NEW INFO 5 Results from share redemption are posted. Less than .2% redeemed. Very bullish as investors are showing extreme confidence in the future of PLBY.
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/playboy-mountain-crest-acquisition-corp-120000721.html
NEW INFO 4 Definitive Agreement to purchase 100% of Lovers brand stores announced 2/1.
https://www.streetinsider.com/Corporate+News/Playboy+%28MCAC%29+Confirms+Deal+to+Acquire+Lovers/17892359.html
NEW INFO 3 I bought more on the dip today. 5081 total. Price rose AH to $12.38 (2.15%)
NEW INFO 2 Here is the full webinar.
https://icrinc.zoom.us/rec/play/9GWKdmOYumjWfZuufW3QXpe_FW_g--qeNbg6PnTjTMbnNTgLmCbWjeRFpQga1iPc-elpGap8dnDv8Zww.yD7DjUwuPmapeEdP?continueMode=true&tk=lEYc4F_FkKlgsmCIs6w0gtGHT2kbgVGbUju3cIRBSjk.DQIAAAAV8NK49xZWdldRM2xNSFNQcTBmcE00UzM3bXh3AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA&uuid=WN_GKWqbHkeSyuWetJmLFkj4g&_x_zm_rtaid=kR45-uuqRE-L65AxLjpbQw.1611967079119.2c054e3d3f8d8e63339273d9175939ed&_x_zm_rhtaid=866
NEW INFO 1 Live merger webinar with PLBY and MCAC on Friday January 29, 2021 at 12:00 NOON EST link below
https://mcacquisition.com/investor-relations/press-release-details/2021/Playboy-Enterprises-Inc.-and-Mountain-Crest-Acquisition-Corp-Participate-in-SPACInsider-ICR-Webinar-on-January-29th-at-12pm-ET/default.aspx
Playboy going public: Porn, Gambling, and Cannabis
!!!WARNING READING AHEAD!!! TL;DR at the end. It will take some time to sort through all the links and read/watch everything, but you should.
In the next couple weeks, Mountain Crest Acquisition Corp is taking Playboy public. The existing ticker MCAC will become PLBY. Special purpose acquisition companies have taken private companies public in recent months with great success. I believe this will be no exception. Notably, Playboy is profitable and has skyrocketing revenue going into a transformational growth phase.
Porn - First and foremost, let's talk about porn. I know what you guys are thinking. “Porno mags are dead. Why would I want to invest in something like that? I can get porn for free online.” Guess what? You are absolutely right. And that’s exactly why Playboy doesn’t do that anymore. That’s right, they eliminated their print division. And yet they somehow STILL make money from porn that people (see: boomers) pay for on their website through PlayboyTV, Playboy Plus, and iPlayboy. Here’s the thing: Playboy has international, multi-generational name recognition from porn. They have content available in 180 countries. It will be the only publicly traded adult entertainment (porn) company. But that is not where this company is going. It will help support them along the way. You can see every Playboy magazine through iPlayboy if you’re interested. NSFW links below:
https://www.playboy.com/
https://www.playboytv.com/
https://www.playboyplus.com/
https://www.iplayboy.com/
Gambling - Some of you might recognize the Playboy brand from gambling trips to places like Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Cancun, London or Macau. They’ve been in the gambling biz for decades through their casinos, clubs, and licensed gaming products. They see the writing on the wall. COVID is accelerating the transition to digital, application based GAMBLING. That’s right. What we are doing on Robinhood with risky options is gambling, and the only reason regulators might give a shit anymore is because we are making too much money. There may be some restrictions put in place, but gambling from your phone on your couch is not going anywhere. More and more states are allowing things like Draftkings, poker, state ‘lottery” apps, hell - even political betting. Michigan and Virginia just ok’d gambling apps. They won’t be the last. This is all from your couch and any 18 year old with a cracked iphone can access it. Wouldn’t it be cool if Playboy was going to do something like that? They’re already working on it. As per CEO Ben Kohn who we will get to later, “...the company’s casino-style digital gaming products with Scientific Games and Microgaming continue to see significant global growth.” Honestly, I stopped researching Scientific Games' sports betting segment when I saw the word ‘omni-channel’. That told me all I needed to know about it’s success.
“Our SG Sports™ platform is an enhanced, omni-channel solution for online, self-service and retail fixed odds sports betting – from soccer to tennis, basketball, football, baseball, hockey, motor sports, racing and more.”
https://www.scientificgames.com/
https://www.microgaming.co.uk/
“This latter segment has become increasingly enticing for Playboy, and it said last week that it is considering new tie-ups that could include gaming operators like PointsBet and 888Holdings.”
https://calvinayre.com/2020/10/05/business/playboys-gaming-ops-could-get-a-boost-from-spac-purchase/
As per their SEC filing:
“Significant consumer engagement and spend with Playboy-branded gaming properties around the world, including with leading partners such as Microgaming, Scientific Games, and Caesar’s Entertainment, steers our investment in digital gaming, sports betting and other digital offerings to further support our commercial strategy to expand consumer spend with minimal marginal cost, and gain consumer data to inform go-to-market plans across categories.”
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tMDAA1
They are expanding into more areas of gaming/gambling, working with international players in the digital gaming/gambling arena, and a Playboy sportsbook is on the horizon.
https://www.playboy.com/read/the-pleasure-of-playing-with-yourself-mobile-gaming-in-the-covid-era
Cannabis - If you’ve ever read through a Playboy magazine, you know they’ve had a positive relationship with cannabis for many years. As of September 2020, Playboy has made a major shift into the cannabis space. Too good to be true you say? Check their website. Playboy currently sells a range of CBD products. This is a good sign. Federal hemp products, which these most likely are, can be mailed across state lines and most importantly for a company like Playboy, can operate through a traditional banking institution. CBD products are usually the first step towards the cannabis space for large companies. Playboy didn’t make these products themselves meaning they are working with a processor in the cannabis industry. Another good sign for future expansion. What else do they have for sale? Pipes, grinders, ashtrays, rolling trays, joint holders. Hmm. Ok. So it looks like they want to sell some shit. They probably don’t have an active interest in cannabis right? Think again:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/javierhasse/2020/09/24/playboy-gets-serious-about-cannabis-law-reform-advocacy-with-new-partnership-grants/?sh=62f044a65cea
“Taking yet another step into the cannabis space, Playboy will be announcing later on Thursday (September, 2020) that it is launching a cannabis law reform and advocacy campaign in partnership with National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML), Last Prisoner Project, Marijuana Policy Project, the Veterans Cannabis Project, and the Eaze Momentum Program.”
“According to information procured exclusively, the three-pronged campaign will focus on calling for federal legalization. The program also includes the creation of a mentorship plan, through which the Playboy Foundation will support entrepreneurs from groups that are underrepresented in the industry.” Remember that CEO Kohn from earlier? He wrote this recently:
https://medium.com/naked-open-letters-from-playboy/congress-must-pass-the-more-act-c867c35239ae
Seems like he really wants weed to be legal? Hmm wonder why? The writing's on the wall my friends. Playboy wants into the cannabis industry, they are making steps towards this end, and we have favorable conditions for legislative progress.
Don’t think branding your own cannabis line is profitable or worthwhile? Tell me why these 41 celebrity millionaires and billionaires are dummies. I’ll wait.
https://www.celebstoner.com/news/celebstoner-news/2019/07/12/top-celebrity-cannabis-brands/
Confirmation: I hear you. “This all seems pretty speculative. It would be wildly profitable if they pull this shift off. But how do we really know?” Watch this whole video:
https://finance.yahoo.com/video/playboy-ceo-telling-story-female-154907068.html
Man - this interview just gets my juices flowing. And highlights one of my favorite reasons for this play. They have so many different business avenues from which a catalyst could appear. I think paying attention, holding shares, and options on these staggered announcements over the next year is the way I am going to go about it. "There's definitely been a shift to direct-to-consumer," he (Kohn) said. "About 50 percent of our revenue today is direct-to-consumer, and that will continue to grow going forward.” “Kohn touted Playboy's portfolio of both digital and consumer products, with casino-style gaming, in particular, serving a crucial role under the company's new business model. Playboy also has its sights on the emerging cannabis market, from CBD products to marijuana products geared toward sexual health and pleasure.” "If THC does become legal in the United States, we have developed certain strains to enhance your sex life that we will launch," Kohn said. https://cheddar.com/media/playboy-goes-public-health-gaming-lifestyle-focus Oh? The CEO actually said it? Ok then. “We have developed certain strains…” They’re already working with growers on strains and genetics? Ok. There are several legal cannabis markets for those products right now, international and stateside. I expect Playboy licensed hemp and THC pre-rolls by EOY. Something like this: https://www.etsy.com/listing/842996758/10-playboy-pre-roll-tubes-limited?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pre+roll+playboy&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1 Maintaining cannabis operations can be costly and a regulatory headache. Playboy’s licensing strategy allows them to pick successful, established partners and sidestep traditional barriers to entry. You know what I like about these new markets? They’re expanding. Worldwide. And they are going to be a bigger deal than they already are with or without Playboy. Who thinks weed and gambling are going away? Too many people like that stuff. These are easy markets. And Playboy is early enough to carve out their spot in each. Fuck it, read this too: https://www.forbes.com/sites/jimosman/2020/10/20/playboy-could-be-the-king-of-spacs-here-are-three-picks/?sh=2e13dcaa3e05
Numbers: You want numbers? I got numbers. As per the company’s most recent SEC filing:
“For the year ended December 31, 2019, and the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s historical consolidated revenue was $78.1 million and $101.3 million, respectively, historical consolidated net income (loss) was $(23.6) million and $(4.8) million, respectively, and Adjusted EBITDA was $13.1 million and $21.8 million, respectively.”
“In the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Licensing segment contributed $44.2 million in revenue and $31.1 million in net income.”
“In the ninth months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Direct-to-Consumer segment contributed $40.2 million in revenue and net income of $0.1 million.”
“In the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Digital Subscriptions and Content segment contributed $15.4 million in revenue and net income of $7.4 million.”
They are profitable across all three of their current business segments.
“Playboy’s return to the public markets presents a transformed, streamlined and high-growth business. The Company has over $400 million in cash flows contracted through 2029, sexual wellness products available for sale online and in over 10,000 major retail stores in the US, and a growing variety of clothing and branded lifestyle and digital gaming products.”
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tSHCF
Growth: Playboy has massive growth in China and massive growth potential in India. “In China, where Playboy has spent more than 25 years building its business, our licensees have an enormous footprint of nearly 2,500 brick and mortar stores and 1,000 ecommerce stores selling high quality, Playboy-branded men’s casual wear, shoes/footwear, sleepwear, swimwear, formal suits, leather & non-leather goods, sweaters, active wear, and accessories. We have achieved significant growth in China licensing revenues over the past several years in partnership with strong licensees and high-quality manufacturers, and we are planning for increased growth through updates to our men’s fashion lines and expansion into adjacent categories in men’s skincare and grooming, sexual wellness, and women’s fashion, a category where recent launches have been well received.” The men’s market in China is about the same size as the entire population of the United States and European Union combined. Playboy is a leading brand in this market. They are expanding into the women’s market too. Did you know CBD toothpaste is huge in China? China loves CBD products and has hemp fields that dwarf those in the US. If Playboy expands their CBD line China it will be huge. Did you know the gambling money in Macau absolutely puts Las Vegas to shame? Technically, it's illegal on the mainland, but in reality, there is a lot of gambling going on in China. https://www.forbes.com/sites/javierhasse/2020/10/19/magic-johnson-and-uncle-buds-cbd-brand-enter-china-via-tmall-partnership/?sh=271776ca411e “In India, Playboy today has a presence through select apparel licensees and hospitality establishments. Consumer research suggests significant growth opportunities in the territory with Playboy’s brand and categories of focus.” “Playboy Enterprises has announced the expansion of its global consumer products business into India as part of a partnership with Jay Jay Iconic Brands, a leading fashion and lifestyle Company in India.” “The Indian market today is dominated by consumers under the age of 35, who represent more than 65 percent of the country’s total population and are driving India’s significant online shopping growth. The Playboy brand’s core values of playfulness and exploration resonate strongly with the expressed desires of today’s younger millennial consumers. For us, Playboy was the perfect fit.” “The Playboy international portfolio has been flourishing for more than 25 years in several South Asian markets such as China and Japan. In particular, it has strategically targeted the millennial and gen-Z audiences across categories such as apparel, footwear, home textiles, eyewear and watches.” https://www.licenseglobal.com/industry-news/playboy-expands-global-footprint-india It looks like they gave COVID the heisman in terms of net damage sustained: “Although Playboy has not suffered any material adverse consequences to date from the COVID-19 pandemic, the business has been impacted both negatively and positively. The remote working and stay-at-home orders resulted in the closure of the London Playboy Club and retail stores of Playboy’s licensees, decreasing licensing revenues in the second quarter, as well as causing supply chain disruption and less efficient product development thereby slowing the launch of new products. However, these negative impacts were offset by an increase in Yandy’s direct-to-consumer sales, which have benefited in part from overall increases in online retail sales so far during the pandemic.” Looks like the positives are long term (Yandy acquisition) and the negatives are temporary (stay-at-home orders).
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921006093/tm213766-1_defa14a.htm
This speaks to their ability to maintain a financially solvent company throughout the transition phase to the aforementioned areas. They’d say some fancy shit like “expanded business model to encompass four key revenue streams: Sexual Wellness, Style & Apparel, Gaming & Lifestyle, and Beauty & Grooming.” I hear “we’re just biding our time with these trinkets until those dollar dollar bill y’all markets are fully up and running.” But the truth is these existing revenue streams are profitable, scalable, and rapidly expanding Playboy’s e-commerce segment around the world.
"Even in the face of COVID this year, we've been able to grow EBITDA over 100 percent and revenue over 68 percent, and I expect that to accelerate going into 2021," he said. “Playboy is accelerating its growth in company-owned and branded consumer products in attractive and expanding markets in which it has a proven history of brand affinity and consumer spend.”
Also in the SEC filing, the Time Frame:
“As we detailed in the definitive proxy statement, the SPAC stockholder meeting to vote on the transaction has been set for February 9th, and, subject to stockholder approval and satisfaction of the other closing conditions, we expect to complete the merger and begin trading on NASDAQ under ticker PLBY shortly thereafter,” concluded Kohn.
The Players: Suhail “The Whale” Rizvi (HMFIC), Ben “The Bridge” Kohn (CEO), “lil” Suying Liu & “Big” Dong Liu (Young-gun China gang). I encourage you to look these folks up. The real OG here is Suhail Rizvi. He’s from India originally and Chairman of the Board for the new PLBY company. He was an early investor in Twitter, Square, Facebook and others. His firm, Rizvi Traverse, currently invests in Instacart, Pinterest, Snapchat, Playboy, and SpaceX. Maybe you’ve heard of them. “Rizvi, who owns a sprawling three-home compound in Greenwich, Connecticut, and a 1.65-acre estate in Palm Beach, Florida, near Bill Gates and Michael Bloomberg, moved to Iowa Falls when he was five. His father was a professor of psychology at Iowa. Along with his older brother Ashraf, a hedge fund manager, Rizvi graduated from Wharton business school.” “Suhail Rizvi: the 47-year-old 'unsocial' social media baron: When Twitter goes public in the coming weeks (2013), one of the biggest winners will be a 47-year-old financier who guards his secrecy so zealously that he employs a person to take down his Wikipedia entry and scrub his photos from the internet. In IPO, Twitter seeks to be 'anti-FB'” “Prince Alwaleed bin Talal of Saudi Arabia looks like a big Twitter winner. So do the moneyed clients of Jamie Dimon. But as you’ve-got-to-be-joking wealth washed over Twitter on Thursday — a company that didn’t exist eight years ago was worth $31.7 billion after its first day on the stock market — the non-boldface name of the moment is Suhail R. Rizvi. Mr. Rizvi, 47, runs a private investment company that is the largest outside investor in Twitter with a 15.6 percent stake worth $3.8 billion at the end of trading on Thursday (November, 2013). Using a web of connections in the tech industry and in finance, as well as a hearty dose of good timing, he brought many prominent names in at the ground floor, including the Saudi prince and some of JPMorgan’s wealthiest clients.” https://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/08/technology/at-twitter-working-behind-the-scenes-toward-a-billion-dollar-payday.html Y’all like that Arab money? How about a dude that can call up Saudi Princes and convince them to spend? Funniest shit about I read about him: “Rizvi was able to buy only $100 million in Facebook shortly before its IPO, thus limiting his returns, according to people with knowledge of the matter.” Poor guy :(
He should be fine with the 16 million PLBY shares he's going to have though :)
Shuhail also has experience in the entertainment industry. He’s invested in companies like SESAC, ICM, and Summit Entertainment. He’s got Hollywood connections to blast this stuff post-merger. And he’s at least partially responsible for that whole Twilight thing. I’m team Edward btw.
I really like what Suhail has done so far. He’s lurked in the shadows while Kohn is consolidating the company, trimming the fat, making Playboy profitable, and aiming the ship at modern growing markets.
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-twitter-ipo-rizvi-insight/insight-little-known-hollywood-investor-poised-to-score-with-twitter-ipo-idUSBRE9920VW20131003
Ben “The Bridge” Kohn is an interesting guy. He’s the connection between Rizvi Traverse and Playboy. He’s both CEO of Playboy and was previously Managing Partner at Rizvi Traverse. Ben seems to be the voice of the Playboy-Rizvi partnership, which makes sense with Suhail’s privacy concerns. Kohn said this:
“Today is a very big day for all of us at Playboy and for all our partners globally. I stepped into the CEO role at Playboy in 2017 because I saw the biggest opportunity of my career. Playboy is a brand and platform that could not be replicated today. It has massive global reach, with more than $3B of global consumer spend and products sold in over 180 countries. Our mission – to create a culture where all people can pursue pleasure – is rooted in our 67-year history and creates a clear focus for our business and role we play in people’s lives, providing them with the products, services and experiences that create a lifestyle of pleasure. We are taking this step into the public markets because the committed capital will enable us to accelerate our product development and go-to-market strategies and to more rapidly build our direct to consumer capabilities,” said Ben Kohn, CEO of Playboy.
“Playboy today is a highly profitable commerce business with a total addressable market projected in the trillions of dollars,” Mr. Kohn continued, “We are actively selling into the Sexual Wellness consumer category, projected to be approximately $400 billion in size by 2024, where our recently launched intimacy products have rolled out to more than 10,000 stores at major US retailers in the United States. Combined with our owned & operated ecommerce Sexual Wellness initiatives, the category will contribute more than 40% of our revenue this year. In our Apparel and Beauty categories, our collaborations with high-end fashion brands including Missguided and PacSun are projected to achieve over $50M in retail sales across the US and UK this year, our leading men’s apparel lines in China expanded to nearly 2500 brick and mortar stores and almost 1000 digital stores, and our new men’s and women’s fragrance line recently launched in Europe. In Gaming, our casino-style digital gaming products with Scientific Games and Microgaming continue to see significant global growth. Our product strategy is informed by years of consumer data as we actively expand from a purely licensing model into owning and operating key high-growth product lines focused on driving profitability and consumer lifetime value. We are thrilled about the future of Playboy. Our foundation has been set to drive further growth and margin, and with the committed capital from this transaction and our more than $180M in NOLs, we will take advantage of the opportunity in front of us, building to our goal of $100M of adjusted EBITDA in 2025.”
https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20201001005404/en/Playboy-to-Become-a-Public-Company
Also, according to their Form 4s, “Big” Dong Liu and “lil” Suying Liu just loaded up with shares last week. These guys are brothers and seem like the Chinese market connection. They are only 32 & 35 years old. I don’t even know what that means, but it's provocative.
https://www.secform4.com/insider-trading/1832415.htm
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/mountain-crest-acquisition-corp-ii-002600994.html
Y’all like that China money?
“Mr. Liu has been the Chief Financial Officer of Dongguan Zhishang Photoelectric Technology Co., Ltd., a regional designer, manufacturer and distributor of LED lights serving commercial customers throughout Southern China since November 2016, at which time he led a syndicate of investments into the firm. Mr. Liu has since overseen the financials of Dongguan Zhishang as well as provided strategic guidance to its board of directors, advising on operational efficiency and cash flow performance. From March 2010 to October 2016, Mr. Liu was the Head of Finance at Feidiao Electrical Group Co., Ltd., a leading Chinese manufacturer of electrical outlets headquartered in Shanghai and with businesses in the greater China region as well as Europe.”
Dr. Suying Liu, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Mountain Crest Acquisition Corp., commented, “Playboy is a unique and compelling investment opportunity, with one of the world’s largest and most recognized brands, its proven consumer affinity and spend, and its enormous future growth potential in its four product segments and new and existing geographic regions. I am thrilled to be partnering with Ben and his exceptional team to bring his vision to fruition.”
https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20201001005404/en/Playboy-to-Become-a-Public-Company
These guys are good. They have a proven track record of success across multiple industries. Connections and money run deep with all of these guys. I don’t think they’re in the game to lose.
I was going to write a couple more paragraphs about why you should have a look at this but really the best thing you can do is read this SEC filing from a couple days ago. It explains the situation in far better detail. Specifically, look to page 137 and read through their strategy. Also, look at their ownership percentages and compensation plans including the stock options and their prices. The financials look great, revenue is up 90% Q3, and it looks like a bright future.
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tSHCF
I’m hesitant to attach this because his position seems short term, but I’m going to with a warning because he does hit on some good points (two are below his link) and he’s got a sizable position in this thing (500k+ on margin, I think). I don’t know this guy but he did look at the same publicly available info and make roughly the same prediction, albeit without the in depth gambling or cannabis mention. You can also search reddit for ‘MCAC’ and very few relevant results come up and none of them even come close to really looking at this thing.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gOvAd6lebs452hFlWWbxVjQ3VMsjGBkbJeXRwDwIJfM/edit?usp=sharing
“Also, before you people start making claims that Playboy is a “boomer” company, STOP RIGHT THERE. This is not a good argument. Simply put. The only thing that matters is Playboy’s name recognition, not their archaic business model which doesn’t even exist anymore as they have completely repurposed their business.”
“Imagine not buying $MCAC at a 400M valuation lol. Streetwear department is worth 1B alone imo.”
Considering the ridiculous Chinese growth as a lifestyle brand, he’s not wrong.
Current Cultural Significance and Meme Value: A year ago I wouldn’t have included this section but the events from the last several weeks (even going back to tsla) have proven that a company’s ability to meme and/or gain social network popularity can have an effect. Tik-tok, Snapchat, Twitch, Reddit, Youtube, Facebook, Twitter. They all have Playboy stuff on them. Kids in middle and highschool know what Playboy is but will likely never see or touch one of the magazines in person. They’ll have a Playboy hoodie though. Crazy huh? A lot like GME, PLBY would hugely benefit from meme-value stock interest to drive engagement towards their new business model while also building strategic coffers. This interest may not directly and/or significantly move the stock price but can generate significant interest from larger players who will.
Bull Case: The year is 2025. Playboy is now the world leader pleasure brand. They began by offering Playboy licensed gaming products, including gambling products, direct to consumers through existing names. By 2022, demand has skyrocketed and Playboy has designed and released their own gambling platforms. In 2025, they are also a leading cannabis brand in the United States and Canada with proprietary strains and products geared towards sexual wellness. Cannabis was legalized in the US in 2023 when President Biden got glaucoma but had success with cannabis treatment. He personally pushes for cannabis legalization as he steps out of office after his first term. Playboy has also grown their brand in China and India to multi-billion per year markets. The stock goes up from 11ish to 100ish and everyone makes big gains buying somewhere along the way.
Bear Case: The United States does a complete 180 on marijuana and gambling. President Biden overdoses on marijuana in the Lincoln bedroom when his FDs go tits up and he loses a ton of money in his sports book app after the Fighting Blue Hens narrowly lose the National Championship to Bama. Playboy is unable to expand their cannabis and gambling brands but still does well with their worldwide lifestyle brand. They gain and lose some interest in China and India but the markets are too large to ignore them completely. The stock goes up from 11ish to 13ish and everyone makes 15-20% gains.
TL;DR: Successful technology/e-commerce investment firm took over Playboy to turn it into a porn, online gambling/gaming, sports book, cannabis company, worldwide lifestyle brand that promotes sexual wellness, vetern access, women-ownership, minority-ownership, and “pleasure for all”. Does a successful online team reinventing an antiquated physical copy giant sound familiar? No options yet, shares only for now. $11.38 per share at time of writing. My guess? $20 by the end of February. $50 by EOY. This is not financial advice. I am not qualified to give financial advice. I’m just sayin’ I would personally use a Playboy sports book app while smoking a Playboy strain specific joint and it would be cool if they did that. Do your own research. You’d probably want to start here:
WARNING - POTENTIALLY NSFW - SEXY MODELS AHEAD - no actual nudity though
https://s26.q4cdn.com/895475556/files/doc_presentations/Playboy-Craig-Hallum-Conference-Investor-Presentation-11_17_20-compressed.pdf
Or here:
https://www.mcacquisition.com/investor-relations/default.aspx
Jimmy Chill: “Get into any SPAC at $10 or $11 and you are going to make money.”
STL;DR: Buy MCAC. MCAC > PLBY couple weeks. Rocketship. Moon.
Position: 5000 shares. I will buy short, medium, and long-dated calls once available.

Happpyyy Mondaayyy! It’s Coooolin ! How was everyone’s start to a brand new week!? It’s colddd outside where I live!! I still went for my daily walk in the woods, though!! Tell me about your day!?
Here’s the new cards, Thanks EA!
.... what do the stats on a card mean? Is my card I want / pulled good? Click here to find out!!
Touch the hidden text if you are new to one of these posts, it will help you.
click
....without further a due, here’s the new cards.

NHL 2030 - EVENT CARDS

TIM STÜTZLE - 90 OVR - OTT / C - SPA² ..... F ME I WANT THIS CARD
Samuel Girard - 89 OVR - COL / LD - SWA²
Carter Hart - 89 OVR - PHI / G - 6’2” / 180 lbs - BAR²
Pierre-Oliver Joseph - 88 OVR - PEN / LD - DIS²
Nicholas Robertson - 88 OVR - TOR / C - BAL²
Marco Rossi - 88 OVR - EVZ / C - H and S²
Peyton Krebs - 87 OVR - ICE / LW - SWA²
Eeli Tolvanen - 87 OVR - NAS / LW - SPA²
Liam Foudy - 86 OVR - CBJ / C - H and S²
Cal Foote - 86 OVR - TBL / RD - DIS²
Logan Stanley - 85 OVR - MOS / LD - BAR²
Jacob Ingham - 85 OVR - SWA / G - 6’4” / 190 lbs - SWA²

Primetimes

NHL

Oliver Ekman-Larsson - 90 OVR - ARI / LD - GLA¹ , WH¹
Mitchell Marner - 89 OVR - TOR / RW - T¹ , MAG¹
Gabriel Landeskog - 89 OVR - COL / LW - LTL¹ , WM¹
Brady Tkachuk - 88 OVR - OTT / LW - SH¹ , HOW¹ ... BRAADDYY TKACHUUKK
Travis Konecny - 87 OVR - PHI / RW - GLA¹ , WH¹
Matt Dumba - 87 OVR - MIN / RD - PP¹ , SH¹
Keith Yandle - 87 OVR - FLA / LD - HOW¹ , WM¹
Yegor Sharangovich - 86 OVR - NJD / C - LTL¹ , SPE¹
Dylan Larkin - 86 OVR - DET / C - T¹ , WH¹ .... everyone will want you?
Pavel Buchnevich - 84 OVR - NYR / RW - GLA¹ , SPE¹
Jacob Markstrom - 84 OVR - CGY / G - 6’6” / 196 lbs - BAR¹ , SPA¹
Vtek Vanecek - 78 OVR - WAS / G - 6’1” / 181 lbs - BAL¹ , DIS¹
• • • • • • • • • • - - - - - - - - - • • • • • • • • • • • •

Packs Available

23H / 46M
• Ultimate Choice Pack - 125k C / 2.5k P
Select a total of 15 Players over 5 rounds, at least 80 OVR or better.
80+ | 100% /// 83+ | 100% /// 86+ | 71.0%
1D 23H
• Jumbo Premium Players Pack - 45k C / 900 P
20 items , all Gold Players , at least 5 80+ OVR Players
• Primetime Pack - 27.5k C / 550 P
12 items, at least 5 Players with 1 guaranteed Primetime Player
• Premium Players Pack - 22.5k C / 450 P
10 items , all Gold Players , at least 2 80+ OVR Players

P.S.

• Haaaapppyyy Monday!
• HUT Champs Rewards are processing
• Celebrating Willie O’Ree !
• Stützle’s First NHL Goal! ... being a sens fan, sorry had to add this
• Today in Hockey History
• Feel free to check out u/wuster17 ‘s overview of the cards here
——————

What’s to Come?

• Rivals Resets - Tomorrow at 5pm EST
• SB Season Reset - Wednesday at 5pm EST
• Rivals Rewards - Wednesday at 5pm EST
• HUT Champ Rewards - Wednesday at 6am EST
• SB Rewards !! - Thursday at 5pm EST
—————

Summary of the day

Quick Read
Best Forward of the Day - 2030 - is TIMM STÜÜÜÜTZZLEE OVR 90 with the syn DOUUBLE SPAARKK!
Best Defence of the Day - 2030 - is SAAMUUEL GIRAARRD OVR *89 with the syn SWAAARRMM
/////
Best Forward of the Day - PT - is MIITCHELL MAARNERR OVR 89 with the syn TTHIIEFF and MAAGICIAANN
Best Defence of the Day - PT - is OOO—EEE-LLLL OVR 90 with the syn GLAADIATORR and WOORK HORSEEE
• HUT CHAMPS PROCESSING REWARDS.
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Important Notice

Don’t take everything so SERIOUSLY!!! You’re allowed to have fun!!!
This goes for life in general, and for HUT. Allow yourself to have fun!!! Do something you don’t think you’d ever do before, take that girl you really like on a date; if she says yes (whether it be a virtual date, or what not) , learn a new language, instrument, hobby / interest!!
The more you know about yourself, the more topics you can share with another person! The more you know about yourself, the more you know what you want in a significant other, or just a friend!!
Be bold, be outgoing, just have fun no matter what the circumstances / rules are!
We are all tired of all this COVID-19, and letting it control how we live... but don’t let it stop you from getting to know your true self, and doing fun things you love! (within the rules, and such).
Love you all,
Please take care, and stay safe.
————

Interested in Stocks?

EA’s Stock Price, after hours - Jan 18
$ 139.00 (usd) —- Currency Converter
we looked at the stock at $137.54 usd
—— That is a difference of ( $1.46 / 1.06% ) —
Disclaimer - I am not a financial advisor. It is your money, please do your own due diligence. I am not responsible for your money. This is *not** advice. I added this section for an added educational purposes only. Thanks*
—— —— —— —-

NEED A SOUNDTRACK TO LISTEN TO?

• I made this for everyone. I’ll update it whenever I feel like it, but its been often!

SUPER CLOSE TO 1,300 SONGS!! How are you not listening to this playlist already!?
Comment songs to add, and please give feedback! It’s much appreciated!!
I currently have “De Una Vez” by “Selena Gomez” stuck in my head.... which you can play, recently added to the playlist!
Sidenote - My friend makes music, and sadly he doesn’t get a ton of streams on his songs.... if you want to be get him one, or a few more, you can click Here!!
———-

Sites To Bookmark!

If you click here you will be redirected to bilasport. Bilasport is the best Online Streaming site for your entertainment needs for all sports! (Not affiliated)
A great streaming source recommended by NHLStreams is SurgeSport. Click on Hockey and you’ll be good to go!
Want to make your dream team, and show others what you’ve been working on, and much more? I will redirect you HERE!.
Here’s a helpful pack guide for you! Click!
Want to know how the market is holding up? With a simple TAP! you will be on the newly fresh made website for the HUT market, made by one of the guys on the sub!
——- —— —— —— —— —— —— —— —- —— —-

Fighting a Gambling Addiction?

Don’t feel scared to click here. Winning is SO much louder than losing. Know that you are NEVER alone. We are all here for eachother, and it is never too late to get help. I am here for you.
This is a VERY important thread, especially if you are new to HUT. Here!
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18 / 365
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Thanks for reading.
I’m always welcome to feedback, please let me know what I can improve on.
If there’s anything missing, please let me know!
Take care, happy gaming! TODAY IS MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY!!
• Coolin Killin It
(Life is like a puzzle, you just have to find the right piece.)

There's no feeling more intense than starting over.
If you've deleted your homework the day before it was due, as I have,
Or if you left your wallet at home and you have to go back, after spending an hour in the commute,
If you won some money at the casino and then put all your winnings on red, and it came up black,
If you got your best shirt dry-cleaned before a wedding and then immediately dropped food on it,
If you won an argument with a friend and then later discovered that they just returned to their original view,
Starting over is harder than starting up.
If you're not ready for that, like if you've already had a bad day
then what you're about to go through might be too much.
Feel free to go away and come back. I'll be here.
Alright, thanks for coming with me on this trip. I'll understand if you have to take a break at any point...
Just find a safe place to stop, and quit the game.
Don't worry, I'll save your progress, always. Even your mistakes.
This game is a homage to a free game that came out in 2002, titled 'Sexy Hiking'.
The author of that game was Jazzuo, a mysterious Czech designer who was known at the time as the father of B-games.
B-Games are rough assemblages of found objects.
Designers slap them together very quickly and freely, and they're often too rough and unfriendly to gain much of a following.
They're built more for the joy of building them than as polished products.
In a certain way Sexy Hiking is the perfect embodiment of a B-game.
It's built almost entirely out of found and recycled parts, and it's one of the most unusual and unfriendly games of its time.
In it, your task is to simply drag yourself up a mountain with a hammer.
The act of climbing, in the digital world or in real life, has certain essential properties that gives the game it's flavor.
No amount of forward progress is guaranteed; some cliffs are to sheer or too slippery.
And the player is constantly, unremittingly in danger of falling and losing everything.
Anyway when you start Sexy Hiking, you're standing next to a tree, which blocks the way to the entire rest of the game.
It might take you an hour to get over that tree. A lot of people never got past it. You prod and poke at it, exploring the limits of your reach and your strength, trying to find a way up and over.
There's a sense of truth in that lack of compromise.
Most obstacles in videogames are fake—you can be completely confident in your ability to get through them, once you have the correct method or the correct equipment, or just by spending enough time.
In that sense, every pixellated obstacle in Sexy Hiking is real.
The obstacles in Sexy Hiking are unyielding, and that makes the game uniquely frustrating.
But I'm not sure Jazzuo intended to make a frustrating game—the frustration is just essential to the act of climbing and it's authentic to the process of building a game about climbing.
A funny thing happened to me as I was building this mountain:
I'd have an idea for a new obstacle, and I'd build it, test it, and... it would usually turn out to be unreasonably hard. But I couldn't bring myself to make it easier.
It already felt like my inability to get past the new obstacle was my fault as a player, rather than as the builder.
Imaginary mountains build themselves from our efforts to climb them, and it's our repeated attempts to reach the summit that turns those mountains into something real.
When you're building a videogame world you're building with ideas,
And that can be like working with quick-set cement. You mold your ideas into a certain shape that can be played with,
and in the process of playing with them they begin to harden and set
until theyre immutable, like rock. At that point you can't change the world—not without breaking it into pieces and starting fresh with new ideas.
For years now people have been predicting that games would soon be made out of prefabricated objects, bought in a store and assembled into a world.
For the most part, that hasn't happened, because the objects in the stores are trash. I don't mean they look bad or that they're badly made,
although a lot of them are. I mean they're trash in the way that food becomes trash as soon as you put it in the sink.
Things are made to be consumed in a certain context, and once the moment is gone they transform into garbage. In the context of technology those moments pass by in seconds.
Over time we've poured more and more refuse into this vast digital landfill we call the internet. It now vastly outnumbers and outweighs the things that are fresh and untainted and unused.
When everything around us is cultural trash, trash becomes the new medium, the lingua franca of the digital age.
You can build culture out of trash, but only trash culture: B-games, B-movies, B-music, B-philosophy.
Maybe this is what this digital culture is.
A monstrous mountain of trash,
the ash-heap of creativity's fountain.
A landfill with everything we ever thought of in it
Grand, infinite, and unsorted.
There's 3D models of breakfast
gen-xers' fanfic novels
scanned magazines
green-screen Shia leBoeuf
banned snuff scenes on liveleak
facebook's got lifelike bots
with unbranded adverts,
and candid shots of kanye
and taylor swift mashups
car crash epic fail gifs
Russian dash cam vids
discussions of McRibs
discarded, forgotten, unrecycled
muddled, rotten, and untitled
Everything's fresh for about six seconds
until some newer thing beckons
and we hit refresh.
And there's years of persevering
Dissapearing into the pile
Out of style
Out of sight
In this context it's tempting to make friendly content...
That's gentle, that lets you churn through it but not earn it.
Why make something demanding, if
it just gets piled up in the landfill
Filed in with the bland things?
When games were new, they wanted a lot from you.
Daunting you, taunting you, resetting and delaying you.
Players played stoically. Now everyone's turned off by that.
They want to burn through it quickly, a quick fix for the fickle
Some tricks for the clicks of the feckless.
But that's not you, you're an acrobat
You could swallow a baseball bat.
Now I know, most likely you're watching on Youtube or Twitch
while some dude with 10 million views does it for you
Like a baby bird being fed chewed-up food.
That's culture too
But on the off-chance you're playing this, what I'm saying is:
Trash is disposable but maybe it doesn't have to be approachable
what's the feeling like? are you stressed
I guess you don't hate it if you got this far
feeling frustrated
it's underrated.
An orange is sweet juicy fruit
Locked inside a bitter peel
That's not how I feel about a challenge.
I only want the bitterness
Its coffee, its grapefruit, its licorice.
It feels like we're closer now
Composer and climber
Designer and user
You could have refused but you didn't
There was something in you that was hidden
That chose to continue
It means a lot to me
That you've come this far
Endured this much
Every wisecrack, every insensitivity
Every setback you've forgiven me
Is a kingly gift you've given me
We have the same taste, you and I
It's not ambition.
It's ambition's opposite.
An obdurate mission to taste defeat
You'll feel bad if you win
So I put this snake in for you
Have you thought about who you are in this
Are you the man in the pot, Diogenes?
Are you his hand?
Are you the top of the hammer
I think not—
Where you hand moves, the hammer may not follow
nor the man, nor the man's hand.
In this you are his WILL. His intent.
The embodied resolve in his uphill ascent.
Now you've conquered the ice cliff,
The platforms the church and rectory,
The living room and the factory,
The playground and the construction site,
The granite rocks and the lakeside.
You've learned to hike.
There's no way left to go but up
And in a moment I'll shut up, but let me say
I'm glad you came.
I dedicate this game to you, the one who came this far.
I give it to you with all my love.

OOC:
Below are all the published chapters of Sandman: Homecoming, for your convenience. Enjoy!
Chapter 1 - The Forgemaster's Assistant
Chapter 2 - The Shelf Cloud
Chapter 3 - The Birthday Present
Chapter 4 - The Old and the New
Chapter 5 - The Son of Phobetor
Chapter 6 - The Guilty and the Innocent
Chapter 7 - The Son of Phantasos
I felt bad leaving Camp without much an explanation to my friends, but it was like Brandon said. Sometimes people just leave Camp. I guess I understood what he meant now.
“Last stop, Manhattan station. Everybody out!”
I got off the bus, my now expired, expensive, one-way ticket shoved in the pocket of my signature jacket as I hopped down onto the concrete, muscling through some of the adults that had been on the trip into the city with me. My backpack, the one with the wings, was in my hand, and my Plate of Medusa was on over my shirt and jeans, but none of the passengers seemed to give me much of a glance. My dream-catcher key-chain was shoved into my pocket too. All that was left was-
“That’s one hell of a frisbee, son,” the attendant said, a short, round man with a dark combover style haircut. He wore glasses that made his eyes look larger than fishbowls. He’d been unpacking the bus for the passengers, and was now holding the shield that Jay had given to me, which I took and slung over my shoulder. He continued. “And you’re wearing a… bullet-proof vest, too?”
“Competitive frisbee is pretty hard,” I said simply.
“You’re damn right it’s hard,” he said, a smile now adorning his face. “Don’t let anyone tell you that’s not a sport to be proud of. Go get ‘em, son!”
“Thanks, have a nice day!” I waved at him, then I made my way through the terminal and into the greater city of Manhattan. I’d seen a bit of it from the bus window while riding over the bridge, but it was different up close. I’d been so used to the Greek and cozy architecture of Camp Half-Blood that I’d almost forgotten about the skyscrapers and city streets beyond the Camp’s forcefield border. They looked a lot different now then they did during the Cull, when streets were nearly flooded with blood.
I wondered just how many monsters lurked around the corner, waiting to eat me when I found myself alone. I shifted my dream-catcher key-chain out from my pocket and into my hand.
I got directions to The Henrietta and made my way across the city, crossing every corner thinking it would be my last. When nothing happened, and I made it to the lobby of the Henrietta, I found myself faced with a new concern. The lobby alone looked like something out of a King’s castle, with chandeliers made of more glittering jewels than I’d seen in my entire life. Rich people in fur coats came and went with bellboys following them like shadows, carrying loads of equipment I figured even the Heracles kids back at Camp would have had a hard time with. The adults, all dressed to the nines, gave me some pretty sour looks. No doubt I looked a bit shaggy, and I got the feeling that your average thirteen year old wasn’t even allowed in the lobby of a place like The Henrietta. Was I sure this was the place Albert had wanted me to meet him at?
I fished around for money in my pocket, pulling out a few crumpled twenty dollar bills and some drachma in change, coins I doubted would do me much in the way of favours at the front desk. The man there stared me down like I was a stray dog. He was tall and thin, with white hair kept perfectly clean and suave. He had a pencil thin mustache of the same colour, and a fed up expression. I imagined dealing with rich people all day didn’t make you very accommodating.
“Your business.” The thin man was talking to me, leaning over the pristine counter lined with gold and red velvet. “Are you here to sell... chocolates, perhaps? One of the local school donations?”
“Uh, no,” I said, wondering what he saw when he looked at me, carrying a shield on my back, and a linothorax over my clothes. “I’m… uh, well, I’m meeting a friend, here.”
“I highly doubt that,” the man said, rolling his eyes as he went back to his computer terminal. He didn’t seem in the mood for any further conversation. “Run along now, street rat. I’ll call security if you’ve forgotten where the exit is.”
“No, that’s fine,” I said. “I can make my way out.”
“Perfect. Leave please.”
“Right,” I said. I felt embarrassed. Clearly this wasn’t the right place. I turned to leave, but my suspicions were proven false by the figure that now stood in the threshold of the sliding glass doors of the Henrietta.
He was almost taller in person, I thought, but he was much more clean looking than the last time I’d seen him. Maybe he’d finally gotten some sleep, now that we had an agenda. Albert strode into the lobby wearing a plate set of celestial bronze. He was more shiny than the decorative furniture. His black hair was freshly styled short and clean, and his beard was trimmed down to stubble once again. His blue eyes were piercing azure in contrast to the dull orange glow of his armour. I wondered what all the mortals saw when they looked at him.
“I have a reservation,” he said calmly, giving me a wink as he walked towards the front desk. “I see my friend was trying to check in? It should be under Albert Ethans. The Observer’s Suite, top floor.”
“Ah, mister Ethans,” the thin man said, though he didn’t look apologetic in the slightest, simply looking quizzical as he sorted through some documents on his desk. “You’re the… Twitch… Streamer? Is that correct?”
“Yep,” Albert said. He looked like he was trying to stop himself from laughing.
“And you’re paying in… cash.”
“Yep.”
“Very well,” the thin man said, “you seem to have cleared this with my superiors over the phone.” The man turned from his computer and folded his hands, grinning wider than I’d seen most people capable of. “Your receipt should be in your bag, as is listed in your file.”
“Right, right,” Albert said, and he knelt down in front of the desk. Suddenly, seemingly from no source at all, grains of sand started to formulate and solidify, like a small sand structure of a duffle bag. Albert placed his hands on the sculpture, and suddenly it wasn’t one anymore, but instead a solid bag, a bag he then unzipped to show rolled wads of cash. It looked like something a bank robber might have. He smiled at me again, closed the bag, and as quickly as it had appeared, the bag simply crumpled into the ground like any sandcastle might under the slightest amount of pressure. In a few more seconds, the sand was gone entirely, and Albert had paid for our rooms with more cash than I’d seen in my entire life. I followed Albert to the elevator, watching as he pressed the top-most button and closed the doors behind us.
“What was that?” I asked, still thinking about the bag, “and… he didn’t even, like no one noticed?”
“Barry, come on,” Albert said. “I’m wearing a full set of armour, and no one noticed that either. Mortals see what they want to see. That little trick was no different.”
“Hell of a trick,” I said.
“It’s one you can learn,” Albert said with a smile, leaning against the wall of the elevator as it shot upwards to the suites of The Henrietta. “Once the Dreamscape trusts you, it can keep things for you. Have you ever noticed how you always have your stuff when you go to the Dreamscape? The connection works both ways.”
“Oh,” I said, as the golden doors of the elevator opened, and an equally exuberant hallway stretched out before us. I followed Albert, who seemed to know where he was going. I continued to speak. “Well, I’ll get practicing.”
“Sure, but another night.” Albert had stopped before a set of double doors and swiped a keycard he’d gotten from the thin man at the desk. A light at the base of the doors shifted from red to green. “Tonight we’re just gonna hang out. We catch our train tomorrow.”
~
It turns out that you can do a decent amount of hanging out in a luxury hotel suite, especially when you’ve got nothing to do until tomorrow morning.
Camp Half-Blood had easily been the best place I’d ever lived, but even inside its magical borders there were amenities it couldn’t afford. The Henrietta, on the other hand, had anything a thirteen year old boy could ever want. Our room had a hot tub, a crazy big TV with endless cartoons, game systems, room service - which I tried for the first time - and brochures for free fast food. It was a paradise.
“There’s a place like this in Vegas,” Albert said, taking a slice of pizza and folding it in half as he took a giant bite. “The Lotus Casino, I think it’s called. Just remember that name if you ever take a trip there.”
“Awesome,” I said, my thumbs fumbling over the controller as I tried to play Super Smash Bros, a game I’d played with Brandon on occasion. I was getting in a lot of practice tonight, but I was still pretty terrible. “I’ll look it up.”
“Well, no,” Albert said with a chuckle, “I mean you should try and avoid it. Monsters own the place. They use it for luring demigods and trapping them with luxuries. Time works differently there, so you could be trapped for years without even realizing it.”
“Oh,” I said, looking towards the clock on one of the many nightstands in our gorgeous room. It read 1:13am. I’d realized I’d lost track of time pretty quickly, which meant I probably wouldn’t survive my trip to the Lotus Casino. “Well, thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”
“No problem, Barry,” Albert said, dipping his pizza crust in some sauce I didn’t know the name of. “It’s a big world out there, you’d do well to- Wait, pause the game.”
I hit the start button on my controller, and looked over to Albert. We were both in pajamas, essentially, wearing t-shirts and sweatpants. Even in something so casual Albert had a cautious, almost terrified look on his face.
“What is it?”
Albert held his hand out to me to silence my questions. I tried to listen for something, to hear what Albert was hearing. I didn’t hear anything unusual, but I realized I must have left the shower running, because there was hissing coming from a different room.
But… I didn’t leave the shower running. And the bathroom wasn’t in that direction.
“Shit,” Albert said, and he rolled off the bed to grab his sword. It was a simple thing made of weathered celestial bronze, with more dents and grooves than I’d seen on any training sword at Camp. It had seen more fights than I had, that was for sure.
“What’s happening,” I said, grabbing my key-chain out from my pocket. “What’s going on?”
The door burst open, and there I saw monsters I hadn’t seen since my first summer at Camp Half-Blood. I’d only barely made it away from them before, but that was before my training. Still, even with all the knowledge of combat Jay had managed to shove into my brain, nothing really prepared you for the real thing.
Three scythian dracanae hissed at the threshold of our suite, and after a moment of silent pause, they pounced.
OOC:
Thank you so much for reading! Barry has officially left Camp!
Next Time in Sandman: Homecoming
A familiar face talks. Barry holds a grudge. There’s an explosion in New York.

The Resurrection of the Flesh [Tr by Roses]

These first two tales published in Secret Weavers: Stories of the Fantastic by Women Writers of Argentina and Chile, edited by Marjorie Agosin (White Pine Press, 1992):

She was thirty-two, her name was Aurelia, and she had been married eleven years. One Saturday afternoon, she looked through the kitchen window at the garden and saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. Men of the world, those four horsemen of the Apocalypse. And good-looking. The first from the left was riding a sorrel horse with a dark mane. He was wearing white breeches, black boots, a crimson jacket, and a yellow fez with black pompoms. The second one had a sleeveless tunic overlaid with gold and violet and was barefoot. He was riding on the back of a plump dolphin. The third one had a respectable, black beard, trimmed at right angles. He had donned a gray Prince of Wales suit, white shirt, blue tie and carried a black leather portfolio. He was seated on a folding chair belted to the back of white-haired dromedary. The fourth one made Aurelia smile and realize that they were smiling at her. He was riding a black and gold Harley-Davidson 1200 and was wearing a white helmet and dark goggles and had long, straight, blond hair flying in the wind behind him. The four were riding in the garden without moving from the spot. They rode and smiled at her and she watched them through the kitchen window.
In that manner, she finished washing the two teacups, took off her apron, arranged her hair and went to the living room.
"I saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse in the garden," she told her husband.
"I'll bet," he said without raising his eyes from his paper.
"What are you reading?" Aurelia asked.
"Hmmm?"
"I said they were given a crown and a sword and a balance and power."
"Oh, right," said her husband.
And after that a week went by as all weeks do--very slowly at first and very quickly toward the end--and on Sunday morning, while she made the coffee, she again saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse in the garden, but when she went back to the bedroom she didn't say anything to her husband.
The third time she saw them, one Wednesday, alone, in the afternoon, she stood looking at them for a half hour and finally, since she had always wanted to fly in a yellow and red dirigible; and since she had dreamed about being an opera singer, an emperor's lover, a co-pilot to Icarus; since she would have liked to scale black cliffs, laugh at cannibals, traverse the jungles on elephants with purple trappings, seize with her hands the diamonds that lay hidden in mines, preside in the nude over a parade of nocturnal monsters, live under water, domesticate spiders, torture the powerful of the earth, rob trains in the tunnels of the Alps, set palaces on fire, lie in the dark with beggars, climb on the bridges of all the ships in the world; finally--since it was sadly sterile to be a rational and healthy adult--finally, that Wednesday afternoon alone, she put on the long dress she had worn at the last New Year's party given by the company where her husband was assistant sales manager and went out to the garden. The four horsemen of the Apocalypse called her, the blond one on the Harley-Davidson gave her his hand and helped her up onto the seat behind him, and there they went, all five, raging into the storm and singing.
Two days later her husband gave in to family pressure and reported the disappearance of his wife.
"Moral: madness is a flower aflame," said the narrator. Or in other words, it's impossible to inflame the dead, cold, viscous, useless, and sinful ashes of common sense.

The Perfect Married Woman

If you meet her on the street, cross quickly to the other side and quicken your pace. She’s a dangerous lady. She’s about forty or forty-five, has one married daughter and a son working in San Nicolas; her husband’s a sheet-metal worker. She rises very early, sweeps the sidewalk, sees her husband off, cleans, does the wash, shops, cooks. After lunch she watches television, sews or knits, irons twice a week, and at night goes to bed late. On Saturdays she does a general cleaning and washes windows and waxes the floors. On Sunday mornings she washes the clothes her son brings home—his name is Nestor Eduardo—she kneads dough for noodles or ravioli, and in the afternoon either her sister-inlaw comes to visit or she goes to her daughter’s house. It’s been a long time since she’s been to the movies, but she reads TV Guide and the police report in the newspaper. Her eyes are dark and her hands are rough and her hair is starting to go gray. She catches cold frequently and keeps a photo album in a dresser drawer along with a black crepe dress with lace collar and cuffs.
Her mother never hit her. But when she was six, she got a spanking for coloring on a door, and she had to wash it off with a wet rag. While she was doing it, she thought about doors, all doors, and decided that they were very dumb because they always led to the same places. And the one she was cleaning was definitely the dumbest of all, the one that led to her parents’ bedroom. She opened the door and then it didn’t go to her parents’ bedroom but to the Gobi desert. She wasn’t surprised that she knew it was the Gobi desert even though they hadn’t even taught her in school where Mongolia was and neither she nor her mother nor her grandmother had ever heard of Nan Shan or Khangai Nuru.
She stepped through the door, bent over to scratch the yellowish grit and saw that there was no one, nothing, and the hot wind tousled her hair, so she went back through the open door, closed it and kept on cleaning. And when she finished, her mother grumbled a little more and told her to wash the rag and take the broom to sweep up that sand and clean her shoes. That day she modified her hasty judgment about doors, though not completely, at least not until she understood what was going on.
What had been going on all her life and up until today was that from time to time doors behaved satisfactorily, though in general they were still acting dumb and leading to dining rooms, kitchens, laundry rooms, bedrooms and offices even in the best of circumstances. But two months after the desert, for example, the door that every day led to the bath opened onto the workshop of a bearded man dressed in a long uniform, pointed shoes, and a cap that tilted on one side of his head. The old man’s back was turned as he took something out of a highboy with many small drawers behind a very strange, large wooden machine with a giant steering wheel and screw, in the midst of cold air and an acrid smell. When he turned around and saw her he began to shout at her in a language she didn’t understand.
She stuck out her tongue, dashed out the door, closed it, opened it again, went into the bathroom and washed her hands for lunch.
Again, after lunch, many years later, she opened the door of her room and walked into a battlefield. She dipped her hands in the blood of the wounded and dead and pulled from the neck of a cadaver a crucifix that she wore for a long time under high-necked blouses or dresses without plunging necklines. She now keeps it in a tin box underneath the nightgowns with a brooch, a pair of earrings and a broken wristwatch that used to belong to her mother-in-law. In the same way, involuntarily and by chance, she visited three monasteries, seven libraries, and the highest mountains in the world, and who knows how many theaters, cathedrals, jungles, refrigeration plants, dens of vice, universities, brothels, forests, stores, submarines, hotels, trenches, islands, factories, palaces, hovels, towers and hell.
She’s lost count and doesn’t care; any door could lead anywhere and that has the same value as the thickness of the ravioli dough, her mother’s death, and the life crises that she sees on TV and reads about in TV Guide.
Not long ago she took her daughter to the doctor, and seeing the closed door of a bathroom in the clinic, she smiled. She wasn’t sure because she can never be sure, but she got up and went to the bathroom. However, it was a bathroom; at least there was a nude man in a bathtub full of water. It was all very large, with a high ceiling, marble floor and decorations hanging from the closed windows. The man seemed to be asleep in his white bathtub, short but deep, and she saw a razor on a wrought iron table with feet decorated with iron flowers and leaves and ending in lion’s paws, a razor, a mirror, a curling iron, towels, a box of talcum powder and an earthen bowl with water. She approached on tiptoe, retrieved the razor, tiptoed over to the sleeping man in the tub and beheaded him. She threw the razor on the floor and rinsed her hands in the lukewarm bathtub water. She turned around when she reached the clinic corridor and spied a girl going into the bathroom through the other door. Her daughter looked at her.
“That was quick.”
“The toilet was broken,” she answered.
A few days afterward, she beheaded another man in a blue tent at night. That man and a woman were sleeping mostly uncovered by the blankets of a low, king-size bed, and the wind beat around the tent and slanted the flames of the oil lamps. Beyond it there would be another camp, soldiers, animals, sweat, manure, orders and weapons. But inside there was a sword by the leather and metal uniforms, and with it she cut off the head of the bearded man. The woman stirred and opened her eyes as she went out the door on her way back to the patio that she had been mopping.
On Monday and Thursday afternoons, when she irons shirt collars, she thinks of the slit necks and the blood, and she waits. If it’s summer she goes out to sweep a little after putting away the clothing and until her husband arrives. If it’s windy she sits in the kitchen and knits. But she doesn’t always find sleeping men or staring cadavers. One rainy morning, when she was twenty, she was at a prison, and she made fun of the chained prisoners; one night when the kids were kids and were all living at home, she saw in a square a disheveled woman looking at a gun but not daring to take it out of her open purse. She walked up to her, put the gun in the woman’s hand and stayed there until a car parked at the corner, until the woman saw a man in gray get out and look for his keys in his pocket, until the woman aimed and fired. And another night while she was doing her sixth grade geography homework, she went to look for crayons in her room and stood next to a man who was crying on a balcony. The balcony was so high, so far above the street, that she had an urge to push him to hear the thud down below, but she remembered the orographic map of South America and was about to leave. Anyhow, since the man hadn’t seen her, she did push him and saw him disappear and ran to color in the map so she didn’t hear the thud, only the scream. And in an empty theater, she made a fire underneath the velvet curtain; in a riot she opened the cover to a basement hatchway; in a house, sitting on top of a desk, she shredded a two-thousand-page manuscript; in a clearing of a forest she buried the weapons of the sleeping men; in a river she opened the floodgates of a dike.
Her daughter’s name is Laura Inés, her son has a fiancée in San Nicolás and he’s promised to bring her over on Sunday so she and her husband can meet her. She has to remind herself to ask her sister-in-law for the recipe for orange cake, and Friday on TV is the first episode of a new soap opera. Again, she runs the iron over the front of the shirt and remembers the other side of the doors that are always carefully closed in her house, that other side where the things that happen are much less abominable than the ones we experience on this side, as you can easily understand.

The Unmistakable Smell of Wood Violets [Tr by Womack]

Translated for the first time in Ann and Jeff Vandermeer's Big Book of Science Fiction (Vintage, 2016):

The news spread fast. It would be correct to say that the news moved like a flaming trail of gunpowder, if it weren't for the fact that at this point in our civilization gunpowder was archaeology, ashes in time, the stuff of legend, nothingness. However, it was because of the magic of our new civilization that the news was known all over the world, practically instantaneously.
"Oooh!" the tsarina said.
You have to take into account that Her Gracious and Most Illustrious Virgin Majesty Ekaterina V, Empress of Holy Russia, had been carefully educated in the proper decorum befitting the throne, which meant that she would never have even raised an eyebrow or curved the corner of her lip, far less would she have made an interjection of that rude and vulgar kind. But not only did she say "Oooh!," she also got up and walked through the room until she reached the glass doors of the great balcony. She stopped there. Down below, covered by snow, Saint Leninburg was indifferent and unchanged, the city's eyes squinting under the weight of winter. At the palace, ministers and advisers were excited, on edge.
"And where is this place?" the tsarina asked.
And that is what happened in Russia, which is such a distant and atypical country. In the central states of the continent, there was real commotion. In Bolivia, in Paraguay, in Madagascar, in all the great powers, and in the countries that aspired to be great powers, such as High Peru, Iceland, or Morocco, hasty conversations took place at the highest possible level with knitted brows and hired experts. The strongest currencies became unstable: the guarani rose, the Bolivian peso went down half a point, the crown was discreetly removed from the exchange rates for two long hours, long queues formed in front of the exchanges in front of all the great capitals of the world. President Morillo spoke from the Oruro Palace and used the opportunity to make a concealed warning (some would call it a threat) to the two Peruvian republics and the Minas Gerais secessionist area. Morillo had handed over the presidency of Minas to his nephew, Pepe Morillo, who had proved to be a wet blanket whom everybody could manipulate, and now Morillo bitterly regretted his decision. Morocco and Iceland did little more than give their diplomats a gentle nudge in the ribs, anything to shake them into action, as they imagined them all to be sipping grenadine and mango juice in the deep south while servants in shiny black uniforms stood over them with fans.
The picturesque note came from the Independent States of North America. It could not have been otherwise. Nobody knew that all the states were now once again under the control of a single president, but that's how it was: some guy called Jack Jackson-Franklin, who had been a bit-part actor in videos, and who, aged eighty-seven, had discovered his extremely patriotic vocation of statesman. Aided by his singular and inexplicable charisma, and by his suspect family tree, according to which he was the descendent of two presidents who had ruled over the states during their glory days, he had managed to unify, at least for now, the seventy-nine northern states. Anyway, Mr. Jackson-Franklin said to the world that the Independent States would not permit such a thing to take place. No more, just that they would not permit such a thing to take place. The world laughed uproariously at this.
Over there, in the Saint Leninburg palace, ministers cleared their throats, advisers swallowed saliva, trying to find out if, by bobbing their Adam's apples up and down enough, they might be able to loosen their stiff official shirts.
"Ahem. Ahem. It's in the south. A long way to the south. In the west, Your Majesty."
"It is. Humph. Ahem. It is, Your Majesty, a tiny country in a tiny territory."
"It says that it is in Argentina," the tsarina said, still staring through the window but without paying any attention to the night as it fell over the snow-covered roofs and the frozen shores of the Baltic.
"Ah, yes, that's right, that's right, Your Majesty, a pocket republic."
Sergei Vasilievich Kustkarov, some kind of councilor and, what is more, an educated and sensible man, broke into the conversation.
"Several, Your Majesty, it is several."
And at last the tsarina turned around. Who cared a fig for the Baltic night, the snow-covered rooftops, the roofs themselves, and the city of which they were a part? Heavy silk crackled, starched petticoats, lace.
"Several of what, Councilor Kustkarov, several of what? Don't come to me with your ambiguities."
"I must say, Your Majesty, I had not the slightest intention--"
"Several of what?"
The tsarina looked directly at him, her lips held tightly together, her hands moving unceasingly, and Kustkarov panicked, as well he might.
"Rep-rep-republics, Your Majesty," he blurted out. "Several of them. Apparently, a long time ago, a very long time, it used to be a single territory, and now it is several, several republics, but their inhabitants, the people who live in all of them, all of the republics, are called, they call themselves, the people, that is, Argentinians."
The tsarina turned her gaze away. Kustkarov felt so relieved that he was encouraged to carry on speaking:
"There are seven of them, Your Majesty: Rosario, Entre dos Rios, Ladocta, Ona, Riachuelo, Yujujuy, and Labodegga."
The tsarina sat down.
"We must do something," she said.
Silence. Outside it was not snowing, but inside it appeared to be. The tsarina looked at the transport minister.
"This enters into your portfolio," she said.
Kustkarov sat down, magnificently. How lucky he was to be a councilor, a councilor with no specific duties. The transport minister, on the other hand, turned pale.
"I think, Your Majesty...," he dared to say.
"Don't think! Do something!"
"Yes, Your Majesty," the minister said, and, bowing, started to make his way to the door.
"Where do you think you're going?" the tsarina said, without moving her mouth or twitching an eyelid.
"I'm just, I'm going, I'm just going to see what can be done, Your Majesty."
There's nothing that can be done, Sergei Vasilievich thought in delight, nothing. He realized that he was not upset, but instead he felt happy. And on top of everything else a woman, he thought. Kustkarov was married to Irina Waldoska-Urtiansk, a real beauty, perhaps the most beautiful woman in all of Holy Russia. Perhaps he was being cuckolded; it would have been all too easy for him to find that out, but he did not want to. His thoughts turned in a circle: and on top of everything else a woman. He looked at the tsarina and was struck, not for the first time, by her beauty. She was not so beautiful as Irina, but she was magnificent.
In Rosario it was not snowing, not because it was summer, although it was, but because it never snowed in Rosario. And there weren't any palm trees: the Moroccans would have been extremely disappointed had they known, but their diplomats said nothing about the Rosario flora in their reports, partly because the flora of Rosario was now practically nonexistent, and partly because diplomats are supposed to be above that kind of thing.
Everyone who was not a diplomat, that is to say, everyone, the population of the entire republic that in the last ten years had multiplied vertiginously and had now reached almost two hundred thousand souls, was euphoric, happy, triumphant. They surrounded her house, watched over her as she slept, left expensive imported fruits outside her door, followed her down the street. Some potentate allowed her the use of a Ford 99, which was one of the five cars in the whole country, and a madman who lived in the Espinillos cemetery hauled water all the way up from the Pará lagoon and grew a flower for her which he then gave her.
"How nice," she said, then went on, dreamily, "Will there be flowers where I'm going?"
They assured her that there would be.
She trained every day. As they did not know exactly what it was she had to do to train herself, she got up at dawn, ran around the Independence crater, skipped, did some gymnastic exercises, ate little, learned how to hold her breath, and spent hours and hours sitting or curled into strange positions. She also danced the waltz. She was almost positive that the waltz was not likely to come in handy, but she enjoyed it very much.
Meanwhile, farther away, the trail of gunpowder had become a barrel of dynamite, although dynamite was also a legendary substance and didn't exist. The infoscreens in every country, whether poor or rich, central or peripheral, developed or not, blazed forth with extremely large headlines suggesting dates, inventing biographical details, trying to hide, without much success, their envy and confusion. No one was fooled:
"We have been wretchedly beaten," the citizens of Bolivia said.
"Who would have thought it," pondered the man on the Reykjavík omnibus.
The former transport minister of Holy Russia was off breaking stones in Siberia. Councilor Sergei Vasilievich Kustkarov was sleeping with the tsarina, but that was only a piece of low, yet spicy, gossip that has nothing to do with this story.
"We will not allow this to happen!" Mr. Jackson-Franklin blustered, tugging nervously at his hairpiece. "It is our own glorious history that has set aside for us this brilliant destiny! It is we, we and not this despicable banana republic, who are marked for this glory!"
Mr. Jackson-Franklin also did not know that there were no palm trees or bananas in Rosario, but this was due not to a lack of reports from his diplomats but rather a lack of diplomats. Diplomats are a luxury that a poor country cannot afford, and so poor countries often go to great pains to take offense and recall all the knights commanders and lawyers and doctors and even eventually the generals working overseas, in order to save money on rent and electricity and gas and salaries, not to mention the cost of the banquets and all the money in brown paper envelopes.
But the headlines kept on appearing on the infoscreens: "Argentinian Astronaut Claims She Will Reach Edge of Universe," "Sources Claim Ship Is Spaceworthy in Spite of or Because of Centuries-Long Interment," "Science or Catastrophe?," "Astronaut Not a Woman but a Transsexual" (this in the Imperialskaya Gazeta, the most puritan of the infoscreens, even more so than the Papal Piccolo Osservatore Lombardo), "Ship Launches," "First Intergalactic Journey in Centuries," "We Will Not Allow This to Happen!" (Portland Times).
She was dancing the waltz. She woke up with her heart thumping, tried out various practical hairstyles, ran, skipped, drank only filtered water, ate only olives, avoided spies and journalists, went to see the ship every day, just to touch it. The mechanics all adored her.
"It'll work, they'll see, it'll work," the chief engineer said defiantly.
Nobody contradicted him. No one dared say that it wouldn't.
It would make it, of course it would make it. Not without going through many incredible adventures on its lengthy journey. Lengthy? No one knew who Langevin was anymore, so no one was shocked to discover that his theory contradicted itself, ended up biting its own tail, and that however long the journey took, the observers would only perceive it as having lasted minutes. Someone called Cervantes, a very famous personage back in the early years of human civilization--it was still debated whether he had been a physicist, a poet, or a musician--had suggested a similar theory in one of his lost works.
One autumn dawn the ship took off from the Independence crater, the most deserted part of the whole desert republic of Rosario, at five forty-five in the morning. The exact time is recorded because the inhabitants of the country had all pitched in together to buy a clock, which they thought the occasion deserved (there was one other clock, in the Enclosed Convent of the Servants of Santa Rita de Casino, but because the convent was home to an enclosed order nothing ever went in or out of it, no news, no requests, no answers, no nothing). Unfortunately, they had not had enough money. But then someone had had the brilliant idea which had brought in the money they needed, and Rosario had hired out its army for parades in friendly countries: there weren't that many of them and the ones there were weren't very rich, but they managed to get the cash together. Anyone who was inspired by patriotism and by the proximity of glory had to see those dashing officers, those disciplined soldiers dressed in gold and crimson, protected by shining breastplates, capped off with plumed helmets, their catapults and pouches of stones at their waists, goose-stepping through the capital of Entre Dos Rios or the Padrone Giol vineyards in Labodegga, at the foot of the majestic Andes.
The ship blasted off. It got lost against the sky. Before the inhabitants of Rosario, their hearts in their throats and their eyes clouded by emotion, had time to catch their breath, a little dot appeared up there, getting bigger and bigger, and it was the ship coming back down. It landed at 06:11 on the same morning of that same autumn day. The clock that recorded this is preserved in the Rosario Historical Museum. It no longer works, but anyone can go and see it in its display cabinet in Room A of the Museum. In Room B, in another display case, is the so-called Carballensis Indentic Axe, the fatal tool that cut down all the vegetation of Rosario and turned the whole country into a featureless plain. Good and evil, side by side, shoulder to shoulder.
Twenty-six minutes on Earth, many years on board the ship. Obviously, she did not have a watch or a calendar with her: the republic of Rosario would not have been able to afford either of them. But it was many years, she knew that much.
Leaving the galaxy was a piece of cake. You can do it in a couple of jumps, everyone knows that, following the instructions that Albert Einsteinstein, the multifaceted violin virtuoso, director of sci-fi movies, and student of space-time, gave us a few hundred years back. But the ship did not set sail to the very center of the universe, as its predecessors had done in the great era of colonization and discovery; no, the ship went right to the edge of the universe.
Everyone also knows that there is nothing in the universe, not even the universe itself, which does not grow weaker as you reach its edge. From pancakes to arteries, via love, rubbers, photographs, revenge, bridal gowns, and power. Everything tends to imperceptible changes at the beginning, rapid change afterward; everything at the edge is softer and more blurred, as the threads start to fray from the center to the outskirts.
In the time it took her to take a couple of breaths, a breath and a half, over the course of many years, she passed through habitable and uninhabitable places, worlds which had once been classified as existent, worlds which did not appear and had never appeared and probably would never appear in any cartographical survey. Planets of exiles, singing sands, minutes and seconds in tatters, whirlpools of nothingness, space junk, and that's without even mentioning those beings and things, all of which stood completely outside any possibility of description, so much so that we tend not to perceive them when we look at them; all of this, and shock, and fear more than anything else, and loneliness. The hair grew gray at her temples, her flesh lost its firmness, wrinkles appeared around her eyes and her mouth, her knees and ankles started to act up, she slept less than before and had to half close her eyes and lean backward in order to make out the numbers on the consoles. And she was so tired that it was almost unbearable. She did not waltz any longer: she put an old tape into an old machine and listened and moved her gray head in time with the orchestra.
She reached the edge of the universe. Here was where everything came to an end, so completely that even her tiredness disappeared and she felt once again as full of enthusiasm as she had when she was younger. There were hints, of course: salt storms, apparitions, little brushstrokes of white against the black of space, large gaps made of sound, echoes of long-dead voices that had died giving sinister orders, ash, drums; but when she reached the edge itself, these indications gave way to space signage: "End," "You Are Reaching the Universe Limits," "The Cosmos General Insurance Company, YOUR Company, Says: GO NO FURTHER," "End of Protected Cosmonaut Space," etc., as well as the scarlet polygon that the OMUU had adopted to use as a sign for that's it, abandon all hope, the end.
All right, so she was here. The next thing to do was go back. But the idea of going back never occurred to her. Women are capricious creatures, just like little boys: as soon as they get what they want, then they want something else. She carried on.
There was a violent judder as she crossed the limit. Then there was silence, peace, calm. All very alarming, to tell the truth. The needles did not move, the lights did not flash, the ventilation system did not hiss, her alveoli did not vibrate, her chair did not swivel, the screens were blank. She got up, went to the portholes, looked out, saw nothing. It was logical enough:
"Of course," she said to herself, "when the universe comes to an end, then there's nothing."
She looked out through the portholes a little more, just in case. She still could see nothing, but she had an idea.
"But I'm here," she said. "Me and the ship."
She put on a space suit and walked out into the nothing.
When the ship landed in the Independence crater in the republic of Rosario, twenty-six minutes after it had taken off, when the hatch opened and she appeared on the ramp, the spirit of Paul Langevin flew over the crater, laughing fit to burst. The only people who heard him were the madman who had grown the flower for her in the Espinillos cemetery and a woman who was to die that day. No one else had ears or fingers or tongue or feet, far less did they have eyes to see him.
It was the same woman who had left, the very same, and this calmed the crowds down at the same time as it disappointed them, all the inhabitants of the country, the diplomats, the spies, and the journalists. It was only when she came down the gangplank and they came closer to her that they saw the network of fine wrinkles around her eyes. All other signs of her old age had vanished, and had she wished, she could have waltzed tirelessly, for days and nights on end, from dusk till dawn till dusk.
The journalists all leaned forward; the diplomats made signals, which they thought were subtle and unseen, to the bearers of their sedan chairs to be ready to take them back to their residences as soon as they had heard what she had to say; the spies took photographs with the little cameras hidden away in their shirt buttons or their wisdom teeth; all the old people put their hands together; the men raised their fists to their heart; the little boys pranced; the young girls smiled.
And then she told them what she had seen:
"I took off my suit and my helmet," she said, "and walked along the invisible avenues that smelled of violets."
She did not know that the whole world was waiting to hear what she said; that Ekaterina V had made Sergei Vasilievich get up at five o'clock in the morning so that he could accompany her to the grand salon and wait there for the news; that one of the seventy-nine Northern States had declared its independence because the president had not stopped anything from happening or obtained any glory, and this had lit the spark of rebellion in the other seventy-eight states, and this had made Mr. Jackson-Franklin leave the White House without his wig, in pajamas, freezing and furious; that Bolivia, Paraguay, and Iceland had allowed the two Peruvian republics to join their new alliance and defense treaty set up against a possible attack from space; that the high command of the Paraguayan aeronautical engineers had promised to build a ship that could travel beyond the limits of the universe, always assuming that they could be granted legal immunity and a higher budget, a declaration that made the guarani fall back the two points that it had recently risen and then another one as well; that Don Schicchino Giol, the new padrone of the Republic of Labodegga at the foot of the majestic Andes had been woken from his most recent drinking bout to be told that he had now to sign a declaration of war against the Republic of Rosario, now that they knew the strength of the enemy's forces.
"Eh? What? Hunh?" Don Schicchino said.
"I saw the nothingness of everything," she said, "and it was all infused with the unmistakable smell of wood violets. The nothingness of the world is like the inside of a stomach throbbing above your head. The nothingness of people is like the back of a painting, black, with glasses and wires that release dreams of order and imperfect destinies. The nothingness of creatures with leathery wings is a crack in the air and the rustle of tiny feet. The nothingness of history is the massacre of the innocents. The nothingness of words, which is a throat and a hand that break whatever they touch on perforated paper; the nothingness of music, which is music. The nothingness of precincts, of crystal glasses, of seams, of hair, of liquids, of lights, of keys, of food."
When she had finished her list, the potentate who owned the Ford 99 said that he would give it to her, and that in the afternoon he would send one of his servants with a liter of naphtha so that she could take the car out for a spin.
"Thank you," she said. "You are very generous."
The madman went away, looking up to the skies; who knows what he was searching for. The woman who was going to die that day asked herself what she should eat on Sunday, when her sons and their wives came to lunch. The president of the Republic of Rosario gave a speech.
And everything in the world carried on the same, apart from the fact that Ekaterina V named Kustkarov her interior minister, which terrified the poor man but which was welcomed with open arms by Irina as an opportunity for her to refresh her wardrobe and her stock of lovers. And Jack Jackson-Franklin sold his memoirs to one of Paraguay's more sophisticated magazines for a stellar amount of money, which allowed him to retire to live in Imerina. And six spaceships from six major world powers set off to the edges of the universe and were never seen again.
She married a good man who had a house with a balcony, a white bicycle, and a radio which, on clear days, could pick up the radio plays that LLL1 Radio Magnum transmitted from Entre Dos Rios, and she waltzed in white satin shoes. The day that her first son was born a very pale green shoot grew out of the ground on the banks of the great lagoon.

GTA Online's brand new Diamond Casino & Resort will be available July 23rd.

News & Information Directly from Rockstar

- GTA Online: The Diamond Casino & Resort (Trailer)

- The Diamond Casino & Resort Grand Opening - July 23rd (Newswire)

[Casino Trailer]
Experience Excellence. The Diamond Casino & Resort opens for your enjoyment in the heart of Los Santos this Tuesday, July 23rd.

Opening Soon

[Casino Image]
The massive construction project on the corner of Vinewood Park Drive and Mirror Park Boulevard is nearing completion, radically changing the skyline of Los Santos forever. When the brand-new Diamond Casino & Resort opens its doors, one and all are welcome inside to play, or just to stay in the most luxurious residence in the entire state. More than just a place to let go of your inhibitions and your sense of the passage of time, The Diamond is the one-stop destination for quality entertainment, high-end living and a range of experiences you won’t find anywhere else.

The Casino

[Roulette Table Image]
If you're looking to dive into the action, the casino floor has a selection of activities to enjoy. Play against the house using Chips in Three Card Poker, Blackjack and Roulette. Slot Machines with a variety of prizes are also at your fingertips, while Inside Track offers a lounge to watch and cheer along with friends as the drama of virtual horse racing unfolds. Spin the Lucky Wheel in the lobby for chips, cash, and clothing or even the new Truffade Thrax supercar that can be found whirling on the podium during opening week. And be sure to check back each week to see what new high-end vehicle can be won. Check Rockstar Support for details and limitations.
Guests looking to push the limits of high-end resort fashion can also choose from the carefully curated rotation of new clothing and accessories in the Casino Store.

The Penthouse

[Penthouse Image]
Sitting atop The Diamond is an oasis of luxury for those shopping for a lavish pied-à-terre or just a feature-laden property in which to entertain friends. The Master Penthouse that sits beside the Roof Terrace with infinity pool and stunning views entitles the owner to VIP Membership status including access to VIP Lounges, High-Limit tables, plus a range of special services via the Penthouse phone including aircraft and limousine services and more. Renovate your residence with several upgradeable floorplans including a private Spa with a round-the-clock personal stylist, a Bar and Party area perfect for hosting raging Member Parties and featuring private retro arcade games, and a Media Room to enjoy games of Don’t Cross the Line and contemporary Vinewood cinema like Meltdown and The Loneliest Robot In Great Britain. As an owner, you can select the Penthouse’s color palette and patterns, and cement a place among the LS nouveau riche with a range of modern art from the Casino Store – from refined portraiture to pop art and daring modern sculpture – that can all be moved and placed around your property.
With a Master Penthouse you’ll also become a member of The Diamond family, and the family business needs your attention. Help property owner Tao Cheng and The Diamond staff protect their investment from the clutches of a corrupt family of Texan petrochemical magnates in a series of all new co-operative missions. Each mission pays out special Awards for first-time completion and hosting the entire story thread will reward you with a highly coveted, brand-new vehicle free of charge. You can also pickup additional work and odd jobs to earn extra cash and chips with a quick phone call to the Diamond’s head of operations, Agatha Baker.

Twitch Prime

[Another Penthouse(?) Image]
As part of the Rockstar Games Social Club x Twitch Prime Benefits program, all GTA Online players who link their Social Club account with Twitch Prime and claim their Twitch Prime benefits by the end of day on July 19th will be able to purchase the Master Penthouse for free in the Diamond Casino & Resort, as well as receive GTA$1.25M and up to 15% extra GTA$ on purchases of Shark Cash Cards.
Visit Twitch Prime and sign up to receive these perks and more coming soon, and visit the Social Club Events page to keep up with all special events, bonuses, and more in GTA Online.

Stay Tuned

[New Supercar Image, presumably the Truffade Thrax]
Visit thediamondcasinoandresort.com to see more details on what The Diamond has to offer, including Penthouse comforts, membership perks, and so much more.
We're also extending last week's bonuses through July 24th, so make the most of your time on the Stunt track – or contract as a Bodyguard/Associate on lucrative Business Battles, VIP Work, Sell Missions and more – and we'll see you at the grand opening.

TheDiamondCasinoAndResort.com

Check out this website. Seriously. It's a real website and it will give you a fantastic "in-character" look at what the update will bring. This website is better designed and more attractive than some real businesses' websites, believe me.

Home

[Imgur Mirror]
Experience Excellence

A Luxury Casino & Resort In The Heart Of Vinewood

You've heard the rumors. You want to believe them, and there's only one way to find out. Abandon your preconceptions. Let go of your inhibitions, your doubts, your sense of proportion, your credit rating. The rumors didn't begin to do it justice. Welcome to The Diamond. Grand Opening July 23.

Membership

[Imgur Mirror]

Casino and Resort Membership

The Diamond is everyone’s playground. Invest in a Standard Membership today and you’ll be a lifelong partner in our project to meaningfully raise the standard of living for the one percent.

VIP Membership

At The Diamond, there are members, and there are members. And if you want to be the latter, you’re only a penthouse key away from enjoying the kind of status that only systemic elitism can provide.
Experience Preeminence

Parking Garage

This is not merely a garage. It’s not merely a maximum security, subterranean storage unit. Think of it as an air-conditioned, custom-built, expertly curated museum, where our clients can admire each other’s collections in peace and comfort.
Experience Accidents

Valet

Step out of our front door, right into your front seat: our valets are available 24/7, and are trained to never to look in the trunk, never to open the glove compartment, and never to ask questions.
Experience Incontinence

Champagne Service

Our client code of conduct states that if any member is seen ordering a bottle of our finest champagne, spraying half of it over the most exclusive clientele in the state, and downing the rest straight from the bottle, our security teams are obliged to loudly applaud.
Experience Turbulence

Aircraft Concierge

Going up? Let our concierge service take care of all your pre-flight checks, so you can step right into the cockpit with the engine ready for takeoff.
Experience Maintenance

Cleaning Service

We recruit our housekeepers from the most respected crime scene cleanup teams in the state. There is no bodily fluid or potentially infectious material they can’t remove in the time it takes you to find an alibi.
Experience Convenience

Limousine Service

Leaving The Diamond can be a traumatic experience, but we know how to cushion the blow. Our resident guests can order a Diamond Limousine to take them almost anywhere in the state, free of charge.
Experience Irrelevance

Members Party

Why go to the party, when the party can come to you? If you’re one of our resident members, you only need to click your fingers and we’ll provide the drinks, the music, and the dozens of close personal friends.
Experience Flatulence

VIP Lounge

Available exclusively to our resident members, this is the inner sanctum of indulgence, the apex of affluence, the pinnacle of privilege, the high point of high society.
Experience Arrogance

High Limit Tables

Welcome to the grown-up table: resident guests are entitled to play in our high-limit suites.

The Penthouses

[Imgur Mirror]
Experience Residence

The Penthouses

A penthouse at The Diamond is not just a palace. It’s your palace. If you want a private spa, you can have it. Home cinema? Consider it done. Your own personal bar, private arcade cabinets, and office space? Just say the word: Diamond.
Experience Prominence

Master Bedroom

Silk sheets, fresh air bottled on the summit of Mount Chiliad, and round the clock access to the greatest roof terrace in Los Santos.
Experience Adolescence

Spare Bedroom

We all have that one friend. With a spare bedroom, they’ll have somewhere to crash that isn’t your bidet, and with access to their personal wardrobe they won’t have to keep borrowing your clothes.
Experience Fragrance

Spa Room

Your private spa comes with a round-the-clock personal stylist and a hot tub infused with extract of jojoba and a dissociative anesthetic.
Experience Interpretive Dance

Bar & Party Area

Why go to a night club, when a night club can come to you? The most exclusive venue in town is the one where you’re in charge of the guest list.
Experience Incompetence

Arcade Games

Time to dig out the high-waisted jeans and the fluorescent headband: Diamond Casinos have the exclusive rights to classic arcade games Invade and Persuade II and Street Crime: Gang Wars Edition.
Experience Correspondence

Office

Sometimes you need to take care of your affairs, but there’s no reason you should have to leave the lap of luxury to do it. All of our offices come with a gun locker and a hidden safe as standard.

The Casino

[Imgur Mirror]
Experience Affluence

The Casino

Here, your dreams are reality, and your reality is a dream. Here, every whim can be satisfied, every fantasy fulfilled – no impulse control, no windows, no clocks, and no clearly labelled exits. Welcome to the Diamond standard.
Experience Eminence

Table Games

Don't be fooled. Roulette, blackjack, poker - at The Diamond, these aren't games. Every card dealt, every spin of the wheel, every polished quip, every gasp of the crowd, every delusion of grandeur: this is art.
Experience Overconfidence

Slot Machines

Here at The Diamond, we understand the fine art of the slot machine. We recognize the split-second reflexes, the years of research and training, the rock-solid intuition and the towering IQ that make a true master. That’s right. We’ve been waiting for you.
Experience Subservience

Inside Track

Horse racing is the sport of kings, and Inside Track is the only way to experience it – the drama, the majesty, the excitement, the perfectly simulated aroma of freshly cut turf and hot manure - all without leaving the comfort of a bespoke, air-conditioned suite.
Experience Tumescence

Lucky Wheel

Some people say that fortune favors the brave. Here at The Diamond, we’d rather say that destiny favors those with a full membership. Spin the wheel once a day, and you’re guaranteed a massive dose of self-importance every time.

Casino Store

[Imgur Mirror]
Experience Incontinence

Casino Store

Exclusive fashion. Unique designer artwork. There are some things in life that money can’t buy. But don’t fret. Our in-house store offers a rotating selection of tastefully curated items that can be purchased with Chips.

Images

• All images from the Newswire Article
  
• Still shots from the trailer
  

Summary

• The newly renovated casino is located at the racetrack in east Vinewood Hills, by the highway. It is owned by Tao Cheng.
  
• Brucie is making a return as a character in this update
  
• In the casino you can play a number of games, including:
  
  • Three Card Poker
  • Blackjack
  • Roulette
  • Slot Machines
  • Retro Arcade Games (?)
• There is a wheel you can spin once per day in order to earn prizes like RP, GTA$, discounts, clothing, and even high-end vehicles.
  
• There is a horse-racing and betting component, although it is unclear if it is only simulated and interacted with via the "Inside Track" room of the casino, or if the horse racing actually takes place in the game world, instanced or not.
  
• The casino has a penthouse/residential component to it. Owners of the Master Penthouse can upgrade their residence with a private spa, a bar and party area, and a media room. Residents will also be able to spend chips on art and collectibles at the Casino Store which can be used to decorate the penthouse.
  
• As a penthouse resident, you will get access to the business aspect of the casino, requiring you to work with Cheng to prevent a rich Texan family from taking over the casino. In addition to this storyline, you can do side jobs for the casino to earn GTA$ and chips.
  
• The casino has a store that accepts chips as payment. You can use the chips to buy collectibles and decorations for your penthouse as well as clothing and accessories.
  

If you think I should add something to the summary, please let me know in the comments.

Also, if there is any other detailed information I can include elsewhere, I'd love to hear it. Particularly in analyzing the videos and screenshots and identifying new cars, etc.

"Everything is in its place." Vulpes assured, stone-faced as ever as he spoke through his goggles, looking into the eyes of his deified liege. "The Legate awaits in his camp, ready to disseminate orders to the Centurions at your command."
Caesar's fingers dragged and gripped at the arm of his throne. The time, it seems, had finally come. Now was the winter of the Legion's discontent, and it was moments away from receiving the order that would drive it into the heights of tomorrow's glory. Caesar paused to look up at the drifting clouds - to take a deep breath and ready himself for what whwat was to come.
"Then let it be so, Vulpes. In hoc signo taures vinces. We take the battle to the NCR as soon as the Legate is ready."

PHASE ONE - FORTIFICATION HILL AND COTTONWOOD COVE

Vulpes stepped out of the tent atop the hill - he walked directly across from its entrance, to where a great, twisting bugle stood atop a wooden stand. He approached, wiping dust from its hitherto unused mouthpiece and placing his lips around it, blowing deeply.
Down by the river, the walls of the Fort shook as a bellowing call rattled through the air. A Vexillarius sprang to his feet, his ears twitching as he listened for the second - then the third call. He scrambled towards the ladder of a watch-tower, practically throwing himself up the ten-metre tall ladder until he reached the top and pulled out his horn. The whole fort would erupt into a cacophany of horns as watchmen blew their own alarms - and the chaos of clanging metal and marching men followed, as the Legion war machine began to turn with a torque not seen since the Grand Canyon.
Up once more in the Fort proper, before Vulpes' eyes, men marched to the blacksmith to grab their weapons, to the provisions store to load up their bags, and quickly assembled on the mustering ground, as they began to march in their cohorts; some to the river for the trip to Cottonwood Cove, but most south towards the Legate's Camp, ready to march across Hoover Dam. These plans had been drawn and rehearsed again and again for weeks - every Legionary had his moves practiced to perfection, like components in a machine.
When the rafts full of soldiers began to land at Cottonwood Cove, Aurelius of Phoenix found himself with an interminable grin as he whipped his own men into shape. A heavy perimeter was quickly established around the Cove - no doubt, any Bear scouts in the region would know full well what was being set into motion, and the Legion could not afford any preventative attacks on its troop columns or supply lines. Cohorts of Legionaries set off at quick-march in all directions across the wastes, with ranks varying from green recruits pulled from 80s auxiliaries, all the way up to hardened veterans from the Flagstaff Legion. It would be some time until they began to reach their targets - and until then, there was more work to be done before the Bear realised what was about to hit it.

PHASE TWO - NEW ROME

Cato's radio crackled to life - though this time there were no words, only a frantic message in Morse code. Cato took out a pen and began to scrawl down the dots and dashes for translation - and his eyes widened when the message was complete. He asked plainly for confirmation, and the message repeated.
Unbeknownst to those on the Strip, the streets were naught but ten minutes away from exploding into chaos. The next contact on Cato's list was Legate Domus - the frumentarius quickly picked up the direct phoneline he'd been given to Mr. House, and in a hushed but hurried tone, began to explain. "Legate, the time has come. The eastern war machine has come to life - the Battle of Hoover Dam begins today. There is no time to tarry, we must rise and seize Vegas from the clutches of the NCR. My men will soon take the Strip; prepare your own."
The phone was slammed back into its handset, and Cato hurried out onto the casino floor to issue an apologetic announcement about the closure of the casino - all except a few 'VIPs' were herded out onto the Strip, and the Casino went into lockdown while preparations were made.
Every Senator in the building ditched his suit, gearing back up into their Legionary armour from a long-untouched stash concealed within the halls of the Brimstone. Ill-gotten firearms, machete gladii and molotovs were doled out - as for those who were selected as 'VIPs,' they were wordlessly handed the same items and instructed to join the others. Those who failed to comply in good time would simply be hurried towards the exit, where they'd be waylaid into a side-room and unceremoniously executed.
No more than twenty minutes later, everyone was ready - and the five hundred or so 'members of staff' plus one hundred or so 'volunteers' assembled at the casino door with Cato at their forefront. He spoke only one, muttered invocation before the casino doors were unbolted and kicked open.
"In hoc signo, taures vinces."
It's hard to truly encapsulate in words the shock that must have dawned upon those on the streets of Vegas when the former Gomorrah - Caesar's Palace - began to pour honest to god, actual Legionaries. Half of them thought it was some kind of publicity stunt, and stared in amazement - only to be harshly corrected when bullets swiftly began connecting with the skulls of drunk NCR Military Police scattered around the streets. Chaos ensued, with civilians running for their lives and - as per the agreement with the new Legate - being spared, while the drunk and hungover NCR in this sector of the strip frantically radioed for backup and attempted to mount a resistance. The doors of the Ultra-Luxe soon opened as well, with the masked individuals rushing onto the streets with calls of 'True to Caesar!' and 'For the Legion!' Having had Mortimer's... interests, leveraged by the frumentarii of Caesar's Palace, an under-the-table agreement had been reached for the White Gloves to assist in the takeover when the time came; and Cato smiled to find that they had actually followed through, with the Legion presence on the Strip quickly doubling in size or more thanks to these reinforcements.
Their first mission was clear - while waiting for House's securitrons to arrive on the Strip, a contigent quickly went to reinforce the gate separating the two halves of the strip, to ensure reinforcements from the NCR Embassy would be slow - the rest began their assault of the McCarran monorail terminal, the first of two major NCR presences on the Strip that would need to be dealt with.
MODS TAKE NOTE: POTENTIAL ALLIES THAT COULD DEPLOY HERE, DEPENDING ON RESOLUTION OF THEIR EVENTS
The Kings - Pacer could lead the Kings from Freeside onto the Strip to assist with the battle.
Followers of the Apocalypse - the Followers could begin to render medical assistance to those on the strip from both sides - alternatively, they could take the opportunity of the chaos to begin to retreat further into NCR territory.

PHASE THREE - HELIOS ONE

Much as at New Vegas, a Legion radio at Hidden Valley came to life with a Morse message - and Decanus Alexus would quickly spread the word to Symmachus that they were to march on Helios One at once, to begin their part in the Battle of Hoover Dam. The Legionaries and their Brotherhood symmachiarii would assemble outside of Hidden Valley and begin the march on Helios One, soon descending in droves from the hills in a hail of small arms fire, molotovs and plasma. Now was the time they'd scatter the NCR-loyal Brotherhood traitors to the wind, and finally seize Helios One in the name of the true Brotherhood - beneath the Legion.

WeeDnD is a pot positive tabletop roleplaying gameshow extravaganza! With a cast made up of professional performers from on and around the Las Vegas Strip and a DM who is an ACTUAL wizard for a living (He plays the evil fire wizard Mordred in Tournament of Kings at the Excalibur Hotel/Casino). We hope to tear down the archaic stereotypes that afflict both the ttrpg community and the cannabis community, and in so doing showcase a group of motivated, charismatic, and successful players that play their way. However, the show and it's stories were built by a man with over 25 years of DMing experience and is, at it's core, is a true DND experience that everyone can enjoy! We hope it brings some joy and levity to you in this odd chapter in our shared history.
Catch us live every Tuesday at 8PM PST on twitch.tv/arthardstudios and be sure to follow so you know when we go live! Lots of new and exciting content on the way!
You can also catch up on our first seshes at youtube.com/arthardstudios and subscribe to get updated whenever we drop new vids!
ART HARD!

Support the Impact Wrestling community on Reddit by Subscribing and Contributing to /IMPACTWRESTLING. Positive and negative discussion welcome! Just be cool and constructive.
Everything You Need To Know About IMPACT! Streaming Each Friday Night on Twitch
The Twitch Stream will NOT be available for viewers in Mexico, sub-Saharan Africa, the UK & Ireland due to broadcasting agreements in those regions. For everyone else, Twitch is available on pretty much every device. PC, Phones, Roku, Amazon devices, Apple devices, game consoles, etc.
If you want to support Impact Wrestling and it's Twitch Stream, subscribe to the channel on Twitch every month for $5.00. Amazon Prime members can subscribe for free. This eliminates most ads on the channel and gives you access to Impact Emotes to use in chat.
Impact Wrestling has announced they are allowing Co-Streaming on their Twitch Channel!

Ever wanted to add your own commentary to IMPACT? Now is your chance! We're allowing co-streaming of IMPACT every Friday on Twitch. Share IMPACT with your audience and add your own commentary!

How To Co-Stream IMPACT! on Your Twitch Channel
Impact Wrestling Preview
Here’s what’s expected for tonight:

• LAX vs Lucha Bros - Impact World Tag Team Championship
• Trey vs Rohit Raju
• Rich Swann and Willie Mack vs oVe
• Dark Allie vs Kiera Hogan
• PUMA King vs Sami Callihan

Impact Wrestling News and Headlines

• Co-Stream IMPACT Wrestling on Twitch!
• Las Vegas Tickets for IMPACT Wrestling TV Tapings are ON SALE!
• IMPACT Wrestling Launches Official Discord Server!
• One Night Only: New Beginnings Premieres Tomorrow on GWN

Impact Wrestling Live Event Schedule

• 2/15/2019 – Impact Tapings - Sam’s Town Casino, Las Vegas, Nev.
• 2/16/2019 – Impact Tapings - Sam’s Town Casino, Las Vegas, Nev.
• 2/17/2019 – Impact Tapings - Sam’s Town Casino, Las Vegas, Nev.
• 3/22/2019 – Impact Tapings - St. Clair College, Windsor, Ont.
• 3/23/2019 – Impact Tapings - St. Clair College, Windsor, Ont.
• 4/4/2019 – United We Stand LIVE on Twitch - Rahway Rec Center, Rahway, N.J.

Ways To Watch

• LIVE on Twitch at Twitch.TV/Impact Wrestling
• United States TV: Pursuit
• Canadian TV: Fight Network and/or GAME Network Saturday Replay
• United Kingdom: Fight Network and/or 5Spike
• Global Wrestling Network
• Impact's Official Television Channel List
• Every Friday at 10:00PM EST

How to Watch Impact Wrestling in 2019
This information is only accurate for United States residents. While most of the information in the FREE and STREAMING guides is relevant to world-wide viewers, it's not meant to be.

• Impact Wrestling FREE Content Guide
• Impact Wrestling STEAMING Services Guide
• Impact Wrestling PURSUIT Access Guide

Impact Wrestling, the TV show, is available for most countries On-Demand on the Global Wrestling Network either at the time of airing in the United States or soon after.
Official Links and Social Media

• Impact Wrestling's Official Website
• Impact Wrestling's Official Roster
• Impact Wrestling's Official Twitter
• Impact Wrestling's YouTube Channel
• Impact Wrestling's Twitch Channel
• Impact Wrestling's Discord Server

Visit the Global Wrestling Network for On-Demand Wrestling content. Impact Wrestling episodes are posted there several days after the original airing on POP/Fight Network/Spike etc.

Last Week
This post lists everything Rooster Teeth has released from April 25, 2020 to May 1, 2020. The organization of this post follows the order of the links on the sidebar on the website. First exclusive content is surrounded in asterisks ( *EXAMPLE*) while content that is currently exclusive but will be available publicly later is followed by an asterisks and the date in which it will be free (EXAMPLE*Free May 9th.) This does not include content that will lose exclusivity on the day this post is made (May 2nd.)
NEWS:

• Print on demand shirts (Front back, Red Dot Dooley, etc.) have temporarily been removed from the RT Store as the manufacturer was overwhelmed by orders and is now altering their business to keep up with demand.

ROOSTER TEETH:
RT PODCAST #594 - Barbara Gets Flashed
*RT PODCAST POST SHOW #594 - The Last Shot Fired*
*RT PODCAST - Stuck At Home - My Relationships Are Like Cheese*
ALWAYS OPEN #134 - Big Dad Energy with Travis McElroy
*STILL OPEN #134 - Cooking in Quarantine*
*ALWAYS OPEN - Just the BOIS - Getting Sweaty in the Closet*
GOOD MORNING FROM HELL - Movie Stars in Hell - Jimmy Stewart & Grace Kelley
BLACK BOX DOWN - The Crash of the Concorde
RT INBOX - Does Gus’ Dog Hate Him?
RT LIFE - Our Parents Try to Explain our Jobs
*RT EXTRAS - Die is Cast*
RT EXTRAS - No Pain, No Gain -- with Blaine!
RT EXTRAS - The Next Tiger King
RT EXTRAS - Mario Kart 8 with Chad, Jessica, Mariel & Andrew
RT EXTRAS - Friendship Test with Punishments | Hard Mode
RTTV SPECIALS - How We Joined the RT Community
ADVICE FROM UNCLE NOLY #9 - Monsieur l’Amour… Er… Mr. Like not Love…
RETRO REPLAY - Uncharted: Drake’s Quarantine | Cast Reunion with Nolan North
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER:
OFF TOPIC #230 - You’re F-ing Me Apart!
*LAST CALL #230 - I’m Blasting Here*
FACE JAM - Steak n Shake Pork Belly Steakburger & Cotton Candy Shake
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER - Blending geek culture and food with Chef Mike - Keeping The Lights On #5
AHWU #523 - We Play With Green Screens
*7 WONDERINGS - MOBILE, ALABAMA*
BETWEEN THE GAMES - Old Men Break out of Their Retirement Homes
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES - How to Power Your Devices Irresponsibly
AH ANIMATED - Pot, Eggs, and an Uber Driver
LET’S ROLL - You Can’t Beat My BUTT GUNS - Death Battle
PLAY PALS - Nice! Dynamite! - Human Fall Flat: Ice Level (Part 2)
ROULETSPLAY - Taze Them in the Tit - The Blackout Club
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - We Get Claw-bered
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - Rainbow Six Siege w/ Kantoraketti
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - 7 Days to Die
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - Predator w/ Adam Kovic
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - Lego w/ Jack
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - GTA V w/ the community
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - Going Point Blank with a Longbow Covered in Bees
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - Astroneer
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - Gang Beast W/ Dante Basco
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - Predator w/ Chilled and Tom
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER STREAM ARCHIVE - Post Team Does Overcooked
LET’S PLAY - We Got New LASO Alarms! - Halo 3 LASO ODST (Part 1) * Free May 3rd
LET’S PLAY - Gears Tactics - Why Shoot Gun When Gun Can Squish?
LET’S PLAY - This Game Is Bananas! - Golf It!
LET’S PLAY - Drifting a Tank in the Sand - Hand Simulator
LET’S PLAY GTA V - The Slug Life Ain’t Easy - Overtime Rumble * Free May 4th
LET’S PLAY GMOD - Fighting Traitors with… Apples? * Free May 6th
LET’S PLAY MINECRAFT #420 - “Hunting” Enderman in Minecraft - YDYD 3 (Part 5) * Free May 8th
FUNHAUS:
DEMO DISK - Are You Smarter Than a YouTuber?
*LAST LAUGH - Episode 2 - Things Get Weird, Fast*
*NO IDEA - We Build Ikea Furniture With a Belly Full of Meatballs*
DUDE SOUP #276 - Last of Us 2 Plot Details Leaked Online!
YOUR COMMENTS - We Defend Each Other From MEAN Comments
GOOGLE TRENDS - Netflix Challenge: We Have No Chill
MORNING HAUS - Good Morning, Birthday Boy
FUNHAUS SHORTS - Drunk Mario Kart: Days of Chunder - Funhaus Animated
FULLHAUS - Latter Dazed (UNCUT) - Advent Rising Gameplay
FULLHAUS - Meditations on Puppies and Poop (UNCUT) - GTA 5 Funny Moments
GAMEPLAY - Funhaus Cast Animal Crossing Island Tour!
GAMEPLAY - Hogwarts School of Glitchcraft & Misery - GTA Online Casino Heist Part 4
GAMEPLAY - Real Tough Mudders - Predator: Hunting Grounds
FUNHAUS LIVE - Jacob Gives Us a Tour of “Fuller-Town” in Minecraft
FUNHAUS LIVE - Justin Goes Deep into Spelunky
FUNHAUS LIVE - Jacob and Omar Mech Out In Daemon X Machina
ANIMATION:
RED VS BLUE PSA - Hitting The Mark
RTAA - House Training Chris * Free May 4th
*BACKWARDZ COMPATIBLE - Stardew Valley*
*BACKWARDZ COMPATIBLE - The Wetness Scale*
*BACKWARDZ COMPATIBLE - Prom Night!*
FAN SERVICE - Chainsaw Lolita | By Its Cover
I HAVE NOTES - Staying Creative in Quarantine!
INSIDE GAMING:
INSIDE GAMING SPECIAL - Voice Acting 101 With RvB
INSIDE GAMING PODCAST - Send News #10 - Make Assassin’s Creed Great Again
INSIDE GAMING ROUNDUP - Warzone Cheaters Have To Play Together
INSIDE GAMING FEATURES - The Importance Of Remakes
INSIDE GAMING DAILY - Xbox Series X Lineup Teased!
INSIDE GAMING DAILY - The Last Of Us 2 Leaked By Angry Dev?
INSIDE GAMING DAILY - FF7 Remake Will Be HOW Many Installments??
INSIDE GAMING DAILY - This Country Has The Best Gamers
INSIDE GAMING DAILY - Assassin’s Creed Valhalla Needs To Wow Us
INSIDE GAMING DAILY - Is Nintendo A Hostile Takeover Target?
INSIDE GAMING LIVE! - Scooby-Doo Mecha Mystery Machine - Model Employees
INSIDE GAMING LIVE! - Passion From Chaos - Stay Zen with Kdin #3
INSIDE GAMING LIVE! - Halo: Combat Evolved
INSIDE GAMING LIVE! - How To Make A Telenovela
INSIDE GAMING LIVE! - Red Dead Redemption 2
DEATH BATTLE:
DEATH BATTLE FIGHT PREVIEWS - Obi-Wan has the High Ground in DEATH BATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE FIGHT PREVIEWS - Kakashi Cuts Lightning in DEATH BATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE CAST #176 - Obi-Wan VS Kakashi Sneak Peek
*SUDDEN DEATH #176 - Quitting WoW!*
SUGAR PINE 7:
BEYOND THE PINE #139 - UFOs Declassified, Quarantine Survival Guide
KINDA FUNNY:
WE HAVE COOL FRIENDS - What Motivates Greg Miller
INTERNET EXPLORERZ - Watch The Avengers Fight The Coronavirus
KINDA FUNNY AF - Andy and Nick Go Urban Hiking
KINDA FUNNY: THE ANIMATED SERIES - If You Have Amazon Prime, You Have Twitch Prime
KINDA FUNNY IN REVIEW - Back to the Future - Every Back to the Future Movie Reviewed & Ranked
KINDA FUNNY IN REVIEW - Back to the Future II - Every Back to the Future Movie Reviewed & Ranked
KINDA FUNNY IN REVIEW - Back to the Future III - Every Back to the Future Movie Reviewed & Ranked
KINDA FUNNY GAMES DAILY 4.23.20 - Xbox Series X Event Soon?
KINDA FUNNY GAMES DAILY 4.24.20 - Is Horizon Zero Dawn Going to be a Trilogy?
KINDA FUNNY GAMES DAILY 4.27.20 - The Last of Us Part II and Ghost of Tsushima Get New Dates
KINDA FUNNY GAMES DAILY - Is Final Fantasy VII Remake Actually a Trilogy?
KINDA FUNNY GAMES DAILY 4.30.20 - Next Gen Starts Next Week
FRIENDS OF RT:
DC DAILY April 25th, 2020 - Jim Lee Exclusive Full Interview! Inside Batman: Hush & More
DC DAILY April 27th, 2020 - Engaged, Hell Yeah!
DC DAILY April 28th, 2020 - Bill Sienkiewicz & Natalie Dreyfuss Interviews
DC DAILY April 29th, 2020 - Batman: White Knight
DC DAILY April 30th, 2020 - Dane Gibbons Interview
DC DAILY May 1st 2020 - DRUNKEN BILLIONAIRE BURNS DOWN HOME
RAP BATTLES - Zarya vs Heavy Rap Battle
STORE:
RWBY - Emerald Forest Nevermore T-Shirt
RWBY - Team RWBY & Cinder Chess Pin Set
RWBY - Blake Vinyl Single - Shadows and Nevermore
RWBY - Rose Pride T-Shirt
FUNHAUS - No Idea T-Shirt
FUNHAUS - Pride UV T-Shirt
FUNHAUS - Pride Logo PopSocket
ROOSTER TEETH - Pride UV T-Shirt
ROOSTER TEETH - Pride Dad Hat
ROOSTER TEETH - Pride Logo PopSocket
GEOFF RAMSEY - I scream Pride T-Shirt
GEN:LOCK - Val Pride T-Shirt
ACHIEVE - Pride UV T-Shirt
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER - Pride Dad Hat
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER - Pride Logo PopSocket
RED VS BLUE - Robot Pride T-Shirt

"There's no feeling more intense than starting over." "If you've deleted your homework the day before it was due, as I have," "Or if you left your wallet at home and you have to go back, after spending an hour in the commute," "If you won some money at the casino and then put all your winnings on red, and it came up black," "If you got your best shirt dry-cleaned before a wedding and then immediately dropped food on it," "If you won an argument with a friend and then later discovered that they just returned to their original view," "Starting over is harder than starting up." "If you're not ready for that, like if you've already had a bad day" "Then what you're about to go through might be too much." "Feel free to go away and come back. I'll be here." "Alright, thanks for coming with me on this trip. I'll understand if you have to take a break at any point..." "Just find a safe place to stop, and quit the game." "Don't worry, I'll save your progress, always. Even your mistakes." "This game is a homage to a free game that came out in 2002, titled 'Sexy Hiking'" "The author of that game was Jazzuo, a mysterious Czech designer who was known at the time as the father of B-Games." "B-Games are rough assemblages of found objects, Designers slap them together very quickly and freely, and they're often too rough and unfriendly to gain much following."' "They're built more for the joy of building them than as polished products." "In a certain way Sexy Hiking is the perfect embodiment of a B-Game. It's built almost entirely out of found and recycled parts, and it's one of the most unusual and unfriendly games of its time." "In it, your task is to simply drag yourself up a mountain with a hammer" "The act of climbing, in the digital world or in real life, has certain essential properties that gives the game it's flavor." "No amount of forward progress is guaranteed; some cliffs are to sheer or too slippery." "And the player is constantly, unremittingly in danger of falling and losing everything." "Anyway when you start Sexy Hiking, you're standing next to a (this dead) tree, which blocks the way to the entire rest of the game." "It might take you an hour to get over that tree. A lot of people never got past it. You prod and poke at it, exploring the limits of your reach and strength, trying to find a way up." "There's a sense of truth in that lack of compromise." "Most obstacles in videogames are fake - you can be completely confident in your ability to get through them, once you have the correct method or the correct equipment, or just by spending enough time." "In that sense, every pixelated object in Sexy Hiking is real." "The obstacles in Sexy Hiking are unyielding, and that makes the game uniquely frustrating." "But I'm not sure Jazzuo intended to make a frustrating game - the frustration is just essential to the act of climbing and it's authentic to the process of building a game about climbing." "A funny thing happened to me as I was building this mountain: I'd have an idea for a new obstacle, and I'd build it, test it, and... it would usually turn out to be unreasonably hard. But I couldn't bring myself to make it easier." "It already felt like my inability to get past the new obstacle was my fault as a player, rather than as the builder." "Imaginary mountains build themselves from our efforts to climb them, and it's our repeated attempts to reach the summit that turns those mountains into something real." "When you're building a videogame world you're building with ideas, And that can be like working with quick-set cement. You mold your ideas into a certain shape that can be played with, and in the process of playing with them they begin to harden and set until theyre immutable, like rock." "At that point you can't change the world - not without breaking it into pieces and starting fresh with new ideas." "For years now people have been predicting that games would soon be made out of prefabricated objects, bought into a store and assembled into a world." "For the most part, that hasn't happened, because the objects in the stores are trash. I don't mean they look bad or they're badly made, although a lot of them are. I mean they're trash in the way that food becomes trash as soon as you put it in the sink." "Things are made to be consumed in a certain context, and once the moment is gone they transform into garbage. In the context of technology those moments pass by in seconds." "Over time we've poured more and more refuse into this vast digital landfill we call the internet. It now vastly outnumbers and outweighs the things that are fresh and untainted and unused." "When everything around us is cultural trash, trash becomes the new medium, the lingua franca of the digital age." "You can build culture out of trash, but only trash culture: B-ganes, B-movies, B-music, B-philosophy." "Maybe this is what digital culture is." "A monstrous mountain of trash, the ash-heap of creativity's fountain." "A landfill with everything we ever thought of in it(,) Grand, infinite, and unsorted." "There's 3D models of breakfast(,) gen-xers' fanfic novels(,) scanned magazines, green-screen Shia LeBoeuf(,) banned snuff scenes on liveleak(,) facebook's got lifelike bots with unbranded adverts, and candid shots of Kanye(,) and Taylor Swift mashups(,) car crash epic fail gifs(,) Russian dash cam vids(,) discussions of McRibs(,) discarded, forgotten, unrecycled, muddled, rotten, untitled." "Everything's fresh for about six seconds until some newer thing beckons and we hit refresh. And there's years of persevering Dissapearing into the pile, Out of sight." "In this context, it's tempting to make friendly content... That's gentle, that lets you churn through it but not earn it." "Why make something demanding if it just gets piled up in the landfill Filed in with the bland things?" "When games were new, they wanted a lot from you. Daunting you, taunting you, resetting and delaying you. Players played stoically. Now everyone's turned off by that. They want to burn through it quickly, a quick fix for the fickle, some tricks for the clicks of the feckless. But that's not you, you're an acrobat, you could swallow a baseball bat." "Now I know, most likely you're watching on YouTube or Twitch while some dude with 10 million views does it for you, Like a baby bird being fed chewed-up food. That's culture too." "But on the off-chance that you're playing this, what I'm saying is: Trash is disposable but maybe it doesn't have to be approachable." "What's the feeling like? Are you stressed? I guess you don't hate it if you got this far, feeling frustrated it's underrated." "An orange is sweet juicy fruit locked inside a bitter peel. That's not how I feel about a challenge. I only want the bitterness, Its coffee, its grapefruit, its licorice." "It feels like we're closer now, composer and climber, Designer and user. You could have refused but you didn't, There was something in you that was hidden, That chose to continue." "It means a lot to me that you've come this far, Endured this much. Every wisecrack, every insensitivity, every setback that you've forgiven me is a kingly gift you've given me." "We have the same taste, You and I. It's not ambition. It's ambition's opposite. An obdurate mission to taste defeat. You'll feel bad if you win, so I put this snake in for you." "Have you thought about who you are in this? Are you the man in the pot, Diogenes? Are you the mans hand? Are you the top of the hammer? I think not. Where you move the hammer may not follow, nor the man, nor the mans hand. In this you're his WILL, his intent. The embodied resolve in his uphill ascent." "Now you've conquered the ice cliff, The platforms the church and rectory, the living room and the factory, the playground and the construction site, the granite rocks, and the lakeside. You've learned to hike. There's nowhere left to go but up, And in a moment I'll shut up, but let me say, I'm glad you came." "I dedicate this game to you, the one who came this far. I give it to you with all my love."

WeeDnD is a pot positive tabletop roleplaying gameshow extravaganza! With a cast made up of professional performers from on and around the Las Vegas Strip and a DM who is an ACTUAL wizard for a living (He plays the evil fire wizard Mordred in Tournament of Kings at the Excalibur Hotel/Casino). We hope to tear down the archaic stereotypes that afflict both the ttrpg community and the cannabis community, and in so doing showcase a group of motivated, charismatic, and successful players that play their way. However, the show and it's stories were built by a man with over 25 years of DMing experience and is, at it's core, is a true DND experience that everyone can enjoy! We hope it brings some joy and levity to you in this odd chapter in our shared history.
Catch us live every Tuesday at 8PM PST on twitch.tv/arthardstudios and be sure to follow so you know when we go live! Lots of new and exciting content on the way!
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ART HARD!