(CW s*x mention, swear words, weight mention, actual encounter details)
Ok. So... I’m a bit intoxicated yet I feel extremely lucid. After many hours of re-entering the world of what used to deeply frighten me, I’m ready to talk “publicly” about what happened to me. I have way too many questions, and I’m hoping I’m in the right place to possibly glean some answers. I feel very sensitive and skittish at this moment in time. I currently live like... a thousand miles away from where this happened but I still somehow feel like I’m being “paid attention to” as I write this and prepare to post it.
This is a long post with a lot of seemingly random details. So I guess, uh... bear with me. Those of you who stick around or have, in the past, read a lot of these stories, may find this interesting or relevant or validating... I don’t know. It’s just long and detailed.
Background:
I am an “empath.” I’ve heard a short group of people describe empaths as “the world’s most narcissistic narcissists.” I think this is their way of trying to demonize me for being Sensitive. I also encounter “ghosts” or spirits or entities, but haven’t since my last successful attempt to escort a spirit out of my friend’s parents’ house last year. I have had many spiritual encounters but they are VERY DIFFERENT from what this story is about. My intuition is very strong. My mother has very strong “feelings”, able to identify dangers before they happen (including knowing that our house would flood in an area that hadn’t flooded in like... 60 years, got insurance and then like 4 days after the insurance kicked in we flooded lolll) and my grandmother on my father’s side was so keen with premonitory shit that she and my grandfather would be just shy of being kicked out of casinos because she would literally clean House in Las Vegas and they would just casino hop and make THOUSANDS off of her ability to predict... whatever. She would make money, never count it, hand it to my grandfather who would go drink and then once the House got slightly sus of her activity, they would bounce, go to the casino next door and rinse, repeat. Like, whatever. But she also was like, blessed with her “spook” as she called it. Once my father got horrrrrrrrible food poisoning (on the west coast, grandmother was on east coast) and was brought into the ER for fluids or whatever. My mother received a call that night, she picked up and it was my paternal grandmother. No “hello” no “what’s going on” just “WHY IS MY BABY IN THE HOSPITAL?”
This seems extraneous but I think, now, it is relevant to what happened to me. Still not sure why but... yeah.
Ok so to the THING the EVENT that happened to me. (It was very sus and I will explain why, I promise. This is a long post but just like... bear with me ok plz.)
I think it was 2011 MAYBE 2010, I was living in a dormitory in my own room (single bedroom, jus me) in downtown Oakland California. I was mentally in a very very bad place, and I believe it was shortly before this encounter that I had a full on hysterical existential crisis where I had called my then-boyfriend (now loving husband) on my cell phone while I was huddled in an exterior portion of an emergency exit doorway alcove at my San Francisco campus, convinced that I had unraveled the secrets of the universe in my sketchbook during my last class of the night. I don’t remember how I got there, I don’t remember my conversation on the phone, I’m pretty sure I blacked it out and I’m also pretty sure my partner blacked it out as well because I was so upset that it was traumatic to us both (and he was literally hundreds and hundreds of miles away and could not physically get to me.) I do remember the infinity symbol being very important in a superficial way, and also that it was so deep that I like... fell in.
So anyway.. somehow I recover from that, my boyfriend is concerned but can’t... do anything, so
One night, I wake up and my dorm room looks different. The only time I had ever seen my room from a similar perspective was when I was standing on my bed hanging up my faery lights around the walls near my bed when I had first moved in. The thing was, my dorm was SMACK DAB in the middle of the city, like... civic center was right fuckin there. Like middle of the city. I was used to the orange glow of the street lights pouring through my dirty and aged blue curtains of my fourth floor window. I was located right at the fire escape, which pleased my father because he knew I could gtfo super fast no matter what the emergency.
The ceilings of my dorm room were VERY high, maybe more than 9 or 10 feet, probably more, but the point is that if I stood straight up on my bed (which was also lifted for storage reasons so I had to climb onto a stool to climb into bed) I still had plenty of clearance between my head and the ceiling.
So
I wake up, and as I look around, I realize my vision is about 5-6 and a half feet above my bed. I didn’t realize this at first because I had a lot of information to take in. My room was dark, but my computer was still on because I would play David Attenborough’s Blue Planet every night to help me fall asleep. The hallway lights were on as always and I could see the light coming through under my door. The thing was, the normal orange streetlight coming through my curtains was a white-blue, and it was soft but filled my whole window. But because the curtains were drawn, it was still rather dark in my room. I saw, in front of me, my door, and the hallway light coming under the door, normal... but when I looked DOWN I saw my feet, and they were ABOVE my bed by like... at least a foot. Maybe more.
I suddenly realize that I am in the air, near the foot of my bed, and I immediately PANIC.
I took a HUGE heaving breath of air, eyes wide, and then suddenly the light went out and I SANK toward the floor as if gravity had been suddenly switched on, and BANG hit the floor. The floors were essentially like this black composite nerf shit, so while my ass felt it, it wasn’t like landing on hardwood. The worst part though was that I hit the floor, saw the room come up (as your environment does when you fall), and since I had been right next to the foot of my bed, I was also very close to the wooden leg post of the bed, which was like... 4 feet tall. I hit the floor and recoiled, my head snapped back and WHAM back of my head hit the bed leg post. I felt my teeth clack in my head from the impact, and I felt and heard the vibration of the floor resonate simultaneously with the impact of my body hitting the floor. I will NEVER forget the rattling of my teeth from that impact.
So: GASP, lights go out, drop, fall, bam hit floor, wham head hit bed leg, teeth clack, and then
wake up suddenly, it’s daylight on my Friday off, and I’m in bed, under the covers.
A few things to point out:
I have vivid dreams. They are usually very awful or completely unremarkable, and they all fade to some degree. This event never faded. The sound of my body striking the floor is still very clear to me. While I’m not sure if it’s related, a few weeks (months?) later a smol portion of my left incisor broke off for basically no reason, and the dentist noticed but didn’t ask questions. Just... announced out loud that I now had different tooth features to the tech who had taken my X-rays for that dental cleaning.
Another note, I have no history in my life of sxual abse. I was raised in a very comfortable home with parents that loved me and cared for me and made sure I did not suffer too much during their divorce when I was 11-12 years younger. I have a very dear friend who suggested I may have been suppressing memories of abse and that this encounter was a possible expression of abse as This Is A Thing That Happens. Not trying to detract from others experiences, this is just like... as far as I know, a known psych thing.
The most important thing:
I was NOT taken out of my dorm room.
I was NOT abducted. I did not SEE any figures or visitors or whatever you want to call them, the only thing I saw that didn’t belong was the blue-white light coming in through my curtains. And also the fucked up perspective provided by being literal inches from the ceiling.
This is why I call this event “my attempted abduction.”
More notes: I have the “ginger gene.” With 3 of my 4 parents being in medical, one of which who was a regular tech in the operating room, I learned that people with the red hair gene are like... less affected by anesthesia and pain relief. People who WAKE UP during surgery often have the red hair gene (either through prominent gene expression of red hair, or a subtle gene expression through a red tint. I have the red tint. I got this from my VERY Irish mother, who HAS woken up during surgery, is less responsive to chemical pain relief, and these features were passed on to me.) I also very distinctly remember undergoing mild but traumatic and frightening dental work, they gave me the gas and while I was unable to speak or move, I felt EVERYTHING and just... tears poured out of my eyes but no one asked me if I was ok. I just suffered, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, tears pouring down my face. Someone told me that gas is supposed to just relax you and not alleviate pain, which is fair, but at the same time, I was very aware of everything I just... couldn’t move or speak up. I mention this because PERHAPS this is why I woke up and came to in the middle of being removed from my room. I have no idea, but it just... seems relevant. I don’t know if they use chemicals, or anesthetics, or anything at all, but I wonder if the reason I woke up partway through this encounter was related to why my mother wakes up during surgery.
Even more notes: for those of you with Deep Lore knowledge, this may actually be relevant, and is a very resent development in my personal knowledge and MAY be important to what happened. After my father did genetic testing recently, he found that he (and therefore I) had a direct ancestor of a very famous Female Viking military leadetactician. You can search “Sweden Viking woman burial genetic testing” and learn about her. I am not directly descended from HER, but she and I share a common ancestor.
Ok
So I had just had this mental breakdown specifically about the futility of existence in The Universe, I wake up floating, gasp for air, lights go out, I hit the floor, blah blah blah, I wake up in bed, and I never have another encounter. Never again to this day even coming up on 10 years later.
About three years after this encounter, i finally told my psychiatrist and she very casually and carefully says “ok so... liiiiiiittle bit of psychosis” and prescribes me an antipsychotic for psychotic features. (Turns out this medication completely messed me up. Made me gain like 150 pounds, and NOT A SINGLE MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL suggested that this particular antipsychotic could be the culprit for like.... ALL of my subsequent medical issues, including NO MORE PERIODS, no sex drive, and dangerous weight gain that basically made me prediabetic. But that’s all another story for another day. Point is I’m taking a different medication now, doing better, mentally and physically happy, still fat but rocking it and loving it.)
Thoughts: why did they stop? I got this overwhelming sense that I wasn’t the only person panicking in the room. I got this feeling that the Ones who came to “pick me up” were just as shocked as I was. When I woke up and gasped for air, I felt panic, but I also felt like... THEY panicked too. Like “BRO SHE WOKE UP WTF DROP HER ABORT ABORT” like that was the feeling I got.
What did I have that they wanted? I was mentally unstable, but still an empath and a lucid/vivid dreamer. I was not exactly prime health specimen though. No congenital situations though, outside depression, anxiety and panic disorder. PTSD came about around the same time but for unrelated reasons. Some people indicate that abductors are interested in sex cells, skin cells, organ samples, etc. I was not necessarily special in that regard. Wtf did they want with me? Was it my brain situation? Did I have an ability or abilities that were valuable?
WHY DID THEY CHOOSE DOWNTOWN FUCKING OAKLAND to try pick a person up? Like that isn’t some classic backroads, back water, in the sticks, in the woods, on some dark road shit, where they could do their stuff without being noticed. this was DOWNTOWN bro. Like if I leaned out my window correctly I could seeeeeeeee the government offices. The neons of the newspaper building lit up my room (that light was red tho, so 100% ruled out to explain the light I saw.) I was NOT in an inconspicuous place where they could do their work without drawing attention.
So I’m left to ask again, wtf did I have that was valuable enough for them to try to take me out of my room in a metropolis downtown area where I was VERY PHYSICALLY CLOSE to other people? through the walls, other people were no more than 15 feet away from me at any given moment of the night.
I feel like...ok. I feel like I’m rambling and providing a LOT of information so if you made it this far through all the details that I HOPE were relevant, I commend you and I THANK you.
I’ve talked to my mother, my now-husband, my best friend, and my (now fired) psychiatrist about this event. Now I am telling You.
I am trusting You with this information because I feel in my heart that this is a place where people won’t call me crazy or whatever.
I don’t know. I’m feeling very shook up trying to sort my thoughts around this, and by typing it up in such a public forum I feel very vulnerable and weird. I also don’t even know if I’m in the right place because I technically was not abducted, I didn’t leave my room, but I stg someone or something tried to take me out of my room.
I don’t know if anyone here has any ideas as to Who the race was that might have been interested in me, or whatever it was I had that they wanted, or whatever. All I know is that it was Really Scary and that I’m glad it hasn’t happened again. My partner is skeptical but very supportive, told me I wasn’t crazy, etc... I don’t know. I know my talking about it spooks him though. but I just can’t ignore it or downplay it anymore.
If you happen to have ANY information that could help me understand my situation, or if you have encounters that were similar or.... anything.
I don’t know..
It’s very very late and I think I need to have a glass of water and try to sleep but I will log after I wake up and see if... ya’ll like... have anything. I don’t know.
I’m just really shook up rn.
Peace, blessed be you and yours, and may the New Year bring joy, comfort, love and good food to you.
Thank you for your time. I really really really appreciate it.

9uVDg_jg_jA

the cosmopolitan six thousand five hundred dollar bank the bonus live play tonight last night you guys wanted some mighty cash i found you a mighty cash double up look at those numbers that we're working with same format last night we do 500 tickets however some of my tickets are a thousand bucks they're just easier that way so i'll have to do some uh thinking and uh math but i get kerry here to help me out and i got all my lovely and fans so ticket starts at a thousand dollars so we're not gonna go below 500 guys so this one should be pretty easy max volume bank the bonus live play 13.50 a spin [Music] mighty cash double up let's see this haywire five or more for the bonus [Music] mr classic tv says punky power thank you mr classic tv oh yeah mr classic tv i think you won one of those blenders or um mixers but i need to get your address so send me an email or message me on facebook so i know jimmy d won the other mixer but i'm pretty sure you are the other winner so i want to get that sent out to you yes haywire we got something big oh 45 bucks good ones big one oh i couldn't drop like the maxi because it doubles up [Music] wait there we go [Music] and carrie we trust so we're gonna have him hit the button all right gary [Music] wow that's huge let's keep getting these red ones yes this is not bad red [Music] that wasn't a good spin but if your first two are pretty solid so i forgive you [Music] yolanda rory love you bry mighty cash is the best i love you too yolanda hopefully it will come to new york here soon yeah this is a decent oh yolanda which one do i pick yolanda's picking guys left right middle if yolanda's in here we'll give her a first chance to pick one two or three your left middle right yolanda i'm gonna wait for her i am i'm in plenty of time [Music] i'm a no hurry this is a nice little bonus yolanda gets to pick [Music] leland assistant too all right here it is shoot that's fine all right let's do it anything filled up down there okay extra 13.50 [Music] yes too bad we couldn't fill that up this is not a bad little hit i'll do some ticket math later on because uh i had a thousand dollar ticket but a good start yesterday we started off great and then it went south and if smaller bets work we'll do smaller bets but i am getting some revenge on that 25 cash code it's a jackpot to start the night what do you know [Music] yolanda has no reason to be sorry how's the picture quality everybody we have one person keep saying bad picture but everybody else says [Music] [Music] nothing [Music] all right let me see if i can uh [Music] all right [Music] all right is that good now how does that look perfect all right couple backup spins come on please please please [Music] backup spins galore i saw it go by too all right two thousand dollars will be the ending point [Music] all right first game get a win nice start all right so this ticket guys oh cougar girls 9.99 super justice happy new year all right i reset it i don't know what else to do so i did reset the wi-fi i mean the picture i am at mercy of the casino and romeo evan welcome to the bod rubber ducky club all right guys since um the same ticket so five hundred dollars again i've got these thousand dollar tickets i have to use them twice so the floor is going to be 1500 all right all right 17 16 a spin [Music] that's huge 300 that's good [Music] [Applause] yep i i work with what i have so [Music] maybe it'll get better but i did reset it twice after that i can't do much i apologize but i'm working with what they have but thank you to 800 people watching one more [Music] open this pot 24. [Music] 40 bucks [Music] yes scott i just re-logged into wi-fi for the third time i did reset it and i reset it again so [Applause] [Music] all right before the bonus i'll see if i can fix the wi-fi whoops 73. if you're winning with that well i find it just keep it that way give me one second guys this is my best four games [Music] which one do you guys look all right which one should i pick i've never done this thank you raja what do you guys want [Music] miss mary brian thank you for the live play i really activity oh thank you miss mary [Music] coins [Music] all right coins all coins come on yes oh we're going to do something on the left [Music] chris had patches behind me for me hey one more time i logged out i forgot the network and i logged back in [Music] guys not much i can do guys so the i'm doing the best i can but tell me it's blurry and tell me it's unwatchable and you're gonna unsubscribe above and beyond because i don't control the wi-fi you're gonna unsubscribe from my channel uh i'm not trying to be negative here but don't say crap like that that's just not cool all right guys i'm doing the best i can to give you guys some bonus live play and kyle sell data does not work at all in vegas anyways we got a bonus 776 dollars all right there's some backup spans the floor we'll get 2800 2750 2800 we'll see how it goes and we'll do the top up if we hit it [Music] all right so 27.50 is gonna be the floor so the first thousand in we're gonna have at least 27.50 so that's a great start tonight the pot is a little over 6500 but that's what the tickets i had available was they're gonna make that work but thank you all for tuning in thank you for you know the watching the earlier live play and we got a super chat herbert d brian you're doing fine ignore the complaint all right one more spin and we're gonna cash out so far it's a good little start [Music] all right let's move what do you guys want to see next is my lucky players card [Music] so [Music] those are not multi-dino [Music] yep how you doing yeah i hope so i reset it again it's still really bad i i re-logged in crushing it you hit reconnect i hit reconnect yeah it's still brilliant now all right we're back live all right thank you all right guys garager just help me out it's great usually for a little bit and then it kind of sputters out all right guys how about some konami konami time [Music] [Music] it can go to a hotel you go to hotel next all right and play konami games radiant witch 15 to spin so the floor on this game is gonna be 500. because it's a thousand dollar ticket let's do it guys but thank you all for tuning in hey brian i got a super chat for you one dollar lucky super chat from jose all right usually the usually for a super chat has to be at least 1.99 or higher to say anything doesn't want it we'll try one this is going in the community pot there we go so now you're in action you have a point one tenth of a percentage all right taxi 10 000. yeah we need to go to the other one all right we're gonna try the hotel one all right we're gonna try one more wi-fi guys i apologize all right all right last try guys after this we're just gonna wing it but waffs 73 in bod we trust thank you wasps genomes just keep crushing it all right guys if i missed a super chat then i did do my best doing my best all right here we go it's an iphone 12 pro mac so it should the phone's not the issue here oh i think it was one away from that symbol nice you love silver lucky 25 super super chat flip phone it's a motorola gopro i have no idea come on three or more bonus symbols may trigger the money galaxy feature oh you're not like that okay [Music] we switched the wi-fi network so hopefully guys hopefully this helps it's holding up so we'll take it at this point jose ah i tried [Music] guys it has nothing to do with the camera on the phone it's the wifi [Music] chris pat you're doing great brian of data oh that's my new name brian of data 9150 so i heard you made a killing in the stock market today had a good day you guys haven't checked out raja makes money the mods have been actually posting the link so thank you mod for doing that come on kanami give me some heck yeah [Music] gosh you guys i might have to cancel live play early tonight if i have to keep modding for myself [Music] come on it's due [Music] uh now i get that radiant witch symbol when i don't need it yep once again [Music] well i would go play it and that's that's it that's the 500 mark so [Music] all right let's keep moving on guys [Music] now um somebody specifically told me i should go play high stakes [Music] you know what maybe he'll do some video poker since carrie's here tonight how would you guys want to see some ultimate at the video poker i think that could be fun 1250 spin max that volume out yay or nay on video poker oops stephen hall he requested this game tonight so he got it apple alert for guys tonight 5 30 ah so close 5 30 pacific time you know what i did really good on last night was uh one more that uh i hit those two nice jackpots on uh also environment really i haven't if we went at one more and open up the taco that is like another four i never have like an ultimate fire like played it again last night but the last couple ever since i started playing that another one ultra hot megalink i didn't go to those now they've done these whole shows okay i never liked it because i never got the bonus but now we've got all these great bonuses they're gonna take 5 30 guys the big jackpot will be live on the main facebook page with youtube live play to follow at six o'clock pacific time [Music] yes we got a bonus see what happens when i push the button all right big one here we go carrie go ahead and hit the button carrie terry first lucky raja high rollers i had to mix it up it didn't work for me yesterday all right raja your turn your turn nah all right jose hit the button [Music] okay there we go that's 125 for jose tracy says i feel bbb coming for b.o.d well we believe in b.o.d everybody hit the thumbs up jose you're on the roll ready another 125. you're fired i'm fired i'll come in and save the day all right come on all right you're in all right here we go there you go that's all you guys are worth 25. oh this is 50 cents it's 12 minutes all right carrie you're back in it come on 62.50 jose tagging you back in you're hired again come on that's this is a brd spin oh okay there it is all right same as the raja come on nature just drop it oh really i carry you're back in [Music] all right jose we'll worry about the price of the grand if we come to that all right it comes down to body [Applause] that's something 362. [Music] it is but yours is a lot tighter mine's maybe the spring's gone or something [Applause] [Music] all right backup spins we'll play it down to what 500. how does that sound that sounds great thank you one more sorry he's live right now [Music] ma'am it's 45 dollars i'm sorry that's my gunnery jose my agent told me that all right big congratulations to the quick father he's not going to be with us tonight and right when we got done playing about one o'clock last night went to the room get a good night's sleep at three o'clock he sent me a message he had to get an uber for a five-hour drive back to california he missed his baby being born that's why we picked this date early in the month because baby was due on the 18th so we're like okay two weeks plenty of time you know get home and yeah out of nowhere last night all right guys what do you think we should play next all right autumn moon let's do it ah guys i do not really charge 45 dollars a photo you guys can believe whatever you want this one's due i'm into this game for at least a thousand bucks i get this one two oh the better match yeah no no but this one yesterday all right here we go twenty dollars to spend fifty four hundred dollar major hundred and three thousand dollar grand this is slower than like that first [Music] so the floor is 500 on this game unless we decide to play a second round on it so thousand dollar ticket in the floor come on what whoa no oh i thought you had it oh wow how did you screw that up very easily oh i thought i had it thousands left what happened to that 20 orb what happened to that 20 dollar orb tracy if jose twerks upside down like naomi there will be mega booms wow you've been requesting the twerk upside down [Music] diane mccall says whatever rajo says about you after i fell for the malaria hoax [Laughter] so diane mccall says she doesn't believe anything you say about me after she fell for the malaria hoax when you told everybody i had malaria b.o.d uh brandon true b.o.d ah what what grand did you hit the other day when the raja was live it's probably the same as me having malaria whatever that's worth [Music] it's no minor finally [Music] the good news is i don't have malaria currently but the question is are you going to fall asleep 2 000. i knew this game was due ah yeah come on keeping it alive [Music] now i pumped well over a thousand bucks in this game last night [Music] plus in the group paul we didn't do too well either [Music] [Applause] thousand right [Music] oh here it comes 103 000 live let me at least see it i did not see it i got my glasses on and i don't see it again the drama it's left-handed does it work nope i need to mix it up is that what you do in the bedroom people got jokes today come on [Music] hopefully we keep playing well i can pay off my markers it'll be nice [Music] that's something is that tick-tock tick-tock well i only have one phone unlike some people wow you guys both have one phone wait we got so many girls and tracy d if you don't mind sending me a photos later on of all the jackpots thank you all right so the floor is gonna be three thousand bucks one more moon there's still good line hit john johnson boom boom boom in bod's room that's right [Music] yeah this machine was definitely due after i mean carrie watched me struggle on this game last night i mean struggle one more i knew this game had to do a comeback hi there how you doing today good how are you i'm doing well you can't do recording what did this gentleman tell you i'm spitting fake news again i'm gonna have to call security on you that wouldn't be the first time yeah they called him last time when he had those prostitutes you grabbed his hands on his feet caesar's palace was not a good day remember caesar's palace and that lady i was tracy says i'm waiting jose you got this bee all right cash it out so this yeah so yeah this was a new this was a fresh ticket jimmy beauty on ajita keep it up i got your hoodie in my room during his live play i'll get it for you all right cash cove 25 a spin so the floor is just under 2 500. purple and gold saw it's nice wind keep it up i'm going to purple gold and i got jimmy d there you go all right all right so the floor is like 2 400 and change what doesn't want my ticket i did this yesterday too gaming machine unable to redeem at this time that was weird and it took it cash go 25 to spend cash cove just under 2 400 sorry just under 2 500. come on make up make up for you so 24 in change [Music] 100 dollars get it oh but thank you to all the mods help out thank you to kerry all aboard or luxury line tiffany j beauty great live stream can you play some cats all right we'll do cats after this [Music] no thank you nope i'm doing well not drinking anything so i'm gonna hold off as long as we keep winning i will not have a sip of water the entire livestream i am very superstitious [Music] what did he get nice jose is on ajita as tracy d would say this ticket will be put in the bank after this machine is over that's a great observation [Music] [Music] doesn't want me to quit this game i guess no okay there you go all right couple more spins not gonna go below 2400 come on come on all right final spin on this game cash an hour all right all right so that i think it's done all right we're gonna put another thousand dollar ticket in so once again the floor is gonna be um 500 bucks i didn't have to didn't have time to break down the tickets cats here it is somebody wanted cats to send a super chat and i haven't done cats in a while so [Music] 15 to spin [Music] yes that's it i thought it looked it looked a lot better in my mind sometimes the lower bets work better that's a pay line on 15. oh fine don't have to convince me it looks like if i'm a game manufacturer i'm making 15 lines that's not one of mine [Music] yeah of all the games being different heights different angles it's not always the easiest sometimes to uh that's it fifteen all right 30 that's fine 30 bucks on cats ah 200 nice [Music] come on bank the bonus that's good huh 400. nice [Music] that's right johnny milwaukee loves all the games that have cats in it kitty glitter miss kitty [Music] bonus [Music] [Music] what do you think should i play 45 a spin on catch or keep it here at 30. 500 is the floor we're going for that bonus oh yeah 250. i'll tell you what we'll do actually choose the max you can only play 30 bucks so by default oh bonus nope no nope gina anyway can you play black widow uh maybe you'll do some black widow i'll tell you what since we're doing well in the game we'll i don't want to lose any money on this game so we'll set the floor in a thousand bucks so we guarantee we don't lose any money playing cats [Music] i hate to do well in the machine and go broke trying to hit the bonus so [Music] come on okay 200 just for that [Music] and if we break the two 2000 mark maybe he'll set a floor above that come on full screen say meow i likey [Music] so if the raja ever tells you something about me 95 of the time it's not true he said you were an awesome individual b.o.d yep see told you now he knows better than joke about my dogs so oh yeah that's like the one thing he knows so if he says something about my dogs that may be true but besides that i never had malaria [Music] what's not a pay line but this jagged thing is that's bs hey ben hello [Music] don't get called on me kitty cats [Music] all right um is black widow on here all right this game's getting cold i'm going to use this extra 186 dollars for black widow so the forum black widow's still going to be 500. i so whatever that's worth executive vod decision [Music] forty dollars to spend on black widow [Music] the floor is at 500 on the game he's taking some of that extra money [Music] all right a black widow floor is five hundred dollars oh there's yep i that's a lot of people say i look like the purple guy in black widow they're the pink guy does that look like b.o.d what do you guys think i think it is they modeled it after me maybe that's right the raja this is his favorite game because he gets to see me all the time [Music] wow cheryl clark blackwidow be nice to b.o.d thank you we don't think we had a single playback of anything on black widow yet [Music] not a single does black widow hate b.o.d looks like ben affleck oh there we go on the last spin it pays 160 says don't quit on me [Music] ah mark wahlberg all right final spin and we're putting this ticket in the bank for cats and black widow so cats and black widow is done now i did play some um dancing drums earlier today and i got killed 2 000 down on dancing drums so based on that it's dancing drums revenge [Music] time [Music] yeah i saw my afternoon live play we did play some dancing drums so what do i got left 500 500 500 000 so 6500 in tickets i have 2500 left let's just make it easy to put a 500 ticket here so once again guys i had to get some thousand dollar tickets i couldn't get the 500 so that's why we used some tickets twice 1760 a bet and we're going for three if we get it we're going for three the last three games we haven't done anything so we're due for another bonus here jimbo come on drums let's see a bonus i agree timbo so the mini's at 178 miners 626 that seems awfully high you son of a yeah majors at 9 000 yeah we're going for three because that's what i said all right here we go all right big money there we go that's it [Music] yes oh one more dragon that helped 120 yeah 360. [Music] all right 660 dollar bonus [Music] all right we're gonna play some more uh like 750 floor on this game we need some backup spins let's get another bonus [Music] you know screw it we'll do the mystery if we get it again that sounds fine with me mystery if we get another bonus i just hit five drums [Music] all right final spin unless we hit something um [Music] all right whoops says uh [Music] top dollar let's do it [Music] a lot of people like the double top dollar [Music] yeah 210 dollars to spend sorry 10 dollars a credit 20 [Music] we've been doing better on the lower d knobs right now so [Music] she says always double she's an expert so yeah 10's on there i'm putting a thousand dollar ticket in so the floor will be 500. [Music] so it's 20 dollars yes we did some higher spins earlier going backwards still good slide play [Music] carla howard says good luck tonight hashtag bonus time hope you're staying warm up there [Music] carla [Music] oh [Music] [Music] is my card working all right let's see this top dollar logo [Music] so close there we go [Music] almost 2 000 people watching thank you guys for tuning in tonight make the bonus live play from the cosmopolitan las vegas hit that subscribe button keep notifications on because sometimes i do surprise live play like this morning last spin [Music] and i did some like hundred dollar huffing puff this morning all right let's move on to some pinball [Music] two credit pinball we'll do 20 to spin on this too yes we'll do the video poker [Music] let's set pinball yeah uh these old school pinballs you can't see them anymore you don't find them much all the casinos that have them do not get rid of them looks like the new pinball they have it's a little different format 20 to spin so with a three credit pinball you get five shots with two credit pinball you get four [Music] that was 250 okay give this some more ammo to hit this pinball come on come on [Music] ah so close we have 1500 left after this the big jackpot will be live at 5 30 pacific time so [Music] and maybe i'll do some surprise late night live play tonight you never know that's why you have to subscribe and click those notifications on if i do like it yeah yeah it's something i was waiting for like yeah eight grand i'm like my like time just kind of stopped okay for me i'm like is it gonna happen [Music] it is what time what time is it carrie right now i think about five o'clock or so so it's 4 45 yes there we go uh i think i'm gonna keep the ten dollar genome it's working i hate to blow through everything on the twenty five dollar d numb we ain't broke i rather win a little bit of money on a smaller bet than lose more money on a larger bet [Music] yeah maybe some we'll see late no promises i did a surprise live play this afternoon [Music] and it's not a surprise if i tell you happy new year b.o.d and good luck well thank you sonny happy new year to you come on pinball get a couple decent line hips golden nugget that's a casino we're at the cosmopolitan is there a game called golden nugget oh yeah [Music] what was your biggest hit um nice on 15 bets yeah can't beat that [Music] i know where a wild wild nugget is but um some guy last night kept saying wild wild nugget the whole time and it really gave me bad juju and we lost so no wild wild nugget tonight i'm not a fan of that game anyways but we got a come on bonus 80. okay 250 it's a good start come on 80 80 no 500 bucks come on 80 80. [Music] [Applause] all right we're at 8 40. like 7 60 something like that get it five back upstairs legit whoops taught me so my final spin okay cash now [Music] 1500 left [Music] carrie and i gonna play some video poker for five thirty dollars to spin ultimate x video poker scary carry and body now beauty is gonna make the best choices oh thank you for that i'll do the best i can i got carrie here so we'll [Music] oh i didn't sorry i was um live when you texted me oh you're fine [Music] thank you thank you do you want a cosmopolitan no no no hold nothing or yeah all right oh so i was playing this earlier i got dealt four to the royal correct carry yeah i got dealt four to the royal i had a four-time multiplier up top or something and of course i did not hit it we'll be back to slots after this open ender all right seven queens [Music] maybe i should have held the aces michael alphonse in the house check out live stream casino shenanigans on facebook featuring michael halphon nothing all right the no holds barred anything goes facebook gambling drinking debauchery group sanders lodge shared the length thank you okay in order here we go oh come on give us something here come on [Music] all right here we go four to the flush let's hit this yeah look at the next all right come on four of a kind wherever oh come on oh come on top here okay guys all right come on could be eight thousand dollars it could be all right here we go a little dramatic pause come on twenty thousand dollars here it comes [Music] oh man yep yeah i got del four to the royal with the multiplier i had a couple good deals today [Music] here we go [Music] all right here we go come on four of a kind four of a kind king queen [Music] hey quads there we go oh cheers that's why i got somebody else here [Music] maybe if i do a late night it'd be all video poker live stream it's a possibility if anybody wants to do a video poker with me tonight maybe i'm going for it oh you just look at it [Music] okay so it's open ender too yeah so you need a two or seven eclipse [Music] there we go [Applause] 2500 [Music] all right [Music] nice all right so we're at 28 10. i'll probably play down 2 500 or so yeah um come on here it comes guys let's play for a miracle carry i'm good right yeah ah tyler smith the b.o.d for president carrie lee for vp i like it okay let's do it again come on four of a kind [Music] [Music] [Music] yes sir oh come on four aces come on [Music] [Music] okay that's right it's lacey from the slot ladies the one and only will she go live tonight i don't know if you guys want to send her money on only fans i think she may go live again tonight but hopefully is that how you send people money oh yeah so if you check out lacey's instagram and tracyd or whoever has it share it in the chat and on instagram they have your cash app in there so if somebody wants to send lacey 100 bucks or she gets up to 500 tonight i think she may go live again [Music] oh somebody sent you 100 you just need 400 more all right that sounds fair and whoever sends the most money can pick the game [Music] it'd probably be after the big jackpot tonight probably directly after before the group poll [Music] it actually was good she told me my left arm was sore because my right arm was tight [Music] yeah i had the hundred minute in the end well worth it eight times there we go anything i have a mask on my braces oh there we go can we get the flush can we get a flush ah yeah that's a good way to end it positive money and tracy d thank you mod tracy just shared lacey's instagram so just to confirm her cash app is linked in the buy over instagram right yeah all right so if she gets 500 tonight 400 more she will be going live [Music] am i down only 500 left yeah i guess i'm only at 500 left tonight wow i thought it had more oh yeah we had the thousand between those two machines right so what do we want to do for the last so let me think about schmidt i put 500 in there 500 here okay we all know what's going to happen last guys 25 spins huff and puff [Music] that's right guys huff and puff to end the night and wild wild nugget is being played i was going to end it tonight in a wild wild nugget but some gentleman is playing it so i can't do that yep 25 spins we're doing well we're gonna do 25 spins we did it yesterday for a thousand bucks we couldn't hit so maybe it's due that that logic worked on the uh what game did the logic were gone oh autumn moon we lost yesterday all right here we go 25 spins huff and puff let's do it um yeah maybe some late night live play i'll talk to some people and figure out a game plan there's no promises [Music] well i got some money to throw in the pot it could be video poker who knows two more yeah yeah there we go by the way we're gonna end it we got backup spins all right i'm excited yesterday was terrible today is much much better one more oops man i didn't mean to do that [Music] oh come on don't be like that it is going to be like that we got backup spin so there's one point we just want a coin [Music] ouch and the actual three games only played seven dollars and fifty cents it was bad [Music] 500 bucks will be the floor [Music] thank you that was not a good bonus nope nope nope [Music] come on the volume is maxed out that is not the issue what are you gonna do one more spin to end the night on bank the bonus live play i don't i would like to play it through but i don't know if that's fair because everybody has to agree on it so based on that um i'm okay thank you though so but guys thank you so much on behalf of b.o.d scary carrie and lacey we will see you soon remember check her out on instagram camera's on you just let you know oh hi taking my these are not i can't walk in them so i'm switching all right so check her out on instagram if she gets 500 today she's going live and you pick the game if you're the highest donor and also check her out on only fans so all right guys thanks to glot and i will see you guys later on maybe late night tonight bye

The Mysterious Murder of Sonny Liston

Report your table minimums here (COVID Edition) part 3

Part 3 in the COVID series.
To try and make this list more helpful, I have added Weekend Day and Weekend Night, as those can be vastly different than during the week.
I'm trying to monitor Twitter and the Vegas Message Board to get some additional information.
Keep sharing all that wonderful goodness.
I'd like to update the wiki to talk about what sidebets casinos have, so if you know that info, I can add it to the table comments.

Vegas Strip Casino	Day Min	Night Min	Weekend Day	Weekend Night	Dividers	Comments
Aria	10	10	Unknown	Unknown	No	Updated 7/26
Ballys	10	15	10	Unknown		3 tables Updated 8/8
Bellagio	10	25	Unknown	Unknown	Yes, all tables
Caesars	15	25	Unknown	Unknown	No
Cosmo	15-25	50-100	Unknown	Unknown
Encore	10	10	10	10	Yes, on some tables	Updated 8/12
Excalibur	10-15	15	10	15		Updated 8/12
Flamingo	15	15-25	Unknown	25		Updated 8/8
Harrah's	15	25	25	25	No
Linq	15	15	Unknown	25	No	Updated 8/8
Luxor	10	10	15	15n		Updated 8/12
Mandalay Bay	15	Unknown	Unknown	Unknown
MGM Grand	10	25	Unknown	Unknown	Yes
NY/NY	10	15-25	15	Unknown	Yes	Updated 8/8
Osheas	Unknown	15	Unknown	Unknown
Paris	15	15	Unknown	Unknown	No	Updated 8/8
Sahara	5	10	10	10		Updated 8/15
Strat	Day	10	Unknown	10	25	No
Treasure Island	5	15	Unknown	Unknown
Venetian	10-15	25	Unknown	Unknown	No
Wynn	10	10	10	10	Yes, on some tables	Updated 8/12

Downtown Casino	Day Min	Night Min	Weekend Day	Weekend Night	Dividers	Comments
Binions	5	10	Unknown	Unknown		Binions had $5 table several times (opens at noon) Updated 8/17
California	10	10	Unknown	Unknown		Tables open at 11AM Updated 8/10
The D	10	15	Unknown	Unknown	No glass
Downtown Grand	10	10	Unknown	Unknown		Table opens at noon. Updated 8/10.
El Cortez	10	10	10	10	Yes, some tables	2 tables Updated 8/15
Four Queens	10	10	10	10	No	Updated 8/15
Fremont	10	10	10	Unknown		Updated 8/10.
Golden Gate	10	15	Unknown	Unknown		Updated 8/18
Golden Nugget	10-15	10	Unknown	Unknown		$15 with one table open on 8/18
Plaza	10	10	Unknown	Unknown		Updated 7/30
Sams Town	15	15	Unknown	Unknown		1 table

Offstrip Casino	Day Min	Night Min	Weekend Day	Weekend Night	Dividers	Comments
Aliente	10	10	Unknown	Unknown
Boulder Station	10	10	Unknown	Unknown
Cannery	5	5	Unknown	Unknown		up to 2 tables - now allowing 4 per side
Ellis Island	5	5	5	5		1 table - Updated 8/17 - I just called the pit at Ellis. Craps table opens up at 10am and its 5 dollars 90% of the time
Gold Coast	10	10	Unknown	Unknown
Green Valley Ranch	10	10	Unknown	Unknown		2 tables open
The Orleans	10	25	Unknown	Unknown		up to 4 tables, I was asked to wear a mask
Palace Station	10	10	Unknown	Unknown	Unknown
Palms	N/A	N/A	Unknown	Unknown		No open date announced
Red Rock	10	15	15	Unknown		Updated 8/14
South Point	5	5	5	10	No	Updated 8/15
Strat	5	10	Unknown	Unknown
Sunset Station	5	5	Unknown	Unknown

Other NV Casinos	Day Min	Night Min	Weekend Day	Weekend Night	Dividers	Comments
Edgewater (Laughlin)	10	10	Unknown	Unknown
Harrahs (Laughlin)	10	15	Unknown	Unknown	no
Atlantis (Reno)	5/10	5/10	Unknown	Unknown		3 tables on weekends
Cal Neva (Reno)	5	5	Unknown	Unknown
Circus Circus (Reno)	Closed	Closed	Unknown	Unknown		Closed table game pit
Eldorado (Reno)	5	10	Unknown	Unknown
Grand Sierra (Reno)	15	15-25 Unknown	Unknown
Peppermill (Reno)	5	5	10	10	3 craps tables
Silver Legacy (Reno)	10	10	Unknown	Unknown
Hard Rock (Tahoe)	5	5	Unknown	Unknown
Harrahs (Tahoe)	10	10	Unknown	Unknown
Montbleu (Tahoe)	10	15	Unknown	Unknown
Nugget (Wendover)	5	5	5	5		Updated 7/31
Peppermill (Wendover)	5	5	10	10		Updated 7/31
Rainbow (Wendover)	5	5	10	10		Updated 7/31

Non/NV Casino	Day Min	Night Min	Weekend Day	Weekend Night	Dividers	Comments
Wind Creek (Wetumpka, AL)	15	25	Unknown	Unknown		4 to a table Updated 7/31
Sycuan (San Diego, CA)	10	10	Unknown	Unknown		Masks required
Barona (So Cal)	10	15	10	10-15		2 tables 2 per side, dealers managing bets for players. Updated 8/21 ($10 at times)
Harrahs (So Cal)	15-25	15-25	15-50	15-50	No	Updated 7/31
Viejas (So Cal)	N/A	N/A	Unknown	Unknown		No live tables
Foxwoods (CT)	15	25	Unknown	Unknown
Mohegan (CT)	15-25	25	Unknown	Unknown		2 were 10, 2
Harrington (DE)	15	15-25	Unknown	Unknown		Must wear mask and face shield
Rivers (Chicago, IL)	15	15
Blue Chip (Michigan City, IN)	5	10	Unknown	Unknown		5 minimum prop bets, 5 min ATS bet.
Caesars Southern IN	10	15	15	25		Updated 8/5
French Lick Resort (French Lick, IN)	15	15	25	25		Tables open at 11am and close at 3AM. Updated 8/5
Harrah's Hooiser Park (Anderson, IN)	10	10	Unknown	Unknown
Indiana Grand (IN)	10	15	Unknown	Unknown	No
Belle (Baton Rogue, LA)	5	10	Unknown	Unknown		one half sized table sometimes they open the big one. $5 small table and $10 big late at night
Hollywood (Baton Rogue, LA)	5	10	Unknown	15		Updated 7/24
L’auberge (Baton Rogue,LA)	15	15	Unknown	Unknown	No
L’auberge (Lake Charles,LA)	15	15	Unknown	Unknown	No	1 bubble craps $5 min
El Dorado (Shreveport, LA)	10	10	10	10		Updated 8/17
Horseshoe (Shreveport, LA) 15	15	15	15		Updated 8/17
Margaritaville (Shreveport, LA) 15	15	15	15		Updated 8/17
Ocean Downs (MD)	10	15		Unknown	Unknown
Maryland Live (MD)	25	50	50	Unknown	Yes	5 tables, 4 per side. Electronic craps 15 min
MGM @ National Harbor	50-100		Unknown	Unknown	Yes	4 craps tables 2 were $50 and 2 were $100 mins. Not bubble craps or low roller options.
Firekeepers (Battle Creek, MI)	10	15+	Unknown	Unknown	No dividers, only distancing	1-2 tables depending on demand, did see it at $15 during the day $25 on Fri/Sat night. Masks required, no smoking. $3 Bubble Craps.
Four Winds Casino	15	15	Unknown	Unknown		Digital craps table 5$ min Tuesday and Sunday night. Did not check bubble craps
Gun Lake (Wayland, MI)	10	15	Unknown	Unknown	No	Temp check, masks, usually the crapless table is open
Turtle Creek (Traverse City, MI)	5	Unknown	Unknown	Unknowned		2 tables, temp check, masks
Soaring Eagle (Mt Pleasant, MI)	10	15	Unknown	Unknown	Yes	5 players per side with glass. Tough to hear dealer.
Hollywood Casino, Maryland Heights (St Louis) MO	15	15	Unknown	Unknown		1 regular table & 1 no craps. 4 per side. No outside drinks.
River City (St. Louis, MS)	20	20	Unknown	Unknown	Unknown	4 players per side. $20 min. You have to have at least a $20 bet for every throw to "hold your spot"
Beau Rivage (Biloxi, MS)	25	25	Unknown	Unknown	unknown	3 tables
Boomtown (Biloxi, MS)	10	10	Unknown	Unknown	Unknown	1 table
IP (Biloxi, MS)	25	25	Unknown	Unknown
Scarlett Pearl (Biloxi, MS)	15	25	Unknown	Unknown	No	Masks required, temp check
The Palace Biloxi, MS)	10	15	Unknown	Unknown
Treasure Bay (Biloxi, MS)	10	10	Unknown	Unknown
Harrah’s Cherokee & Murphy	15	15	Unknown	Unknown	No
Harrahs River Valley (Murphy, NC)	25	25	Unknown	Unknown
Ballys (AC, NJ)	15	15	Unknown	10		Updated 7/29
Caesars (AC, NJ)	15	15	Unknown	15-25		Updated 7/29
Harrahs (AC, NJ)	15	15	Unknown	Unknown
Hard Rock (AC, NJ	15	25	Unknown	Unknown		2 tables - Updated 7-29
Resorts (AC, NJ)	15	25	Unknown	15	Yes	1 table - Updated 7-29
Ocean (AC, NJ)	10	15	15	25	Yes	4-6 tables
Buffalo Creek (NY)	15	25	Unknown	Unknown
Seneca Niagra (NY)	10	15	Unknown	Unknown		1 table, can go up to $25
Jack/Harrah's (Cincinnati, OH)	25	25	25	25		3 tables, $25 open to close
Hollywood (Columbus, OH)	10-15	Unknown	Unknown	Unknown	Unknown	2 tables, masks required
Hollywood (Grantville, PA)	15	25	Unknown Unknown	Unknown		2 tables, masks required
Harrah's Philly (PA)	Unknown	Unknown	15	25		Updated 8/10
Meadows (PA)	10	10	Unknown	Unknown		2-3 tables.
Mohegan Sun (PA)	Unknown	Unknown	25-50	Unknown
Windcreek (PA)	10	10	Unknown	Unknown
Mount airy (PA)	10	10	Unknown	Unknown
Valley Forge (PA)			10
Parx (Bensalem, PA)	15	25	Unknown	Unknown		15 but maintaining 25
Southland Casino Racing (West Memphis, TN)	N/A	N/A	Unknown	Unknown	Yes	4 tables all closed. Other pit games open with plexiglas dividers. Bubble craps $5 minimum.
Mardi Gras (Nitro, WV)			15			Usually open on weekends - Updated 7/28

*Last update 8/21
Part 1. It's getting buried so I figured we would make a new one. Part 2
Pulled additional info from here.

Part 6: Amazing In Depth Essay About Sopranos Symbolism and Subtext (credit: FlyOnMelfisWall source: thechaselounge.net)

Kennedy and Heidi: Vicarious Patricide as Tony’s Decompensation

At the risk of needless redundancy, I think it’s helpful to summarize Tony’s state of mind going into the episode Kennedy and Heidi. His consciousness is teeming with ancient but recently-agitated memories showcasing his father’s violence and toxic influence, like Johnny shooting a hole through Livia’s hairdo and baptizing him in the act of murder. He’s unable to shake stories of parental neglect leading to tragic outcomes for children. He’s painfully aware of Christopher’s hatred of him and desire for murderous revenge, feelings ultimately rooted in the fact that Tony guided him into the same corrupt existence into which he himself had been led by Johnny, Junior, and company, suggesting a reciprocal, if unconscious, rage by Tony towards those men. His subconscious mind is under constant assault from hats and movie posters and coffee mugs bearing the image of a bloody meat cleaver, an emblem of his own lost childhood innocence and inculcation by his father into his brutal, ugly vocation. He is racked with acute but intense guilt over the role he thinks his life’s example has played in shaping his son’s values and poor sense of self-worth. And he is still repressing a mountain of hurt over the fact that his uncle and second father tried not once but twice to kill him, a repression Melfi warned would someday result in a total collapse of his defense mechanisms, that is, a collapse of his paternal hero-worship and related quest for the macho validation that has prevented him from critically examining his father, uncle, and the men upon whom he modeled his life.
Now consider the circumstances immediately before the crash. Tony and Chris are on a routine drive back from business in Christopher’s new black Cadillac SUV (the first Cadillac Chris has ever owned, incidentally.) The conversation turns to life priorities. Chris, conspicuously clad in a Cleaver hat, specifically mentions how Kaitlyn has changed his priorities, and Tony mentions the “shit with Junior”. So the context is immediately pregnant with the fact that Junior shot and nearly killed Tony within the past year and with the fact that Chris is in a new place of responsibility, a position where he is, for the first time, truly the custodian and trustee for another life.
In a perfectly-timed illustration of just how ill-equipped Chris is to live up to those responsibilities, he nervously and repeatedly fiddles with the car stereo, fidgets, and widens his eyes, telegraphing to Tony that he is high as a kite on drugs. “Comfortably Numb” swells on the sound system as Tony stares at him, the lyrics underscoring that, in that moment, he does not see Chris as a youngster, as the “adorable kid” he once road around in the basket of his bicycle, but as a grown man:
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse Out of the corner of my eye I turned to look but it was gone I cannot put my finger on it now The child is grown, the dream is gone
Chris swerves, and the crash happens seconds later.

Tony as the Child in the Carseat

It’s critical to note that Tony initially manifests every intention of helping Chris, even as he’s fighting his own injuries. “I’m comin’,” he says as Chris asks for help. His expression and demeanor only change when he realizes what Chris means by “help”. “I’ll never pass a drug test,” Chris moans. “What?” Tony asks incredulously as Chris is inhaling his own blood. Almost simultaneously, Tony turns towards the back and sees that a tree limb has penetrated the passenger compartment, lodging in Kaitlyn’s car seat like a spear. While Tony would somewhat exaggerate the size of the branch in later narrations of the event, there’s no question that it was large enough to have impaled or seriously injured an infant.
Even after this warning shot over the bow, Tony apparently intends to help Chris, coming over to the driver’s side and breaking the window when he couldn’t get the door open. He draws his cell phone to call for help but stops when Chris again mentions being doped up, which suggests that Chris is more concerned about the legal consequences of his intoxication than about the fact that he is drowning in his own blood, completely belying his claim to a life newly ordered around the lofty priority of fatherhood.
That’s the moment when Tony forms a genuine murderous intent, an intent that has little to do with Christopher’s animosity towards him or the danger that he might flip. Those are conscious, background motives that help Tony rationalize and make sense of his actions later. But the factor impelling him to end Christopher’s life is his own, fundamental identification with the child who might just as easily have been killed or seriously harmed in that carseat.
To objectify this point, there is a slow pan of the limb sticking through the seat as Tony performs the suffocation, clearly not a shot representing Tony’s vision or gaze at that moment but objectively corroborating the earlier angle when Tony glances back and we see the seat from his point of view. The juxtaposition of these shots – subjective and objective – tells me the carseat is not just a convenient excuse for Tony. This is what he’s really feeling. In this moment, he is the phantom child in that carseat, a child whose safety and well-being come second to his father’s corrupt values and reckless self-indulgence, a child whose soul and humanity are metaphorically impaled by riding in and being taught to drive his father’s black Cadillac.
The exclamation point on the symbolism is provided by Christopher’s hat. Incredibly, it remains on his head throughout the crash and suffocation, its bloody cleaver logo pointing towards Tony when the car comes to rest. As Tony acts consciously on behalf of an innocent child, the symbol of his own lost childhood innocence is directly before him. And, for good measure, the cap and logo stare back at him in the hospital from the gurney laden with Christopher’s bloody clothing and the black bag containing his dead body. (The logo antagonizes Tony a final time from his coffee mug the next morning before he angrily tosses the mug into his backyard woods.)
Several points about the suffocation itself are remarkable. First was the look of absolute depravity on Tony’s face as he watched Christopher struggle to breathe. This look was unlike any ever seen on Tony’s face at any other moment in the series. Even when committing other personal and deadly acts of violence, his face and demeanor had always betrayed a commensurate level of animus, an active, passionate intent. In contrast, he reached through the window and pinched Christopher’s nose – and maintained that hold – with remarkable calm. His face and eyes throughout the suffocation were paradoxically both incredibly intense and completely devoid of human emotion, a look far more disturbing than any look of mere rage he’d ever worn before.
Second, although this act was, in my judgment, clearly about the release of Tony’s pent up rage towards his father figures, the method of killing evokes Livia. Besides her conspiracy with Junior to kill Tony (which she rationalized was for his own good) and general obsession with stories of child deaths, she had once threatened to “smother [her children] with a pillow” to save them from a fate she deemed even worse. Tony grabbed a pillow intending to smother her in the season one finale before nursing home personnel intervened. In Members Only, Tony spoke of being smothered with a pillow as a suitable form of euthanasia. Its functional equivalent at the scene of the crash had a definite vibe of putting Chris out of his own – and everyone’s – misery. So, in killing his “father”, Tony was also paradoxically suffocating his “son”, thereby channeling Livia’s filicidal urges and concept of mercy killing.
The most spine-tingling resonance with the scene comes from two season four episodes where Tony’s deep identification with “innocents” – be they children or animals – once again comes to the fore, as does his appreciation for the consequences of Chris continuing to use drugs. In Whoever Did This, Tony warns Christopher that he “can’t be high on heroine and raise kids.” And in The Strong, Silent Type, after learning that a doped-up Chris accidentally smothered and suffocated Adriana’s dog, Tony ominously snaps, “You suffocated little Cossette? I oughta suffocate you, you prick!” It’s such perfect foreshadowing that the earlier episodes seem to have been written with the outcome of Kennedy and Heidi in mind.

Righteous Retribution as the Explanation for Tony’s Lack of Sorrow

As previously noted, the most troubling aspect of the episode from the standpoint of character consistency and plausibility was not the fact that Tony murdered Chris. It was his vacuous expression during the killing and the fact that he never betrayed a moment’s genuine sorrow or regret afterwards. He remained, in fact, defiantly happy and unconflicted about it, especially to Melfi, and was sincerely troubled that neither she nor anyone else could see how Christopher’s death rescued Kaitlyn from a lifetime of risks and harm that she would naturally suffer as the daughter of a drug addict (and mob captain).
In his therapy scenes with Melfi, real and dream, Tony even makes the very contrast I raise, noting that he’s never felt this way after murdering any other person close to him. He alludes to his sorrow over Pussy and specifically allows that murdering Tony B left him “prostate [sic] with grief.” In effect, Tony himself is revealing that this killing feels righteous and justified to him on an instinctive level and is therefore not one about which he can feel guilt or sorrow.
That sentiment makes no sense if his dominant motives were those he talked about in therapy: Christopher’s animosity and resentment towards him after the Adriana hit and his drug-use and consequent risk to flip. Whatever weight those factors carry in justifying murder in the corrupt “ethics” of the mob (which, in any case, is less than the weight of the transgressions by Pussy and Tony B), they carry absolutely no legitimate moral weight outside it and could not sustain in Tony the sense of just triumph that he felt in response to Christopher’s death. What could inspire that sense of triumph is the perceived liberation of a child from a dangerous and toxic father, experienced subconsciously as vicarious retribution for the abuse and harm he himself suffered at the hands of his own father and uncle.

Significance of the Names “Kennedy” and “Heidi”

“Kennedy” and “Heidi” are the names of the young passenger and driver, respectively, in the car that sideswipes Christopher’s SUV before the fateful crash. The girls are barely onscreen a few seconds, just long enough to (somewhat artificially) learn their names in the following exchange:
Kennedy: Maybe we should go back, Heidi! Heidi: Kennedy, I’m on my learner’s permit after dark!
Much forum debate after the first airing of the episode centered around the significance, if any, of these names. I propose a related but even more basic question: why are the girls present in the scene at all?
Tony’s windfall opportunity to murder Chris and pass it off as death from accidental injury was entirely dependent upon being unobserved by others after the crash. Given Christopher’s intoxicated state and inattention to the curvy road while he fiddled with radio controls, a mere swerve and over-correction or swerve to avoid an animal (Tony’s crash with Adriana, anyone?) would have easily sufficed to trigger the accident but without the problematic involvement of another car, the driver of which would have to be made to flee the scene illegally and in contravention of the ethics and instincts of at least 95% of the motorists on the road. So the very fact that another car is involved, complicating both the story and the filming, suggests some symbolic or subtextual design to the involvement related specifically to the momentous event occurring right after the crash.
One aspect of that design is revealed and amplified when a grieving Kelly shows up at Christopher’s wake with dark hair framing her face and large, dark sunglasses covering her eyes. A member of the crew remarks, “Look at her. Like a movie star.” An odd look immediately crosses Tony’s face as he spontaneously responds, “Jackie Kennedy”, noting Kelly’s resemblance to the widow of John F. Kennedy.
In my mind, this striking moment in the episode can have only one purpose, and that’s to evoke Johnny Boy in relation to Christopher via a kind of symbolic math. If Kelly = Jackie Kennedy, then Chris = JFK = Johnny Boy since JFK was the explicit parallel figure for Johnny in In Camelot, the first episode of the series depicting cracks in the foundation of Tony’s paternal hero worship. When that foundation completely crumbles inside Tony’s subconscious a season and a half later, it’s entirely fitting that the JFK/Johnny parallel is renewed.
As for the name “Heidi”, most folks around these parts felt it was meant to evoke the idea of “orphan” because of the famous Swiss orphan tale of the same name and because Kaitlyn (and Paulie) both lost parents in the episode. That’s an entirely plausible analysis that requires no expansion, although I’m inclined to think there’s more to it than that, starting with the analogy of Tony himself to “Heidi”. No, Tony was never technically orphaned, though he arguably suffered more as the son of Johnny and Livia than if he had been. He was certainly deprived of real parental love and guidance, on both sides, and that roughly equates to the definition of “orphan”.
Before discussing this episode for the first time, I never knew that Heidi was the story of an orphan, only that it was some kind of tale for children. And I knew that only because of the epic 1968 football game between Joe Namath’s Jets and the Oakland Raiders, the climactic ending of which (an improbable comeback by the Raiders) was cut off abruptly for television viewers at the end of its scheduled broadcast slot so that a movie version of Heidi could begin airing on time. I was only four at the time of this debacle but recall my parents talking about it – and the considerable chaos it caused at NBC and at telephone switchboards around the country – for years afterwards. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heidi_Game
It wouldn’t become clear until the end of Made In America, but there’s an obvious parallel to the Heidi phenomenon in the wind-up of The Sopranos. Consider that, like the Heidi Game broadcast, Made in America featured an abrupt, unexpected termination of excruciatingly tense action at a penultimate moment, pre-empting audience experience of what appeared to be an imminent and momentous climax. The Sopranos ending may not have disabled an entire telephone network, but it certainly generated an enormous amount of controversy that, for better or worse, persists to this day.
Beyond that, there were enough other football references in the final Sopranos episodes, and especially Jets references, to warrant further consideration of this football connotation for “Heidi”. In Remember When, Tony’s betting losses on Jets football games prompt his call to Hesh for a bridge loan. Later that same episode, Paulie annoys Tony and company with yet another old tale, this one relating how, after witnessing Joe Namath stagger drunk into a bar the night before a game, he bet a load of cash the following day on the Jets’ opponent. In Chasing It, Tony gets inside information on a Jets football game and is irate when Carmela refuses to bet money on it. The episode features a closeup of a large newspaper headline, “Jets Bomb Chargers”.
In Blue Comet, then-current coach of the Jets, Eric Mangini, makes a cameo appearance in Vesuvio, with Artie informing a suitably-impressed Tony so the two can go over and shake hands. News articles at the time clarified that the cameo wasn’t Mangini’s idea but the idea of Sopranos producers, who contacted him months in advance and made accommodations in the shooting schedule around his availability. So this seemed more than a casual desire to have some generic celebrity show up.
That especially seems true considering Mangini was given no dialog and that his meeting with Tony and Artie was only depicted in the silent background of a conversation between Charmaine and Carmela. Mangini’s only purpose on set was apparently to show his face briefly and to have the fact of his identity (Tony has to tell a bewildered Carm that Mangini is the head coach of the Jets) permeate the minds of the audience and the subtext of the scene, which is ultimately about chickens coming home to roost on Tony and Carmela because of the lives they chose.
As alter egos for Tony and Carmela throughout the series, folks who took the proverbial “other path” in life, Artie and (especially) Charmaine engage in subtle gloating in the scene. Football coaching was firmly established as Tony’s “road not taken” in Test Dream, so having an actual football coach present in the episode where the unsavory and downright deadly consequences of his chosen vocation are crashing in all around him provides dramatic ballast. All the better to have the coach in the scene be the coach of the team involved in the Heidi game in view of the ending planned for the following episode.
And speaking again of that ending, the wall behind Tony in Holsten’s is consumed with four large murals specifically brought in by the production crew for the shoot. The largest and most centered depicts a huge, light-colored building with lots of windows, somewhat reminiscent of the Inn at the Oaks in Tony’s coma dream. It’s apparently a high school, however, as it is flanked on either side by images of football players in full uniform with what appear to be names and year of graduation engraved at the bottom. To the side and extreme left is a mural of a tiger and the caption “Class of 1973” at the bottom. The tiger is presumably the mascot for the team and school represented in the other murals. So there is a strong symbolic presence of “football” in the last scene of the series, particularly of high school football from roughly the era when Tony would have entered high school.
Finally, though it may be completely insignificant, when Tony tells Carm about the accident from his hospital stretcher in Kennedy and Heidi, he mentions that he re-injured his knee, “the one from high school.” That certainly sounds like a reference to an old high school football injury.
If these loose strands from multiple episodes are indeed intended to connote football in relation to the name “Heidi”, what does that actually mean in the context of the episode Kennedy and Heidi? What does football have to do with Tony killing Chris or, more precisely, with him killing his father in the guise of Chris?
The linchpin in that symbolism, it seems to me, is Tony’s old high school football coach, the guy who would have been his coach when he originally injured his knee, the guy Tony dreamt repeatedly of trying to silence or kill, the guy whose puzzling duality in Test Dream suddenly makes sense when he’s viewed as a classic, Freudian composite of opposites, specifically a composite of Tony’s opposing father figures with Johnny dressed in the physiognomy of Coach Molinaro by Tony’s subconscious in order to render acceptable imagery of his latent, patricidal feelings.
If you further allow, as I do, that the Johnny look-alike shooting at Tony with a scoped rifle (ala Oswald/”Kennedy”) in that same dream is yet another Freudian “reversal into the opposite” by Tony’s subconscious to disguise his repressed paternal rage, then the Kennedy/Heidi connection is pretty clear. The names are presented proximate to the crash to connote that, in killing Chris, Tony has finally acted out the Test Dream imagery that haunted him for years: he has (symbolically) killed his father, the “Kennedy” and “Heidi” of his dream.

“He’s Dead”

In my judgment, this explains Tony’s otherwise puzzling, peyote-induced insight when he proclaims, “He’s dead,” after winning at roulette on 3 successive spins, prompting him to fall to the floor in spectacular and uncontrollable laughter. What other, real death could have inspired such a euphoric and epiphanic reaction? What real death could Tony only have appreciated while in a drug-induced, altered state of consciousness?
Many felt the line referred to Christopher because he’d just died, obviously, and because Tony’s gambling luck suddenly changed afterward. That analysis never made sense to me.
First, Tony plays roulette at the casino while sober when he first arrives in Vegas and loses every round. Chris was already dead at that time, as Tony well knew and accepted. Indeed, Tony was never in any state of denial about Christopher’s death (or about having killed him.) He embraced it, both consciously and in his dream therapy session with Melfi after the crash.
The “he’s dead” insight occurs only after Tony takes peyote and notices a sudden and complete about-face in gambling luck. Why would he need psychedelic drugs to suddenly realize what he already knew and accepted about Chris? And why would Christopher’s death be tied in his mind to his own gambling luck anyway? No prior connection between those two things had ever been suggested.
On the other hand, Tony’s sudden escalation in gambling, which coincided with the agitation and intensification of his latent rage towards his father(s), could easily be seen as a subconscious rebellion against the stern, anti-gambling lecture Johnny imparted the night Tony witnessed the cleaver incident. To the extent that the rebellion results in huge financial losses and self destruction, it obviously fails. His father retains ultimate power and authority. To the extent the rebellion results in huge winnings, it succeeds, and Tony vanquishes his father.
That conquest was the ineffable and elusive “high” that Tony was subconsciously pursuing in Chasing It but which he could not articulate to Melfi. Thus the sudden change in gambling fortune on his Vegas trip is easily tied in Tony’s drug-altered psyche to a euphoric realization that he has conquered or symbolically killed his father, none of which Tony could appreciate without a vastly altered state of consciousness.
And that leads to why he went to Vegas in the first place. He asks that question out loud to the Vegas prostitute, Sonia, immediately before admitting that Christopher once mentioned taking peyote with her. Tony then confesses to having always wanted to try the drug.
Clearly, then, he didn’t just happen to pick Vegas and didn’t just happen to make contact with this girl. His subconscious was pushing him to that venue because he craved the enlightenment of a peyote experience. So while Tony’s real motives for the murder, and for his otherwise inexplicable jubilance afterward, were completely closed off to his conscious mind, somehow he sensed their existence and yearned to unlock and understand them. However his peyote revelations didn’t stop with simply understanding why he killed Chris.

“I Get It. I Get It!”

Tony’s desert epiphany is a bookend to his near-death coma experience and, I believe, can only be fully understood in relation to it. Yet exploring that relationship is a journey all unto itself, calling not only for consideration of the coma episodes and Kennedy and Heidi but the meaning of the cut to black that ends the series. While exploring the religious and spiritual underpinnings of those episodes is of even more weight and interest to me personally than the issue of Tony’s motives in killing Christopher, it deserves and demands its own, dedicated discussion. For now, I’d simply like to posit what I strongly believe Tony’s epiphany to have been with only minimal argumentation as to why I hold that belief.
The epiphany is presaged when Tony enters the casino on his peyote trip and notes that the roulette wheel is built on the same principle as the solar system. The ball spins round and round the center or “sun” of the wheel because of two delicately-balanced but largely opposing phenomena: the momentum of the ball (which, without the wheel, would carry the ball away in a straight line) and the centripetal force of the wheel (applied by the rim, which continuously pulls the ball towards the center even as the ball’s momentum continuously pulls it on a path perpendicular to the centripetal force.) The antagonism (or cooperation, if you prefer) of the forces gives rise to a unified system: an orbit.
If this sounds a bit like the Bell Labs scientist’s explanation of how two tornadoes are in fact just facets of one, unified system of wind, it’s likely no mere coincidence. As Hal Holbrook’s character argued, separateness is a mirage. The universe, and everything in it, is one big soup of molecules interacting in cause/effect fashion according to laws, making it one whole, not a bunch of discrete parts. “Everything is everything,” as the black rapper reduced it.
That was the philosophy that really made an impression on Tony in the days and weeks following his coma. The principles of quantum physics articulated by Holbrook’s character are likely as close as you can get to a scientific codification of Bhuddism and therefore reinforced much of what the Bhuddist monks conveyed to Tony in his coma. The monks laughed when Tony claimed he wasn’t Finnerty and explained that there really is no “you” and “me, that death would bring an obliteration of individuality. Separate consciousness – and the consciousness of separateness – is an illusion of the living.
So all this laid the philosophical groundwork for Tony’s Las Vegas trip. In that trip, Tony seeks out a girl with whom Chris had slept, then sleeps with her himself. He mentions having refrained from a longstanding desire to try peyote because he always felt the weight of his responsibilities, an implied contrast to Christopher, who always indulged in drugs despite his responsibilities. The idea that Tony was seeking to almost live life in Christopher’s skin in the Las Vegas portion of the episode was something several posters mentioned in first discussions after Kennedy and Heidi aired. Even the girl, Sonia, remarks how similar Tony and Chris are, a somewhat dubious observation that somehow offends Tony but which also helps define his impending epiphany.
That epiphany is spurred when the rising sun flares at him over the desert mountain vista. This recalls Tony’s earlier comparison of the roulette wheel to the solar system. It also resonates completely with the fact that Kevin Finnerty was a solar heating salesman from Kingman, Arizona, a town which, not coincidentally, lies 95 miles southeast of Las Vegas and shares the same desert landscape. Also not coincidental, IMO, is the fact that in the prior episode, Christopher spoke of the perks of joining witness protection and of “living large” in Arizona.
So I believe that, in that desert sunrise on the cusp of Arizona, in fulfillment of his identity as Kevin Finnerty, solar heating salesman, Tony saw his “son” – Christopher – “rise” and realized that, in murdering him days before, he (Tony) was really “rising” as a “son” against Johnny Boy. And in that linkage, he suddenly realized that “everything is [indeed] everything.” He is both Chris and Johnny Boy, both abused and misguided son and abusing, misguiding father. He is murdering uncle and would-be murdered nephew. He is both the mother that sees suffocation as mercy killing and the son who is suffocated. Christopher is both his son and his father. Johnny Boy is Coach Molinaro. “Kennedy” is “Heidi”. Opposites are really two sides of the same coin. In that fleeting moment of insight, Tony was truly feeling “one” with the universe.

The Second Coming

The episode following Kennedy and Heidi is titled The Second Coming after the Yeats poem that grips AJ in the English lit class he’s auditing. While the poem speaks to the bleakness of his depression and outlook on life at that particular time, there’s little doubt that – like everything of substantial weight in the Sopranos universe – it ultimately relates, first and foremost, to Tony. First referenced in the Cold Cuts therapy session dealing with pent-up rage where Tony’s deep shame from the cleaver incident is finally revealed, the poem seems the veritable inspiration for the storyline (as interpreted in this article) that culminates in Christopher’s murder:
The Second Coming By William Butler Yeats
Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand; Surely the Second Coming is at hand. The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi Troubles my sight; somewhere in sands of the desert A shape with lion body and the head of a man, A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun, Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it Reel shadows of indignant desert birds. The darkness drops again; but now I know That twenty centuries of stony sleep Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle, And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
The widening gyre, the orbit that breaks down when the center can no longer hold, is clearly a parallel to the decompensation of which Melfi warned, the point at which Tony’s defenses after Junior’s second murder attempt could no longer hold and the underlying pathological rage at his fathers would take over. True to the poem, a “blood-dimmed tide was loosed”, inspired by a perverse compassion for the “innocent”. While “the best” all mourned Christopher and thought his death a tragedy, Tony, “the worst”, was full of passionate intensity and could not understand why no one else saw the greater good in Christopher’s death.
The “revelation” occurs in a “waste of desert sand”, imagery easily compatible with Tony’s “I get it” moment in the Nevada/Arizona desert. The uniquely depraved look on his face as he suffocated Christopher is evoked by the line describing a “gaze as blank and pitiless as the sun”. “Twenty years of stony sleep” refers to the decades of denial Tony maintained, the defense mechanisms that kept him all his life from confronting and admitting that, in some very real ways, he hated his father. It’s a figurative sleep that was suggested literally in the noted fact that so many episodes in season 6B started with Tony in a deep sleep. Somnolence was suggested even in the choice of the song “Comfortably Numb” as soundtrack in the moments immediately preceding the crash, the moments right before the hour of the “rough beast” finally arrived. Even the incidentals are perfect allusions, as with the image of “stony sleep” being turned into a nightmare by a “rocking cradle”, or, in this case, by a car seat with a branch sticking through it.
I’m intrigued by the line describing the emerging beast as having “lion body”. It may mean absolutely nothing. But among the story points worth considering in relation to it are the tiger on the wall in Holsten’s and the enigmatic cat in Made In America.
More obscure is the fact that in Remember When, the single episode most explicitly dealing with the violent release of stifled paternal rage, Carter Chong described his grandfather as a “lion” and noted that his father owned “Grumman” stock. (Grumman manufactured a number of high-profile fighter military aircraft, most of them named for some kind of cat, e.g., Panther, Jaguar, Tomcat, Tigercat.) Carter was reviewing these facts to himself in the scene immediately preceding his vicious attack on Junior, suggesting that, in acting out on his stifled paternal hatred, he was adopting the predatory, aggressive characteristics of a wild cat. Notably, when Junior, the paternal surrogate who modeled this kind of aggressive behavior to Carter, was seen at the end of that episode bruised and literally defanged, his sunken mouth void of false teeth, he was stroking a harmless little housecat on his lap. Once a lion, the former mob boss was a lion no more.

Asbestos Dumping as a Metaphor for Tony’s Toxic Spill of Rage

Kennedy and Heidi opens with a controversy between Tony and Phil Leotardo over asbestos disposal. One of Tony’s contractors was removing asbestos from old buildings, while following none of the strict (and expensive) asbestos-handling laws regulating worker and public safety, and was seeking to dump completely uncontained truck-fulls at waste stations controlled by Phil. Phil’s guys were denying the trucks the right to dump. As a consequence, huge, openly-smoking asbestos mounds were building up at job sites.
After Christopher’s death, Tony was doing little to find a solution, skipping town to gamble, get laid, and get high and leaving the contractor high and dry. Finally, near the very end of the episode, the contractor dumps heaps of asbestos at dawn in an open marsh area resembling the New Jersey Meadowlands.
Asbestos is a naturally occurring mineral that gained widespread use in the 19th and 20th centuries as an ingredient in various building industry materials – including wall compounds, insulation, and roofing materials – primarily because of its extreme insulative properties and resistance to heat and fire. In the last 40 years, it’s become better-known for its cancer-causing and toxic effects on those mining and working with it in manufacturing, demolition/remodeling, or other “raw” environments.
Both the heat resistance and toxicity of asbestos make the shoddy removal/dumping storyline a compelling metaphor for Tony’s equally shoddy “dumping” in Kennedy and Heidi. The smoldering heat and flames from his hatred towards his father and uncle were contained beneath his consciousness by an insulating firewall of denial and repression. In essence, this denial and repression was Tony’s psychological asbestos, and it (more or less) contained the heat and fire within him for 47 years.
But it finally broke down, allowing the flames to rage and do damage and necessitating a messy disposal. Unfortunately the breakdown didn’t happen where it should have, in his therapist’s office as the result of honest introspection and dialog about little things like his uncle trying to kill him twice and his father indoctrinating him to murder at 22. That would have been the equivalent of careful, legally-compliant asbestos removal. Instead the breakdown occurred in a roadside ravine and the resulting “waste [in the] desert sand” was every bit as toxic as the smoking piles illegally dumped in the Meadowlands immediately before the desert epiphany and which we saw reprised in the very first shot of the following episode.
Think about that for a moment. Tony’s “I get it” moment was literally sandwiched between shots of noxious mounds of asbestos blowing in the New Jersey wind, a significant clue that some other kind of perversely cathartic disposal was in the middle of that sandwich.

The Orbit of the ‘Blue Comet’: Long Journey to Nowhere

It’s fair to ask: if the broad strokes of my interpretation are valid, what impact did the epiphany have on Tony going forward? After the drugs wore off, did he actually retain any specific understanding of his subconscious motives for killing Chris? Was he left only with the impression that he had enjoyed a very brief moment of enlightenment but without intellectual distillation of the enlightenment itself?
Because the insight was founded upon the secret that he had murdered Chris, even if Tony had retained it, he couldn’t overtly share it with anyone. Still, I lean toward the interpretation that the specifics (at least the ones I proffered) were lost to him when the altered state of consciousness ceased. When he tried to describe the magic of what he experienced in the desert to his crew, he could only come up with the most mundane, inadequate words: “The sun . . . came up.” They all looked at him like he was half retarded.
He was slightly more specific with Melfi, offering that he saw “for pretty certain” that this reality is not all there is. He couldn’t define the alternative but was still convinced there was “something else”.
He did speak in therapy of appreciating a balance and unity in opposites that he hadn’t appreciated before, a “ying” [sic] and “yang”. And he offered that “mothers are like buses . . . the vehicle that gets us here,” but that, once here, we are all on our own, individual journeys (mothers included.) So, to the extent his epiphany comported with what he revealed in therapy, it seems to have had little to do with fathers and with Christopher’s murder and more to do with letting go (finally) of some of his issues with his mother.
But perhaps the best clue to his residual state of understanding came when he indicated that some of what he thought he had grasped in the desert now eluded him. “You think you know, you think you learn something . . . like when I got shot,” he begins. Then, speaking specifically about the peyote experience, he reports that the insight gained is “kinda hard to describe. . . . You know, you have these thoughts, and you almost grab it . . . and then . . . ftt.” He flicks his fingers away from his chin as if to indicate “nothing”. So, to paraphrase Edna St. Vincent Millay, a fragment of what he knew remains, but, apparently, the best is lost.
It wouldn’t take long for all of it to be lost. By the time Tony sits with AJ’s female therapist in Made In America, “going about in pity” for himself because of who his mother was, he has come full circle, essentially back to where he was to start the series. Like a “blue comet”, his orbit was highly elliptical, if not erratic, and carried with it the potential of veering off into deep space or crashing into the sun. But despite killing his own nephew, having a near-death experience himself, and saving his son from an act of suicide, the orbit held. The sober breakthrough never came. The repudiation of his father and of his way of life never took hold in his consciousness. And so, by series’ end, we, like Tony, were exhausted from a long journey that ultimately took us nowhere.
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Part 5

The Case of the Missing 40,000 Jerry Nugget Decks

The Case of the Missing 40,000 Jerry Nugget Decks: A Detective Story
NB: I first published this article (with pictures) at PlayingCardDecks here.
Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards. The story of the original Jerry's Nugget decks is a fascinating one, and there are many interesting side-stories to explore about along the way. You can read the main story about the Jerry's Nugget decks in my previous article here: The Legendary Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards.
But the full truth still remains somewhat hidden, and there are aspects about the Jerry's Nugget story that even today we can't totally be sure about. And with the passage of time, several juicy tidbits of lore have become attached to this famous deck.
In this article I invite you to join me in a quest to explore another juicy story that has become part of the Jerry's Nugget legend. Is it true that the final stock of 40,000 Jerry's Nugget decks was bought up from the casino by a mysterious overseas buyer? Because this is an oft-repeated part of the story, that you'll hear whispered rumours about across the landscape of the internet. But this a statement of fact or fiction, and is it truth or myth? It could mean that right now someone is potentially sitting on a small fortune of Jerry's Nugget decks worth around $500 a piece. If it's true.
So please put on your Sherlock Holmes trench-coat and deerstalker hat, arm yourself with a good amount of deductive logic and persistence, and join me as we see if we can really get to the bottom of this mystery, and dredge up the truth behind this famed haul of 40,000 decks!

A Secret Stash of 40,000 Decks?

If you are curious - like I am - and do some digging about the story and history of the Jerry's Nugget decks, it won't take you long to stumble across mention of the claim that a stash of the final 40,000 decks of Jerry's Nuggets was bought up in a single swoop, cleaning out the casino's remaining inventory of these prized decks.
The story about some lucky buyer nabbing a final stash of 40,000 decks is circulated quite widely around the internet. Do a Google search for "40,000 Jerry's Nugget" and look at how many hits this gets! Some places that sell the decks even include this in their ad copy. For example, here's the ad copy over at one online retailer, which was selling authentic decks for $525 before they sold out:
Another online retailer says the same. Many reviewers have parroted this information as well, such as this example. So do various sites dedicated to information about playing cards, such as this example.
As far as many people are concerned, this information is more along the lines of "fact" than fiction, and it's become part of the story that everyone accepts. Little wonder that it is often repeated by collectors in discussion forums about playing cards, and that it has given more than just one person a tinge of envy.

Who is the mysterious buyer?

So who is the lucky guy with 40,000 decks of precious Jerry's Nugget decks hidden in his basement or garage? And is the story even true?
Some of the sources for this story seem quite credible. And they also reveal the buyer's name: French magician Dominique Duvivier. One person quotes Jordan Lapping, apparently among the first cardists to get Jerry's Nugget decks and use them for flourishing.
Dominique Duvivier is a French magician who performs and works with his daughter Alexandra, and together they have a high profile in the world of French magic. They are even well known in the circles of international magic, and were featured on the cover of the June 2013 issue of Genii Magazine.
Norwegian magician Allan Hagen has a long-time interest in the Jerry's Nugget decks, and he also mentions Duvivier's purchase of 40,000 Jerry's Nugget decks as apparent fact in something he posted on Reddit in 2015, where he describes his perspective on their rarity and value.
You'll read similar reports in an article published by Ukrainian cardists Alexander and Nikolay about Jerry's Nugget decks in June 2017. Two things are common to all these accounts: the number 40,000 for the haul of decks purchased by the mysterious overseas buyer. And now his name: Dominique Duvivier.
I contacted a number of different sources, including people who had personal connections with some of the key players who were closely involved when Jerry's Nuggets decks first became a fad among magicians and cardists in the late 1990s. One source told me: "Interesting, the name of the European magician - it was a big secret back then. Someone actually told me his name back then, but it was on the proviso that I never publish it. Well, I see it's out of the bag now."

Was Dominique Duvivier the buyer?

But is there any evidence that Dominique Duvivier was really the mystery buyer whose name had been a carefully kept secret for some time at least? It was time for some more detective work. Google brought me to Duvivier's personal website.
It didn't take long to discover that Duvivier does indeed have a real fondness for Jerry's Nuggets Playing Cards. They are everywhere - in his photos, his videos, and his instagram.
Judging by the many French-language comments on his site, it also becomes apparent that Duvivier is highly respected and appreciated in his home country for his magic. It's also evident from reading some of the comments that his Jerry's Nuggets decks are a signature of his performance. Some even consider them to be the equivalent of a Stradivarius that Duvivier uses to perform with as a master magician.
But it was when I checked Duvivier's youtube channel that I found some real gold: Dominique himself performing with Jerry's Nugget cards in this clip. In fact, if you check out his other videos there, you'll find quite a few where he performs magic with Jerry's Nugget playing cards, like this performance from 2014, this more recent ace cutting routine, and this false shuffle. Duvivier has even contributed a Jerry's Nugget themed trick to the magic industry, entitled Jerry's Nuggets Cards in Bag.
You can watch the promo video for this trick in French or English. His daughter Alexandra Duvivier successfully used it to fool Penn and Teller on their show Fool Us. Here's the episode, and some unseen footage.
But just because Dominique Duvivier happens to really, really like Jerry's Nugget playing cards doesn't prove that he bought out a massive stash of the last 40,000 decks from the casino. So this still begs this question: Did any of this even happen? And is there really someone on this planet with a hoard of 40,000 decks, whether it is Dominique Duvivier or anybody else?
One of my favourite photos on Duvivier's site is this one here, with his haul. If that's any indication, surely the legendary haul was starting to seem somewhat plausible. It was time to ask around, and check in with some of the people who were around when the Jerry's Nugget decks first became the rage.
Of the sources I consulted, few could be considered more reliable than Lee Asher. For many people Lee is synonymous with the Jerry's Nugget phenomenon. He also had close connections with the events of the time, and was instrumental in bringing the Jerry's Nuggets into the limelight in the first place, by singing their paises. He was kind enough to respond when I contacted him for comment about Duvivier's alleged haul of 40,000 Jerry's Nugget decks, and Lee bluntly told me the following:
"This is misinformation. There weren't 40k decks left in 1999. We don't even know if Jerry's even printed 40k decks."
Really? Apparently Lee Asher knew Duvivier personally, and he was the very person who first told Duvivier that the casino even had the cards for sale. He also visited his home and shop in Paris many times throughout this period of time. In Lee's words:
"Without a doubt, I NEVER saw 40k of ANY deck there. That's basically nine pallets worth. The house, their magic shop and night club weren't big enough to house these decks. It also seems Duvivier isn't the last one to buy the remaining decks. Jerry's Nugget Casino believes they sold the last case of cards to someone in Japan in 1999."
Well, it seems that the story had to be put to rest. Was this entire story perhaps just a magnificent urban legend after all? And if it was, where does the number of 40,000 decks come from, and how did this story get so much traction that it spread all around the internet, and is accepted unquestionably by so many people? My task had just become a bit harder, but I wasn't going to give up yet. It was time to try to track down where the many websites that quoted this story got the figure of 40,000 from in the first place.

Where does the figure of 40,000 come from?

With some more digging, the oldest article I could find on the subject was by a card collector who has a collection of fine articles on his site, White Knuckle Cards. This particular article dates back to 2009, and is one of the earliest references to the legendary stash of 40,000 decks that I could find.
This particular article seems to be the first time the figure of 40,000 pops up, pre-dating all the more recent mentions of it. And it's not hard to figure out how it spread from there. On 6 August 2015, someone called "Doctor Papa Jones" added these details to Wikipedia's article on Jerry's Nuggets, evidently relying on the White Knuckle Cards article. As a result the Wikipedia article now read as follows: "In 2000, a private collector purchased the remaining stock of 40,000 decks".
So now this "fact" is on Wikipedia and has some real "credibility". In fact, the number 40,000 stays up on Wikipedia for the next five years unchallenged! And that allows it to spread around the internet and go wild. Because where does everyone go when they're looking for reliable, authoritative, and trustworthy information about something? Wikipedia!
Despite the mention of the magical stash of 40,000 decks, Duvivier's name remained out of the spotlight for a further four years. It was simply a mysterious "private collector" who had purchased the big haul. But in 2019, someone connected the dots to Duvivier, and so the Wikipedia article was changed to include his name.
So how did that happen? Well the supporting reference that Doctor Papa Jones included in his 2015 edit was a link to an article by Dan and Dave Buck, dating back to 7 Dec 2011. This article is also no longer available, but can be tracked down with the help of the Internet Archive here. It doesn't give the figure of 40,000 but does drop Duvivier's name.
So the evidence seems to suggest this development: Apparently relying on the White Knuckle Cards article from 2009 as a source, the number 40,000 first embedded itself in the WIkipedia article on Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards in 2015. Slowly the story grew, until somebody finally connected the dots that were hidden in plain sight elsewhere on the internet, and as a result Duvivier's name gets added four years later. Now things are set up for a great story: Mr Duvivier is sitting on a massive stash of 40,000 Jerry's Nuggets in France.
The story gained even more traction as a result of the revived interest in Jerry's Nuggets that inevitably happened when a tribute deck was printed in 2019. It was inevitable that many would rely on Wikipedia as a source, and so the details even ended up being quoted in ad copy for the reprinted decks. What had previously just been a matter of quiet rumour or speculation, was now considered as fact. Oh, the joy of Wikipedia - it has certainly helped promote quite the legend here!
And it doesn't take a genius to see that if this is true, Duvivier could be sitting on a small fortune. At $500 each, 14,000 decks would be worth around $700,000. Naturally a market flooded with them would drop their value. But even if the going price dropped to $100 a piece, that would still value his holdings at over $100,000. Even if he just sold the occasional decks at $500 a pop, this windfall could generate a nice little secondary income. That is, if the legend is true, a fact yet to be proven....

Revising the figure

Because this year, the Wikipedia article was changed. By now of course the (mis)information about Duvivier's haul had gone far and wide, and a lot of potential damage has already been done. But on 25 March 2020 someone called "TheCongressGuy" changed it to read that Duvivier "purchased the remaining stock of 1,500-2000 decks".
Suddenly the number of Duvivier's legendary purchase had been reduced from 40,000 to something around 5% of the size. A figure of 1,500-2000 seems much more likely. So who made the change and what was their source?
I did some more digging and managed to track down TheCongressGuy. He is Kevan Seaney, who describes himself as an "antique playing cards collector, specializing in the Congress 606 brand" and posts here. In February 2020 he wrote here that he'd learned that Duvivier had not purchased 40,000 decks. I was curious, and eventually found the following video that he posted about this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2pctAEuiZA
And who was his source that Kevan credits for correcting the previous (mis)information about the number 40,000? If you watch that video, you'll find out that it is none other than the great Lee Asher. Lee Asher isn't just "anyone". He's a playing card expert, and the current president of 52 Plus Joker The American Playing Card Collectors Club. He's the guy who first generated public interest in Jerry's Nugget decks, brought them to the attention of cardists like the Buck twins and Chris Kenner, and was later a purveyor of these icon decks via his website. He's also had personal connections with Duvivier, was the person who informed Duvivier that they were available from the casino, and has personally spent a lot of time with him in Paris.
And Lee Asher is a key person that has helped get real Jerry's Nugget decks into the hands of a new generation today. He's the guy who was instrumental in making a collaboration happen between Jerry's Nugget Casino and Expert Playing Card Company, by suggesting that EPCC get the exclusive licence needed to reprint these iconic decks in 2019, as announced in an official press release here.
It's plain that along with EPCC's Bill Kalush, Lee Asher (pictured below) was singularly responsible for getting an officially licensed Jerry's Nugget deck back into the hands of a new generation and into the collections of those who couldn't afford the massive sticker price of the originals. So if anyone has a passion for the original Jerry's Nuggets, it is Lee Asher. Of anyone in this picture, Lee is the person with the most credibility, and his opinion and perspective should carry a lot of weight.
With Asher as his source, Kevan Seaney points out that 40,000 decks of Jerry's Nugget playing cards is the equivalent of around 8 pallets. That's a massive amount, and would weigh around four tons. And it would take up a tremendous amount of space! Kevan cites Lee Asher as saying (via voice messages in Instagram) that in 1999 Asher told Duvivier that he could get the decks from the casino, and that Duvivier bought around 1,500-2000 decks at the time. Lee subsequently visited his home and store - France's oldest magic shop - in France many times. And according to Asher, there was no way Duvivier had room for 40,000 decks. Kevin also says that Lee Asher pointed out to him that these were technically not the final lot of decks sold by the casino anyway, and that the last decks (a "case" of unknown size) probably went to Japan.
Wow. That really changes things! So based on this apparent "new information" from Lee Asher - who to his credit has apparently been saying this all along - Wikipedia gets a new edit by TheCongressGuy aka Kevin Seaney. The impressive figure of 40,000 is reduced to a much more modest 1500-2000, which is paltry by comparison to the much larger figures circulating the internet, and not nearly as impressive a story. But this is only after Wikipedia has been singing a different tune for five years, so the `damage' has been done, and the story of Duvivier's windfall of 40,000 Jerry's Nuggets is already accepted by most people as a true story.

Duvivier's own story

Suddenly it occurred to me to investigate Duvivier himself. Was this perhaps a line of inquiry that might produce some solid leads and definitive facts? Has the man himself ever commented on all these stories about his legendary haul? Could I find anything directly from the man himself that would shed some light on these legends? In fact, why hadn't I thought of this earlier? Just because nobody else seems to have dug up or reported anything from the man's own mouth, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. I slapped myself for my own foolishness, and headed back to Google.
As it turns out, Duvivier has written about this! But because it's an article in French, it's escaped notice from most people. Since he's popular as a professional magician in France, he not only has his own website, but he also writes his own blog. And sure enough, he's addressed this very topic in a blog article that he wrote in April 2011 under the title "Magiphageuh No 14: Les Jerry's Nugget".
With the help of an online translation tool, we learn this:

"As most of you already know, I only use real "Jerry's Nugget" cards to work with and have been doing so for many years. As these cards happen to be extremely rare to find on the market (I am obviously talking about the original Jerry's Nugget cards and not the recently reprinted ones) and they excite the magical world a lot, I am therefore constantly asked how many I own, how long have I owned them, what deal I made to get them and with whom, why do I have so many cards, why did I choose these specifically, why don't I want to sell them, why, why, eh?! And I hear such amazing stories about myself on these famous "Jerry's Nugget" cards that I decided to speak on the subject myself today."

This sounds very promising! Duvivier then goes on to tell the story about how the Jerry's Nuggets gained their legendary reputation, and the unique qualities they have. In France in the 1970s, American playing cards were quite rarely seen, and Duvivier knew a French pilot commandant called Reyno who loved magic, who would occasionally bring back cards from the US to a small circle of French magicians. At this time even standard Bicycle and Tally Ho decks were prized by these French conjurers, so besides them a Jerry's Nugget deck was considered a real crown jewel.
Over the years Duvivier occasionally got more of the Jerry's Nugget decks, sometimes even an entire case of them at once, especially via his friend Michael Weber, who was his main supplier. We fast forward to 1999, when he finds himself heading to Las Vegas to perform at The Magic Castle. Here's the story in his words, courtesy of an online translation tool:

"In 1999 (if I'm not mistaken) my daughter Alexandra and I were hired to perform for a whole week at Magic Castle and then for a few contracts in Las Vegas. You may think that I had only one idea in mind at the time: a trip to the original casino where my favourite cards were from, Jerry's Nugget! Michael Weber had told me that there were still a few decks for sale there, so as soon as we arrived I immediately asked Philip Varricchio, who had come to pick us up in a limousine, to take us there. He was rather surprised, as we hadn't even put our bags down at the hotel (yes, I'm a fool) and the old Jerry's casino wasn't really known for being a must-see place! So I told him that I wanted to go there to buy Jerry's Nugget cards. According to him it was impossible to get them for the simple reason that they hadn't been around for a long time, but I was so insistent that he finally complied (hey, hey, hey!). When we arrived there, we went to the gift shop of the casino and I asked the salesman if he was selling their decks.
- Yes," he told me, "I have a few.
He shows me a small piece of wall in the back of the store where a hundred decks were on display. I ask about the price. Not even expensive!
- Well, I'll take them," I say (laughs).
And of course I ask if he has more in reserve! Yes, there were about a hundred boxes left (each box containing a large number of cards, 144 decks!). After a little negotiation, the unit price was even lowered to less than $1.
That's it, that's how it happened and that's it. In fact, in all this story, the most difficult, the longest and the most expensive was to get the stock back to France.
Since then, I've been seeing, little by little, the bids going up on these cards in a rather hallucinating way, whereas, of course, that wasn't my initial motivation at all. From the moment I bought the remaining stock, it's as if everyone wanted to own even more! But I just wanted to have enough stock of Jerry's Nugget decks because I'm a card fanatic and these in particular. I use these cards because they're the best cards I know and I've fought like a big man to own enough of them for me (I should mention that I never had a middleman or a partner to buy these cards). Anyone could have done as I did and I don't understand why no one did: you just had to take the trouble to go to this casino, because the cards were available! In any case, now they are all warm and cosy in different safes, which I won't tell you about. They say I'm the person with the most cards in the world, but I have to say I don't care. I know Chris Kenner is the one who planned it, he has a lot of them too. I've been offered golden bridges to sell a few packages, or even my entire stock. I've had some incredible offers over the years. I never intended to create a buzz with these cards: I just use them for my own personal consumption, that's all...because they're my favorite cards."

Probably the key sentence in that account is this, and the best translation seems to be something like this:
"Yes, there were about a hundred boxes left (each box containing a large number of cards, that's 144 decks!)."
The formula is simple: around 100 boxes with 144 decks each. If true, that would mean 100 x 144 = 14,400 decks. Given that this is directly from the horse's mouth, suddenly the story becomes slightly more plausible. So too is his additional statement:
"In all this story, the most difficult, the longest and the most expensive was to get the stock back to France."
That suggests he didn't bring the whole stash to France in one go, which might explain why visitors like Lee Asher and others who saw his home and magic shop never saw any evidence of them. I'm not a French speaker, so I'm happy to be corrected if I'm misunderstanding anything Duvivier has written - by all means check the article for yourself in the original French, to see if I've got it right. But the long and short of it seems to be that Duvivier is saying that what he bought from Las Vegas around 1999 was not a stash of 40,000 Jerry's Nuggets decks, but 14,000 decks.
14,000 is not nearly as impressive a figure. But even though it's only a third of the size of what the legend floating around the internet says, 14,000 decks is still an incredibly impressive haul. Certainly the amount of pictures and videos that show Duvivier performing with Jerry's Nugget cards, seems to suggest that they are very much part of his regular repertoire. It could just be possible, and maybe I've finally found the truth!
Perhaps the most defining photo of all is this one (credited to Zakary Belamy), which shows Duvivier enjoying a bath with his Jerry's Nugget playing cards! Given the value of these playing cards on the market today, some might consider this sacrilege, but it sure suggests he has a large enough supply of Jerry's Nugget cards. At any rate, his collection of them seems large enough that he can even afford to take them to the bath for a photo op along with his favourite yellow rubber ducky.

But is it true?

Was the mystery solved at last? It was time to get back in contact with Lee Asher, and share my findings. But despite the claims of Duvivier in his 2011 article, Lee is not convinced that Duvivier is a credible source. To be fair, this is what Lee Asher has been saying all along, and for years he's been saying that the story about the legendary haul of 40,000 decks wasn't supported by the facts.
Ultimately what this comes down to is: are we going to believe what Duvivier says? For the most part, Duvivier has appeared to have had little interest in setting the record straight, despite the fact that the rumour of him nabbing 40,000 decks persisted as long as it did. And if he does have a large stash, why has he shown little interest in selling any of the decks that he does have, instead being happy to hoard them or use them only for himself? Would he really have spent all the time, energy, and money necessary to ship even 14,000 decks of playing cards across the ocean from the United States to Europe, just for his personal usage, at a time when the street value of these was only a dollar or two a piece? And if he did, where did he put them, and why has nobody ever seen his stash, including those who visited his home?
There are other details about Duvivier's record of events that call aspects of his narrative into question, such as his complete omission of any mention of Lee Asher, who was the one who made him aware of where he could get them. And in those days, the casino gift shop was very small, so is it really reasonable for them to display 100 decks on their back wall, as Duvivier claims in his 2011 article, when they had such little space to work with?
I had some private correspondence with another magician/cardist who has also stayed at Duvivier's house, and that individual expressed similar sentiments. He agreed that there was no evidence of Duvivier ever owning that many decks. Just do the math: 40,000 decks would mean Duvivier could use a brand new deck every single day for more than 100 years before he chewed through a collection of decks that size. Again: very unlikely. If he really did have that many, it would be way more than he could ever use, and surely he would have sold some by now - which he hasn't. This person remains somewhat skeptical, but acknowledges that the figure of 14,000 is a more realistic number that is not beyond the realms of possibility, especially if Duvivier has them locked up in a storage facility in Paris somewhere.
As an educated guess, it seems that there is good reason to cast some suspicion on this story, and there are some aspects about it that seem rather unlikely. Shipping that many decks, at the time only worth a buck or two each at most, all the way from Las Vegas to Paris would be crazy. But a man willing to jump into a bath with a yellow rubber duck and destroy $1000 worth of playing cards in the process strikes me as crazy enough to do it. Perhaps Duvivier's story is true after all.

A final twist

I was now several weeks into my adventures as an investigative journalist, and I was getting ready to wrap up my story and publish it. But there was one final lead that I had not yet explored. If I was really going to try every possible avenue of information, I had to try contacting Dominique Duvivier himself. Why not? Admittedly, the odds of getting a response from someone about his apparent stash of precious Jerry's Nuggets wasn't likely. If there was any truth to the story about his legendary haul, even to some degree, then he's undoubtedly had hundreds of inquiries over the years. Just imagine the long lines of people asking him about his stash, trying to convince him to part with some of it. If yet another email comes in on this subject, he'd probably roll his eyes and press `delete'. He is working full time as a professional magician after all, and has a career to worry about. I couldn't blame him if he was tired of responding to what undoubtedly would be countless messages from prospective buyers.
But I had no intention to buy anything, so as a good amateur journalist, I had to try. It was a long shot, but to my surprise, I got a response from Duvivier the very same day! It wasn't much, but it included one unexpected bombshell - especially after the journey I'd been on so far: "You'll be glad to know that a special article is going to appear in next Genii Magazine. It's called Dominique Duvivier and Jerry's Nugget cards."
I was stunned. Was someone else working on exactly the same story as me, and had they beat me to the punch? Maybe even Duvivier himself? Could it really be true that in little more than two weeks time, the next issue of Genii was scheduled to come out, and would potentially reveal all? Suddenly I knew that I had to wait with publishing my story. In further emails, Dominique was tight-lipped about any more details. At the very least, surely I would have to wait until that issue of Genii was available, and fork out my cash and purchase a subscription in order to read it. I owed it to my readers to explore every last clue, and give them a story that included all the evidence.
So that is what I did. I waited for the July issue to appear online. Digital editions of Genii are released online each month on the 20th of the month. Finally 20th of June rolled around, and I eagerly perused the contents of the latest issue. Nothing. Nothing remotely Duvivier related. Nothing Jerry's Nugget related. Was Duvivier for real? An inquiry with the editor of Genii produced this response: "Not this issue. Coming up." Would it be August or September maybe? Further inquiries produced only silence.
In follow up correspondence with the Frenchman himself, Duvivier told me "I wrote the article myself. It?s quite long." That sounded promising, but it could just be about his love affair with Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards, rather than a "tell all" story about his haul. There still was no guarantee that it would even be published. And I couldn't be sure that it would offer any more information than his blog article from 2011 which already gave his side of the story, or that it would be any more reliable than the version of events he'd provided there. Was it really worth waiting any longer? It was time to share my findings with the world anyway, and I could always provide an addendum to my story if any credible new information appeared.

Final Thoughts

Is this the final word on this subject? No. I've tried to do the best I could based on information available to me, and shared as much as I could with my readers, so that you can form your own conclusions based on the evidence so far. Undoubtedly there are still some missing puzzle pieces, and in future years some new information could come to light that shows that some of my conclusions were misplaced or that puts aspects of this story a slightly different perspective.
Today we are two full decades removed from the time when the original decks first sold out at the Jerry's Nugget casino. And the further removed in time that we come, the harder it becomes to uncover the truth. Memories become murky. As it is nobody at the casino seems to remember the specific details of what happened. At the time they were probably only too glad to get the remaining stock out of their hands, and nobody could have anticipated how these decks would become the famous icons that they are today. Even their chief evangelist Lee Asher has to be somewhat surprised at the turn of events he's produced since first singing their praises some twenty years ago!
So what can we conclude from all of this? Here's some final thoughts that I'll leave you with:
1. Don't believe everything you read on the internet.
Unfortunately, it's a fact of modern life that not everything on the internet is true. And as we've seen, this also applies to sites like Wikipedia. For topics that have a large number of experts or people interested in a particular subject, changing the facts on a Wikipedia article will quickly see the changes being reverted. But with a more niche subject, like Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards, and especially when it concerns circumstantial material that nobody is quite sure about, it's easy for misinformation to enter Wikipedia. And once it's embedded there, eventually the lore spreads and becomes considered as "fact". So it's important to check your sources, and don't take everything you see online as gospel truth - even if it's on Wikipedia.
2. The legend about the stash of 40,000 decks should be put to rest once and for all.
It's a myth, and there simply is no evidence for this claim anywhere. At most, there is the claim from Duvivier himself that he bought up about 14,000 decks. That might be true, but again, we only have his word for this. As a counter-point, there are those like Lee Asher who know Duvivier and have visited him many times, and insist that they never saw any evidence of this. The enormous cost of shipping a large stash like this to Europe already makes it somewhat hard to believe.
There's no doubt that Duvivier is a huge fan of Jerry's Nugget decks, and he appears to own and use them more than most. But in the end, how credible is he? How seriously are you going to take someone who is happy to post a picture of himself in a bath with a rubber duck and playing cards from a Jerry's Nugget deck? Either that means he has far more decks than he knows what to do with, or he is a little loopy. Or perhaps it's a bit of both. You've had an opportunity to read all the evidence for yourself, so you decide.
Either way, we can safely say that there has never been a stash of 40,000 decks, and the jury is out on whether there was even ever a stash one third of this size. But even if the size of the legendary stash turns out to be smaller than first thought, the reputation and magnetism of the Jerry's Nugget decks has only increased in size, and these now iconic decks will remain firmly embedded in playing card lore.
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Update from the writer: After the original publication of this article, Dominique Duvivier personally phoned me on 24 July 2020 to discuss it, and to share his side of this story. He remembers events slightly differently than Lee Asher does. As Duvivier recalls it, his own interest in the Jerry's Nugget decks dates back to the 1970s and 1980s. At that time he was sourcing them from his friend Michael Weber, who along with magicians like Chris Kenner was also interested in these decks. According to Dominique, he only met Lee Asher during his USA tour in 1999, after he had already bought out the remaining stock from the Jerry's Nugget casino. Duvivier confirmed that the figure of 14,000 accurately reflects the approximate number of decks he purchased from the casino at this time. He shipped the majority of these to France by boat, and stored them in a warehouse, intending them to serve as a life-time supply for himself and his family. Look for his story in an upcoming issue of Genii magazine.

The Story of Joe Rogan and the Stern Show: “…my problem with Howard's version of the story is that it's complete horseshit"

Hello, Hello. Here's an original rundown of the events leading to Joe Rogan's eventual departure from the Stern Show. If you've enjoyed this, check out my previous behind the scene write ups on the bottom. Thanks.
Howard is kicking off promotion for his latest book Howard Stern: Comes Again. He gives a rare candid interview with David Marchese of the New York Times. David asks Howard about his thoughts on podcasts before turning his attention to Joe Rogan. “Is there an issue between you guys?” he asks. “Yeah, there is,” Stern replies. “I was a fan of Joe’s comedy. He does a great routine about working out with weights with his buddy in the basement, and before you know it, they’re having full-on gay sex.” In typical Stern fashion, he would go on to take credit for Rogan’s success. “So I was a big proponent of his before he was a host on TV, before he got into M.M.A. fighting or whatever. I used to have him on the show...” Stern said.
It’s the year 2000. Joe Rogan had just capped off a five year stint on NewsRadio, a NBC prime time comedy. It would feature the likes of Phil Hartman, who was tragically murdered by his wife in between production of the forth and fifth season. He had also been the backstage and post-fight interviewer for the UFC, a position he’d held for 2 years before quitting. Rogan’s comedy caught the eye of Warner Bros Records, who signed him to a three album deal. Joe would go on to release “I'm Gonna Be Dead Some Day...” on CD and cassette that year. It would gain a cult following thanks to the emergence of peer to peer file sharing in the form of Napster.
The album would get frequent airtime on The Howard Stern Show, where the opening track “Getting Pumped” became a favorite of Howard and the gang. Rogan would make his first appearance on the show September 18, 2000 and talked about the sketch. “My buddy, Bryan Callen, who I did the sketch with… he and I are always doing that, we’re always playing around like that...” It wasn’t long before Howard dug up memories of Joe’s childhood. More specifically, his experience with a pedophile at the age of 12. [AUDIO] “He’s like ‘You know, I just want to tell you that I love ya. You’re a great guy… Yeah, but you know, without sex there could be no real love...’ and I went, what? I just panicked.” He also opened up about his biological father, Joe Rogan Sr. “I haven’t spoken to him since I was seven years old.” His father would attempt to contact him once he started gaining some fame. “He’s tried to do it through his mother and once through his sister… Yeah, when I got on TV. He saw my name somewhere...”
The topic then turned to the murder-suicide of fellow costar Phil Hartman. [AUDIO] “How’d you find out?” Howard asked. “I went out on a date with a girl from Hard Copy. It was a bad date. I never went out with her again. She calls me like three weeks later at like 8:30 in the morning and wakes me up. I’m like ‘What are you waking me up for?’’ She would be one to break the news to Joe. “She’s like ‘You didn’t hear?… I don’t want to be the one to tell you… Phil’s dead’. Immediately after, she’s like ‘What’s going to happen to the show?’” Joe would continue. “It gets worse. I’m in shock. I’m in a coma. I’m turning on the TV. You know, I can’t believe this. Then she goes ‘Joe, we need to get a sound byte from you.’… So I hang up the phone. I’m like ‘I got to go.’ So then the phone starts ringing, everybody’s calling, everybody heard the news, all my friends… Twenty minutes later, she calls again. ‘Joe, um, how are you? OK?’ I’m like ‘I don’t know.’ She goes ‘Listen, we need to get your address.’ I go ‘Why?’, she goes ‘We’re sending a camera crew over. We have to interview you.’”
There was also talk about an incident with another costar, Andy Dick, on the set. [AUDIO] Rogan was in his trailer along with his girlfriend when Andy came knocking. “I was getting dressed and Andy starts pounding on the door. He’s like, ‘What are you doing? What are you doing in there? Are you having sex?’ I’m like, ‘No. Dude, I'm getting dressed. Get out of here’. He’s like ‘Just open up the door. I have to tell you something.’ So I open up the door and Andy’s standing there with his unit in his hand, with his pants half down and wacking it.”
Joe was a hit. He would become a regular from that day on, even sitting in during the show. He also returned to the UFC after an ownership change, where he was promoted to color commentator. More importantly, he became host of the hottest summer show of 2001, Fear Factor. This lead to legendary on air battles with Vinnie Favale, self appointed CBS spokesperson. Vinnie was actually Vice President of CBS Late Night Programming, East Coast, but couldn’t resist any opportunity to defend the network in any capacity. The two would argue repeatedly over the success of Joe’s hit show, which happened to be on a competing network. Usually, in complete denial, Vinnie would try to spin any dispute in CBS’ favor. The host of Fear Factor laid into him during an argument in the summer of ‘01. [AUDIO] “You’re a company man. This is sad. You’re the kind of guy that gets fired from his job and blows his brains out because you believe that everything revolves around your company. You are sucked in. ‘We’re going to kick your asses.’ It's not even you! You’re not even doing anything. You have nothing to do with Survivor. You have nothing to do with the programming. You have nothing to do with the success of it” he said. Their clashes would be a staple of Best Of in the early 2000’s.
However, the relationship between Joe and the show would come to an end in 2004. Stern would go on during that 2019 New York Times Interview. “Joe was a guest one time and I said something to him off the air, which I won’t go into, but he took offense. I haven’t heard or seen him since. I think he made the decision that I was toxic for him. But I hold no grudge.”
On the May 4, 2009 show, the Stern Show would discuss the controversy in some detail. [AUDIO] Howard kicks off the conversation with some tape he has from the previous night. “… So I told you Joe had some problem with me, so he discussed it with Greg Fitzsimmons.” “He wont discuss it with us?” Robin asks. “No, and you know, I remember the exact incident and everything and I knew this is what it was,” Howard says.
Joe would explain his version of events on Fitzsimmons show. “Well, I kind of explained it the last time I was here but, I just try to avoid drama, you know? He said something about me on the air that I didn’t like… He said I hate women and I was like, come on man, really? He said something about us being in a strip club, where we were all in a strip club, and he said, you know… He had did a thing in Vegas and he had hired out a whole section of this strip club. It was pretty bad ass... I remember I was really high and when I’m really high, I can’t get lap dances. It just weirds me out. It’s just too freaky. You can feel this person really doesn’t want to do this, this is their job, then you start thinking about their past. So anyway, he starts saying that I said to them ‘Get away, whores’, which I’d never say. It’s just not true… For me, first of all, it’s like I'm going to have to defend that and whenever you’re defending something like that, it always automatically looks like you’re being defensive because it’s bullshit.” Joe continued, making sure to be clear there were no hard feelings. “I don’t want to even be involved and I just said, I'll just be a fan again… and I listen all the time.”
Howard would shoot back. “I’ll tell you the whole story and Joe’s right. It’s better that Joe doesn’t come on again because he’s building this thing up. You know, first of all, I’m somebody who has guests on and I try to make them comfortable when they’re on the show and I try to be a good interviewer and I also try to, you know, create something. We were in Vegas. Joe showed up to a strip club. It wasn’t my event. I was at a strip club. They had invited us over, am I correct? We were there. I think one of our guys was making an appearance there...
“… Maybe Joe was high or something. He was saying shit about some of the strippers and I said to him on the air that it seems like you’re angry with women. You know, you were just kind of pissed off. He was hateful, you know. You can make the same statements about me about what I do for a living…
“… He was saying stuff to me about the women… He seemed angry and I said to him sometimes it seems like you’re angry with women. What was going on that night? I don’t think he wanted that out there or as he says he didn’t say it or maybe I misheard it…”
Gary would jump into the studio and add his own version of events. “I always thought it was about something I talked about on the radio. Maybe it is something different. I remember we went out one night… We walked into the strip club and Joe goes ‘These girls are all fucking, you know, God, they’re all fucking damaged. I fucking hate these chicks. I’m not even going to get a lap dance,’” Gary said.
Howard would continue and even for a moment, he would second guess himself. “I didn’t mean it as a whole intellectual… I thought Joe would say ‘Hey, Howard. Come on, man. I was tired...’ or you know we’d have some interesting conversation about it but Joe took it really personally and I understand that he did. Now in retrospect, maybe I’m looking at it and going...” but Gary wouldn’t let his boss show weakness. “I don’t know Howard. I think he’s overreacting.” Gary would continue, “We did a lot of good things for him. We had him on the show. You know, we helped him out a lot in a lot of ways. I think at one point I had a discussion with his manager and he’s like ‘You know, if Howard was a friend he would never had said it’ and I said ‘Well, if Joe was a friend, he would have asked about it and discussed it instead of just never talking about it.’”
Howard would end the segment questioning Rogan’s version of events with his own evidence. “According to our show log, it shows that Gary was the one who said Joe called the girls whores. I had also heard Joe saying some stuff and I said to Joe ‘Joe, sometimes it seems like you were angry that night with women’ and I wanted him to talk about it on the air but I guess it was a road he didn’t want to go down.”
The day in question is February 7, 2002. The Stern Show is broadcasting from the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas on delay. Joe Rogan was the first guest on their opening day. Howard got into a discussion about the previous night.
[AUDIO]

Howard: … then we went over to Club Paradise, the strip club. Then I figured I'd just walk in there and not know anyone. Everyone was there from the show.
Artie: Well I had a big appearance there.
Howard: Yeah, Artie had an appearance there and Stuttering John has one there tonight, but Joe Rogan, you try to act like you’re above the strip club.
Joe Rogan: No. What are you talking about? How am I trying to act like I'm above it?
Howard: You’re always like, ‘Ah, these girls [mumbles incoherently]’
Joe Rogan: What? They’re hot. What are you talking about?
Howard: Yeah.
Joe Rogan: No such thing.
Howard: Alright, I thought… then I just see you sitting there.
Joe Rogan: What are you talking about? You’re making this up.
Gary: Joe uses the word whore about 20 times an hour.
Howard: Yeah, he says ‘these whores’, this, that, and the other.
Joe Rogan: I don’t say it like that. I don’t say it that way. I say it in an affectionate way.
Howard: I think you’re angry with women.
Robin: Well, he does that whole routine about the girls who are angry because he’s using a dollar to get them to take off their clothes.
Howard: That is a good routine…
Stuttering John: …When we were at the pool Howard, you know, Joe looks at me and he goes ‘Look, these are lower shelf hookers here tonight’.
Joe Rogan: That was the first crew.
Howard: They were lovely ladies.
Joe Rogan: Oh, stop Howard. That first crew was rough. Mr. Miyagi with the fake boobs.
Howard: You think because a girl takes her clothes off and dances that she’s a whore?
Joe Rogan: No, not all of them.
Stuttering John: Bottom shelf whores is what he said. That’s what it was.
Joe Rogan: The first crew…
Club Paradise Stripper: Look at you, you Fear Factor guy. You’re just paranoid with women.
Joe Rogan: You’re hot. You girls are hot. I’m not talking about you.
Club Paradise Stripper: Look at you. You were so mean yesterday. You were mean.
Joe Rogan: Mean to who? How was I mean? To you?

The moment ended up being rather uneventful. In fact, this wouldn’t be Joe’s last appearance on the show. He would stop by the studio several more times, most notably on September 22, 2003. Joe is in the studio to promote Fear Factor, The Man Show, and UFC. In what may or may not be a coincidence, there is a woman in the green room waiting to play Stump the Booey who just so happens to have slept with Joe Rogan.
Gary would burst into he studio while Joe was on the couch. “You know, there’s something really weird. We have these girls that are coming on next segment. They’re playing Stump the Booey against me. They’re twins. One of the girls heard Joe on and she’s like ‘ Oh, I have a story about Joe.’”
Her name was Crystal. [AUDIO] “He was my first one night stand,” she said. Joe would vaguely remember the two hooking up many years ago. What she said next would nearly have Joe’s eyes popping out of his head. “… After that wonderful one night stand, I got pregnant,” she announced to millions of radio listeners. Joe was in a state of shock as it was the first time he was hearing the news. “How old is your son or daughter?” Howard asked. “I never kept it,” she replied. The news would send Joe into frenzy, as if Maury Povich himself had opened up an envelope with the DNA results. “Thank you, Jesus!” Rogan screamed. Howard asked Joe if he was nervous that she was going to bring the kid in. “Well, it was a little creepy right there for a moment,” he replied.
Crystal would then go on to talk about her decision to have an abortion. Joe would interrupt. “I’m so nervous right now. My heart is skipping.” Howard asks “What scares you most about that? The fact that you have a kid, that you have to pay… what would scare you the most? Joe didn’t hesitate. “It’s that I would be connected to someone that I really don’t know for the rest of my life and I’d have to deal with her every time I wanted to see the kid, if I wanted to see the kid.” He then admitted it wasn’t even his first abortion predicament. “The other time was when I was 23. It was a girl I was dating”
Fast forwarding to 2004, we find what might have been Joe’s last straw with the show. While previously citing show logs during that 2009 discussion, Howard would make the claim he never made the “Get away, whores” comment. Instead, he would place the blame on Gary. However, a discussion that took place on September 22, 2004 would prove that statement to be false. Comedienne Bonnie McFarlane had stopped by the show and sat in for the news. She was once a writer for The Man Show when it was hosted by Rogan and Doug Stanhope. [AUDIO] While discussing Rogan, Howard would go on to say, “Joe hates women… Joe’s weird. I’ve gone to strip clubs with him and he’s like ‘get away from me, whore.’” Robin would continue the onslaught. “… Even when we were in Vegas together and there were stripper dancers, he was yelling all kinds of horrible things. I was like ‘these women aren’t doing anything to you. Why are you screaming at them?’” They would continue with allegations of Joe yelling at the Juggies, a nickname given to the Man Show dancers. Bonnie would go on to say Joe was the biggest supporter of the Juggies, often yelling at the director for his treatment of the females. However, he would usually follow that up with yelling of his own.
Around 2007, a topic on the incident would appear on the mma.tv message boards. Rogan himself would reply to the allegations. It would be the most detailed version of events during this whole controversy.
“… my problem with Howard's version of the story is that it's complete horseshit. I never said ‘get away whores’ to anyone. We were at a party that they were throwing for the show, and there were a lot of pretty strippers, but there were also a lot of unattractive, aggressive ones that were trying to get guys to buy lapdances. Howard, and some of the other guys were getting them, and I didn't want one. The girls were pushy, and all I kept saying is ‘no thanks.’ Somehow, that got turned into ‘get away, whores’ when he got on the radio.
“Howard likes drama, real or created. It makes for good radio. That's all well and good, but I choose not to be put on the defensive for something that I never did. Also, I've got a real pet peeve with the whole ‘you hate women’ tag. It's a weak line that people will throw around to try to define someone, often if they don't like or have a problem with dumb or obnoxious chicks. If you have a problem with dumb dudes, no one ever says that ‘you hate men,’ but you get in one argument with a pushy cunt and that's the cop out they'll always try to use. It's like a lazy black guy that gets reprimanded at work for doing a shitty job, and he cries that the reason he's getting in trouble is because the boss doesn't like black people.
“When you've got a guy that you respect and admire, and you've done his show a bunch of times you think that you're friends. Then, when that guy turns on you and talks shit about you, especially shit that's not true, it's a gross feeling. I'm a loyal friend, and that shit means a lot to me.
“If I had a friend outside of show business and he gave a distorted account of me like that, I would stop hanging around with him, and I wouldn't trust him anymore. I treat my friends in show business the same way I treat my friends in real life.
“As for Howard, I have no ill feelings. I was always a huge fan of the show, and it was an honor to be on it. When I decided to avoid doing the show after this, I started doing Opie and Anthony, and I really enjoyed their show. Jim Norton is a buddy of mine from way back when we both were starting out as stand ups, and I really fucking love being on that show. Plus, I think Norton is the funniest guy on radio. I'll probably do Stern again sometime, I just thought that whole situation was really weak, and I didn't want to be a part of it...
“I still listen to Stern all the time, and I think it's a great show. I've always considered him to be the Johnny Carson of my era. In past eras it was HUGE to get on the tonight show with Johnny and have him ask you to sit on the couch. In my generation, it's Stern. He's the King for a reason. No hate, I just don't feel like being a part of the kind of shit I described….”
Joe would copy and paste his response on the Official Joe Rogan Forum along with a small update:
“ In reading the post back after flying across the Atlantic Ocean (on my way to UFC in Belfast) I had time to think about it, and I think there definitely could be a very convincing argument that I had sand in my vagina when I made it, but I did make it, so i left it up.
“I'm certainly not trying to get in some sort of a battle with a guy that's helped me out, and a guy that I respect very much….”
Joe Rogan would go on to be very complimentary of Stern in the following years. Even when Howard would go on to attack close friend Ari Shaffir about the legitimacy of podcasts, Rogan would continue to show his appreciation for the self appointed King of All Media.
Vinny Favale would continue to take shots at Rogan after his show absence. In a conversation that would take place on March 9, 2005, Gary would question Vinny’s expertise on everything network TV. “I was watching Fear Factor in syndication yesterday on UPN and you told Joe Rogan that show was done, it had a few months left, and it was over”. Vinny, notorious for being the ultimate company man responded, “That show is not a hit though… Where is Joe Rogan? You don’t see him anywhere”.
Rogan would go on to be on of the most listened to voices in the world with the Joe Rogan Experience podcast. Vinny Favale would later be pushed out of CBS after allegations of misconduct, which included talking to fellow employees about his erections. New Late Show host Stephen Colbert would distance himself from the creator of the infamous Debbie tapes. “He [Favale] basically came with the building when I got this show...”

If you've enjoyed this, I've also written other original behind the scene rundowns of moments in show history:

The Story of Double A: From Grand Jury Indictment to Stern Show Outcast.

The Story Of Robin's Intern and the SiriusXM Class Action Lawsuit: "I Was Injured Getting Howard His Fruit Salad..."

The Story of Howard vs. CBS: Complete Breakdown of the 2006 Lawsuit.

The Story of Steve Langford: Kicked Out Before He Could Leave

The Story of Teddy "Microphone": How an eBay auction led to his Stern Show exit.

The Story Behind Howard playing the Scarecrow in Batman 5.

Story of Sussy: The HowardTV member who left the show to ride a bike and eventually start his own farming business.

"Jane": A breakdown of Howard's 1997 sophomore movie that never was, starring Melanie Griffith.

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