before we went to a timeshare sales pitch for fun and free stuff(buffet and freeplay). I did the math and the $9,999 timeshare came out to be $33,000 over seven years. Once I gave the numbers and said no the guy became a HUGE dick. Sadly, one person bought one. Once the timeshare pitch was finished we went to the liquor store again. We got lunch at Taco's and Tequila where we split nachos and each had a few margaritas. I think they were some of the best margaritas I've ever had. Later we napped and went to the open bar before going to use my freeplay. After we finished loosing $100 in freeplay and getting tons of free drinks, I decided I had to go and see what a dispensary was like. I don't know the rules about posting about this so I will answer questions in a PM. I will also elaborate with a mod's approval since I think it could be really helpful. After getting back to the hotel we went to Hooters for some more wings and went to bed. Wednesday: We hung out at the pool for a few hours and we went exploring again. We walked around 15 miles this day and I wish we'd had gotten a light rail pass or Ubered to the end of the strip and walked back. We both like exploring things though so none of us mentioned it until it was too late. We didn't have anything planned for this day until we got back to the hotel and looked at all of the comedy clubs. We decided on the late show to see Jimmy Shubert at the Laugh Factory in Tropicana because it was close by and I actually knew of the opening act, Jason Lawhead, because of Bill Burr's Monday Morning Podcast. It was a pretty good show for the price we paid, and we got to see the worst heckler ever get thrown out. The night got hazy for me and I think we went to Hooters for some wings, fries, and onion rings before going to our room and passing out(probably with my shoes on). Thursday: We actually had plans! We woke up with purpose and got breakfast at Coco's Bakery, a short walk from where we were staying. It was cheap and some of the better breakfast food I've had in a while including some of the diners here in NJ, I wish we could've gone again. After breakfast, we went to the pool before heading to the Mirage for a late lunch buffet thanks to Tahiti Village. Next, we used MyVegas rewards at New York New York for buy one get one crepes at 48th and Crepe which were amazing and we cashed in a ticket for buy one get one 40 oz beers at Tom's Urban. It was happy hour so the beers were under the voucher limit and we basically got them for free + tip which was great considering their somewhat decent selection of draft beer. We went back to the open bar for 5pm, napped and got ready for dinner at Black Tap in the Venetian which was everything I thought it would be and more. I wish I had room for a Crazy Shake but I could barely finish my burger and I only ate 3 onion rings, luckily there is one in NYC. At 10pm we saw John Caparulo at Harrah's. The show was average and I think he could've really used an opening act to get the crowd going instead of awkwardly walking on stage. It was pretty empty, we got GA cheap seats and got moved up to the 5th row. We gambled pretty late and made fun of all the people waiting in line at the club at MGM Grand at 2:30 in the morning, these people looked miserable and hadn't even been in the club yet. I don't miss those days. Friday: We laid in bed for most of the morning since there was not an option for a late checkout and we weren't leaving for the Airport until 8 PM. We double and triple checked for everything and I swear I packed a few things that I can no longer find(it's not a vacation until I've lost something). We checked out around 11am and stored our luggage with the valet. We went to the M&M Store and did the free 3d movie which was pretty entertaining since I don't think I have ever seen a 3d movie before. We decided on going to the Bodies exhibit at Luxor which was pretty cool but probably not worth $30 with an MLife card. We also took the tram to Mandalay Bay which was pretty nice but very empty and kind of eerie. It also smelled like a funeral home or church or something. We cashed in another couple of MyVegas rewards and went to Tom's Urban again for 40oz beers(on happy hour). We also ordered the two way fries which consisted of shoe string and sweet potato fries. They were out of this world! Finally we went to Coyote Ugly for buy one get one drinks(MyVegas). My GF has always wanted to go here but none of her friends ever would go with her. We both fell in love with the bartender and we talked for about an hour about life in Vegas before heading back to the open bar and did some last minute gift shopping. In all we did a lot of gambling, walking around, and exploring. We also talked with a ton of locals and tried to get a feel for the place. I'm not a fan of most shows and she had seen most of them in her previous travels. I really wanted to change the hotel after booking it and she kept insisting that it'd be fine. Besides using MyVegas a trick we learned was to use your Mlife card for anything you purchase inside an MGM casino, it doesn't matter if you are buying show tickets or a frozen drink, you'll get points from your purchase. I expect to get a ton of comps to use at the Borgata and I think we are coming back for the Golden Knights/Devils game in January. My total expenses for the trip came out to be $1190.75 based on all of my credit card statements and cash that I had left over in my wallet. This includes my half of the hotel, resort, plane and all of the booze, rides, and gambling I did.
So, you wanna go to SHOT show? You think it's all fun and games? Get to play with guns? See Jesse James and R. Lee Ermey? SHOT show is the annual pilgrimage of the unwashed masses to Las Vegas to rub elbows with youtube celebrities, bloggers and overseas businessmen copying US made equipment and share infectious disease. If you love guns, gambling and gonorrhea - SHOT show is for you! It is not my typical idea of a good time. I am not a big fan of Las Vegas. However: I do attend for a few reasons. First, I do enjoy travel and I'm platinum on AA so I can usually score an upgrade. Second, industry people are in there that I do hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars with business with so it's nice to put a face with the name and see what deals are out there. SHOT for me has been a bust for the past few years. Being a value guy, I want to buy at $1000 and sell at $3000 and as of recently the gun business is more like buy for $1 and sell for $1.10 if you get what I mean. We used to do business at SHOT and now it's just checking in on foursquare, instagram and rubbing elbows with bloggers and the like. I want to make money, not spend money so this is very annoying to me. Anyways, onto the play by play. Monday, January 16th. One day before SHOT show. http://imgur.com/a/HoFUm Every time I've been rejected by a woman, I move $1 from checking into savings and I take the bankroll down to the Wynn for some play. Lets do this. The TSA line is a shitshow thanks to, well TSA. I slog my way to the lounge, as shitty as it is to wait for my winged chariot to DFW. I have gone from being in an abusive relationship with Delta to being in an abusive relationship with AA. Although if you really want to experience the battered spouse feeling, UA is a few gates over. This trip's light reading is trying to finish "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell. Such a good book as well as "Outliers" if you want a good read. I walk up to the podium to find out that my upgrades do not clear, even as an AA Plat thanks to the addition of a FOURTH elite tier. Goddamn fucking W. Doug Parker. Asshole. I gate check my bags to make life easier for me and the rest of the folks. The gate agent calls concierge key and executive platinum passengers. I look down and realize I'm wearing a suit and board with the executive platinum folks because I do not care and I look the part. If you walk with a purpose and are dressed reasonably well, you fit the profile. I settle into my window seat and try to finish outliers. I pass out before takeoff and I'm awoken by the dulcet tones of the flight attendants preparing for landing. We land at Dallas a few minutes early and I hightail it to the Centurion for a quick bite to eat. I grab a plate and help myself to some of the excellent brisket, pecan encrusted chicken and some roasted jumbo asparagus. Yes, my pee is going to smell funny. No, I do not care. The lounge is packed. The bar is full and I grab a quick single malt as I have my meal since American's not going to feed me. They begin boarding to Mccarran as I walk out of the lounge. No time for a stop in the spa on this trip. I make it to the gate just as the call group 2 boarding. I bypass the main line and walk up through the priority line giving no heed to the people that have been waiting there before me as I hold up my paper boarding pass with PLATINUM to the gate agent. I board and take my usual seat - the exit row without the seat in front of it. I'm aghast to see this sight. http://imgur.com/a/dygil The savages. Literally. The savages. I put my loathing away for a moment and look down at the exit row. I have the window. The aisle is a large middle aged man and in the middle is what I believe to be a formecurrent linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys wearing a 52 regular sports jacket. He's not a fat guy in a little coat, he's a big fucking hulk of a man stuffed in an exit row seat that is already an inch narrower due to the tray table. I grimace as I take my seat and give him the manly nod. He does not look happy about the fact that his knees are in the seat in front and I'm stretched out like a Cheshire cat in front of a fireplace on a cold January afternoon. The boarding door closes for an on time departure and Stephanie the FA takes her seat. He leans over and asks if he can take the empty row across the aisle and she takes one look at the three of us and gives him the nod. I bail out to give him a path of egress and suddenly the trip to Las Vegas has just become way more comfortable. I finish The Tipping Point somewhere over west texas, so I pop a xanax and dr pepper and zone out for the rest of the ride. I awake to feel one of the FA's jostling me awake telling me to put my seat up. I do so and we have a ride so smooth that not even the Delta guy behind me can complain about light chop. We catch the TYSSN4 arrival and the next thing I know it the Messier Dowty landing gear of the A321 touch the paint at Mccarran for a smooth rollout down 25L. My phone battery is approaching grim death since this seat has no power plugs and I find bartman383 has sent me a message. He has been enjoying LV with his wife and their due to bad weather they are in the city of sin for a few extra nights. He invites me to dinner. I'm still pretty full from DFW and I tell him I'll be over there once I get my bags and the car and I'll see him when I see him. He gives me the info for the hotel as we pull up to the gate. First stop: Centurion lounge. AA's app tells me bags being unloaded. I grab a quick bite of fried chicken and brussels sprouts since they are good for you and a chocolate pudding. The brisket and pecan encrusted chicken from DFW still has me full but I'm well aware of the speed of a union baggage handlers nowadays and who doesn't like chocolate pudding? Terrorists. That's who. Want to know how to screen for terrorists TSA? Set up a table of free chocolate pudding at the airport. The people who don't take any are members of ISIS. It's just that simple. I grab my bag and hoof it to Hertz. I'm an idiot and I am an hour late for my pickup. Oops. Will an Audi A3 suffice? I sigh and I accept my Teutonic quattro chariot. I do a burnout in the parking garage and hightail it to the exit. I flash my #1 card and my ID and the gatekeeper gives me the go ahead. I get onto the the strip and traffic is awful. I'm going to be late for dinner. I make a left onto Russell Road and hightail it up the 15. I manage to get the car up to 100 as I pass the Luxor. My phone is dead so I can't message Bart about being late. Fuck. The exit approaches quickly as I put the 4 wheel disk brakes to work and sling the car around and head south on Las Vegas Bl. I accidentally turn into the Bellagio and I'm now running even more late. Fuck. Eventually, I get the car into the garage at the Cosmopolitan and head upstairs. I cannot remember the name of the restaurant but I head up to the third floor where all the restaurants are and I see this sign that's reminiscent of my days in retail. It says RESTAURANT - LOUNGE - PAWN SHOP. I laugh. I walk in. It's literally a pawnshop. I look around puzzled. FC: Is this a restaurant? Bald Headed Guy: Yes, through that door. He points towards a door. I walk in to find a bustling restaurant, lounge via the entrance of pawnshop. This is insane. I pass a mirror and check myself out. I adjust my tie, after all it is YSL and the ladies LOVE YSL. Remember that. I find the hostess and inform her I will be joining some friends for dinner. They probably do not have me on the reservation though but I turn on the charm and she smiles and says no problem at all. She asks if my tie is from Hermes. I say no, I'm a YSL guy. She looks impressed as I tell her I'll make a quick lap of the room to see if they're there and surprise them. She gives me a nod and tells me to go right ahead. Still got it. I spot bart and his wife who I can only remember vaguely from gunnitlive after party video and I pull up a chair. Bart is surprised to see I made it and they are in the middle of dinner. They offer to ply me with food and beverage but I decline as I'm driving so no booze for me and no food since I am stuffed from Dallas. We chat about life and liberty over libations. Bart's wife thinks I am hysterical. She's had a few drinks and they are already into their main courses. The brussels sprouts are way too salty and we have to send it back. No bueno. Bart invites me up to his suite on the top floor of the hotel where we are to meet Brogelicious later in the evening. I say, when in rome......we head to the top floor of the hotel tower where Bart shows me his view from the balcony and cracks open the mini bar for some more libations. He asks if I want a drink and I say I better not. I'm driving. Not 30 seconds after arriving, brogel shows up. Bart's wife hugs brogel. She's infatuated with him. We start shooting the shit and bart opens up the minibar and tells us to take anything we want, it's on the hotel. I laugh and I look outside as bart opens his yeti 110 for some silver bullets. Apparently he is so baller the hotel will send up a yeti 110 filled with beer to make him happy. His wife is apparently such a baller. I ball on a budget. They just ball. Hahaha. We shoot the shit some more about guns, gun stuff and people on the reddit for a while. I get a little thirsty and I crack open bart's cooler. I ask him how long the stuff in the cooler is supposed to last and he says until Wednesday. I look down and I am agape at what I see. We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. I mentally prepared my butthole and I decided to help myself to a coors light against my wishes but Bart, Bart's wife and Brogel are all drinking so I let peer pressure take hold as I cracked open a beer with them. We head out to the balcony to smoke some cuban cigars together as bart's wife takes a photo of all of us. We all look like hell. Haha. As bart downs his second beer, he asks me a question. Bart: ever go hunting? Me: Ducks a little bit but not much Bart: ever want to hunt some deadly game? Me: Like on african safari? Bart: No, I mean like.........man. Me: Hahahahhahaaha you're just fucking with me. Hahahahahhaa. That's really funny. Bart: No really, the concierge here at this hotel will set it up for us. It's amazing. I remember my first hunt...... Brogel starts laughing and I realize they've been doing a bit. I've been had. We bullshit about SHOT and Barrett's shotguns and other things and next thing I know, it's late but bart hands me a mixed drink. I sip it a bit and I was in the middle of a tirade complaining about my customers. Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the city, and a voice was screaming: Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals? Nobody seems to understand what I'm talking about. It's cold on the balcony. Our cigars are done. We head indoors. No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastards will see them soon enough. Back indoors I realize Brussels sprouts and coors light is a bad choice. Seriously no bueno. I excuse myself to the bathroom and drain the vein. The asparagus funny smelling pee and the side effects of beer and brussels sprouts is a noxious combination that a defense contractor should weaponize it. It's pretty bad and not even cuban tobbaco can mask the smell. I sit back down and continue to talk about guns and stuff with bart and the gang and bart asks who ruined the bathroom. I apologize as he sprays a bunch of febreze around and opens the balcony. I apolgize to brogel. He is not accepting my apology. (sorry :( ) Nearly 11, it's about time to pull chocks and mosey on down the dusty trail. I don't want to prompt an evacuation of the hotel due to noxious odors so I decide to leave and bart seems to be kinda mad that I've ripped ass and polluted the sanctuary of his hotel. Half a coors light and brussels sprouts are no bueno in my book now. Bart decides to party hard with his wife and I offer brogel a ride home. He seems skeptical to share a confined space with me after I have just destroyed bart's hotel room. The car has 4 windows and the Uber will cost him a few bucks he can put towards ammo. He relents as we head down to the garage to find my car. Thankfully we find it quickly and I manage to contain the weapons of ass destruction for the 16 minute ride off strip to casa de brogel. He says I'm not that bad a dude and I agree as I hightail it to my hotel. I cannot find my hotel reservations so I call my travel agent to see. Apparently the Wynn was not in my travel budget this year. I have come to find out I have been booked at Circus Circus, much to my chagrin. How bad could it be? I've stayed at the Wynn. I've stayed at Encore. I've stayed at the hotel that Elisabeth Shue's character got raped in in Leaving Las Vegas - but Circus Circus? Did I mention that I HATE CLOWNS? I HATE CLOWNS. Fuck. I pull into the parking garage and the check in line resembles something straight out of the TSA line at Mccarran. 45 minutes to check in. The clerk is friendly and says he's also from Louisiana which is neat. He asks if I've stayed there before and I, being a connoisseur of old vegas history I decide to make a joke and I tell him the last time I was there, Jay Sarno owned the place. He got a laugh. I head up to my room and unpack. The lobby is clean as an old vegas casino can be, the room is clean and there's no way to plug anything in since the hotel predates personal electronic devices. I plug my phone into my external battery and collapse on the bed. I message Bart and chugbleach instead of falling asleep about show tomorrow and I offer to pick bart up early since there is no shuttle from the cosmo. Tuesday, November 16th SHOT Show Day One I awoke several hours later in a daze......the clock said 10AM. The show opened at 8:30. Fuck me to tears. I hurry up and get dressed and down to the sands convention center. The parking lot is FULL. The entire complex is a mess. When my man Steve Wynn built his joint he didn't build enough parking. So people would park at the Venetian and now FUCKING NOBODY CAN GET A PARKING SPACE. Holy shit. I eventually say fuck it and park over at the Wynn and walk over to the Sands. I meet up with a few of my regular suppliers and I see nothing interesting at all. Bart went to bed at 6AM after spending all night partying with his wife over at the palazzo. I joke and say that he just should have stayed there. Bart is amazed at the size of the show and we have lunch at the most disgusting place in las vegas - the convention center bistro snack bar. Bart is a wise man as he grabs a powerade and a fruit cup. I decide to try an "italian beef" and a fruit cup instead of fries to stay semi health conscious. The "italian beef" is the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. It is flat out depressing. They give me fries with it and I demand a fruit cup. The sassy black woman working the stand asks me "DID YOU ASK FOR FRUIT? CAUSE RIGHT HERE SAYS FRIES" and I channel my inner Louis CK from the "this is how I talk" bit from SNL as I shoot back "WHY YOU FRONTIN ON ME I ASKED FOR FRUIT AND YOUR ASS BETTER BACK UP AND GET ME SOME FRUIT" so she goes back and gets me some fruit. The "italian beef", my fruit cup, bart's fruit cup and powerade comes to $81. My platinum amex comes out and I treat bart to "lunch". We bullshit about guns and stuff in the Springfield booth as we wait at the world's worst concession stand. We eat and Bart is so hungover that he thinks he is in need of physical therapy and a wheelchair. There is no way he is going to party tonight before his trip home. Or so I think. Haha. I meander around the show a bit more and I find this, the most USELESS PRODUCT OF 2017. It's made by a company called radetec. http://imgur.com/a/GOiCB It's a shot counter. For your gun. A digital odometer, for your gun. The only person that would buy this is the guy like my dad that kept a spiral bound notebook in his car where he documented how many miles he traveled per tank, gallons dispensed, PRICE, service station and whether they had a different price for cash/charge, oil consumption, tire rotations, alignments, all services - scheduled or otherwise, and a running odometer. Does anyone know the gun owner who asks for a round count when they are looking at a used gun? The question I always shoot back is "do you want to be lied at a little or do you want to be lied at a lot?" because that's what you're asking for when you ask for round count. UNLESS YOU BUY THIS PRODUCT! I roll my eyes so far back into my head that I nearly lose my balance. This is idiotic. I cannot fathom anyone willing to buy this. What a waste of perfectly good exhibition space. Bart heads back to his hotel after visiting SHOT show for a few hours, not getting any swag and to get an IV of fluids since he looked like he was rapidly approaching grim death. I wrap up visiting prime vendors and checking out the new products, or lack thereof because I have something on the schedule. At 4:30 there's a suicide prevention for retailers seminar hosted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. As many of you know this is an issue that is important to me and perhaps we as retailers should be doing more. The keynote was from their chief medical director talking about the accessibility of firearms and the mindset of the "typical" suicide. Mostly men. If you are a veteran you are at a significantly larger risk. The information was presented very not surprisingly and one of the things discussed was that we only spend around 21M a year on suicide prevention. A few take away facts from the keynote: When suicide barriers are put up on a bridge, suicide rates for the entire area drop. The key to preventing suicide is getting people to talk about their problems. Once you can get someone out of that mindset, they are statistically less likely to do it and live productive lives afterwards. There are certain terms that they are trying to get away from - for instance, they are not saying "committed suicide" they are now saying "died by suicide" in order to bring awareness and tell it like it is. One thing that really was interesting to me was my reading on the flight in from Dallas. In The Tipping Point, Gladwell discusses how things stay the same and suddenly they all change. One of the things that he discusses is in micronesia - where teen suicide was practically unheard of became an outright epidemic. One teenager did it, for reasons passing understanding to me as an outsider and then all the other kids realized that they too could escape their pain by hanging themselves as well and suddenly the suicide rates in micronesia became so high to where it became a public health issue. I wish I could show you all the article I wrote on TTAG about my friend's death but it has been lost in the cloud and I am unable to find the last draft I sent to print, but it echoes some of the problems we have with suicide and mental health in the firearm industry. After the keynote, the good doctor opened the floor up for questions. Her keynote posed a lot of statistics but not a lot of answers. I am a detail oriented granular data guy and I did not get a solid grasp of the AFSP solutions posed, if any. Several firearm dealers discussed the lack of a cohesive solution and the takeaway was they're trying to develop awareness for the suicide problem. Their goal is to lower suicide rates but how they get there is yet to be determined. I didn't like hearing that and the comments from the crowd reflected the lack of a "here's what you can do TODAY to help this problem" part of the initiative. Going around the room, one dealer who used NICS said that if a customer was just flat out acting funny - he'd lie to the customer and say there was a delay with NICS even though there was an approval just to get them to not be able to have a gun for a few days. The crowd applauded this initiative, however I'm not sure lying to customers is the best way to run a business and treat them with respect. Another dealer brought up an interesting point. When someone comes in looking to buy a gun and they don't know what kind of gun they want, what caliber, and are generally clueless - they're either buying a gun to kill themselves with, OR perhaps they are a very uneducated prospective customer - and there is no clear way of finding out which is which. The problems presented by the AFSP are real. The solutions aren't there though. Yet. Ideally I'd like to see some change to that. However, there's some problems. I hung around and asked the good doctor and her staff some questions and I am in no way denigrating her life's work and her dedication to preventing suicide since she has dedicated her life's work to the issue, but the conversation went something like this. Did you do any research on the accessibility of firearms from a retailer from the legal standpoint? "No, we haven't" Do you know how the NICS or state POC background systems work in regard to mental health holds, etc? "No" One of the problems that I foresee right off the bat is that you talked about how you are fighting time, and if you can get someone out of that suicide mindset - even for a few hours, you can get them into that higher survival bracket. If we apply a one size fits all solution to it like California and put a 10 day wait on everything with the goal of protecting someone from their own life, how do we balance that with the needs of the woman who has been hiding from her abusive spouse and needs a gun right away? "That's a good question that I don't have an answer for." Their initiative, I admire - the lack of solutions is a little off putting however. I tell the doc about how my friend's suicide has impacted me and she seems to be sympathetic to the situation as does her colleagues. I am given her cards and told to call the next time I'm in New York so we can get together and discuss things within the industry. I'll give them a buzz in a few weeks when I'm up there on business. On my way out of the hall, I run into Massad Ayoob. Nice guy. I've admired his work over the years. Bart invites myself and chugbleach to dinner, I can't reach Chug and even though I am beat I decide to hang out with Bart and Mrs Bart Bart: What do you want to eat? FC: Let's find a nice seafood restaurant and eat some red salmon, I feel a powerful lust for red salmon. I begin vomiting. God damn mescaline. Why the fuck can't they make it a little less pure? We eventually head downstairs and order too much food. We are tired and not very hungry. Bart is still hungover and barely able to process food. His wife is grazing on all sorts of meat products. I am in awe of how they are both still upright after six nonstop nights of partying. I've only been here one day and I feel like I am about to die. Dinner concludes with an awkward hug with bart's wife - I don't know how other men feel about wife hugs so I have just avoided the prospect entirely. Like flying through Denver on Frontier. Or flying on Frontier. Ever. I drive over to the Wynn to set up my markers and the poker room is full. I draw a $2500 marker at the craps table and watch the game a bit. I have never played craps before in my life but the three people there seem to be having fun. I look down at my phone and I realize a plane has landed. fluffy_butternut has landed in Las Vegas on business. I had lost a bet and offered to pick him up from the airport. I cash back in my chips against my casino credit and head back to my car. I cannot find my car. Fuck. I wander the wynn garage which is covered in construction debris. I eventually find it and haul ass to the airport. Now, I didn't know this but fluffy has the WORST SENSE OF DIRECTION AT ALL. Seriously. I have no idea how he even made it to the correct city. He lands and has to get his bag and stuff and I circle the airport. He lets me know he's at door 77 wherever the fuck that was. I drive into the pickup portion and I see no sign. He then says he's coming up a level, and I tell him that I'll be there shortly. I park the car and Metro PD starts yelling. Metro: You can't park your car here. FC: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park? Metro: Reasonable? You're on a sidewalk! This is the sidewalk! I give the man a $20 and tell him to keep it running as I wander Mccarran screaming FLUFFY! HERE FLUFFY! I message fluffy to let him know I am the car parked on the sidewalk. I instantly figure out who he is having never seen a photo of him and I throw his bags into the car as we head for his hotel. I haul ass out of the airport and get the A3 on the highway. Now this was a superior machine. Thirty nine grand worth of gimmicks and high-priced special effects. The rear windows lit up with a touch like frogs in a dynamite pond. The dashboard was full of esoteric lights and dials and meters that I would never understand. We check in at the Rio where the desk clerk is friendly and flirty. I express amazement there is no line. Fluffy checks in and we take his bags upstairs and he offers to buy me food for driving him to the airport. I decline. We head to the bar anyways. He orders two beers and we decide to call chug. He's staying out in Summerlin or something because his company is apparently run by cheapskates. He asks if we want to hang out and shoot the shit. I say sure and ask if he wants us to pick up food or anything from CVS or something since I have the car and I'm able to do anything I want. He asks for some toothpaste. No problem. I may be an asshole on the internet but I have a heart of gold. We get some toothpaste get to the hotel. Arriving at the lobby, we have no idea where he is. It turns out he gave us the address for the hotel across the street. We laugh and go to that lobby and shoot the shit till 3AM much to the chagrin of the hotel clerk. Fluffy has some beers and we plan on dinner the next day. I drive fluffy back and arrive at the hotel at 4. Fuck me to tears. Wednesday, January 18th. Day 2 of SHOT show. Alarm goes off at 7:30 AM. I wash up, eat and get breakfast. In the garage by 8:15. Nice. I get some dillo dust and check out the new Sig 220 DA/SA and SAO legions. Daddy likey. I go to a competing firm and I piss of my state sales manager by telling him his newer designed triggers suck ass. He says the company tested them and they're the same in every way. I ask him why the triggers have two different part numbers in the catalog and how come they're not interchangeable and if that's really the case, how come there's X changes in the supposedly identical pistol parts that he's holding side by side. He gets mad at me and says I'm not an expert on their product and perhaps I should take his job since I'm so smart. I agree that I'm smart and I hold firm that if he didn't want me to complain about the shitty trigger, they should stop selling guns with shitty triggers. I am nearly kicked out of the booth. I meet up with some of my wholesale reps and I'm mid convo when I see Itsgoodsoup and his friend walking around the show. I yell SOUP but he does not hear me. So I grab his friend and find him and I tell him we should get together at dinner with fluffy and chug. He agrees. The show winds down, I get some business done and nothing much else. We break for a shitty gunnit live lite and I take a few questions from the crowd in fluffy's suite at the Rio. Dinner is at 8 and we arrive at the restaurant late to find soup and his friend sitting at one table and chug and his girlfriend sitting at another. Perhaps we should have gotten here a little earlier. Hahaha. So, fluffy said the place is really good and I order a few of the specialties of the house. Apparently according to yelp they do a kickass peking duck. Soon to be mrs chug is a vegan. But we can eat meat in front of her. I wonder how it's served and Soup's vancouver raised asian friend tells me that they normally carve it tableside. Our vegan says as long as there's no head she's cool. We're not sure if they can fulfill that request. So we order and food starts coming out and we tell tall tales of shot show BS and other stuff. Sure enough, the duck comes out with the head. No bueno. Haha. But I decide to treat us to vegan donuts at the vegan bakery across the street later. Seven courses later we are full. Vegan bakery closed. I am committed to getting her some vegan donuts though. We head to Fremont street to gamble. Fluffy wanders about and we try craps and we're not impressed. We hit some slots and eventually I hit the craps table where chug explains the game to me. We start betting on dice. And somehow we start winning. I find that the house allows you to take 10X behind the line. No idea what this means so I plop $5 on the pass line and the point hits 6. I drop $50 behind it and it hits. We go a few rounds and leave ahead. It's 2:30 AM. Fuck. I drive everyone back to their hotel. I get to sleep around 4. Thursday, January 19th. Day 3 of SHOT show. Wake up at 10AM feeling like crap. Debate whether to head straight to show and wander about. Fuck it. Went to halal guys for some halal. Delicious. Got vegan donuts. Dead drop them at the Palazzo lobby for chug and his girl. Show is a bust. Literally nothing exciting. Fluffy offers to buy me dinner. One of my customers who lives in Summerlin offers to take me to dinner. I pass on fluffy and he destroys the seafood buffet at the rio. I head to Sinatra at the Wynn for dinner with my customer. All good in the hood. Chug has been invited to the Glock dinneafter party and I'm not so we all go our separate ways. I call foghorn5950 and due to some weather, he's flying home early and our plans to hangout are fucked up unless I go tonight. I grab fluffy and we head to Whiskey Down. He orders a makers and I give him a funny look. I tell the waitress make it a bulleit. Everyone laughs. I talk shop with Jeremy also from TTAG and we shoot the shit over cigars and talk about useless products. Next thing we know, chug is out of the dinner and wandering the strip. We decide to meet up at the Linq. It takes us nearly 30 minutes to get out of Whiskey Down at MGM because the waitress was awful and messed up everyone's tab. It was a fucking disaster. To boot, MGM is now charging for parking. FC: What a bunch of fucking jews Fluff: You should just tailgate that lady in front of you out and screw them out of the $7 FC: I should We pull behind her and watch as she gets flustered at the awful parking machine. Her nevada license plate says VETERAN. As the gate goes up we haul ass and screw MGM out of $7. I shout "THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE" out the window as we blow right by her up to the Linq. Through fluffy's awful navigation, we wind up at the loading dock for the Linq. Eventually we find chug and gf hanging at the penny slots. They are holding vegan donuts, which she is very appreciative of. Least I could do after showing her the head. Fluffy plays the House of Cards slot machine. He stuck $100 in, played for 6 minutes and then got really mad and hit the cash out button and $80 was left after 5 minutes. ITS EXACTLY LIKE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT! Chug's gf asks to play a special slot machine called kitty glitter. We ask and the linq does not offer it but Harrahs next door does. So we head over there and the slot tech finds the kitty glitter machine. Fluffy sticks a C note in there and tells her to play and have a blast. So she's banging away at the one armed bandit WHEN SUDDENLY I HEAR THE SOUND. It's PUTTIN ON THE RITZ in shitty .wav file internal speaker format. Hahah. She's just hit the progressive jackpot on the penny KITTY GLITTER machine. THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! We cash out after some play and a good time was had by all. I dump off fluffy at the rio since it was very close and drive everyone else back. It's late, I'm tired and the Palace Station oyster bar is open 24 hours......I head over there and there's a 45 minute wait. So, I pull out my backup bankroll and using everything chug and fluffy have taught me about craps I belly up to the $3 min table where they let you take 10x behind the line. I'm still learning and the table is slow so one of the boxmen start explaining the game to me. Box: So if you place the 6 or the 9 or individual numbers you can bet those but you gotta pay a little juice on it like a commission Me: Like when you buy the hook? short pause Box: Yeah! Exactly like that! You got this! So I played a little and went up a bit and down a bit. As you do. Plunked $5 down on the pass line and took full odds and the point hit. This game is pretty cool! So I hung around and watched for about an hour and finally decided to eat my winnings. I take $5 off my stack and, drop it on the pass line and announce dealer bet - $5 to pass. It hits. The dealers love me. Maybe Vegas isn't so bad after all. http://imgur.com/a/LGhDj I have the pan roast at the oyster bar. No line. It is DELICIOUS. I get back to the hotel at 5AM. I don't care when I wake up. Friday, January 20th. Day 4 of SHOT show. Wake up around noon feeling like crap. Go to show. Debate destroying milk cart with wheels with an ax borrowed from fire station. Decide against it. Gas up car and find myself out by palace station again. Played some craps, hit the buffet and went for an early sleep. It's midnight. The neighbors in my the hotel are having sex. A LOT OF SEX. I can hear everything. I gently knock on the door. No answer. I knock slightly harder. No answer. I head back to my room and close the door just as I hear their door open. I zoom back out to find a puzzled middle aged stocky and perhaps sticky Latino man looking both ways. I get in his line of sight. Me: Hey. I'm next door. It sounds like you're having a lot of fun. I get it. I really do. In fact I haven't had sex since the bush administration so I'm gunning for you man I really am. But it's midnight and I have a 6am flight and a rental car to return. So trust me when I say I'm really happy for you but if you don't mind I really need to get some sleep tonight okay? The awkward silence is deafening. He nods without saying a word and mouths okay. I give him a manly nod and thumbs up. Me: thanks. I'd shake your hand or fist bump but well you know..... I give him a peace sign as he goes back into his little pleasure palace and I turn to realize that I have just locked myself out of my room. I am wearing boxers, a tshirt and barefoot. I head downstairs to the lobby. The check in at the front desk resembles the TSA line at Mccarran. Normally I would not be this rude but desperate times call for desperate measures. The line is 50 people deep. I walk past every person. Fuck your queue. I approach the desk where someone is helping a guest and I raise my right hand as if I were in a deposition to get them to stop. The staff and guest looks puzzled as the angry barefoot man clad in nothing but boxers and a "uzi does it" tshirt approaches the desk. Me: excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt. I have an emergency. I'm up on 8 and my neighbors are having a lot of sex. I mean a LOT of sex. (This is the same front desk clerk who actually checked me in Monday night by coincidence looks back at me very awkwardly and puzzled.) Me: this isn't your regular sex. I'm talking this is your (I begin air humping the front desk and slapping the granite counter with my palm and grunting loudly) sex. You could hear the plan B packaging open. At this point - the ENTIRE FRONT DESK STAFF HAS STOPPED CHECKING IN GUESTS. The people in line and are watching the show. The clerk is stunned. Speechless. Shock and awed. Crapped out and busted. The women are covering their children's eyes and ears. The men are wondering if this show requires a 2 drink minimum. Me: now I get this is Vegas. Everyone wants a good time. It's midnight. My flight leaves at 6 which means I have to be up by 4. And this just isn't working. So I asked them to keep it down and I locked myself out of my room. So if you can make me another key or move me I'd appreciate it. The clerk nods. Clerk: of course. may I see your ID? Years of ballet have prepared me for this day. I step back to make sure my genitals are still ensconced in my boxers as I pirouette and gesticulate wildly. Me: DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE ID? The floor manager steps over and asks me to head down to the end of the desk where she will make me a key. I give her the room number and thank her after she offers to have security sent up to shutdown the best little whorehouse in Vegas. I tell her it may not be necessary. As I take my keys and walk away the people in line break out in raucous applause. I take a bow and miraculously my boxer shorts don't rip. These people are my subjects and I have been crowned the the king of the three ring circus that is the circus circus lobby. Im offered a $1 tip from a kind soul but I decline. My walk back to the hotel elevator bank is uneventful. So much so that I realize it is going too well. The other shoe, if I were wearing one felt as if it was about to drop. Suddenly a dumbass in a rascal scooter is heading toward me at flank speed as his head is turned to look at everyone BEHIND HIM. There's no way this will end well. For you gentle readers joining us mid conversation - it's midnight and I need to be at the airport in 4.5 hours. I can just see it now. (Cue the harp noises) Scene: Emergency room Nurse: Allergic to anything? Me: NKDA Nurse: cause of injury? Me: what's the IC10 code for "run down by drunken buffoon on motorized wheelchair?" I saw my life and confirmed upgraded first class seats home being given away by the Mccarran gate agent flash before my eyes and my catlike reflexes kicked in and I jumped to my left into the wall, mid 1960's Las Vegas union construction being the path of least resistance. Think "The Bodyguard" with Kevin Costner. The buffoon barely realizes what happens. Children are amazed. "HEY MOM! Look! That guy just ran into a wall!" Me: it was that OR GET RUN DOWN BY SOME JACKASS ON A GODDAMN SCOOTER GOING FULL SPEED DRIVING LIKE A.... I look down and a midwestern nuclear family with two children of formative age are waiting for the elevator. I change my last word. Me: LUNATIC! I look over to the parents. Me: I'm really sorry. This is a family joint and I shouldn't have cursed the drunken scooter driver like that. Sorry kids. Parent: no big deal. They've heard fucking worse. I crack a smile at her word choice. Fucking worse. Yeah. That sounds like my evening. After jumping into a wall, I'm now wide awake and unable to go back to sleep. I make the plane and push on time. The 737 comes to a stop short of the runway and holds. Something is wrong. The pilots come on and say that they loaded more cargo and passengers than planned so they have to redo their numbers. We're waiting on the taxiway with both engines running as they do this and the waiting music comes on. What's the first song? Whitney Houston - "I Will Always Love You"
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