71 Best Tinder Pick Up Lines For Guys & Girls — DatingXP.co

Edit: I'm overwhelmed by the amount of letters I received. I'll do my best to respond to as much as I can, but I won't be responding to any new ones. Sorry, it's just physically impossible.
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A soulmate - like a best friend, but more.
Hi! I'm Via, which means path in Italian.
I used to study quantum and cosmic theoretical physics and Marie Currie and Nikola Tesla have always been my inspiration. I was torn for a while between art and science and in the end, I chose art.
I'm currently studying theatre performance and choreography. The stage - an existential catalyst. How about you? In what ways do you express what your inside universe is like?
I love dancing - swing and contemporary. If you're up for it, I'll teach you the basic steps in swing and we can dance in the small city streets late at night. You don't have to be good at dancing, I'll enjoy spending time with you either way.
I love Neil Gaiman books (Coraline and the Sandman being my favourite), I like Edgar Allan Poe and Kafka recently blew my mind. What would you have done in Gregor Samsa's place? I also like reading science books, like The elegant universe or falling asleep reading fairytale stories. Which is your favourite book and why? How did it change you?
Can I tell you all about the Ocean at the end of the lane?
How does your perfect date look like? Mine - I'd love to take you on a vintage picnic date. Just me and you on my pink blanket, listening to The Paper Kites, Kaleo, Hozier. Some lights and Raspberry wine. We'd be laughing and feeling like teenagers again.
I'll take you to my favourite places too, so grab your backpack and meet me at the bus stop. We'll catch bus 63 that goes to the mountain. We'll pick yellow wild flowers and berries. Sneak out from the hut at midnight with a few blankets to keep us cozy while we watch the Perseid meteor shower in early August, with nothing but fireflies and dandelions around us. We would make wishes while blowing dandelions, and you would have no idea that my wish had already come true, thinking there's no other place I'd rather be in that moment. Where is your favourite place?
I recently cut contact with my narcissistic family and I finally feel like I'm blooming. What is your attachment style?
My friends are amazing people, they'd be happy if you join us for a camping weekend. (After COVID, of course!) We'll play the guitar and sing, play games and go swimming.
I'm kind of obsessed with birds, they keep finding me when they are injured and I take care of them until they get well. And flowers (especially the wild yellow ones you can pick in the summer).
To summarise - I'm very artistic. I think I'm pretty funny (?), I love memes and I'd love to hear all your dad jokes. I love puns and cheesy pick up lines. I'm not as extroverted as I may seem, if I had to choose between a party and staying in my room doing my thing, I'd choose my room. My natural hair colour is dark blond but I like dying my hair in pretty colours that express how I feel. I'm skinny and I work out regularly. I also like yoga and going for runs. I'm 5'4 (163cm). I love animals (I have two hamsters Brule (his dream is to run away from his aquarium and become a free independent hamster and Moki, he is the cutest social hamster you'll see). I'm vegetarian and I'm trying to go vegan. I don't support the meat and dairy industry. I don't mind if you eat meat, and I won't push you to change, although I prefer people that will at least be curious to become informed.
Why Reddit and not Tinder or any other apps? Because there are like five main types of people in Tinder - "I don't use this, add me on insta", "Citizen of the world", "Traveler", "Sapiosexuals" that believe in astrology, "Looking for a balkan wife". Yes, we all like to travel and eat pizza.
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What I'm looking for?
- Someone who's funny and we can share memes and laugh. Dad jokes, cheesy pick up lines and puns will be appreciated
- Someone who would genuinely enjoy spending time with me. Would be interested in getting to know me and be open so I can get to know you too
- Be present, initiative and thoughtful
- You would like to meet up at some point in real life, and we'll have that cozy first airport hug
- Someone I can send and from whom I can receive cute good morning / good night texts
- Someone who would enjoy receiving details from my day /pics, videos, voices messages/ and would include me in his day by sending me selfies/pics/videos etc.
- Someone who would protect me from spiders
- You would be interested in having at least one date night a week / watching a movie or playing games together on a video call
- You'll be interested in visiting my country, and getting to know my culture. I'm also interested in visiting your country and getting to know more about your culture and traditions
- You'll believe in me, be there for me and fight to be with me
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What I'm not looking for?
- Someone putting minimal to no effort
- Someone who'd ditch me and cancel our date to play League of Legends all day
- Someone still not over their ex from 10 years ago / Emotionally unavailable
- Liars and cheaters
- Stoner losers
- Someone who would see me as less than his friends
- Someone who'd eat broccoli on their pizza
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If you're wondering what are some of my bad sides:
- Books and theatre have set really high dating expectations for me
- I can eat french fries for the rest of my life, if you order french fries I'd probably eat yours, too
- I'm scared of the dark and will call you if I have a nightmare so I can feel safe listening to your voice
- I'm an emotional and very romantic person, if you're more on the cold side it won't work out
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What am I offering?
- To be your best friend. I'll always be there for you.
- A lot of physical affection, I will love hugging you, kissing you, playing with your hair while you lay on my chest
- Compliments. You're probably hot af, and really handsome. I'll make sure you never forget it or doubt yourself
- Love you harder on the days you can't love yourself
- I'll be there for you when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year. Clap,clap,clap.
- I'll read you asmr bed time stories
- I'll be honest and always do my best to work things out, I'm pretty straight forward and you won't need to read my mind
- I'll believe in you
- I'll never give up on you
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I know this is a long shot, finding my soul mate on Reddit. But so was the possibility of the universe existing, and yet here we are.
You're probably far away, but that's okay. In quantum physics, once two particles experience a shared state, they are no longer separate entities but exist as one.
So let's build each other up, be the best version of ourselves, let go of the past and live in the present, let's travel and fuck and be happy.
If things work out, in a few years we could build a minimalistic home in the forests of Sweden (or wherever), fill it with pets and cute kids and enjoy Hygge.
Ideally, I'm looking for a person aged between 24-29 from Scandinavia.
If you're from somewhere else with a difference in the mentioned ages, but you found something in me that related to you, please send me a dm with your story and a pic, as you might be just who I'm looking for!
I hope to find you soon,
Via

Synopsis When Artum turned eighteen, like all humans in the world, he gained the ability to summon an object to his side by holding out his hand. He hoped for a sword or shield, to become a warrior. He certainly didn't want a shovel or a rolling pin. When he held out his hand, however, he summoned a staff. Not a mages staff, either - the staff that was once wielded by the dark lord. Now, on the run, Artum must hide from the Chosen Ones that once defeated the Dark Lord and learn to wield the staff's awesome power before they catch and execute him.
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Artum turned to run and nearly fell. The tremors in his arms and legs hadn’t left him yet, and the movement was almost more than he could take. Tiebalt let out a curse and handed his shovel to Garissa before wrapping an arm around Artum. Before Artum could even protest, Tiebalt heaved and tossed Artum over his shoulders, holding him by a leg and an arm. “What?” Artum started to ask.
“Don’t argue, just hold still,” Tiebalt growled, and then he was running, Garissa hot on his heels, the shovel in one hand and her stick in the other. Artum clutched the staff with both hands, trying to hold it still, so it wouldn’t slap against Tiebalt as they ran. It was still dark, and although Tiebalt tried, Artum’s face was slapped with sticks and twigs and leaves every few minutes. He spluttered to spit out some of the leaves, but didn’t protest the indignity.
Behind them, something howled, a high and keening sound unlikely any wolf Artum had heard before. Beastbinder had, after the fall of the Dark One, travelled the world to find the most exotic creatures for his forces. Whatever was howling wasn’t anything Artum was likely to have encountered before.
His head started to clear with time and from the repeated slaps to the face. Think, Artum commanded himself, forcing his stubborn brain to work.
The biggest weakness would have to be Beastbinder himself. The man would be of incredibly advanced age, and the Destined staves didn’t give them enhanced lifespan that Artum had heard of. If they could draw him out, he’d be forced to pull his animals around to defend himself. That would give them an opening to escape. Of course, there’s no way you’ll be able to force him out, Artum thought, a train of thought that was momentarily derailed by a glancing blow on his temple from a branch thicker than the ones he’d encountered so far. His vision went from dark to being filled with stars, and his grip on the staff loosened. Artum let it fall and called it back to his fingers once his head cleared. “Tiebalt, we have to get out of the Everwoods!” he said.
“Oh really?” Tiebalt asked, panting the words. Artum could feel the strain coming off him, and felt a stab of guilt for needing to be carried. “I was somewhat expecting to just run blindly until I tripped and broke my neck with your spine.”
“Better to have said and not needed…” Artum muttered, though he acknowledged the rebuke for what it was - Tiebalt tended to get vitriolic when he was frightened.
Moments later, it became apparent Artum need not have spoken. They burst from the dense underbrush of the Everwoods and back onto the grasslands that surrounded it. It was a harsh divide - unlike most forests, the Everwoods had a clear dividing line between it and the grasslands. “Put me down,” Artum said. “I can move on my own.”
“Can’t put you down without stopping,” Tiebalt said, the words coming out in short gasps.
“Can’t keep carrying me if you fall to exhaustion,” Artum retorted.
Tiebalt growled, but started to slow. He set Artum down as quickly as he could without just slamming him to the dirt. “We have to move,” he said.
“But no more sprinting,” Garissa said, her own words coming out in sharp gasps. She looked every bit as worn as Tiebalt, and was quick to hand him back the heavy shovel. Sweat beaded her forehead, and she took the momentary rest to wipe it off her brow “Just run at an even pace. Something we can maintain.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Artum said.
“Argue while we move,” Tiebalt said, and started to take off down the grasslands, forcing the other two to follow.
As she ran, Garissa shook her head. “I’m studying natural science, remember? Humans can run far longer than any other animal, except horses and wolves, but if we push too hard we’ll pass out. If we keep an even pace, we can maintain it longer.”
“It’ll make it easier for them to catch us!” Artum said, his eyes wide.
“Can’t escape them if we fall to exhaustion,” Garissa said.
Tiebalt was too out of breath to laugh, but he did give Artum a smug smile. “Not so funny when the words are sent your way?”
Artum growled but kept the even pace Garissa was setting. Garissa glanced over. “Artum, you and Tiebalt could use your stamina. You’ll go so much-”
“Absolutely not,” Artum said, although he was ashamed to admit as mall part of himself was tempted. It was hard not to dash off, but the knowledge he’d be leaving Tiebalt and Garissa behind kept him from moving ahead. His thoughts were clear now, and his limbs moved easily. “Anything in your natural sciences say humans use mana to think?” he asked Garissa.
“Don’t be absurd,” Garissa responded. “Why?”
“Couldn’t think after the lightning bolt.” Artum risked a glance at his hand. His mana bar was near empty. Like he’d thought, mana didn’t impact thought. But why couldn’t he think? And why was the red bar more full now than it had been before?
Garissa frowned in thought. In the silence, all Artum could hear was the rustle of the grass as they dashed through it. It was a good thing Garissa had set a slower pace - the tall grass wouldn’t allow them to have move much faster even if they wanted to. “Lightning lives in storms and can be harnessed out of acid,” she said after some thought. “Not thoughts. But I suppose it makes sense that there would be some connection.”
“I need to figure out how to manage it,” Artum said. He risked a glance back to the Everwoods. “If I zap whatever he’s sending after us and turn into an idiot again, even briefly, it could doom us all.”
“I have some thoughts about that,” Garissa said. “But none that can be used to fix things quickly. We have to work with what we know we can do safely.”
Tiebalt spoke up before Artum could express his frustration. None of them were able to speak smoothly at this point, all of them were starting to feel the effort of running, but the conversation had to happen. They couldn’t run forever. “So think, Artum. We have a shovel, a stick, and your crystal. What do we do when Beastbinder catches up to us?”
As if Tiebalt’s words had reached the Dark Hall and summoned them, three forms burst from the foliage of the Everwoods. One was the Haufen, its fur still somewhat blackened and charred from Artum’s lightning. Next to it were two creatures Artum had never seen before. They were strange, somewhat resembling wolves, but with sloped backs and blunt snouts. One of them sighted the group and began to creep forward, its tongue rolling out of its mouth in a pant. The other creature started to laugh. It was a disturbing sound, like something from a madman’s lips, but coming from an animal’s jaw. Then they were running, cutting through the paths that Artum and his friends had started to cut through the grass with their passage.
“Garissa!” Artum said. “Are you sure the light comes from plants?”
“No,” She admitted. “Just that it makes sense.”
Artum prayed she was right and held the staff behind him as he ran. “Both of you, pull ahead of me! I have a plan, but I think it’s safer if you’re further away.”
“Artum, if this is you doing some self-sacrificial thing…” Garissa started to say, but Artum shook his head.
“I’ll be right behind you, I swear. Just keep running!”
Garissa nodded and pulled ahead. Tiebalt gave Artum a hard look. “I’m not leaving you behind,” he said.
“Trust me!” Artum said. “Please!”
Tiebalt glared at Artum, and almost stumbled from having to look back. Artum put a hand on his back to steady him. “I know you,” Tiebalt said.
“I promise,” Artum said. “I promised you years ago - I won’t go swimming alone again.”
Tiebalt’s gaze hardened. “You better not,” he growled, but the reminder of the boyhood promise seemed enough to get him to pull ahead.
Artum breathed a sigh of relief. Those strange laughing wolves were gaining, and the Haufen was close behind. He held out the staff behind him and focused on the need for light he’d felt when trying to see Garissa’s face.
The staff flared to life, shining as brightly as a campfire. Artum honed his thoughts further on that need, stoking the desire the same way he would a flame. The staff began to grow brighter, from campfire to lightning bolt.
And behind him, the grass started to turn brown and wither. It spread out in an arc as he ran, forming a path of dead grass that fanned out behind him. He could see it in the harshly bright light of the crystal, and it made him sick to watch the way it desiccated, going from healthy and green to something that looked like it belonged on the edge of the Wastes. The red bar continued to fill with every step, confirming he was somehow draining it. He just didn’t know how or why.
Beastbinders fiend-wolves stopped at the edge of the brown area and then stepped into it hesitantly. They didn’t start to advance again until the Haufen was with them, charging into the dead, dry grass.
Artum whirled to face the beasts when they were fully in the center of it, too far in to move quickly from the dead zone he’d created, and pulled out the flint and steel he carried in his pocket. “One more step and I ignite it!” he said, his voice as loud and clear as he could manage.
All four of the animals skidded to a halt and stared at him. Artum took deep, heavy breaths as Garissa and Tiebalt slowed.
Then, from the edge of the Everwoods, he heard a slow, rhythmic sound of deliberate clapping. Beastbinder stepped from the forest, his hands slapping together. He was as old as Artum had expected, his hair silver and his face wrinkled and weathered from years of sun, but his frame was still muscular and he did not move with the slowness of his edge. “You surprise me, Dark Heir,” Beastbinder said. “I’d not see my friends burned this night. Perhaps we can parlay?”
Artum nodded, but kept the flint and steel at the ready.
One of the strange wolves chuckled darkly, and Beastbinder strode into the area of withered grass with a predatory grace, moving like a wolf strolling through its domain and with as little fear. The motion put a chill in Artum’s bones - the dried grass would go up with a flash if he put the tinder to it, if Garissa was half-right about what he was doing to it. And yet, Beastbinder had walked into it like it was as flammable as sand. Is he really that unafraid? “No further,” Artum said when Beastbinder was within easy speaking distance.
Beastbinder stopped and nodded. “Might I send my friends away? They grow restless easily.”
“And send them to safety so they can lope around and strike me from behind?” Artum did his best to give an arrogant scoff. It came out more like a cough than anything else. As hard as he tried to act otherwise, there was something intimidating about the man, and it wasn’t just the emerald crystal in his hand. It didn’t help that, up close, Artum could see Beastbinders eyes. They looked every bit as old as Beastbinder himself should look, and not the milky age that Artum associated with some of the village elders. These were the eyes who had stared into the Dark Halls time and time again and always looked away.
“You don’t trust me. I understand. Yet we have a parlay. I will not betray that.”
“I believe you,” Artum said. “But if the parlay ends poorly, I’ll have no protection.”
Beastbinder chuckled. It was a warm sound, a friendly sound. A sound utterly at odds with his motion and his eyes. “You haven’t even had the Sable Crystal for a full day, and already you grow paranoid. Surely a bit of trust would not be amiss?”
“Trust?” Artum couldn’t help how rudely incredulous he sounded, and Garissa made a strangled sound behind him. She and Tiebalt had returned, as Artum had known they would. Should have kept running, he thought, but without a hint of rancor. Their return was a comfort he desperately needed.
“Artum, he’s Destined,” Garissa said quietly. “Some respect might be in order?”
Beastbinder didn’t chuckle this time. He threw back his head and laugh, a motion that shook his belly. “Your friend is the Dark Heir,” he said when he calmed his laughter. “I think milk would curdle for a thousand miles if he showed me respect. And I take it that trust is out of the question?”
Artum shook his head. “This morning, people who lived in my village, people I would have trusted with my life, called me a monster. People sent by the Destined to keep us safe from Bigands and Caprings tried to kill me and my friends. You can’t blame my paranoia on the Sable Crystal.” Artum wished Garissa hadn’t reminded him about Beastbinder’s station. The man was intimidating enough without it being brought to Artum’s attention that he represented the power of the Destined on this world.
The sun chose that moment to creep over the horizon, washing the world in the orange light of dawn like a flame. In its light, he could truly see Beastbinder for what he was. An old man wrapped around the frame of a young one. He looked less intimidating now that he was lit by more than the harsh light of the Sable Crystal.
“Very well.” Beastbinder motioned, and the Haufen sat on its haunches, while the two laughing wolves curled themselves to rest. The final creature, a crow, landed on Beastbinder’s shoulder. “I suppose, when you put it that way, it sounds so reasonable.”
“How else would it sound?” Artum asked.
“Like a madman’s ramblings,” Beastbinder said. He motioned for Artum to sit on the grass, and did the same, crossing his legs on top of what Artum could set alight with a moment’s notice. Shocked, Artum did the same, and Garissa and Tiebalt joined him. “Thank you. These old bones don’t like standing for too long.”
“You don’t move like you’re old,” Artum said.
Beastbinder nodded. “A benefit of holding a Staff. We age on the outside, and age will eventually claim us, but our muscles and tendons remain young. The bones don’t, though. Never did figure out why that was. Keep that in mind if you reach my age. You’ll be able to leap like a young man, but you’ll land like a grandfather.”
Artum winced at the thought. “You seem to imply you think I might live that long.”
“Perhaps even longer,” Beastbinder said. “We don’t know exactly how your predecessor reached the age he did. Was it a property of his Staff? Something he found in Shobbot? Some dark ritual or deal with the Lords of the Dark Hall?” Beastbinder shrugged. “Maybe you’ll find out, and you too will be immortal.”
“Not that I’m complaining, but it’s starting to sound suspiciously like you’re not going to kill me,” Artum said.
“Why would I do that?” Beastbinder asked, and he seemed honestly perplexed.
“You sent a Haufen after me!” Artum didn’t mean to shout the words, but this conversation was so perplexing he was completely thrown off by Beastbinder’s confusion.
“I do apologize for that,” Beastbinder said. “I sent Myshnah to look for you. Ardex and Calvex are less easy in the Everwoods - far better suited to the plains - and Grahn flys poorly between trees in the dark. When she found you, I fear she panicked at the light of your staff. My control slipped for a moment.” He gave Artum a dark look. “For that, I will forgive you for the lightning. This time.”
Myshnah yawned, showing the massive tusks that would have spilled Artum’s guts across the Everwoods if he’d been less cautious. Ardex and Calvex laughed at his shiver. “I appreciate the leniency,” he said.
“What are they?” The words burst from Garissa’s lips, and Artum wondered how hard she’d been holding them back. “Um. Sorry. I’ve just never seen anything like them. Ardex and Calvex, I mean.”
Beastbinder smiled. “They’re from the plains of a land across the Outer Sea. They’re called hyenas. They’re more closely related to cats than wolves, in spite of their appearance.”
“I was wondering about that,” Garissa said brightly. Artum got the distinct impression that if she had a pen and paper, she’d take notes. “They don’t lay like hounds or wolves. It’s not the right curl and head placement. They’re beautiful.”
“Did you hear that, Ardex? The pretty girl thinks you’re beautiful,” Beastbinder said.
Ardex’s head poked up, and he - or she - gave Garissa a grin with tongue lolling from between a jaw that looked like it could crack bone in half.
Gently, Artum cleared his throat. “Garissa? Mind if I ask the giant man if he’s going to kill me or not?”
Garissa flushed. “Of course,” she said airily, “but if he doesn’t kill you, I intend on picking his brain about the hyenas.”
Tiebalt, who had been silent up until now, just sighed.
“I don’t intend on killing you,” Beastbinder said.
“You’ll understand if I find that hard to believe,” Artum responded, looking at Beastbinder with narrowed eyes. “Even if what happened with Myshnah was an accident, you still set the hyenas after us. You spied on us through a crow’s eyes. You didn’t stop the chase until I had a weapon I could use against you. And you want me to believe that now it was all...what? Some huge misunderstanding?”
“No,” Beastbinder said. “And yes. You hurt Myshnah. I forgot myself, and set Ardex and Calvex after you with murder in their hearts. I won’t lie and claim otherwise. But when I came to find you, I did not come intending to kill you. I came to see if I would need to kill you.”
“And you’ve decided not to?”
“No,” Beastbinder said. “But I have seen no reason to, not right now. You drove off Myshnah with lightning, yes. Not just any - it was the very strikes the Dark One could summon. Nothing natural about it, not like what Stormbreaker can do. Could do.” He looked very sad for a moment, but it passed before Artum could even start to wonder how many friends this man had lost. “But since then...you used the Sable Crystal to sap the life from plants, but you did not throw your tinder to the grass when I entered. You stopped when I asked you to spare my friends. You have been paranoid, yes, but you have not seemed evil. Even when I provoked you.”
“So...I’m safe,” Artum felt relief begin to creep in. “This was a test, and I passed? I’ll get to keep the Crystal and go back to Oldsbrook and…”
The words died on his lips as he saw Beastbinder’s face, and the man shook his head, his mane of white hair cascading behind him. “I have decided that there is nothing evil in you yet. The other Destined will not agree. They will hunt you, Dark Heir. They will hunt you to the ends of the world, and will rest only when that Staff and the Core it contains is put to the ground where it can harm no one ever again.”
It wasn’t a threat. Beastbinder spoke with a simple finality that chilled Artum to his bone.
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Is that a core? Looks like it! The connection to the rest of the coreverse becomes stronger. If you want to read some of the other Coreverse stories, Dragonflame - a book about a princess who was raised by a dragon and the first book of the Dragon's Scion - was published this month, and Motors of Keldora - the 3rd book in the Factory of the Gods, a series that dares break the cardinal rule and puts an engineer into a fantasy world so he can build a fantasy - is on pre-order right now! Also, all of my stories are in the Coreverse aside from Small Worlds, so check my published books and other serials below! Also also, if you want to read the books that are going straight to Amazon - they're also being updated on my patron! Half of Motors of Keldora is over there, as is a chunk of a brand new book - Dinosaur Dungeon.
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I won't be making a B-team power rankings because I think it's just too difficult to evaluate the intricacies of b-team. However I am here with A-team power rankings based on my gross assumptions of how the lineups are going to be composed.
1. Do the Wire (Carp/JoeHobo, El Sacko/Porps)
I was hoping my Porps cheese would get me the full 100 but it only got me 95. Either way he's so hilariously underrated by the community, reflecting a larger problem that only Dallas Only can fix: despite making up something like 20% of the NLTP community, Western defense comprises about 65% of the total aggregate defensive talent. Porps is an incredible player who can adapt to any team and hammer down in-base defenses. I knew that, for similar reasons, I could get one of Sacko or Ralph for less than 40 TCs, whomever was nommed first, and when I got the first nom I decided on Sacko mostly because he has better Dallas ping. Carp was a given for this team and then with my last TCs I somehow managed to get Joe Hobo. This offense is the best in the league, this defense is the best in the league. Oink is underrated but I mostly got him because I needed to finish my auction by 9 est and I knew Oink was in that sweet spot of being good but not being on the radar of people with TCs left. Very happy with how the draft went and I think I proved my point, that western drafts are just too easy right now and that All Dallas is an absolute necessity for the league in terms of parity.
2. Manipulation Station (jig/Juke Juice, soul read/slime_god)
I'm about 80% sure soul read is a smurf but the CRC swears up and down they've run him through the ringer as far as smurf tests go, so I'm forced to accept that Dusk must simply have done it again. This is the best eastern defense, with slime_god being the best eastern defender and soul read being the most exciting new defensive talent save Enthy. On offense, Dusk somehow managed to bully LBT into not even trying to compete for Juke Juice despite the fact he was the third best western offense available in this draft. jig is probably the best offender this season as a solo player, and Juke Juice is good enough to deliver as a fourth ball on this otherwise stacked team, even if they declare Chicago. Very very strong team here from Dusk, the jj/lukemoo picks make it look like an all-central team which might hurt slime. However it's built to resist sphereballs so I am a little scared of playing these guys in the Nuper.
3. Miami Ballphins (Jerry/blackberry, JARVISLANDRY/Adarssh)
Jarvis is considering doing something monumentally crippling to this team and declaring as an all-central team. I think he should very much not do this. I also think this is the best lineup for this team, but I'm not sure how Jarvis will end up lining them up. Look, the 50 TCs on Adarssh thing definitely looked kind of sideways, but it looks like Jarvis slipped the other eastern captains some Valium or something because he then managed to spend only 20 TCs on the best eastern offense possible with blackberry and Jerry. The defense definitely looks iffy but Jarvis has told me this is built to be a midfield team, and for that purpose it looks incredibly strong. Best eastern offense, serviceable defense that is well-suited for Jerryballing, and a team that could be disastrously weakened by declaring anywhere but Toronto.
4. The Cyclists (Zeus/Helen Keller, Gram/Irony)
I think Irony has suffered for most of his playing career from never really having the right partner. When he started with Magnitude, his team had a lot of problems and Mag wasn't the right player to teach him how to play the game in a competitive environment. He spent a season Wednesday restricted after that, much to Ducky's chagrin, and then went back to A-team to play with Crony, and while Irony and Crony are very similar words I don't think Elegant was the right player either. Now he's with Gram and honestly I think he'll do very well. This offense is also pretty good, Zeus should do work and Helen Keller could've been almost anybody without dragging this team down to being bad. Overall this team looks like a mixed bag with an iffy fourth ball, but I think the core foundation of Gram and Zeus is pretty damn strong in a season like this.
5. Bust a Pup (OuchMyBalls/D4NK_JUK3R, Enthymeme/yawn)
I think it's funny how little faith people had in the iSuck pick. Just because he hasn't played or really been visibly active for a little while everybody assumed he had no idea what the hell was going on in the league and was going to have a Weed the People-type draft. Then he shows up and has the zoomerest draft I've ever seen in my life. If you showed me these rosters before the draft and asked me to tell you who drafted what I probably would've assumed Dusk or Gram or one of the really good scouts picked these players up but it was actually the "boomer" GM choice and the "boomer" NLTP captain iSuck. I absolutely love the risks here, I just can't rank this team in the top three because there's some really solid cores up there. OMB and Juk3r is the kind of offense I wish I could draft from the west, but there's just not the same rising offensive talent out here. Could be a scouting issue, could just be less pub interest. Enthymeme is as good as everybody thinks, and the yawn pick at 21 TCs off the hammer pub rookie look is a god damn exciting one. Hoping this team cracks some skulls.
6. OPH (King~Zion/[kool aid or T-Swift], Anthony Davis/HYPETRAIN)
Zion is one of the more exciting offensive rising stars in recent seasons. I was planning on grabbing him for fifth ball but the draft was going very slowly and I figured I didn't want to risk blowing my last nom before 9 est on a player who might be bid up past my 0 tc budget. I think kool aid and T-swift are about equals as individual players, but T-swift has a lot more playing experience and gamesense and would probably be the better A-team starting partner for Zion. The offense is exciting to me, I'm not sure how well they'll perform against some of the better or western defenses but they could very well propel this team to top 3 status. The defense looks very solid but not flashy; I think they'll be fantastic in base and honestly be able to lock stuff down in general. I think this is gonna be another Nuper run OPH upset but I'm still hesitant to put them ahead of some of the other exciting eastern teams like the NIPs.
7. Land Before Timers/C.R.E.A.M. (Gramps/bergieberg, Ralph Wiggum/chucky)
Look, I wanted Gramps because it would let me stop drafting and because he would be good with Carp. I don't think he's necessarily going to play like 30 TCs something like a year and a half after his narrow Nuper loss. This draft really highlights the persistent problem of the west coast draft that underlines how all-Dallas helps the west: there's no offense here. Before the draft it looked like there were about 3 western A-team offenders in Carp, jj, and Gramps; then there were about 3 fringers, in bergie, Tinder, and garet. The big secret is that Gramps is physiologically incapable of being the lead ball. He absolutely excels as a support offender but when LBT let jj go they gave up on having a viable offense. That said, the western gamesense and the western defense are here anyway so this team basically can't be below the playoff line. chucky and Ralph is probably the second best defense (I cannot stress enough how much NLTP needs all Dallas) and even if this team is just holding and holding-- as is tradition for LBT-- they should still be able to tie and win the real grindfests.
8. Legends of the Splittin Temple (drewfa/[bbb or liu kang], Catalyst/anduin)
This looks like the type of draft where Sadness got exactly the roster he wanted from the top down, but where it still might not be that strong at the end of the day, a lot like the Hjalpa/Activ. team in S18. I think the defense will not work as well as it probably should' Catalyst and anduin are both "safe" eastern defenders and they tend to underperform the expectations their drafters have of them. Putting them together might actually help because they both have a very old ball way of playing, so it's possible they'll end up complementing one another. With the offense, Sadness has a big choice to make. I was going to draft liu kang until Joe dropped into my lap because liu has absolutely incredible mechanics and needs to be molded by a shrewd captain; I think Sadness is the right kind of captain to this end. However, the player with a lot more clout out of the two is bbb. I think what it comes down to is that drewfa is actually a lot better than everybody-- including he himself-- gives him credit for; he's just never been the "lead offender" of a duo and has never really been allowed to call shots. I think at the end of the day bbb would probably get a little tilty and bossy and drewfa would suffer for it. I think liu kang and drewfa would actually perform better because drewfa could slide naturally into a leadership role and liu kang could be allowed some room to learn how to use his powerful mechs. It reminds me of myself and Pace. But the easy choice is to play bbb and call it a day.
9. Incrediballs (pk/Espeluznante, Maradona/[sonder or im a goat])
I will admit I have never actually seen sonder play, and I always thought he was more of a behind-the-scenes type guy, but pk dropping the hefty price tag on the lad makes me think there might be more to him than meets the eye. Anyway, whether it's sonder or goat here, I think this team's weak point is the defense and its strong point is the offense. I've never much found myself on the Maradona hype train in the same way a lot of other people have been, I think he's a fine player but probably not capable of carrying a defense as it looks like he'll be expected to here, especially with whichever of these two partners he ends up with. I think the offense is the stronger half of the team, and that pk and Espel should be able to perform very well; I worry that they have similar playstyles and roles they like to fill, however, so redundancy/lost chemistry might be an issue for this offense. Overall a pretty middle of the road team; I don't see them falling below 9-10 or rising above 6-7.
10. Weed the People (yea/??? ??????????)
I think the core here of yea and Homie is pretty predictable and also pretty good. I'm not sure how yea will end up structuring this team but however he does I don't think they'll end up doing super well. Probably the best call is to have slob on o with yea and Homie on D with WRIG, but then that's a dangerously unreliable defense and a pretty fun offense. I think this team will win big on the having fun with friends leaderboard and when all the dust and smoke settles-- especially the smoke-- they'll probably have a lot of roster moves and ultimately miss playoffs.
11. Green Eggs and Spam (EphewSeaKay/Noice!!, Trituin/Makin Bacon)
This team is the only one actually built to be an "all-central" team and it really does suffer for it. This is why we don't do all-Dallas halfway. I think none of these players will be playing as well as they could be and I think there's a lot of lost chemistry and diminished comms on this team; I like each of the individual pieces as a third-ish ball (second in Ephew's case) but none of them are going to be the leader this team needs. The offense is probably better than the defense but who knows, maybe after all these Bupers what Trituin really needed to get to that next level was to play on Chicago for most of the games in the season. At the end of the day I like the people on the team but I think it won't mesh together well; however there's enough talent that I wouldn't be surprised to see them make playoffs.
12. Bohemian Cap City (MagikPigeon/BoldRoller, Rick G. #853/clew3)
You should never put a Euro on defense, but this draft looks dangerously like Rick might plan to. Honestly I'm excited to see BoldRoller finally make his proper A-team debut but I'm not certain this is the right team for him to do it on; I think Magik will be able to de-tilt Bold in most of the riskier games and probably perform pretty well himself, but I really don't see this offense being better than mid-level. It's possible they will perform well statistically-- Bold has a propensity for stat accumulation and Magik has a good level head with which to play support/pup getting-- but I think ultimately they won't be able to win games as much as they'll need to. The defense is tough, I think if Rick wanted to play himself on defense he should've spent bigger on a more established and mentor-like defender. I'm happy to see Rick on back-to-back-(to back?) A-team seasons but I think he needs to find his identity as a player. Maybe it's as the lead defender to a statistically good-looking b-team callup behind a shaky Euro/callup offense, maybe it isn't. I love the guy and I hope this team proves me wrong.

Hey everyone reading, lost it a few months ago at the age of 23.
As a long time lurker of this subreddit I feel some kind of obligation to share my story but focused on the long way to this success rather than the sex itself.
So sorry for the (maybe to) long text, but I think it helps to create the full picture so that you can get the most of my experience for yourself. If you dont want to read the whole story just pick the parts you seem interested in or the TLDR at the end.
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My Background and early Years
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My Childhood was pretty good and relatively normal.
Born in Western Europe with two great parents who unfortunatly divorced as i entered elementary school.
My Dad with whom I lived after the divorce was a jehovah's witness and so was I at that time.
In elementary school i did fine with grades and the other kids, even though I was a bit of a shy kid.
Because of that my teachers adviced us that I should went to a "Good" School which was located in a much wealthier part of town. Performance Level was way higher than I could handle and combined with the bullying that started shortly afterwards School became hell for me.
It got worse and worse until finally I changed the school.
Of course I was afraid like never before but the first day went fucking well, Performance Level arround that place was in favor of me and the kids seemed cool.
The time went on well, aside from minor problems and my school skipping which I developed on my old school, and now continued because it didnt hurt my grades and which kid likes to get up early.
But then a thing should happen that should change a lot.
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First successes
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Biology Class, topic Evolution Theory.
As a practicing jehovah´s witness I thought of it as a lie, but after a few hours in class and a lot of talkings with the Teacher (A really Great Guy, I am really thankfull for him) I realized that maybe the theory had it flaws but it made much more sense than what I was told.
Arround the same time I started to drink and going to Partys/ClubsI was a horny 16 Years old which faith was recently challenged so I was afraid but at the same time excited to enter these "Unmoral" Places.
Based from the things my Religion told me and what I made of it I thought you need to be on guard to not getting seduced by a girl send by the devil in these places.
OF COURSE THAT WASNT THE CASE and so the only sinnfull thing that happened was a drunk 1 sec kiss which happened because of a challenge or something like that at a party.
It took some time and some more minor cracks in my religious world view but in the end I left Jehovah´s Witnesses.
In the end I made a good graduation and much more important made great friends.
I even managed to get a "date" with a classmate.But since I still was pretty shy arround girls and she was even more shy then me, the biggest that happened was a hug at the end (and in our school everybody hugged to greet so yeah :D )
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Problems coming back
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After 10th Grade I went on with school and even though people were still great and Grades fine my sexual frustration rised from day to day and the feeling of missing out started to evolve.
Also my happiness was at decline, it took a great high after the school switching but the time before had left its traces and as I left the religion my whole world view was shattered, freed from a lie but still shattered.
The fact that I started to smoke way to much weed (sometimes up to 5g daily) didnt made it better.
I failed the next graduation left school and didnt catch a job afterwards and fell into a deep hole.
A way to long time (1 Year minimum) I was an unemployed weed addicted Guy living at home.
Of course the fact that I was unemployed didnt boost my confidence when it came to girls and so it was a devilish cycle.
After a failed therapy in which I was diagnosed with medium strength depression, a screwed up job opportunity and many more problems I floated arround for some time before I made one last effort to change my life and finally get at least a job.
I dreamed of studying something cool but here I was on a cold morning waiting before a tiny supermarket for the gates to open and start a rehearsel day for a minimum wage job.
To my suprise the day went well, I got the Job and the colleagues seemed fine to.
Now with a Job my self worth grew and since I draged a lot of heavy items arround daily my strength and weight improved really well.
But still I was missing sex and much more love from a so.
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Why not a Prostitute
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The Idea of visiting a prostitute emerged in me.
After some concideration and a lot of reading posts partly here in this sub I decided to go for it.
But it shouldnt be a normal prostitute, I decided to get a Thai Massage with a Happy End.
Normal penetrative Sex would have felt like cheating for me so the idea of a massage and a Handjob was the perfect middle way between losing your V Card without using money and my sexual cravings.
I called a good friend and told him about my plans, so a couple days later we went swimming together and after it he droped me off.
I was excited and scared about it going wrong, cumming way to early, geting catched by somebody I know.....
Inside I was greeted by a friendly Asian Lady and told to sit down in the waiting room.
To my confusion, she asked if I knew what kind of Thai Massage this was going to be, which I approved of.
Few Seconds later the Lady I already picked based on the pictures from the website greeted and guided me to the room.She asked if I wanted to take a shower but since I showered not even half an hour before I declined.
In hindsight, I personally would advise you to always take a shower even if you don't think you need one, I mean imagine what you would prefer if you were on the other side.
She told me to undress and lay down on the bed.
As I did she dimmed the lights and started to put on some not bad but really stereotypical Asian spa/relax music.
It felt so surreal that I really needed to hold back to not burst out laughing, but as soon I felt here climbing over me naked and starting to massage my legs that problem was off as I was getting rock hard and even started to shake a bit out of excitement.
While she was doing her job I couldn't help but stare at the clock in the room since I wanted to knew when it could be time to enter the next phase and how long this strange but pleasant Event would continue.
About 20minutes later she told me to move around.
For the first time in my life I saw a woman naked and I liked it.
As she continued the massage I thought about touching her, however I didn't know if I was allowed to and didn't dare to ask since the situation was already overwhelming enough.
After some time she started jerking me off and even though physically it should be the same it felt totally different compared to doing it yourself.
My arousal went up even more, which amazed me since I was already more agitated than ever before
This led me to ask if I could go down on her, which she kindly declined and these days I am so thankful for her response.
Look nothings wrong with going down on somebody but I personally would strongly advise against it if it is a prostitute or even a very sexual active person in general, since there's no protection and who knows what you can catch down there. Shouldn't be necessary to point out that outside of a relationship a Condom is must use.
She continued and after about maybe 10minutes I climaxed into the condom.
I felt overwhelmed and it took about 2 or 3 minutes before she showed me the bathroom where I could take a shower.
Walking through the hall, only covered by a towel and wearing slippers I felt kind of proud but also odd.
After the Shower I went back to pick on my stuff and before I left it was time to pay.
For the Hour it was about 60-70 Euro but still overwhelmed and with a feeling of thankfulness I tipped ten Euro on top
This would get me the nickname 10 Euro man, of course always combined with a humoristic Asian pronunciation, and to be honest I found it funny.
I have mixed feelings about sharing this kind of experiences with others.
On one hand its no ones business as long as you are single and everything happens in a legal setting.
On the other I think you should be open to close people/friends who you can trust.
So I had seen a woman naked and gotten a handjob on top of a nice massage.
But on the other hand it was kinda empty or lets say not fulfilling.
The Acts were motivated by money and not by me, my body, my behavior, but with that in mind, I was even more committed than ever before to get the full experience, maybe even combined with love or god forbid a relationship.
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The Second Date
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Some time passed and my interest in a friend from a common one grew.
I ´ve known her for quite some time from a few events she brought her along and in the beginning I had no interest in her and didn't even find her attractive.
After some meet ups I began to like her and one night we were having a trip party with friends at which I was the sober trip sitter.
Over the course of the night she asked me to hold her hand and of course I accepted.
Was this just a kind calming gesture needed from a trip sitter she could trust or was she interested in me as a person ?
Immediately after that I started to engage with her more than before via text.
It just so happened that the yearly fair would come into town and since I was a big fan like her I decided to make a move.
I asked her out, but unfortunately I can't recall how direct I was about it being a date, but I was way more open and sincere than years back when I had my first "date" and I am pretty sure she got the idea.
The Day arrived and I was even more excited/tense/afraid than I was previously about my Thai Massage Visit.
This was going to be a minimum risk money wise, but emotionally and socially it was all in.
As I went to pick her up via Cycle thoughts positive as negative rushed through my mind.
Would the date go well, how should I act, fuck I got a Date.....
The minute we met I knew that however the date would go, this was a way better decision than doing nothing, still I was nervous as hell.
We had a nice ride to the fair and a great time at it, the fact that she had no hesitations about the rides made it even better.
To my surprise we even held hands most of the time and man I felt like a boss.
I felt kind of stupid, douche bag like for feeling this way, but hey, this was a big success and something I really could be proud of, especially since I was always envious of the couples I´ve seen at the fair all the years before holding hands or making out.
Afterwards, I attended her back home and hugged here at the end.
The Date went great we both had a lot of fun and to this day this is one my most beautiful memories it the end I didn't expect a kiss or even more and was totally fine with just a hug but something felt off.
The next day at work I was still full of joy and wrote with our common friend about the Date.
After some exchange she told me I shouldn't build up on it and I was furious.
Did I do something wrong that I hadn't noticed, was my perception that off?
As the Shift ended, I immediately called her as I wanted to know what the hell was going on.
I trusted her greatly and normally wouldn't have questioned her advice, but this was different, I had opened myself and by that made me vulnerable like never before.
She ducked around which made me even more angry as I wasn't used to this behavior from her.
Along the lines I could read that she had problems by herself and that she wouldn't advise me to engage in a relationship with here.
I wasn´t happy with that crypted answers and so I digged.
She had told her about our date and that she had a great time, but also that she couldn't answer my feelings.
That didn't make it better and I was astonished that she was so cowardly to let our common friend play the messenger.
In itself, I was totally fine with the idea itself, even though I would have wished otherwise, but hey you can't change feelings.
But I made a move on her, we went on a date and so it should be her telling me about how she felt.
As I got home I wrote down a long list of Keywords, about a full page, that would help me to record a voice message.
Normally I would have preferred a call, but since she acted in such a cowardly manner I figured a voice message would be the better Idea, since it would give her more space and less pressure.
Recording went not that well at first, but after some tries I was happy with the result and send it out.
I grew up to shield my emotions as I thought for a long time that it would benefit me, at the very latest after the bullying started.
Instead, I realized time after time and thanks to a lot of talks with different people that this approach is deadly if it comes to love.
Waiting for an answer to a minute long voice message I again felt vulnerable like never before, but the fact that I was able to speak openly about my emotions made me kinda proud and felt like a big progress in my social development.
After a few minutes she sends an equal long voice message back, which included an apology, which felt to be real honest.
While I was angry at the beginning for the way she acted and still thinking it was wrong it became clear to me that not so long ago I wasn't any better as there were numerous accounts where I acted at least equal cowardly.
Long story short, she apologized, thanked me for the great day we had and tried to tell me in her own words why from her side nothing more would emerge out of it.
Unable to read a real "reason" out of it for it not working I was still not 100% satisfied with the answer she gave but hey, it's about emotions and you cannot always describe these accurately, let alone the abscence of them.
After some time we stopped writing and while I was sad about it not working out, I came to terms with it and had no problem to bump into her at later events.
Maybe she wouldn't be the person to take my virginity or even a first relationship, but she gave me the opportunity to have a really great date and in the aftermath learning a lot about myself.
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Finally losing it
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So I had experienced a preview of sex and an even better one of love, but still was looking to lose my V Card and maybe even find a relationship.
Online Dating I had already tried, but because of a lack of self esteem and the lack of the previous described experiences it didn't work out and at best I got a match and maybe even some sentences from both parties but never more.
I picked around three pictures, one with an animal, one climbing on a wall while drunk and a standard one with a good lock at my face/body.
Also, I picked Premium so that I could see every profile that liked me.
Some Matches started to come in over the next weeks.
One was a more shy but friendly girl with whom I texted about a Week long until she started to not respond to my texts annymore which I found really odd since the texting via voice message was going really well, but hey so be it, I had previously done the same when I felt way too depressed to answer and was too cowardly to excuse afterwards.
Not even a week later I got a new match and even though she looked way too chubby for my taste I decided to go for it, I mean every exchange with a new girl trains your communication skills with them so why not.
The texting went fine and it flowed better than ever before so I decided to ask her out and suggested her to visit me at home and to do some cooking and watch a movie or such.
Between asking her out and us meeting up we even made a Skype call which she initiated with some very sexual explicit wordings.
While skyping she suggested to do some kind of camsex but I declined since you never know what will happen with the picture of you taking your dick out so we just teased each other with words and in the end were both eager to meet up.
Excitement both positive and negative was big before the call and even so more afterwards and I felt closer like never before to lose my V Card.
The Day arrived and I had already prepared the meal so we just needed to cook it up, or to be honest a friend of mine who happened to be a chef meet up with me before and did 90% of the work ^^
She arrived and while really happy that she showed up she looked even more "chubby" than on the pictures and at our skyping but she was really friendly and had a really cute face so I was more or less ok with it.
Maybe would be good to know that my previous 2 dates were definitely more the skinny than the chubby type of girls, so my range seems to be really far reaching.
Inside I was nervous like never before but I tried to act cool which worked mostly fine.
We talked about a lot of different stuff but there was no sexual energy yet and I was way too nervous to go for it right away.
After we "cooked" and we enjoyed the meal (Steak with fungus and Noodles) I suggested to watch a movie.
Don't ask me which one it was, some Comedy on Prime, and I didn't really notice a lot of it since my mind was constantly thinking about how to make the next move and go for sex in the end.
It took more than half the movie before I would lay my arm around her and to my liking, she didn't decline and came even closer.
So I did a step forward and my excitement and arousal started to rise but I didn't know how to go even further.
After some more minutes I had the Idea.
"Would you feel more comfortable if I would fold out the couch and maybe get us a blanket ?" or something similar.
She agreed and again my excitement rocketed as I felt I was getting closer to losing it.
We made ourselves comfortable and started to cuddle a bit but I freaking didn't know how to continue.
Unfortunately, my Dad whom I kicked out for the Day got back home and I cursed myself, but to my surprise he just had a bit of a confused look on his face but not as much as I would have guessed and after a short introduction left to his room.
Fuck that didn't make it any easier, but I was so close that my Dad next room wouldn't keep me from losing it.
Wanting to take the next step I wanted to kiss her but how.
Should I ask her if I can kiss her or should I just go for it ?
The Movie ended and we agreed to watch another Movie.
With the pressure of time in my head and the fear of not using this opportunity served on a silver plate I moved constantly a bit down until my head was right next to her and just went for it.
She didn't hesitate and participate, so well that she started tong kissing.
Ok, so this was how kissing went, and to be honest it was great, so great that I got the biggest boner in my life.
While kissing I started to get body to body and started touching her, first just her back but after some minutes went down with my hand and rubbed her cunt from the outside and after some moments started fingering her.
For years I always dreamed about what I would do if I had the chance with a girl, but to be honest it just happened in that moment.
Of Course you should inform yourself about the female/male body and how it works/reacts in a general sense via Internet or even better if you have the chance ask others about it, doesn't matter if its a male friend or a female one.
As she started to moan softly I suggested to move to my room which we did.
We started to undress and I put on my condom.
We made ourselves comfortable in the bed and she asked me to penetrate her after a bit more making out and fingering/getting a handjob.
I failed a few times to enter her but after a few more tries and a bit help from her side I was inside.
I didn't tell her about being a virgin as I didn't feel a strong enough connection to be open with her about it so I was afraid that she would new but hey I did it and by general opinion was not a virgin anymore.
The sex felt great, but I couldn't relax fully and after some time my dick went soft.
I wasn't happy with that, but I wouldn't let her leave without trying everything to make her cum.
This Girl helped me lose my V Card, something I craved for years so this was the least I could do.
I took my dick out and started to finger her with everything I knew from previous investigations and to my surprise even made her cum.
How do you know you ask ?
Believe me you will feel it, especially when you use your hands, the contractions, the way she moves her body in reaction to your actions... you just know it.
She stayed a bit after that and in the end I accompanied her to the nearest station and wished her a good night and thanked her for the great evening.
We would meet up 4 more times after this, sex included, but I had no feelings for her and was open to her about it and we decided to not get in contact again as I had the feeling she wanted a relationship and not a friendship plus, which I would have been fine with.
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A few Words
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So this is my personal Story about losing my virginity.
I still haven't managed to get into a relationship or another sexual encounter but hey you gotta make progress over time step by step and compared to my 16 years old self I managed many big steps, partly in the field of Sex and Love.
But with what I know today even more important in the other sections of life.
I got another Job with better payment, more meaning for me and in which I can see myself to the rest of my life.
My Connections with my Family and Friends got way better and closer and many more other things that don't come to mind right now.
The feeling of tying your happiness in life to the not experienced sex or the not present girlfriend is nothing new to me, but it is really the other way around.
Work on yourself in every department of your life and eventually it will affect all the others as well in a positive way.
Thanks if you read through my whole story and I hope you can take something out of it for you.
It took about 10 Hours to go through with this, but I wanted it to be the best version to post.
10 hours is nothing in comparison to the crazy amount of hours I cried/beat myself up about my missing love and sex life and the frustrations that came with it.
I cannot promise you that it will work out 100% for you, that would be a lie, but no matter what your possibilites are, working on yourself no matter if it is doing sports, learn, finding and doing good at a job, making friend or even if it is to take a shower regulary or starting therapy (I´ve been there) will increase your chanches and that alone should be worth it.
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I will check in irregular the next days to respond to questions/feedback you might have and if you want you can also pm me.
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TLDR
With 23 and after more than 6 years I managed to lose my virginity to a girl I met on Tinder.
I was hopeless for a long time in my life and needed to address other fields like work, being emotionally open, doing sports and more to finally being able to lose it
So no matter what your story and your struggles are I can only suggest to go for it in every part of life.
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I would love to know how many who lurked or posted around here it the end did make it and never told us about it and by that way distort our picture of the success of this sub and its members.
So good luck to all of you Guys and Girls and please don't forget to post around here if you manage to lose it or maybe even manage to get a happy relationship going :)

I got a few requests to tell the story about my exes cousin after my last story and so I'll do my best though I'm typing this on my phone and I suck as grammar so dont hate too hard. I do not want to disclose any identifying details so at times it might get veague but feel free to ask any clarification questions and again I'm typing on the phone so if something is gumbled lemme know and I'll fix it. Beware this is longish and may trigger ppl who've had serious stalking. I also won't disclose any of the actual physical harm crime as it doesn't seem allowed on most of reddit but there was harm done and you can message me if you want the details.
Anyone who's lived in the suburbs may have that false sense of security I had. I grew up in the rural suburbs and most my trauma was at school or inflicted by an adult in my family. So my fear was far greater towards those I knew than those I didn't. The story would be too long if I told everything and likely deleted due to kind of abuse I suffered growing up at the hands of trusted family members. But it was bad enough to lead me to run away at 18. My parents had their demons and huge faults but they loved me and desperately tried to get me to move back home but between my moms prescription drug abuse, the draw of new love as a teenager and shame of returning I lived with an abusive man (my age) and his dad for 6 years, 4 of which we were a couple. Too afraid to move back with my parents I stayed and suffered his very real physical and mental abuse. To the point in which my family watched in horror as me an adult there wasn't anything they could do. I tell you all this so you can better understand why I let my exes cousin stalk, torment and very much hurt me. I was scared to turn to my parents both in shame and fear of certain family members, and fear of being in trouble. I grew up with the fear of foster care lingering over my head so I also had a fear of cops too. I was young, learning and full of fears.
It started after a superbowl party with my ex and his family, we will call ex 'john' and his cousin 'bob' sorry I'm not very creative that way. I was freshly 18, freshly run away and freshly in love, and a freshman in college. Despite running away I still went to the college of my dreams till my ex and his cousin caused me to drop out 2 years in. I met my ex through a dating site, old now but it was called 'plenty of fish'. I have videogames down one of my hobbies and that alone brought plenty of guys. But my ex stood out as he wrote this long intro 3 paragraphs of saying how he'd feel privileged to just be my friend if he could. I ate that up being young and he was a talented writer and speaker. He was good looking as well but being raised by a narcissist single dad, though smart he was extreamly manipulative... And I believed every thing he said, including eventually that I was ugly, dumb and no good. So I believed him when he said his cousin was a good person, and believed him when he said his cousin was harmless and believed him when he said he'd handle it and not go to the cops.
His dad though single parent was well off as a big bank accountant at their corporate office. So the luxery was also blinding to the trap I fell into. While my ex was a horrible person, I can't really write a let's not meet for him as that was my choice to stay there. His cousin was not my choice. His family was a blight but his cousin was by far insane. Bob got a girl pregnant at 16 and was in a bit of trouble with the law as he was 28 but nothing an expensive lawyer couldn't handle apparently. This was not disclosed to me till long after kind of predator this guy was.
I met his cousin at a superbowl party, Obama had be president for a year and this guy's political rant was overspilling into obvious racism. Type of guy I avoided, though my ex had red flags Bob had red sea of alerts that most couldn't miss. Obvious he had anger issues from the beginning but I obviously never guessed predator. At halftime he pulled me down onto his lap, grabbed my phone and put his name in my contacts at "white rabbit" then called himself. All while I stare at my exes family and my ex to help me they simply ignored me, even as I stormed off with tears after. No one asked if I was ok, just acted like it didn't happen.
Little did I know the barage of texts I'd get the following day... The ones that stood out to me were telling me my ex was a bad boyfriend and break up with him.. the one that made me disgusted was " do you know why I put my name as white rabbit" ... I didn't respond so about 10 minutes later he says "because I f*ck like a rabbit" and some racists reason for the white part that no good saying here. He would go onto message me about "I can't believe I met a real WoW gamer girl" ect. This is how I even learned not only did he play WoW but he was in my exes guild with us... He'd been in jail for past 6 months and week after I met him he restarted his account on WoW and would resume his talking on WoW too... There was no escape it felt, and showing my boyfriend at the time the texts and screenshots all I got out of john was "he's harmless, he's likes you, it's a good thing my family likes you".
That was that months of messages, drunk rants and political rants filled my phone and WoW account and it was "harmless". Till one day he showed up at my college few days after my car was totaled by some idiot running a red light and luckily I walked away with just a few cuts and a fractured rib from the seatbelt. He said he was there to give me a ride home because my ex was too busy to pick me up. I honestly didn't know what to think, I called my ex a bunch of times and texted but he didn't respond so least it seemed my ex was truely too busy. I took this creep on his word and regretfully got in his truck...
After the accident I was rattled and every car sound sent me on edge and dickhead decided it would be funny to speed and drive like he was on fast and furious then pretend he long control of the steering. After screaming and crying the whole way home we finally get to the house and he leans over to kiss me... So I push him away but this guy was like 6ft something and 300 lbs probably more. With all the soreness from my cracked ribs and general muscle soreness from the accident I had very little strength little lone my 5ft 110lb self didn't stand a chance even without the accident. I know martial arts though, not great at it but grew up with it was my nerdy older brother watched a lot of anime thus enrolling into martial arts and dragged me along. Enough so I knew though I lacked size and strength, I had the advantage of flexibility. Powering through the soreness I was able to get free of his forceful hold and use my 10000lbs backpack (obviously not that heavy but definitely felt that was lugging those college text books around) and used the swinging weight of my backpack to throw off his weight advantage enough to shove him off, bust his lip and get out of his truck.
He proceeded to yell at me obscenities and stuff then peeled off. As I got inside, my exes dad was home and surprising he was sincere in asking what happened, and apologized. Though narcissistic, his dad was good at showing face even if it was probably fake empathy looking back. As a result I was disarmed from calling the police. I walked upstairs to find my ex jerking it to his weird gross fetish and basically just hated myself so much after seeing all this happened because my ex was too "busy". FML right? I still get tears in my eyes remembering this stuff. My ex really did ask his cousin to pick me up...
So I blocked his cousin everywhere and focused on school but it wasn't enough. He showed up few months after this again at school, I had night classes as I worked at a local diner in the morning. He tried and talk to me, tell me these radical theories about my ex but looking back honestly some of them were true and I was too blinded by worse to see some of them. Regardless I ignored him and kept walking till he got angry. Eventually he escalates to yelling at me like a deranged rambling of a sore loser. Calling me every name under the english language he could think of. Luckily despite it being dark, the campus was populated and security was strong. As I headed to my car, and he followed ranting at me security swooped in and escorted him off campus.
They asked me a few questions and I told them honestly and thus this put his license plate number on a watch list of sorts for them to watch out for. He showed up again a few weeks later after one of my late afternoon classes standing by my car laughing. I noped and turned around to walk quickly away and no brains bob followed after running. The parking lot was full of people so honestly I didn't feel as scared as I should of been. He runs up to me saying to wait up and such but again I ignore him and walk faster. Eventually he grabbed my backpack and pulled me to the ground with it. I honestly was in so much shock I just sat there as people stared. Bob yelling at me saying it's my fault, I'm a "dumb b*tch" for not listening ect. About 2 minutes of this feeling like hour, two large men and one skinny guy rushed up and told the guy to basically back off. I don't remember exactly what was said but he ended up walking off. Campus security showed up soon after and escorted him again off campus and urged me to file a police report. I stupidly called my ex telling him and he drove up to campus (30 min drive) and convinced me to not file with the cops because "he would lose custody of his daughter" no seriously I fell for that, retrospect Bob should never be anywhere around children.
After this bob started showing up at my job too, ask to be my customer ect. I had to explain to my boss why I couldn't serve him to which bob proceeded to say I was a terrible person to my boss and "I only didn't want to serve him because I hated fat people" loudly and awkwardly making all the customers uncomfortable. And "too bad I'd given her a big tip... If you know what I mean". I'd rolled my eyes are that line if I wasn't genuinely scared.
He came in two more times causing a scene enough for my boss to "suggest" I find a different job because it was obvious this was becoming a problem. Then he was back to causing trouble for me at campus. But one night I stayed late at the library working on my mid term project, that would be half my final project. I stayed till close on a Friday night, and that part of campus was absolutely dead on a Friday night. Everyone was usually at the dorms, sororities, or bars outside of campus. Maybe 10 cars in a parking lot usually packed so deep that people parked on the grass. As I leave the library that's now closed and turn the corner to my car my stomach sank... His ugly chrome rimmed green truck with racer stripes was right next to my car.
I ran back to only find the doors locked behind me, hoping he didn't see me I ran into the not so dense wooded area as I tried to collect myself because I was in a full anxiety attack. But just as I start to calm myself his green truck drives up and after a bit he starts calling out. It was pitch dark and I couldn't even whip out my phone as I was terrified the light would give me away. He definitely saw me come around that corner.
I just sat there behind this tree, trying to quite my breathing and crying which was near impossible as I was having a real panic attack. After he turned off his truck I knew the rumbling of his truck couldn't cover the sounds of my panic attack and I froze except for the massive shaking my body was doing on its own, I didn't think I could move. At which point someone walked out of the library, thinking this was my chance, I held tightly onto my papers and ran for it. Now I'm not a runner, but years of softball taught me I sure could sprint. I ran to my car started it and shaking like I was freezing I drove nearly crashing a few times. As I drove off though he got into his truck and proceeded to follow me with high beams till I drove by campus police and stopped my car next to it and he drove off. I couldn't move, I just sat there crying and hyperventilating as the cop knocked of my window I didn't even register it consciously.
Eventually he opened the door and asked me if I was ok, all I could do was shake my head no. My mouth was too busy trying to catch my breath from sheer panic. He called for an ambulance as I was in no shape to drive and my panic attack grew worse as the police officer comforted me. Idk if it was the relief of being safe or the 6+ months of build up of being unheard by my ex about my fears of his cousin. They gave me a shot in the ambulance to calm me down as I soon realized why my panic was getting worse. I was having an asthma attack, first one in years so I didn't even carry my inhaler with me. They realized way before I did it wasn't just a panic attack, I failed to realize in my panic state I was weezing.
After a full treatment (thankfully my dad had great insurance and we'll paying job because I just lost mine month before this and had my dad's insurance), the police came into this cubical shielded by curtains but the general panic of the emergency room sounds were everywhere. I couldn't focus, I was hopped up on calming drugs and strong asthma meds that when they asked me questions I just sleeply nodded honestly barely understanding the question. They sorta picked up on the fact I wasn't all there and told me they'd come back later. I soon fell asleep and woke up idk how long after with my ex and his dad as my ex was my emergency contact in my phone.
After the hospital got my insurance card which was under my dad, I pulled out afterwards, the receptionist told me I should really call my dad. So I did, at 4am in the morning. At first he sounded angry, I was scared he'd be super angry but he soon said he was on his way and hung up. After my dad showed up, his hate towards my ex and his dad was more than obvious and begged me to come home with him right then and there. But my head was so messed up those days, I was scared of going back home because of so many reasons I conjured up but honestly in retrospect I think I was most scared of being dumped by my shitty ex and the possibly punished and/or disappointment of my parents. I told my dad I needed to go back with my ex to pack and get my school work. As I packed though my ex unpacked my stuff and threatened to rip any clothes I packed and break my lap top. Saying if I left that night that I would never see anything I left behind again. Scared I told my dad I changed my mind and this cemented the control my ex would hold over me for 6 years. His tactics of making me stay would only get worse over the years. After 4 years I wasn't even his girlfriend, he went on tinder and dated but refused to let me move out sorta control....
The police called me a few days after but by this point I had too much fear of my ex to press charges. My ex and his cousin were both only children and very close. I dropped out 5 months later after paranoia of looking over my shoulder all the time, Bob breaking my car window and leaving a dead raccoon in my car I had enough. I became a shuden, I barely left the house, I was too scared to get a job, and my life became fear. I gained weight and my ex would only use that to further make me feel useless. I cried so much I became numb most days, too much shame and fear to reach out to my parents.
After about 4 months of dropping out, bob brings by his son to visit. Proceeds to point at me and look at his son and said "mommy" in which his son goes "mama". I had no idea what to think so I walked away which made the kid cry the bob proceeded to tell me "what kind of bit*h makes a lil boy cry like that" in which my ex and his dad.. laughed. After an hour or so he left and I presume brought the kid back to his mom or whatever. Then came back to "get drunk" with my ex.
That night without detail that might get this post removed... Left me absolutely broken.
It happened at least 10 more times till my ex broke up with me but refused to let me leave in which I moved into one of the guest rooms and locked my door. I barely left that room for 2 years, I ended up eating very little because I just couldn't get hungry and was so depressed. Everytime his cousin came over I panicked, they'd get drunk and threaten me together but luckily my ex was least scared of his dad enough to no break the door. One afternoon I was making food in the kitchen, trying to regain my strength mentally and physically and Bob had slept the night. He walked up behind me as I was cooking and started feeling me up. I rejected him telling him to get away from me in which promted violence on his behalf and I spare the details but I needed stitches.
But they'd yell up a storm Everytime they were together till at the 6 year mark, I had enough. I packed everything I owned into garbage bags, threw them out the window at night then packed my car to the brim, luckily a hatch back. I drove around the town crying, even at times second guessing myself of I should go back, even feeling homesick. I was in a bad place mentally but I got the idea to call up my older brothers best friend I sorta dated in highschool. He posted weeks ago he needed a roommate and I asked if he still needed one and I moved in after few nights of sleeping in my car. I still couldn't stand the idea after all this time moving back home as my mom had completely lost herself mentally and I couldn't return home knowing I'd have to take care of her when I needed to heal myself.
I lived with him on a year lease on very cheap rent till I met my now boyfriend. I got my certificate in I.T. and a job at wildlife rescue where my boyfriend is a wildlife biologist and the scare began to heal. Though in therapy, pushing 30 now, I can honestly say it's been a ride. I fell ill 2 years ago and can't volunteer in the field anymore but I still help with fostering. My boyfriend bought a house from his family and we live there fostering wildlife and strays alike to forever homes and re-releases. Though sick with a rare condition now (rare enough it's identifiable but it's a non std long term virus my body can't fight off so it would seem unlike others) I still manage to work from home these days and care for animals and things are looking better than before. Mentally I have plenty of hurdles to overcome, and physically I'm in a lot of pain, but it's still so much better than any years previous to meeting my current boyfriend.

Hey deadbedrooms, long time no see!
A year ago my life went completely sideways when my then-wife told me she wanted to separate. I was understandably upset, and I wrote a pretty lengthy post in this sub as a result.
>>> here’s a link to that post <<<
It was a pretty cathartic act in itself and writing it really helped me collect my thoughts. I was probably a lot more lost than I sounded at the time. I was really surprised by the number of people that commented on that post - and it really had a positive effect on me.
I promised myself that I’d come back, give an update once the dust had settled, and let lurkers and people stuck in bad relationships know that life on the other side can be good… and here I am exactly a year later [some stuff happened between then and now].
So, the TL:DR version of my previous post is

• 10 year relationship total
• Married five years in
• Kiddo popped out 3 months after the wedding
• DB scenario building up slowly from before conception, to a more or less complete sex lockdown for two years at the end.
• In total, I think we managed to have sex about four times throughout the entire marriage / after conception of son.
• She had several non-terminal but persistent health issues, so there were always a whole bucketload of readily available excuses
• Emotional lockdown too; behind closed doors she had walled-up after the first couple of years of being a parent; she was more likely to be staring at her phone than looking at me.
• Publicly though, when she was talking to her friends… we were ‘going to marriage counselling’ and ‘working on it’... and we were. I thought we were.
• During the last couple years of the marriage my old man passed away [she was no support here at all] - and left a fairly generous wad of money to me and my brothers and sister.
• Losing people changes you right? I wasn’t unaffected. I got a little more withdrawn, a little quieter. When my dad died, a little bit of me went with him, and never came back out of that hospital room when I left.
• But... I bounced back a few months from there with a refreshed attitude, and more of a lust for a social life, a desire to find a way to build a life, rather than just let life happen to me.
• I got busy retraining with a view to changing vocation and improving my financial standing long-term. I lifted and worked on my physical and mental strength.
• I started to view my Happiness and Time as a finite resource
• There was a brief period where I considered ending the relationship on my own terms, for the sake of my own happiness… but ultimately I didn’t go that way. Sliding doors, eh?
• Can you guess what happened next? The Marriage of course seemed to miraculously carry on for a couple of years until the inheritance money dried up; which took us up to November 28th, 2019, where - all of a sudden - I found myself being told that it was over.
• A couple of days after that, I was writing my initial deadbedrooms post… “help…. What do i do now…. My life is over….” and all those things you’d imagine.

But what came immediately after I submitted that post?
Initially, a really weird situation; in which everything changed but nothing changed - I wasn’t going to up and leave the marital home. It was rented rather than a marital asset; but I couldn’t simply disappear. Son has high functioning ASD, and from that point forward I’ve worked tirelessly at keeping things as simple as possible for him and his quality of life. I had to be present, for him.
A frosty atmosphere I could handle, I’d had years of training. Once kiddo was in bed, I’d get myself out in the evenings for a drive around, anywhere; i’d go anywhere - I just couldn’t handle any more nights of sitting in the living room in silence not being looked at or talked to; a complete waste of limited social time.
I had an idea of who I wanted to be, on the other side of this, but I had completely forgotten who I was before the relationship. I’d erased it all, I just couldn’t see any of it. For a few nights I drove to places that I knew from my youth; I knew they’d be empty in the late evenings and early hours of the mornings. The hill my sister and I flew kites with my dad. The long road I used to walk along to get back from school. Past old friends houses who’d since moved away or worse. So much had happened, just not to me.
I think I was looking for myself in some of these places, but it all looked different at night, illuminated under street lamps. It all looks very different in your late thirties, too. I’m glad I did it though, it was important. There were some residual memories, they were small but they reminded me that I was a person who could stand up and walk, talk, and eat and shit, and fuck, and have complex happy, exciting, sad, and fulfilling relationships, long before I was married. Removing the blinkers from around your eyes takes time, but the first step is discovering that they’re there.
One night, just before I was headed out, she ever-so-subtly double checked with me that I wasn’t going to be coming back for a couple of hours. She told me that she had a personal call to make. My brain told me that it was simply a bad idea, and my heart told me that it really didn’t want to receive another kicking, but I ended up quietly creeping back in a half hour after leaving.
I think I just had to know, you know?
So here’s a thing about me that any of my friends can attest to, I have a really terrible memory; but as it turns out when the stakes are high, it’s like a voice recorder switches on in my head.
There’s a place inside my old home, just inside the front door under the fuse box where i broke into pieces over the course of an hour or so. She was on the phone to her childhood friend, someone I’d considered a close friend too, for years. They were talking about how much she was going to allow me to know.
My mind went to the obvious place, but that wasn’t it; he’s gay, very gay in fact - end of. He’s in fact more likely to chase after me than her. He was being a diligent friend and talking her through her options and trying to calm her down as she was - supposedly - in the middle of some kind of mental breakdown.
Just, you know, the kind that you don’t let on to your partner of ten years about, right?
Supposedly she’d been allocated a therapist through her workplace and she’d gone hell for leather on it, and in doing so had dug up a monumental amount of damaged baggage that her therapist was urging her to finally confront and deal with. A lot of historic [non-abuse] family stuff was in there, and interestingly, as she was telling her childhood friend, she also felt compelled to reach out to an ex to apologise for something. The best friend wished her luck, but as he was leaving the call he made her promise to him that she wouldn’t kick me out of my own home before christmas.
Ah right, here we go. Whilst I’d obviously now been just inside the door for a half hour or so, I couldn’t leave now. It was already hurting me to do this, I was busting for a pee, I needed nicotine more than I’ve ever needed it in my life but I just stood, silently, not really knowing what to do. In truth, I was just kind of on autopilot, absorbing stuff. I was also acutely aware that opening the door to escape probably wouldn’t go undetected.
Next, she called her ex, and she apologised for causing a scene and really hurting his feelings the last time he came to see her and “fool around”, about eight years ago.
Eight years ago, right... ok.
She talked for a few minutes about stuff that was obviously bothering her, but I’ve got to be honest, I didn’t factor into any of this. There wasn’t a place where I fit. The marriage, and me too, were supposedly an unsuccessful side-quest set aside from the main story, here. She talked about having “married safe”. She talked about how I wouldn’t understand any of it, and wouldn’t be able to handle any of her issues. But… the things she was talking about, she’d never even tried to bring up with me. That bit hurt.
After she’d spent a few cursory minutes talking about stuff like that, she said something mean about my mother, and then they moved on to laughing and joking about old times. Shortly before they ended the call, he made her promise to delete their whatsapp history.
Which I found slightly odd. Why should she delete the whatsapp history if she was only just now reaching out to apologise for something said years ago?
She hung up, walked to the bathroom, and I quietly let myself back out whilst the toilet was flushing.
Listening in on conversations is bad, wrong, and invariably illegal - I get it. At the time, this felt like life and death. Part of me wanted to charge up the stairs and have a motherfucker of an argument, but what did I really have? A sleeping son, and nothing to fight with; she’d already cashed out about eight years ago, right? It wasn’t the right time, or the right place. I was vulnerable there, and still absorbing what had taken place over the last hour.
I let myself out, back to the car and drove around all night, I resigned to find a better way than a flat-out fight. I’d be too unprepared and can’t think on the fly like that; with me it takes time and planning. I’d gathered that she was intending to wait until the new year, and then drive the divorce her own way with her own agenda; relying on my historic tendency to let her have her way.
Which didn’t happen.
The next day, I spoke with my sister who lives locally. We’ve had each other’s backs since we were very young. She heard me out on everything, made me many cups of tea and coffee and was just about the most supportive human being in the world. Over the next couple of nights when i told the wife I was heading ‘out for a drive’, I was in fact quietly removing any expensive items of mine out of my home, over to my sister’s place for storage, my drone, some guitars, guitar amps, laptops, anything that my kid didn’t need to be present in the family home that I also didn’t need on a daily basis.
At this point i also had *NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER\* with jumping on tinder and, hey fuck it, just chatting to people. I’d spent years of my life at this point clinically under-sexed. If I got laid, great! But if I didn’t, it was just another way to measure how other people see single-me; like some kind of flirty research project. It was a win-win, and it was fun to pass the time chatting with random ladies whilst sat in my car at two in the morning, chain-vaping and drinking coffee from anywhere I could get it.
Interestingly, one or two young ladies that already kind-of knew me from various social circles jumped in once they saw my face on tinder. They obviously asked questions about what had been happening for me to end up with a dating profile, and I was honest about where I was at, at all times. To my surprise, they didn’t immediately rush off to cross-check this with my then-wife. In moments like that I had a weird conflicted feeling where I felt like I was the only motherfucker that gave a shit about my own marriage, an odd place to be.
Within the next week, all kinds of things started happening and life suddenly seemed to move fast.

• I’d begun the divorce paperwork, deciding that my best defense here was not to wait and see if she’d be sportsmanlike - I’ve seen people get completely destroyed by stuff like this over the years.
• I learned, through a lot of reading online, and calling various solicitors and moderators for a ‘free, initial telephone consultation’ as much as I could about the UK divorce process. I was astonished at just how helpful a complete stranger will be when you level with them and say please help me, I am reaching out because I don’t have a clue what to do. Those people helped me a lot.
• I didn’t leap for a jugular when writing my divorce petition; on paper, my reasons for divorce were ‘unreasonable behaviour’. The things I’d covertly become aware of were never discussed, and never mentioned, at all. It turns out that the generic, shitty-marriage reasons were entirely enough.
• I knew that once she was aware that I was going to be the one to initiate the divorce, that things would get much more frosty; so I quietly started to look around for places to live. I had to stay local - within walking distance, for my son, for family, for work, and also; this is my fucking town.
• With the paperwork filled in from my side and sent off, the courts informed me that my then-wife would be receiving my divorce petition within the next two weeks. It was a big trigger to pull, and it took constant reminders from my sister about what I’d heard to stop me doubting myself. I knew the sensible thing to do would be to confront her with it rather than letting her blindly open a letter and find out that way.
• One morning, before school, my five year old autistic son found one of the sex toys she’d casually hidden under a cushion on the sofa whilst she was out of the room. He of course didn’t know what it was, thankfully. I knew exactly what it was, I’d nearly bought one for her a couple years before in an effort to try and pick things up again. Turns out she was having lots of fun with someone remotely vibing her, anyway.
• I’d also happened across another 5-6 vibrators whilst quietly going through our up-till-then shared bedroom so that I could get my important items out of the house. For years, she’d said that she just didn’t have a sex drive, was asexual, had an early menopause, everything hurt, etc etc. Finding a bag-load of mechanical dicks proved all that wrong. You could draw the conclusion that I was butthurt that she wanted anything else other than me, but quietly, privately, it destroyed me that she couldn’t just… talk about it with me, right?

It turned out, through all of these things happening, that in the space of a day I got to completely embarrass her over the sex toy / kid thing, inform her that I was divorcing her for unreasonable behaviour, and that I had a viewing for a place just down the road. While I didn’t have proof of any emotional affair or infidelity, if she’d have fought aginst my reasons for divorce, I’d have happily started rolling out the things I’d learned.
In any case, She didn’t fight any of it, somehow I’d managed to line all my ducks up and fire my guns at the right time, she got broadsided and just took my lead on it.
My first freelance job paid out. This was visual effects / compositing work on a small Hollywood feature. I’d somehow managed to work on this thing in the small hours of the morning with all this going on. The producer was one of the actresses in the movie, and as such has been in some other productions over the last decade, including some DC/arrowverse stuff. Let’s call her AV, and come back to her in a little while. It’s kinda funny, because in part, a superhero helped pay for my sneaky surprise divorce.
My sister also threw a wad of money my way in a transfer to also pay for the divorce and cover my ass. Both of these things put me in a strong position to fight. And I felt strong. After several days of being caught in the maelstrom, I was pushing in a direction like a fucking boss.
It only takes a few days to learn that Tinder can get pretty depressing, so many conversations just dry up right? I’d gone for a coffee here and there, chatted a bit, but nobody was sticking around, nobody really wanted to know more about me, apart from B. We would talk and talk and talk. And she was interesting, I kept finding myself asking about her life.
It turned out she was a friend of a friend, and I just wasn’t aware, we’d been in the same places before once or twice but I just hadn’t seen her, too busy appeasing my then-wife. I think I’d even pulled her two kids along in a blow-up boat one year when there were a whole bunch of us parents and kids down at the local paddling pool in the summer.
B didn’t know the ex, and the ex didn’t know B. Which was good, because they wouldn’t get on. To this day I’m still a bit scared about what would happen if B, my lil' sis, and my ex-wife were left in a room together.
B got me, and after a few days of chatting invited me over for a coffee and to watch some TV, she knew my situation and couldn’t understand how I could spend so much time in my car every night. I think to be honest she didn’t know how I was coping with any of what had been happening. We watched netflix, ate pizza, talked more. She’s a singer, she paints, she’s so beautiful.
A few days later we were fucking like absoloute monsters. She actually stopped me halfway through a pounding to tell me I was very good at it, which is genuinely a high point in my life. We had more sex in two days than I’d had in the last ten years.
We continued to do our thing, and a happy, happy thing it was. but I made sure that I was still at home for my boy, right where he would expect me to be. Christmas was coming.
Just when my life couldn’t get any more cringe-tastic...
Months ago, I had agreed to spend the Christmas holidays with her side of the family; one of those things that gets decided six months before, y’know? I couldn’t change the plan, my boy was so looking forward to it. I defy anyone to tell an Autistic 5 year old that Christmas isn’t happening the exact way they’ve been expecting it to happen for months. So that happened; a small road trip, a stay in a hotel room [i slept on one side of the room with my boy, the ex had the other side of the room].
We were there a few days, we spent the days at her brother’s house, the in-laws were there. The kids played, the adults talked. At my ex-wife’s behest, only a couple of her family members were aware of the impending divorce, and the others had no clue - she didn’t want to make them aware of it over Christmas - and hey, I wasn’t going to argue; that’s her family. It was the kind of cringe-worthy Christmas that would make an excellent sitcom - questions from older siblings about what plans we have as a couple over the next year… that kind of thing.
In the evenings I’d sit and have a few expensive drinks in the hotel bar. I might’ve looked lonely sat on my own but I felt the total opposite, compared to what my life had been like up to that point.
I felt bad that I’d be losing out on my father in law - one of the only people who knew we were separating. He was pretty upset, he even took it as far as following me to a cafe one morning to check up on me. He’s the very model of what happens when you get to 65 and have remained in a dead bedroom your whole life - he stubbornly tried to stick it out, and it just didn’t pay off. He’s still married, but his wife lives alone and sees someone else. He got where I was coming from, and whilst I’d never divulge exactly why I was divorcing, he agreed with my on-paper reasons. We’ve remained in contact over email ever since, he still sends me whiskey on my birthday, he’s the closest I’ve got to a dad these days.
With Christmas over, we headed home. I spent new years’ with B. We got smashed, mixed drinks irresponsibly and sang to 90’s music videos playing on YouTube on her TV. She knew a fair amount about what was going on with me, but at about 3am I imploded and cried for hours. She held me and I told her everything that had happened, and then she kept on holding me and just didn’t let go, really. So that’s where B and me really started.
January was a month of waiting; I’d have my new place at the end of the month. It was frosty, but I got through it. I didn’t want the hassle, or expenditure, or having a third party divide up all the assets i’d bought for the family home. I decided if it was a thing my kid used, it would stay in the property for his enjoyment, and by extension, the ex wife’s; on the condition that I wasn’t responsible for fixing anything unless it was for my son, and also that she wouldn’t just throw stuff out; if she was getting rid of anything I’d get first shot at it.
On the 31st of January I left that place with nothing but some clothes stuffed into bin bags, a busted laptop, and my guitar in the boot of my car, I drove for about a minute and a half to my new place.
Miraculously I had found the place I’m sitting in right now. Being close to my son is extremely important to me; I want him to be aware that I am close by if he needs me. As such I got a place that’s halfway along his walk to school in the mornings. Most mornings, if he sees I’m home he’ll shout up to me and I’ll say hi back, same after school. He stays here with me one school night every week and every other full weekend, where we have intense PS4 and switch gaming sessions, lego ninjago vs minecraft battles, and he helps me come up with cool ideas for special effects. This has become a sacred place for him and I’m so pleased that he’s managed to come through this so well, it means everything.
I’d been here for a month, at the end of February I was doing some music recording on my computer, and needed to find some lyrics for an old demo that I was re-recording; I knew I’d saved it in google drive, so i started hunting around. No dice, couldn’t find it.
Of course, It’s google, so i used the search function, i typed the song’s title - “T...H...ERA...PY…”
And it came up, great! Been years since i’ve actually checked some of this stuff out.
Wait, what’s that next to it…
“Whatsapp Chat with [[name redacted]].txt”
Last modified: 30 Nov 2019
So when ex-wife was calling her ex-boyfriend, and was explicitly asked by him to erase her messaging history with him, well, I guess she did... but not before uploading a copy of it to google drive. She doesn’t really use it much and it’s highly likely that she’s entirely unaware that it’s there still - she uploaded it to a *shared* folder between her and I, we used to use it to put pics of our boy to upload to his pre-school [kindergarten] learning log.
So of course copied it out and read it.
Then I legit threw up.
Whatever I thought I heard during that hour of confusion and heartbreak hiding in my own house in the dark, the previous December - in between the front door and the coats, and my kid’s shoes, and however bad i thought I should have felt for having heard any of it, was completely overwritten by a black and white document, where every message comes with a time and date stamp. She’d unwittingly tossed it all my way.
Some deeply unsettling stuff was in there; the worst part of it being that she’d covertly taken pictures of a young female work colleague to send to her ex to masturbate over, they were fantasising about what they’d both do with her, dark stuff, I’m sure you could imagine. Aside from that there was a whole lot of time-and-dated proof that in the weeks leading up to telling me she wanted to split, she was having epic finger-banging sessions over whatsapp with her ex, on more than one occasion [i could tell by the times of each message] while i was playing downstairs with my kid. In one of the messages she remarks to him that she’s so horny she can’t even walk properly. She says she told me that she has a bad back. I remember that day, it was my turn to do bath/bedtime with kiddo anyway but I made sure that i checked in on her and took her drinks and stuff into the evening.
I’ve never felt so used in my entire life. I never imagined that the person I took those vows so sincerely with, could hide so much of themselves away. I wasn’t perfect, I was downright lazy at times, afraid, and slow; but I was always there. I always cared and provided for my neat little family.
I courted briefly with the idea of turning it in as evidence of a planned kidnapping/rape; but I was so mixed up by it that by the time I’d started to come together again with some kind of plan, so much time had passed I wasn’t sure if i’d be in trouble for holding on to it for so long.
I keep it to this day as insurance. It’s the thermo-nuke that I rest my finger on, not wanting to press the button, but happy to do so if I have to.
We’ve never talked about it, it’s never come up, and she has no idea what I know.
I keep her at arm’s length, we only talk if it’s to do with my boy. She’s a great mum, but she was a shit human being. I spend as little time as possible ever being in that place, because the very act of entering the house takes me past the doorway where I hid. I don’t want my kid to know this stuff, so i need to find a way to let it go some day.
deadbedrooms, I come to you with glad tidings; your story might be like mine, or completely different, but if you’re stuck somewhere with a shitty person I promise you that you might only know less than half of it. But even if that's the case, there is life after.
If you’re unhappy, get the fuck out of there. I had to Shawshank the fuck out of mine... and if I can do it, you can too. On the way out I learned just how strong you can be when you need to be, I rediscovered what it’s like to hold hands with someone, it’s been a rebirth and whilst it sucked, I wouldn’t change any of it, because it got me to where I am today.
I’m still with B. She’s incredible. We’re spending Christmas together with all our kids. She has her own story, we’ve all been through the grinder a few times right? I love her to pieces, and I feel like a new family sprung up around me this year.
For the first time in a lifetime I am wanted.
For the first time in a lifetime I am loved.
It’s out there, go and get it.

beginning to think sex with a guy was rape, spiraling because i also feel in love with him.
hi, i just turned 19 a few days ago and this occurrence happened when i was still 18 the day before new years and on new years. so i come from a very toxic family which i can’t get out of living with, during the pandemic my dad beat the shit out of me at 18 and took the batteries out of the house phone so i couldn’t call the police. anyways, my parents never leave me alone, ever. but they left to a cabin for new years with my family and there was a big issue because i stayed, for work. anyways so obviously i have been extremely hurt and depressed and anxious and alone about my situation for the past 18 years and seeing all of my friends go off and get everything paid for and live happily while i stay in this hell hole has made me feel extremely sad and lonely.
i made a tinder the night my parents left, and immediately after four minutes i got 99+ likes, and a message from THE most attractive guy i could imagine. i mean, i have a very specific type, and he was, literally exactly it. i’m from a boring part of florida and every guy here looks the same. he was a model, no literally a model with professional shots and everything. 6”2 tan, the most beautiful green eyes you can imagine, just perfect. since he was my exact type it was a little sketchy that he had reached out like it all seemed so perfect. after we started talking i disabled my tinder that same night, i’m just loyal and stupid like this, i don’t know. i am pretty naive and believe in love. anyways, right off the bat we had this amazing chemistry, and like a crazy amount of things in common. he immigrated here from the place my mother was born, even the same city. he primarily spoke spanish which i was great with because i help my mom with english on a daily basis, and i felt very at home speaking spanish with someone who interested me. soon i started getting more and more disillusioned because i realized i was stupid to think i would be the only girl in the world. he followed only about 250 people on instagram which was weird and they were ALL girls. :( i was still very very attracted to him and i Wanted to have sex with him. we agreed on meeting in Orlando since he was there visiting family, and my best friend lived there anyways and it was only a 30 minute drive for me. he lives in another state :/
so, i drive up to Orlando, and i feel good for once, usually if there’s ever a possibility of me going to have sex with someone i feel like my world is ending and i’m deceiving my family, God, and myself. my mom has always put the idea in my head that once i Lose my virginity i will stretch my vagina out and no one will ever want that in a wife. in fact, i’m not allowed to use tampons and i never have to this day. i’ve never fingered myself out of fear of stretching etc. so I get to Orlando and we had first initially planned to go somewhere or get food or something. eventually it got really late like 10:30 because we were trying to find somewhere and stuff. so i suggested why don’t we just go to a hotel, since there could be cops at parks or whatever, since we wanted to drink. he told me to choose whichever hotel i wanted and he would book it. so that we did.
when i got there i was scared but also really excited because i had never been so attracted to someone, ever. we facetimed the night before so i could make sure he wasn’t a catfish by the way. he got me at the doors and i was relieved i didn’t get kidnapped and it was him there. he was so tall and beautiful, i’m tiny and 4”11 so 6”2 was a big guy. when we got to the room he had everything set up, vodka, cranberry juice and some snacks, we started talking some. i couldn’t get over how beautiful he was, i loved everything about him, his voice, his scent. and the way he looked at me when i was talking just seemed like he was fucking in love with me i don’t know. he’s 21, he said he had a lot of bodies, too many to say, but only two girlfriends. he taught me the drink of cranberry drink of vodka drink of cranberry. he sat on the pillow side of the bed and i sat on the edge on my stomach, we took turns getting up to take the drinks, and then we both stood up at the same time. this time i sat where i was laying there on the edge and he sat down next to me. i started talking and then suddenly he made a move and pinned me down and started making out with me. i was loving every second of it so i just closed my eyes and got caught in the heat. he was very experienced and knew what he was doing. he ate me out under my skirt and then started taking my clothes off. i feel so stupid because i just did everything and didn’t ask any questions, we hadn’t spoken about having sex prior, it was just in the heat of the moment.
i was very very comfortable and happy and he was focusing everything on me, then i feel him slip it in, my butt. i was in pain but i still wanted it and let it happen, he did everything on me for about twenty minutes and didn’t even ask me to suck his dick. the first time he fucked me he went all the way in and it hurt a LOT. i felt myself shaking already and though it hurt a lot it felt good too. his dick was big like 8 or so inches and very girthy maybe 9. i screamed some when he put it all the way in because i was a virgin but he said he needed to stretch it initially so he can get it in. after a little he said im gonna come in your ass (in spanish) and that’s when it hit me he didn’t have a condom on. i was petrified and i felt so stupid. i said no no no and not in the ass to please come on my stomach, and then he did that. i was really worried about no protection but he convinced me he knew what he was doing in pulling out and stuff and i just let myself get carried away. he fucked me again in the vagina and ass switching both which is not good, he did it too hard sometimes and i would scream but he would cover my mouth and then we would take a break. he told me to come take a shower with him and we did, he showed me my ass was bright red with some dark red marks on it from him slapping it. our shower was romantic and sweet. when we got out he tried doing it against the wall but i was too short haha. so i sucked his dick now and let me tell you i usually fucking HATE sucking dick i mean HATE. but i felt sooo good and so sexy and i loved it and when he came in swallowed it. basically everything i thought i would hate i loved. so we did it more, it was so so hot and not a single awkward moment, the chemistry was there and i just went crazy with the moans and the screams. we ended up fucking about eight times and All Night Long. he said all of the right things, and it’s like he read my mind when it came to sex, if i wanted him to do something he would literally do it and i didn’t even say anything he was just like a God. it was Literally the best night of my life.
Then, we cuddled so sweetly and he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend and that he wanted to marry me later and for me to come move with him to texas and all of this stuff. and how we would have kids later. and all of this was super suspicious and it made me feel all kinds of ways and i think he knew that. i was completely infatuated with him and i made that pretty clear. but i also said that i don’t believe a word he says and that he probably says the same stuff to all of the girls he fucks. he assured me he Swore to me and made me feel so important and it was all just so crazy because we were complete strangers hours before. the intimacy was to die for. we just kissed each other all over, intertwined, we napped lip to lip. he called me all of the nicest things you can hear and i finally felt so loved and i needed all of this touch and all of this affection that i craved. we tickled each other’s backs and talked about both being the family’s favorite and just all of these things we have in common and i truly felt more in love then i’ve ever been in my life. it was stupid and crazy because it was all in one night, but he made me feel so good and so important. i started thinking so many crazy thoughts like what if i leave everything and just go to live with him. so it was morning and we both only slept for probably a total of two hours and we fucked again and again, it felt so incredibly good and i felt like i didn’t care about anything at all. when i expressed my concerns about getting pregnant though he would just laugh it off and then seriously say, if that were to happen i would send you like 3,000 dollars a month in child support so don’t even worry. like having a child right now wouldn’t ruin my life. anyways, any red flags i just did not pay attention to at all, the condom, the whole moving in and girlfriend and marriage and kids thing, the not stopping sometimes when it hurt. it all just wasn’t that bad compared to how addicted i was to the way he made me feel. my first time was just PERFECT.
So, now is where the story gets complicated. i know that first part was very long and very wordy, but this second part is the reason i wanted to spill my thoughts onto here and look for advice because i’m spiraling. the next day we both wanted to meet up again that night, it was new years. he was with his family celebrating but he just told me to come pick him up since he didn’t have a car here in florida. the first day, his cousin was able to drive him there and back apparently. so i go to pick him up and he again books a hotel, i don’t have to pay anything. in the car, he comes in kind of drunk and some of his family members come out to the door of my car joking with him but it was clear they wanted to get a look of me. i felt a little embarrassed.
in the car he starts telling me a story about how he went to try to get his license earlier that day and the guy was a racist asshole that denied him the thing when it was their fault yadda yadda and he got out of his car to talk with him and the guy was like stay back i carry you motherfucker and he was mad because none of it was his fault and he wasn’t going to hit him even though he wanted to spit in his face. anyways, he was mad about that and started making some racist remarks against hispanics (we are both hispanics) from the same place. he said, any area where there are many hispanics there will be drama, if i were born here i would have just beat the shit out of him, blah blah, he seemed very upset to not have been born here and not be american and he had this hate towards his own culture etc. when i said, i’m hispanic though which im very proud to be and i love my culture he laughed and said i was born here and i looked like an american girl ( i have lighter eyes and hair but i still look venezuelan) anyways, we get to the hotel and we hold hands this time i felt so safe and happy to be with him and to have such a strong guy keeping me safe. in the elevator he grabbed my neck and said i’m gonna go crazy with you tonight, which was hot it was good i was happy expecting last night to repeat itself.
when we got to the room, we took all of our clothes off but he didn’t eat me out or make out with me, just just spit on my ass and put it in, i expressed that it hurt but he kept going, once i let out a horror movie scream because he was going so hard and deep he turned me over to rest and sat on my chest, he shoved his dick down my throat and i couldn’t breathe for a lot of it, i don’t know why i didn’t like put a stop to it at this point, i enjoyed Some rougher role play but this was way too much (especially considering i was a virgin a night ago) he didn’t take my feelings into it at all and in fact hit me more when it hurt and i said it hurt. then he said to me, okay, you go into it, you put it in yourself so it doesn’t hurt, and i kept pleading and begging for it not to be so hard and deep and he said i promise, you put it in, so i put the tip in and that’s it and he tricks me because he shoves the entire thing in and i scream and start crying, he covers my mouth with his hand and nothing i say can be heard it’s all muffled completely and i am screaming at the top of my lungs stop and no and it hurts and help. he says he’s gonna cum in my ass and his other hand is on my left wrist and my left arm is using ALL of the strength in my body to resist and get up like it’s shaking but his hand would not even budge, so my right hand i was hitting the bed like wrestlers do to surrender and he wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t even hear me say stop because he was covering my mouth. so my right hand starts pulling on his hair and trying to hit him trying to tell him how much it hurts but when he says he’s gonna come in my ass i turn with all my strength to the side and his dick slips out. he spreads my ass and puts his dick in and out and i’m crying but i can’t open my eyes for some reason because i’m in this very weak state and i hate that ass spread thing and he says stuff like down, or still, (in spanish) and i say it hurts too much it hurt way too much and he says it’s too big? and i say yes it hurts too much i need a break. and so he sits me up and just starts hitting my butt a lot and i’m screaming into the bed because i just need a break from him actually fucking me and i felt like if i let him do something else i would get a rest.
i know someone might say why didn’t you just say stop and leave why didn’t you get up and leave i don’t know. i really just don’t know, i felt first of all that i owed him for taking him away from his family on new years, him paying for the hotel both nights, also how would i just leave i don’t know, and i also felt like i had some hope in him and some trust he was just very angry from his day and stuff and maybe he just did this a lot and it was role play and it was normal and so he fucked me some more and it hurt a lot but i was just taking it since it wasn’t as hard as before and then i said it hurts me it hurts a lot he said and what do i care? and that hurt a lot but i just let it by like it was role play. then he started fucking me again hard and did something really bad. he put his arms around my neck and choked me out for like a minute and i felt like my face was purple, i could not breathe at ALL and i even felt like i was beginning to lose consciousness. that definitely crossed the line for me and i was upset and mad but mostly confused and sad and i was crying but he didn’t seem to care. he grabbed my mouth and spit into it and then he sat on me to suck his dick. i did it and then he came on my face. i stuck my tongue out and just let it happen because i don’t know, i thought that’s how it goes since i saw it on porn and i just wanted him to cum and be over with it. he watched my face for a while and then got up for towels. he wiped my face off there was cum in my eye and then he wiped my butt, there was cum on it from before, which scares me. then this time i crawled to the right side of the bed and got in weird uncomfortable position but i was so weak and tired that i stayed like that until the morning.
i felt really upset and confused and i just stared at nothing for most of the night. i was hoping he would maybe come over and hug me and kiss me or hold me but he just turned off the lights and went to bed. he didn’t do any of the things from the night before like cuddle me or talk to me or make me laugh and make me feel loved. i just felt really used and disillusioned. it was just so incredibly different from the first time. in the morning i was shaking from cold and i was just in the same spot having been awake for a couple of hours. he starts waking up and turning around and he comes to me and starts kissing me. i stay quiet and don’t move like i’m not into it and he clicks his tongue and goes to the bathroom. he washes his face and i turn around to look at him. he’s looking at me with a funny little side eye like hey, talk to me, and i flick him off but like in a teasing way. i was really mad, but it was really hard to stay mad at him especially when he looked at me the way he did. he came back and started trying to take off my clothes which i put on a couple hours before when i was cold and i put them on so angrily like a protest that i wouldn’t have sex with him in the morning like last time. i kept on saying no, i’m mad. and he’s like mad? why are you mad? and i said because you know why, you did it too hard last night that was too much. and he was like no, but you liked it! and i was like no i didn’t. but then he just convinced me and he was just teasing me and touching me and we ended up having sex again.
h. i knew i was being SO stupid and i should not have let him again, but this time it was like before, it was about me, and we were into each other and it was just good and i felt good. and he was leaving that day back to Houston. so it’s very confusing because i felt absolutely in love with him like i’ve never connected with a person so much and he was my first, he knew that, and though i hated that second night i just couldn’t stop thinking about how good he made me feel the first night and morning and the second morning. it was addicting. he was good, he was my DREAM man, he was everything i’ve ever wanted and made me feel so special. i am completely infatuated with him and i’ve never been so attracted to a person. he made me feel alive and i felt so good that day after everything.
i had bruises, scars, and pain everywhere but i felt like i needed this liberation to go have sex finally with someone i am 100% attracted to and into. the problem was, that second night. so we talked for a little, but he would leave me on delivered for hours and hours. then days. and Now, it’s been weeks since it happened, he only responds to me days later and clearly doesn’t care about me. he’s on my mind every second of the day, and i am Not an obsessive person, i am never even crushy crushy. but i feel obsessed, and i feel addicted and empty and i keep replaying everything in my mind. and i have my own problems at home to be dealing with this shit you know? my parents are as bad as ever, and i can’t tell anyone about this, my friends i have told say it’s RAPE and that fucking freaks me out. i mean, ive thrown up thinking of that word and i just don’t want it to be that. because i’m also like in love with him now. and it’s just the craziest i’ve felt because he won’t respond to me like ever, for days!!! but he will look at my story, and he follows more girls, and i just KNOW this is so bad for me, but i Want to have sex with him, i Want to relive that first night like more than anything, i crave it and i cry about it. everything makes me think of him, but he probably doesn’t think of me at all.
it’s really pathetic and i Feel pathetic but also it’s so much easier said than done to just forget about him and completely eliminate him from my life. he said he’s coming back the 29th to redo his license thing. i want to see him. but this time i’m asking for protection, and i already made him promise me in the car about the boundaries, that he would never do it so rough again, at least not without talking about it, because he just never Told me he planned on doing that. he needs to tell me, and he said “it’s for you to have had that Rude sex experience haha” okay.... you could have TOLD me before. and the whole girlfriend bullshit and moving in with him how we talked about that and me being in school and kids and all of that shit needs to stop. i’ll tell him to just tell me he doesn’t care about me, and it’s all about sex. i need to, because it’s all of that bullshit and all of those intrusive thoughts and hopes and dreams that are driving me insane and making me so sad, if it would have been clear it’s just a hookup i think i would be in a better state. but he made it so clear he wanted me to be his girlfriend and all of this, it’s just so unnecessary, we were fucking anyways, i Want to fuck him anyways.
all of that just hurts my feelings so much. so now im very depressed, everyday i just keep obsessing and i can’t stop. i want to see him again on the 29th but long term i don’t know how i will see him again, and he didn’t send me his std test results when he said he would so now i have to pay for that to happen. i know you can still get pregnant with precum and stuff so i’m getting a pregnancy test once it hits 3 weeks, but i got my period, but i know there’s still a small percentage of women who get their periods pregnant. i was nauseous as fuck for about three days after everything, i had chills, and headaches, and i was very dizzy. it was so hard to hide from my parents, and so maybe that’s an std. fuck.
i know i should regret everything but i just don’t. and i still hope he cares about me and wants me and loves me i know it’s crazy to say but there’s just so many details i didn’t write like the way he looked at me and touched me and i just never had this before. i feel insane. and i feel like i could never get over this. he works really long hours and i know that’s true because he sends me stuff on snapchat about his work and it’s true he’s there, so i Get sometimes how he can’t answer, but come on. days???? it’s ridiculous. i know mind games, i live in a horrible household, but at the same time i just wish for everything he said, to get out and live with someone i am just addicted to in love with, i sound crazy, i feel crazy.
i just need advice i don’t know how to calm my anxiety about this whole thing, i don’t know how to do what’s best for myself and i don’t know how to feel differently, i feel in love. and i feel so extremely confused when the second night comes to my mind. because when my friend suggested that was Rape that word fucking freaked me the fuck out, i really don’t want that, i don’t want that along with always being a fucking victim with my household and always being someone that people pity because i’m abused, to be the Rape Victim now too. i literally just don’t want that, and the thought that that was that word makes me freak out and shake. i just need some feedback on all of this, i’m sorry for how long it is. there’s still So many details missing, thank you so much for reading my deepest darkest thoughts :( i hope someone can help me put my mind at ease.

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   3. Emrata knows what this is all really about! (521 points, 61 comments)
   4. video games are mental poison (512 points, 192 comments)
   5. me looking at paintings online instead of trying to progress in life (489 points, 53 comments)
   6. thinking about my dream home (420 points, 45 comments)
   7. delete tinder and install this instead. return to tradition (407 points, 24 comments)
   8. simpler times (402 points, 14 comments)
   9. oh my GOD lol (389 points, 79 comments)
   10. unplug your computer (370 points, 33 comments)
2. 5452 points, 16 submissions: harry_powell
   
   1. Respect to our queens (774 points, 23 comments)
   2. Yes (559 points, 27 comments)
   3. IG timeline of your regular woke woman (433 points, 70 comments)
   4. Girlbosses (407 points, 126 comments)
   5. 🎸😎 (386 points, 93 comments)
   6. Love is dead (328 points, 193 comments)
   7. Red Scare tough love (328 points, 39 comments)
   8. My man Affleck is suffering (310 points, 63 comments)
   9. Best take out there (274 points, 60 comments)
   10. 👸👸👸👸👸 (259 points, 87 comments)
3. 4824 points, 16 submissions: Renaissance8
   
   1. Logging onto redscarepod (432 points, 42 comments)
   2. Which way, western man? (407 points, 65 comments)
   3. Kim Cattrall tha god (402 points, 15 comments)
   4. Average straight male redscarepod user (385 points, 69 comments)
   5. "Condom is my AIDS amulet" Soviet health poster, 1988 (360 points, 50 comments)
   6. Every man who Anna claims has irrepressible sex appeal looks like this (333 points, 58 comments)
   7. The nice lesbian couple in your building who left some oatmeal cookies in a zip-lock baggie on your door (329 points, 103 comments)
   8. Anna in four years (318 points, 55 comments)
   9. The virgin Anna with no bedframe vs. the chad Azealia with no bed (264 points, 56 comments)
   10. Anna if she ate carbs (263 points, 71 comments)
4. 4696 points, 12 submissions: tizio_tafellamp
   
   1. Vote up if you suffer under this condition. (685 points, 16 comments)
   2. Barron and Melania will flee to the Slovenian Alps, where Barron will be trained to avenge his father. He will be smuggled back into the US via the open Southern Border to lead an army of pickup-truck chariot militiamen to set fire to the cities and purge the world of libtards. (549 points, 50 comments)
   3. The 4 genders. (502 points, 47 comments)
   4. Shrewd negotiator (477 points, 80 comments)
   5. Would you like to know more? (358 points, 36 comments)
   6. Incel - millennial femcel alliance incoming? (345 points, 128 comments)
   7. Russians are kings of the blackpill. Why? (345 points, 74 comments)
   8. Bimbo summit (331 points, 36 comments)
   9. This is American healthcare. Why isn't the left doing anything about it? How is this outrage ignored? Is it because the victim in question is Irish and thus non-white? Where is AOC? Where is the Squad? (303 points, 40 comments)
   10. Fix yourself. (282 points, 18 comments)
5. 4611 points, 13 submissions: TheRealAdamFriedland
   
   1. Oh no :( (511 points, 109 comments)
   2. The Virgin Dasha vs. the Chad Anna (494 points, 64 comments)
   3. Love him or hate him, you can't deny that Trump will always be our first Gay Jewish President 😭😭😭 (432 points, 63 comments)
   4. The Biden years will see a return to the Activia aesthetic (418 points, 35 comments)
   5. You have been visited by a rare Lasagna Anna. Upvote this post and you will have good luck and many hearty Italian meals in the year to come (414 points, 24 comments)
   6. RIP Michael Brooks 🙏 (328 points, 167 comments)
   7. TAKE ME BACK (323 points, 71 comments)
   8. Okay now do reddit, twitter, facebook, instagram, twitch, and discord so everyone can be free from this Hell (302 points, 51 comments)
   9. Anna & Dasha Dolezal (298 points, 40 comments)
   10. . (294 points, 90 comments)
6. 4199 points, 13 submissions: RedScare_WhiteKnight
   
   1. . (667 points, 50 comments)
   2. Anna & Dasha (454 points, 96 comments)
   3. 5'4''? Anna NO! (348 points, 32 comments)
   4. Average Red Scare couple (338 points, 30 comments)
   5. A male red scare listener and a female red scare listener go on a date. (307 points, 74 comments)
   6. Joe no! (299 points, 9 comments)
   7. Lest we forget, 1 year ago today, dasha got so bored watching Joker she went to the bathroom to take thotty pics of her sweet ass (298 points, 108 comments)
   8. Remember Ann Frank? This is what she looks like now. Feel old yet? (275 points, 17 comments)
   9. the Virgin Short Ass vs the Chad Long Ass (267 points, 66 comments)
   10. Average male red scare listener (253 points, 35 comments)
7. 4079 points, 9 submissions: etherealbisexual
   
   1. mood (922 points, 193 comments)
   2. for all my exes who sleep with crystals under their pillow (619 points, 92 comments)
   3. it’s not a phase, dad (569 points, 54 comments)
   4. redscarepod (501 points, 42 comments)
   5. ideal red scare gf (419 points, 50 comments)
   6. noided (289 points, 30 comments)
   7. check your privilege (270 points, 104 comments)
   8. 👇👇👇 (248 points, 43 comments)
   9. but y’all ain’t ready for this conversation (242 points, 29 comments)
8. 3946 points, 12 submissions: MattYglesias
   
   1. The last part of this video is one of the best short explanations of Racecraft (by Barbara and Karen Fields) ive seen online and if you find it interesting I highly recommend the book (538 points, 211 comments)
   2. . (450 points, 59 comments)
   3. Andrew Yangs plan for NYCHA (365 points, 7 comments)
   4. Also avg red scare couple (342 points, 52 comments)
   5. Best red scare meetup so far (314 points, 81 comments)
   6. vibe (303 points, 73 comments)
   7. POV: you just threw a stone (294 points, 56 comments)
   8. Instagram (290 points, 21 comments)
   9. Twitter is literally so filled w insane people that Jezebel writers are openly defending Bernie memes lmao (286 points, 62 comments)
   10. a revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having (283 points, 23 comments)
9. 3827 points, 13 submissions: BobbyBrownBailBonds
   
   1. When a cum boy approaches a red scare girl (443 points, 23 comments)
   2. bow before this queen (432 points, 20 comments)
   3. I’m Anna’s bf lol (397 points, 69 comments)
   4. spot the lie (379 points, 146 comments)
   5. If you’re a girl who practices witchcraft/occult stuff (306 points, 14 comments)
   6. Y’all ever smoked weed? That shit is deadass on fleek fr y’all did I mention I’m short haha? but seriously we gotta impeach trump (268 points, 82 comments)
   7. Broke up with my gf of 4 years so I can experience this breakup simultaneously with dasha (256 points, 16 comments)
   8. Getting into drawing lately (237 points, 39 comments)
   9. Our queen is in distress (234 points, 13 comments)
   10. Briahna come join us on redscarepod. twitter doesn't understand (228 points, 101 comments)
10. 3820 points, 12 submissions: bitchyfuxkjngbltch34
    
    1. he doesn’t miss (652 points, 123 comments)
    2. we’d all be at brunch if this person was president (447 points, 37 comments)
    3. 😇 (417 points, 45 comments)
    4. My three year old said his first words today! 🥺 (340 points, 25 comments)
    5. Liz warren on suicide watch (inside info) (302 points, 130 comments)
    6. 🚨 It would be anti-womxn anti-queer violence to ban this sub 😔🚨 (250 points, 39 comments)
    7. 😎 (249 points, 33 comments)
    8. us (246 points, 79 comments)
    9. goals (245 points, 11 comments)
    10. based liz 🤲😳😔🙏🏼 (227 points, 34 comments)
11. 3789 points, 11 submissions: april9th
    
    1. The Five Stages of Listening to Red Scare (687 points, 48 comments)
    2. The sub's political compass (526 points, 29 comments)
    3. Monday Well Wishes 🐰 (407 points, 22 comments)
    4. say the line! (385 points, 21 comments)
    5. Cleansing the sub feed with a Liz Bruenig wojak (302 points, 39 comments)
    6. my brain stopped developing in 2007 so I am constantly haunted by mental images like this (274 points, 9 comments)
    7. Men listening to the pod / frequenting the sub (254 points, 73 comments)
    8. No more bickering, Guten Morgen girls and gays (246 points, 63 comments)
    9. Ben Affleck dating Ana de Armas means one thing... (238 points, 100 comments)
    10. Dasha at Epstein's court hearing for some reason.. (236 points, 55 comments)
12. 3058 points, 9 submissions: duckypout420
    
    1. This is pretty cool to me (572 points, 19 comments)
    2. Pick your poison (535 points, 51 comments)
    3. Horseshoe theory for degeneracy (394 points, 56 comments)
    4. Christian girl autumn is the only weapon we have left against the rise of the Biden years aesthetic (300 points, 99 comments)
    5. we already lost the war (288 points, 94 comments)
    6. Do 👏 your 👏 part 👏 (272 points, 30 comments)
    7. you're all going to prison (252 points, 55 comments)
    8. Circle of life (233 points, 135 comments)
    9. empirically true (212 points, 41 comments)
13. 2862 points, 7 submissions: maisiemai
    
    1. The Girls Go To The Capitol (642 points, 20 comments)
    2. Men logging on to /redscarepod (500 points, 53 comments)
    3. "Is the beauty for everyone or just you?" Environmental poster from the Belarusian SSR, 1986. (481 points, 44 comments)
    4. Where the feud began (371 points, 30 comments)
    5. Girls really live in apartment like this and don't see any issue (368 points, 35 comments)
    6. French Anti-Smoking Ad (257 points, 94 comments)
    7. MFW Anna discusses the difficulties of having 'big' naturals but there are also photos of Anna (243 points, 58 comments)
14. 2815 points, 9 submissions: Clitasaurus_R3x
    
    1. Has wokeness left anyone else feeling culturally "homeless"? (533 points, 237 comments)
    2. Guys love moving to Colorado and making Instagram posts that say “just another day at the office!” with like a picture of a mountain. (475 points, 114 comments)
    3. Bosnian Girl, 1992 (340 points, 67 comments)
    4. Anyone celebrating the "Boomer Remover" is only exposing how atomized they are. (281 points, 124 comments)
    5. Funny how leftists will be like “All cops are bastards, even your cop dad!” Meanwhile their own dads work for sinister NGOs that, like, harvest adrenochrome from African children. (261 points, 63 comments)
    6. Don’t flatter yourself, you’re not a sociopath. Just a garden variety cream cheese on a toasted everything bagel and a medium hot coffee, please. No room for cream. Well, a little room, actually. Thank you! (257 points, 51 comments)
    7. Never trust a man with a clean, tastefully-furnished apartment. (240 points, 189 comments)
    8. average red scare listener (215 points, 9 comments)
    9. the worst mind viruses of 2020: (213 points, 122 comments)
15. 2771 points, 8 submissions: Federalbulgaria
    
    1. Zizek double fisting two hotdogs (511 points, 76 comments)
    2. Shot and chaser (384 points, 31 comments)
    3. The average red scare couple (384 points, 23 comments)
    4. The discourse (348 points, 86 comments)
    5. Titanic is the most epic and beautiful cuckoldry story of all time (335 points, 57 comments)
    6. Dasha is serving looks (282 points, 102 comments)
    7. Louder for the people in the back, Queen! (280 points, 128 comments)
    8. This is so ahistorical it's annoying (247 points, 252 comments)
16. 2724 points, 8 submissions: _leftyourjuulinmycar
    
    1. dudes rock moment (523 points, 65 comments)
    2. the zoomer in my employ (406 points, 148 comments)
    3. ☝️😶 (383 points, 36 comments)
    4. when he says “let’s watch something babe, put something on” but ur abject (348 points, 46 comments)
    5. libs love the adding the word “fucking” to inoffensive, shrewdish nags in an effort to sound cool and personable. stay the fuck home, trust your fucking doctors, go the fuck to sleep (343 points, 101 comments)
    6. happy thanksgiving redscarepode :~) <3 (270 points, 21 comments)
    7. trad wives i come bearing u 3 simple crowd pleasing recipes 4 the holidays (241 points, 31 comments)
    8. Anna omg. baby just get a water bottle and a Brita lol (210 points, 166 comments)
17. 2707 points, 6 submissions: TragicallyThin
    
    1. Everything is an inside job (847 points, 100 comments)
    2. Our queen was the only one that didn’t cash out. She was the only progressive to stick with her platform and endorse Bernie. (650 points, 37 comments)
    3. So cute! (317 points, 42 comments)
    4. Hoes mad (309 points, 19 comments)
    5. So cute! (295 points, 10 comments)
    6. Sounds about right (289 points, 40 comments)
18. 2229 points, 6 submissions: sushiiyushii
    
    1. Nick Mullen on the onlyfans emt story (710 points, 215 comments)
    2. ideal red scare couple (484 points, 90 comments)
    3. ready for 4 years of this (340 points, 24 comments)
    4. how long shall they kill our prophets, while we stand aside and look? (243 points, 5 comments)
    5. me and Elliot Page are going catcalling in my FORD RAPTOR to celebrate his outing. Welcome to the team bro 💪🏻 (229 points, 46 comments)
    6. all these dumb fucks buying stocks or whatever, I’m gonna make my millions the old fashioned way (223 points, 40 comments)
19. 2133 points, 6 submissions: GuantanamoEbay
    
    1. It do be that way (506 points, 17 comments)
    2. Lmao (505 points, 63 comments)
    3. POV: You are Jeffrey Epstein’s Prison Guard (421 points, 59 comments)
    4. The hottest cast in the history of television (271 points, 81 comments)
    5. that's Elijah Cummings and not John Lewis and he made it his avatar (221 points, 24 comments)
    6. Everyone here when Bernie lost (209 points, 93 comments)
20. 2096 points, 6 submissions: gay9-11
    
    1. please adhere to the style guide (508 points, 48 comments)
    2. katie herzog go on red scare! (403 points, 71 comments)
    3. rose mcgowan go on red scare! (384 points, 55 comments)
    4. interview w the vermont rural schoolteacher who made bernies mittens (364 points, 37 comments)
    5. does anyone else think we will ever have a cultural reckoning where we actually recede away from algorithmic social media, and that this will all be a dark period in our history like when a quarter of china was addicted to opium (225 points, 82 comments)
    6. average white cis het male redscare listener (212 points, 44 comments)
21. 2043 points, 7 submissions: thecatholictouch
    
    1. A Decade in Images (459 points, 67 comments)
    2. Rock the casbah (294 points, 35 comments)
    3. Rest In peace king, you will not be forgotten (288 points, 15 comments)
    4. My two kitties when we first got them (273 points, 24 comments)
    5. Recent events show how almost people don’t hold any real opinions (252 points, 110 comments)
    6. Banning Trump and Parler has only made people more radical (243 points, 209 comments)
    7. The average male red scare poster’s lock screen (234 points, 141 comments)
22. 2042 points, 7 submissions: 000bbbb
    
    1. It tru (430 points, 21 comments)
    2. Pour one out (337 points, 15 comments)
    3. Average red scare poster (318 points, 21 comments)
    4. Tru (277 points, 23 comments)
    5. My ideal red scare episode is an interview w Kamala Harris’s son and it’s just a discussion of nick mullens tweets (233 points, 20 comments)
    6. Check out this movie about podcasters (231 points, 16 comments)
    7. . (216 points, 61 comments)
23. 2003 points, 6 submissions: ComradeCumrag69
    
    1. Guys rule (420 points, 47 comments)
    2. ⛪️ (367 points, 9 comments)
    3. wholesome boomer (366 points, 24 comments)
    4. true (341 points, 25 comments)
    5. That’s praxis (272 points, 129 comments)
    6. its kind of like the cuomo/trump impersonators but darker and more cutting and somehow more banal but also more subversive (237 points, 110 comments)
24. 1938 points, 6 submissions: pubes-on-soap
    
    1. The best dolezal yet (449 points, 65 comments)
    2. One of these women has a child with a billionaire (416 points, 73 comments)
    3. Average red scare couple (335 points, 56 comments)
    4. Kanye is now tweeting about unions and collective bargaining (293 points, 57 comments)
    5. Bill getting his human suit massaged by an Epstein victim (236 points, 42 comments)
    6. It's crazy how much I hate this broad (209 points, 41 comments)
25. 1744 points, 4 submissions: 000a24
    
    1. did not expect that john mulaney would deliver one of the more subversive takes on the 2020 election in an snl monologue (618 points, 170 comments)
    2. i just moved to nyc and every couple in brooklyn looks like the home alone robbers (494 points, 49 comments)
    3. looks right (370 points, 39 comments)
    4. two americas (262 points, 29 comments)
26. 1718 points, 4 submissions: Some-Bobcat-8327
    
    1. It is precisely New Year's Eve (544 points, 94 comments)
    2. Welcome New Members (487 points, 61 comments)
    3. . (368 points, 12 comments)
    4. Happy Blue Monday! Don't kill urself, here's something retarded (319 points, 50 comments)
27. 1714 points, 5 submissions: Suitcase-Carwash
    
    1. every straight guy on the sub (453 points, 162 comments)
    2. It’s pretty fucking wild that Nick is one of the few out there making coherent points (329 points, 155 comments)
    3. Kamala is the perfect figure for modern day feminism and I unironically stan (318 points, 142 comments)
    4. Every now and then I think of this tweet and it fucking kills me (310 points, 15 comments)
    5. Another swish from our short king Mulldog (304 points, 32 comments)
28. 1692 points, 4 submissions: ReportToAnAcademy
    
    1. There will never be a more potent symbol of the American empire. Goodnight, sweet prince (771 points, 58 comments)
    2. Impostor Syndrome (441 points, 93 comments)
    3. Remember when the girls had Kantbot on the pod? (245 points, 26 comments)
    4. When I see incels bitterly raging at the sad women of FDS (235 points, 48 comments)
29. 1686 points, 4 submissions: Goodstyle_4
    
    1. Michael Tracey vs TrueAnon (556 points, 142 comments)
    2. His best tweet? King of Twitter going out on Top. (550 points, 91 comments)
    3. The hosts are weirdly naïve about men (357 points, 173 comments)
    4. Tracey is courting annihilation at this point (223 points, 76 comments)
30. 1644 points, 4 submissions: truecumlord
    
    1. Happy Belated Birthday Anna! (773 points, 82 comments)
    2. That's right. (409 points, 10 comments)
    3. Working class people, working extra fast so they can hurry home to listen to their favorite and most relatable, workeleftist podcasts "What's Left?" and "Red Scare". (232 points, 24 comments)
    4. Got ur ass bitch! (230 points, 10 comments)
31. 1598 points, 5 submissions: abdlpolpot
    
    1. anna khachiyan voice ther are no more real hot men any more there allgay or basically girls u have to look back to classic holly wood to find the hot guys you know frankenstein dracula the mummy the wolf man camille paglia talks about this (390 points, 23 comments)
    2. if autsitc woment dont exist explain this (357 points, 19 comments)
    3. imagine if the girls best and funniest bits were released on hit clips so u could enjoy them any thime uwant (314 points, 35 comments)
    4. i like how redscare podcast is very edgy (311 points, 17 comments)
    5. amber good luck meme (226 points, 8 comments)
32. 1581 points, 5 submissions: mhoffy44
    
    1. Adam attempts to win Dasha back. NYC (2020) (404 points, 70 comments)
    2. Anna if Trump loses. (343 points, 35 comments)
    3. Giddy up! (337 points, 36 comments)
    4. MFW when the art hoe with a triple digit body count calls herself tradcath (283 points, 88 comments)
    5. Vibe Check (214 points, 22 comments)
33. 1576 points, 5 submissions: WarehouseMusic
    
    1. My reason for listening to Red Scare (419 points, 29 comments)
    2. Hey guys, this is really cute. I hope you enjoy. (369 points, 39 comments)
    3. Steve Buscemi 1992 at Hellraiser Premiere (279 points, 29 comments)
    4. Painting of cat selling elotes and eating one (278 points, 17 comments)
    5. I lied to you. I don't know anything about David Lynch. I haven't heard anything about Edvard Munch. I don't respect the Radiohead group. please give me a cake. (231 points, 27 comments)
34. 1522 points, 4 submissions: whoopjuice
    
    1. i agree (461 points, 27 comments)
    2. same <3 (378 points, 75 comments)
    3. a historic moment... first U.S. Senator who follows Anna on twitter (376 points, 56 comments)
    4. average red scare listener (307 points, 70 comments)
35. 1486 points, 5 submissions: BapAndBoujee
    
    1. My flatmate is in her first polyamorous relationship and miserable that she doesn’t get the same attention as the guy‘s primary partner of 7 years (384 points, 275 comments)
    2. Shout out to baby tapirs and boars for looking like this (345 points, 21 comments)
    3. Wish me luck bois, I put some real effort into my intro 🤞🥺🤞 (289 points, 158 comments)
    4. Dudes rock (260 points, 45 comments)
    5. Average CumTown listener (208 points, 33 comments)

Top Commenters

1. Rentokill_boy (16116 points, 506 comments)
2. april9th (11009 points, 273 comments)
3. WinterEquivalent (7333 points, 793 comments)
4. Suitcase-Carwash (5973 points, 152 comments)
5. SeaWorldOrBust (5222 points, 327 comments)
6. papaya_papaya_papaya (5010 points, 390 comments)
7. Clitasaurus_R3x (4991 points, 117 comments)
8. TomShoe (3438 points, 285 comments)
9. thecatholictouch (3374 points, 148 comments)
10. _leftyourjuulinmycar (3231 points, 75 comments)
11. redwhiskeredbubul (3223 points, 122 comments)
12. Federalbulgaria (3171 points, 208 comments)
13. harry_powell (3102 points, 128 comments)
14. barbaric_sun (3065 points, 135 comments)
15. berlusconibungabunga (2940 points, 173 comments)
16. PlacidBuddha72 (2895 points, 133 comments)
17. disgruntled_chode (2802 points, 226 comments)
18. EfficientSoup5 (2783 points, 362 comments)
19. BapAndBoujee (2765 points, 113 comments)
20. Some-Bobcat-8327 (2724 points, 120 comments)
21. LongjumpingRow9 (2721 points, 145 comments)
22. BIknkbtKitNwniS (2701 points, 40 comments)
23. ghostHardvvare (2642 points, 141 comments)
24. tsoiboy69 (2609 points, 56 comments)
25. Significant-March (2582 points, 50 comments)
26. Mydadisbi69 (2570 points, 240 comments)
27. Krellick (2543 points, 139 comments)
28. baizuodestroyer (2488 points, 76 comments)
29. Jew_Cop (2467 points, 84 comments)
30. Impressive-Bike-6996 (2463 points, 74 comments)
31. theguyfromboston (2333 points, 108 comments)
32. blue_dice (2323 points, 105 comments)
33. time_dance (2314 points, 122 comments)
34. spacedoutvixen (2231 points, 84 comments)
35. prison_reeboks (2197 points, 169 comments)
36. echoplus2020 (2179 points, 129 comments)
37. a_lostgay (2159 points, 41 comments)
38. Moretalent (2070 points, 169 comments)
39. bitchyfuxkjngbltch34 (2055 points, 34 comments)
40. Paracelsus8 (2047 points, 111 comments)
41. DizzleMizzles (1992 points, 379 comments)
42. ShoegazeJezza (1981 points, 150 comments)
43. barbouni78 (1965 points, 46 comments)
44. bethlookner (1924 points, 111 comments)
45. pubes-on-soap (1923 points, 57 comments)
46. only-mansplains (1922 points, 50 comments)
47. darth_tiffany (1883 points, 162 comments)
48. St_gracchus_babeuf (1878 points, 59 comments)
49. tomomoto1 (1857 points, 47 comments)
50. frivolouswasteoftime (1824 points, 130 comments)

Top Submissions

1. listening to red scare podcast be like by deleted (1042 points, 32 comments)
2. a true queen by blcktsdy (929 points, 71 comments)
3. mood by etherealbisexual (922 points, 193 comments)
4. Daddy Yang snapped ! by IsolatedTears (854 points, 136 comments)
5. Everything is an inside job by TragicallyThin (847 points, 100 comments)
6. severely underrated late-period trump tweet by Rentokill_boy (834 points, 56 comments)
7. jesus christ by PeteOverdrive (782 points, 82 comments)
8. corporate goya by ziul1234 (779 points, 57 comments)
9. Respect to our queens by harry_powell (774 points, 23 comments)
10. Happy Belated Birthday Anna! by truecumlord (773 points, 82 comments)

Top Comments

1. 447 points: tsoiboy69's comment in Happy Belated Birthday Anna!
2. 446 points: Springleton420's comment in I'm going to become the Joker.
3. 409 points: myweirdotheraccount's comment in azealia rocks
4. 395 points: Bergamot_Bergamot's comment in The top comment on the "Joys of Frivolous Sex" lmao
5. 384 points: GayActorMikeBugless's comment in the zoomer in my employ
6. 375 points: anapoliraguepomodoro's comment in Re: AOC... am I wrong here?
7. 370 points: Jew_Cop's comment in From my insta discover tab. “How to share feelings with a crush”. I want to die.
8. 365 points: april9th's comment in dudes rock moment
9. 365 points: leftyourjuul_inmycar's comment in i’m a capitalist now
10. 359 points: deleted's comment in got a life-size standee of my favorite retard

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